if he loved me

[Guest guest]

if he loved me, he would get in touch with me more

1, yes

2, no

3, i get upset when he doesn't contact me, i feel insecure and down

and i think he doesn't want to hang out, i get over there into his

business and forget about me over here, i try and manipulate him

getting in touch with me, it leaves me feel very unloved and

abandoned. my life becomes very focused on him and trying to get this

love from him, i hate myself and try to bend myself into all types of

shapes to get his L.A.A. and then hate myself even more.

i get to avoid my own stuff, avoid myself, move away from some of the

uncomfortable feelings inside.

i believe that if he gets in touch with me more then this will be my

proof that he loves me and without it i can't trust him

the worst thing that could happen if i couldn't believe this thought

is that he wouldn't get in touch with me and no this thought doesn't

make him get in touch with me more.

4, i would be in my own business,peaceful, getting on with my life,

noticing that sometimes he contacts me and sometimes he doesn't, not

waiting around for him, reading my books, taking time for myself,

being more present to my life, enjoying who is in front of me.

not chalking up what he does or doesn't do for me, giving me the

contact i'm looking for from him, talking to me when i'm loooking for

him to do it, understanding me when i'm looking to him to do that for

me. i would be getting in touch with myself. i would feel happy to

hear from him when he gets in touch, i'd feel more loving and less

reliant, i;d be more empowered around him.

T.A if he loved me, he wouldn't get in touch with me more

1, he does tell me he loves and cares for me

2, he's just spent the past week with his family and told me it wasn't

easy to connect with me

3, maybe he wants me to stand on my own 2 feet and look after myself.

T.A if i loved me , I would get in touch with me more

this is definately the truest of the statements

1, i wouldn't be so interested in getting out there into his business

if i loved me more

2, if i loved me more i would be so happy at home i probably wouldn't

notice if he contacted me or not.

3, yes i'm just using him as a cover up to avoid some of my feelings

T.A If I loved him, I would get in touch with him more

1, yes I would see that sometimes he doesn't want to be in touch with me

2, I might understand that he's been going thru a depression and

hasn't felt like getting in touch

3, i would understand that he's busy getting on with his life, love

him and understand it doesn't have anything to do with me.

T.A if I loved me, i would get in touch with him more

1, yes get in touch with him with who i really am

2, understand that sometimes he doesn't want to be with me and that i

don't need him for L.A.A

3, i would accept him for who he is rather than the fantasy i create

around him.

if he loved me, i would feel secure

1, yes

2, no

3, i try and get him to love me, i turn myself inside out to try and

get him to like me, i sit around and wait for him, i feel sad when

he's not in contact, i see him as my saviour, i put him up on a

pedestal and worship him, i get out there into his business, i try and

persuade him to love me by using sex, i get anrdy at him when i

perceive he's not giving me what i want, i don't care about what he

wants, i don't really care about him, i'm just trying to enforce what

i want on him, he becomes the enemy, i don't treat him very kindly in

my mind, i feel ashamed of myself and dislike myself even more when

i'm trying to get something from him... ahhhhh thats good to see, it;s

the trying to get it from him that makes me dislike myself !!!! I

loose awareness that I am this love...ha no wonder i think i can get

it from him, i think i don't hav e it but i'm out of touch with it

because i'm prostituting myself to try and get what i already have.

4, i would be interested in my own sweet self, really interested,

noticing how my hands move, noticing how my attention shifts from one

thing to another, looking to myself for that love i have so

desperately tried to get from him, i would love him for who he is and

how he shows up without feeling needy and clingy, i would be giving

myself what i want him to give me which is kindness, love, compassion

and understanding, and intimacy..

T.A if he loved me, i wouldn't feel secure

1, i would always be worried that i might lose it

2, i would still be trying to turn myself into a pretzel to try and

get it from him

3, and when he left i'd be back at the beginning

T.A if I loved me, I'd feel secure

1, yes thats much truer especially if i stopped trying to get it from

him, i might notice i am already it.

2, yes loved me enough to stop trying to manipulate him into giving me

something he can't and started giving it to myself

3, yes because loving myself will last alot longer and be much more

fulfilling than anything he could give me and i'd never have to worry

that it would be taken away.

T.A if I loved him, I'd feel secure

1, yes because then i'd know i'd be loving me and not wanting anything

from him and he could just show up however he liked

2, i'd feel secure that i don't have to try and manipulate him or

change him to love him

3, i'd know that i was more in line with loving what is and love

myself and be at peace with him

if he loved me i would feel better

if he loved me, i would feel happier

if he loved me, i wouldn't have nay problems

if he loved me, he would be more intimate with me

if he loved me, he would be more focused on me

if he didn't think that there was something missing, he'd be in love

with me.

i'll come back to the rest of these later.

xxpxx