Re: Have I got a story for you guys about empowerment...

[Guest guest]

Greg,

Wow! That is VERY empowering. Way to Go!!!! I'm so glad you didn't

own any of this garbage and deflected it.

As for the rage, I do like you- make a joke of it. It keeps me sane

w/insane people. In the end, I've learned that I don't like me when

I'm around people who push my buttons to such extremes and so for my

own sake, when people have pushed too far like that, I just quit

talking to them or hanging out w/them. I think for me its a common

sense thing. To me, it doesn't make sense to get someone so mad that

they want to kill me or themselves and so I just try not to push

those buttons. Don't get me wrong- I do push dh's buttons and he

pushes mine as well, but there are certain limits even inside there

where we just know how far before its too far and we don't go

thatfar. BPs don't get that.

The details, I've learned, don't really matter about those

conversations. What matters is how insane a bp can make a person and

if you don't like being insane w/rage then you just stop hanging out

w/people who don't respect emotional boundaries. I really don't think

the logic of a conversation matters in those situations as much as

the emotional impact. Why does one need to remember those details? To

defend one's self logically w/a person who obviously defies logic

w/pushing other people's buttons way beyond healthy limits. It serves

NO purpose in my opinion trying to remember these details. What

counts is someone created a trauma for you- an emotional trauma.

Therefore no matter what good points they have about themselves,

they're oil and water w/you and so when someone gets me to a rage

level, I withdraw from the relationship until I can see that the

other person has changed or I just move on. Usually I just move on

and if the person is meant to be in my life and has changed, then

that door will reopen itself. I'm not pushing myself up a flight of

stairs though- better to slide down the escalator if that's where I'm

meant to go.

That's my rage lessons I've learned in life and things I still employ

w/dh gets too logical and wants to win the arguement- good lessons

from a bp. I just stop him and say 'you don't need to talk to me like

you're a lawyer prosecutiing me and like you need to win the

argument. This is a relationship. Are you trying to connect and

communicate or win?' Dh is VERY logical and so I appeal to his logic

by being honest w/my emotions. When I realize my shoulders are

getting tight, I also realize he's putting me in an oppositional

place and so I just detach and say, hey, we're suppose to be on the

same team here and we're not right now. Not logical at all to look

atone's bestfriend, lover, husband, wife, or child as the enemy.

That's the opposite of relating and relationships if you ask me. But

you're most assuredly entitled to your anger. Rage is anger stuffed

inside of anger, ontop of anger, underneath a sheet of anger, built

upon more anger. I eventually lose all tolerance for people who push

to that point just b/c I love me enough now days to protect me from

those scenarios. But of course I had to go down that road a few times

to realize its not just nada I need to be on guard with for rage, but

anyone crazy like that.

Way to go w/that bp in your life!

Kerrie

> >

> > Hey Everybody,

> >

> > I have to tell you about a recent victory that I'm quite proud of

> myself. I walked into a bar on a horse and the bartender says to

my

> horse, " Why the long face? " no just kidding.

> >

> > My 39th birthday was the 12th and a friend of mine that I've

known

> since junior high lives here in the new city I live in now. She

has

> BPD and I told her that my mother has it and she told me that she

> went to therapy for her's and learned a lot to keep her behavior

> under control and that she is still working on it. I

> thought, " GREAT. " So, as it got closer to my 39th birthday, I

began

> to feel more and more depressed, just like another member here

posted

> about her feeling depressed as she got close or hit 40 and realized

> how much BPD has taken from her life. I feel similarly and that

> depression was grieving those years and expressing the anger.

Well,

> I didn't have a party b/c I only know this person so far and I

really

> didn't want to have one. She called on Friday and said that she

> wanted to throw me a party. I told her I would think about it and

> let her know by that Saturday. I declined and she kept

> asking " Why " " I don't Understand " Why ...Why Won't you tell me.

> > (the panic in her voice was just growing to hysterics) So I

> said, " ______this is not about you. This is about me and things

that

> I am not ready or willing to discuss. " You think I slapper her

> across the face in front of 1000 people. So I hung up. She called

> me on my birthday and wished me a happy b-day and then the fishing

> hooks dropped along with depth charges. I thanked her for wishing

me

> a happy birthday and that the present I would pick up some other

> time. I hung up before she could say anything else, and as expect,

> she left 3 voicemails. So then came the coup de tete Sunday. She

> called in the evening and I could tell by the tone (it was the very

> same tone of my nada when she was in the Witch mode) that she was

out

> to punish/annihilate me. She spewed on for about 5 minutes and I

> just held the phone away from my ear and did not interrupt. Then

> there was this 20-25 second silence and then I said, " _____ once

> again, I see that you are making something about you

> > THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. A friend would not respond to

a

> friend with the tone and the rotten accusations and vileness that

> came out of your mouth these last 5 minutes. You also proved that

> you can't RESPECT a simple boundary in my best interest. I'm not

> sure that you are my friend AT ALL. Don't call me, Don't come by,

> nothing. GOOD-BYE. " I never yelled, just very emphatic. This

Yahoo

> mail doesn't do italics. So she must have hit redial (invalidating

> that boundary once again) and left a message that sounded like

> somebody had a gun to her head, crying and excruciating apologetic

> and just pure crap. I never called back. I was so proud of myself

> of how I handled this nutjob.

> >

> > So the last thing is that I need to give back all these financial

> books that I was studying to help her mother, in what I later found

> out after spending $200 it was a scheme. That was the straw that

> broke my back - my intuition was saying, " Greg, this is a pyramid

> scheme, like Amway or some crap like that. " But my mind kept

> saying " Oh, ______ and her MOTHER _________ would never screw me

> financially. " LMAOROTF!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not so sure that I should

> give those books back. They are well worth over my $200. But I

> usually take the high road in these situations and shoot heroin,

> snort cocaine, and drink a fifth of Jack Danials (It proves I'm a

> man) LOL. just kidding.

> >

> > If I face ______ and __________ mother in returning these items,

I

> can gain even more in unconsciously standing up to my own mother.

> When I told my psychiatrist about this, he said " Greg, you would

make

> a great psychiatrist. " I told him I am hoping to get back to

school

> to become a psychologist. So I will see how I plan this out. What

> really scared me more than her anger, and this surprised me (even

> though I've said it before in therapy for years) was on the phone I

> could feel this homocidal rage BUILD in me to the point that it has

> taken me a week to remember the entire conversation. Have you guys

> ever felt terrified of your own rage? If so, how many people did

you

> kill and how many friends did it take to bury them? LOL.....how

did

> you diffuse it?

> >

> > Party Ohn and Merry Christmas.

> >

> > Greg.

> >

> > __________________________________________________

> >

[Guest guest]

Wow! That is so true - I think the witch is always hanging around in

the background, deciding which character will obtain the best results

- and when she doesn't get what she wants - the witch comes out and

rages and terrifies you into submission (or tries to anyway!)

>

> > Hey Everybody,

> >

> > I have to tell you about a recent victory that I'm quite proud of

> > myself. I walked into a bar on a horse and the bartender says to my

> > horse, " Why the long face? " no just kidding.

> >

> > My 39th birthday was the 12th and a friend of mine that I've known

> > since junior high lives here in the new city I live in now. She has

> > BPD and I told her that my mother has it and she told me that she

went

> > to therapy for her's and learned a lot to keep her behavior under

> > control and that she is still working on it. I thought, " GREAT. " So,

> > as it got closer to my 39th birthday, I began to feel more and more

> > depressed, just like another member here posted about her feeling

> > depressed as she got close or hit 40 and realized how much BPD has

> > taken from her life. I feel similarly and that depression was

grieving

> > those years and expressing the anger. Well, I didn't have a party b/c

> > I only know this person so far and I really didn't want to have one.

> > She called on Friday and said that she wanted to throw me a party. I

> > told her I would think about it and let her know by that Saturday. I

> > declined and she kept asking " Why " " I don't Understand " Why ...Why

> > Won't you tell me.

> > (the panic in her voice was just growing to hysterics) So I said,

> > " ______this is not about you. This is about me and things that I am

> > not ready or willing to discuss. " You think I slapper her across the

> > face in front of 1000 people. So I hung up. She called me on my

> > birthday and wished me a happy b-day and then the fishing hooks

> > dropped along with depth charges. I thanked her for wishing me a

happy

> > birthday and that the present I would pick up some other time. I hung

> > up before she could say anything else, and as expect, she left 3

> > voicemails. So then came the coup de tete Sunday. She called in the

> > evening and I could tell by the tone (it was the very same tone of my

> > nada when she was in the Witch mode) that she was out to

> > punish/annihilate me. She spewed on for about 5 minutes and I just

> > held the phone away from my ear and did not interrupt. Then there was

> > this 20-25 second silence and then I said, " _____ once again, I see

> > that you are making something about you

> > THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. A friend would not respond to a

> > friend with the tone and the rotten accusations and vileness that

came

> > out of your mouth these last 5 minutes. You also proved that you

can't

> > RESPECT a simple boundary in my best interest. I'm not sure that you

> > are my friend AT ALL. Don't call me, Don't come by, nothing.

> > GOOD-BYE. " I never yelled, just very emphatic. This Yahoo mail

doesn't

> > do italics. So she must have hit redial (invalidating that boundary

> > once again) and left a message that sounded like somebody had a

gun to

> > her head, crying and excruciating apologetic and just pure crap. I

> > never called back. I was so proud of myself of how I handled this

> > nutjob.

> >

> > So the last thing is that I need to give back all these financial

> > books that I was studying to help her mother, in what I later found

> > out after spending $200 it was a scheme. That was the straw that

broke

> > my back - my intuition was saying, " Greg, this is a pyramid scheme,

> > like Amway or some crap like that. " But my mind kept saying " Oh,

> > ______ and her MOTHER _________ would never screw me financially. "

> > LMAOROTF!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not so sure that I should give those books

> > back. They are well worth over my $200. But I usually take the high

> > road in these situations and shoot heroin, snort cocaine, and drink a

> > fifth of Jack Danials (It proves I'm a man) LOL. just kidding.

> >

> > If I face ______ and __________ mother in returning these items, I

> > can gain even more in unconsciously standing up to my own mother.

When

> > I told my psychiatrist about this, he said " Greg, you would make a

> > great psychiatrist. " I told him I am hoping to get back to school to

> > become a psychologist. So I will see how I plan this out. What really

> > scared me more than her anger, and this surprised me (even though

I've

> > said it before in therapy for years) was on the phone I could feel

> > this homocidal rage BUILD in me to the point that it has taken me a

> > week to remember the entire conversation. Have you guys ever felt

> > terrified of your own rage? If so, how many people did you kill and

> > how many friends did it take to bury them? LOL.....how did you

diffuse

> > it?

> >

> > Party Ohn and Merry Christmas.

> >

> > Greg.

> >

> > __________________________________________________

> >