i'm only valuable if people approve of me

[Guest guest]

I'm only valuable if people approve of me.

1, No

3, I look for peoples approval, I try and justify my actions, I'm not

clear with men who are interested in me, I hang around at the end of

meetings looking to connect when I just wanna go home, I wait for

employers to give me good feedback, I compare myself to people who

appear to have alot of friends and tell myself that it must mean that

I'm not as nice as them.

If people don't approve of me I feel down, sad, hurt, broken, I made

excuses about why I didn't turn up for dinner the other night when I

spoke with my friend. I lie, I'm not fully hoest about things, I don't

say no sometimes.

I try and keep those people that are approving of me by just doing

enough. Sometimes I go out when I don't want to. Sometimes I make

myself go and do things that appear to be exciting so people don't get

bored by me. Sometimes I don't leave and go home because I feel like I

haven't paid my dues yet.

I notice that I treat myself as if I'm a loser. I noticed the other

day when we went to a friends house that I felt ackward at sitting on

my own and felt like billy no mates. I find myself in conversations

that bore me and I don't get up and leave.

I think this thought helps me make friends ha.. thats funny, i think

it motivates me to make friends. I think I can make people like me, I

have a way to get them to like me. I get my self esteem from other

people, I'm looking outside of myself and I get to blame other people

when i don't get what I want

I'm in everyone elses business

4, I'd be seeing my own value, not looking outside, present with

myself, speaking my mind, not looking for a job or partner to validate

me, I would feel the love I am all the time, it wouldn't be a

transient thing that I get now and again. I would be seeing everything

i do as valuable, sleeping, eating, working, loving, laughing, crying,

hurting, picking my nose, brushing my teeth, eveything would feel

equal, I would be completely ok with where I am at in my life, I would

not be looking for others to tell me that I or my actions are ok, I

would trust that I know whats best for me. I would trust god that

everything is unfolding perfectly. My mind would be more silent and

peaceful.

I would treat other people equally, I would put no value on if someone

thinks I'm great or if someone thinks I'm an arse, I might just notice

that I gravitate towards people who enjoy me for who I am and people

who don't approve of me might not wanna hang out and that would be ok

too..

T.A I'm only valuable if people don't approve of me

1, wow I can find that in that when my ex partner finished with me it

became important for me to try and change his mind, all of a sudden I

became bent on getting his approval, like it gave me a purpose.

2, actually it's been when people haven't approved of me that i've

learnt my greatest lessons

3, yes I am learning to approve of myself and other people approving

of me may be nice but it can be taken away at any point so my own

approval is much more valuable.

T.A I'm only valuable if I approve of me

1, well thats much truer, i'm learning to approve of me

2, I'm approving of me and the groups I'm running, just the getting up

and making them happen, even if no one turns up.

3, I have been looking for many years for a lover to approve of my

feelings and emotions and all of a sudden I'm there giving what I was

looking for outside myself to me and it feels so sweet to stroke my

hair and tell me how amazing i am and how brave i am for dealing with

all these buried feelings.

T.A people are only valuable if I approve of them

1, yes that's true I do think like that, I have pretty much

disreguarded one of my friends boyfriends because he has hardly spoken

with me, so i have passed judgement on him.

2, I can certainly see where I did that with my ex partner

3, yes I weigh up whether someone is valuable and decide whether i'm

going to make an effort in being friendly.

T.A I am only valuable if I approve of people

1, wow I like that turnaround, yes because sometimes i dislike that my

mind makes a judgement about someone i don't know

2, nothing like telling someone how wonderful they look or what a

great friend they are, especially if it is unprovoked and genuine and

i'm looking for nothing in return, it makes my day to say something

nice to a friend or lover or even a stranger it makes me feel good

inside .. nothing like running the beach and smiling at people even

when they don't smile back. sending out a a little love