Re: Hi, there! I'm new and flea-ridden.

[Guest guest]

Hey Liz, Welcome to the group! Let me start by saying if you were

having bpd you would not be questioning yourself. I am not an expert

but that is my humble opinion. I agree with Grace if we all didn't

have fleas it would not be such a common lingo! You are just like

any other KO struggling to do your best in life change to be the

best you can with the knowledge you have. Good luck and all my best.

Hope you Love it here and find lots of love help and peace! Love

Lizzy

> >

> > Hello,

> > I'm new to the board and, like the rest of you, am here for some

> help. I go

> > by Liz, but since we have a Lizzy here, you guys can call me

> if

> > you want.

> >

> > My mother, grandmother, aunts and two of my sisters have BPD. I

am

> > estranged from them all, except for one of my BP sisters, whom I

> love very

> > much and have had scant trouble with.

> >

> > My problem is that I have a lot of fleas--at least I hope that's

> all they

> > are. I've been in therapy for depression off and on for many

> years.

> > However, my last therapist gave me a book on DBT since she

> believed I need

> > to learn better ways to interact with the world. She was

evasive

> when I

> > asked her if she thought I had learned-behavior from my nada (a

> > Hermit/Witch) or if I actually have BPD myself. I saw her for

only

> three

> > months because we moved shortly thereafter. She worked under

the

> auspices

> > of a psychiatrist who diagnosed me as depressed, possibly with

> mood swings,

> > but they were so subtle he couldn't even say that for sure.

> >

> > Since then, I question every thought, every action and am

scared,

> scared,

> > scared. I have two grown sons who live in my town and two

> grandchildren. I

> > have good relationships with all of them (and my DILs) and have

> been happily

> > married for 36 years. But now when things happen, I doubt my

> > reactions/actions due to what this therapist said (or did NOT

> say). I no

> > longer have an idea of 'normal'.

> >

> > This has been going on for 18 months and at this point I am in

> extremis.

> > I'm almost immobilized by the fear that I am my mother and would

> rather back

> > out of everyone's life entirely than ever inflict upon them the

> kinds of

> > things which were inflicted on me--no matter how much more

subtle

> my actions

> > may be compared to my mother's. She was a monster. She is

> hated/adored by

> > her children. I don't want to be like that.

> >

> > My confusion rears its head daily, springing from the tiny

> instances, the

> > tiny decisions which comprise everyday life. I'm stopped in my

> tracks.

> > Please help. I'm about ready to go into my bedroom and never

come

> out.

> >

> > Thank you so much. I'm so glad to have found this place. I

hope

> you can

> > help me and that in some small way, I am able to help others.

> >

> >

> >

> >