A Mixed Blessing

[Guest guest]

I've been living off around $15,000 a year. I live simply for the

most part, often work jobs where room and board are provided, didn't

own a vehicle for about 8 years, lived out of an old camper van for a

few months this year. Overall pretty happy with the freedom I have,

to go where I want and do what I want, as long as it doesn't cost too

much.

My mom has been telling me for the past few months she and my dad

have been thinking about giving us kids (I have 3 older brothers, all

married - two with kids) some early inheritence money. That sounded

good to me, I seem to have made some progress in letting go of the

belief 'I need to earn the money I get'.

Well, just got off the phone with her and it's

$100,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ohmygod! My brothers have already received

theirs, and she said they've paid off their mortages and businesses.

I was thinking I'd bank it and maybe draw a $1000 a month, not really

change my lifestyle, just have a few extra bucks for the simple

pleasures I sometimes pass on due to thinking I can't afford it.

But in our phone conversation, after my mom told me the amount, she

added, 'but we're going to be expecting you kids to take care of us

in our old age' then she laughed. She turned 75 today, my dad's a few

years older.

She's commented a few times to me - 'we know you'll move in with us

when we need help' - these comments are made kinda off the cuff, not

in a serious sit down face to face, usually followed by short

laughter on her part (and a bit of a sick feeling in my stomach on my

part) Once she was talking to someone, and I was standing next to

her, and she said to the person 'yeah, when we got old and need help,

'll move in with us and take care of us, she's single and doesn't

have kids.' And she and the other person laughed. I didn't. I told

her once 'Mom, you've said a few times that I'll move in with you and

dad when you need help, but I really value the way I live, moving

around and seeing the country.' She replied something like 'I know

' and that was that at the time.

I honestly can't think of much I'd rather NOT do than move in with my

parents for a long time and care for them. If I imagine taking a job

caring for an elderly couple in their home, I can kinda see myself

doing that, but there would be some professional distance, and my

rights would be considered, and if they weren't, I'd just quit.

I lived with my parents for nearly a week a few times over the last

few winters, when I moved back to housesit for them. They eat their

meals at an exact time, nothing is ever out of place in their home,

they have white carpeting. Mom put a bed in the basement (concrete

floors and wall, cold) for me when I'm there. Okay, maybe not as bad

as I just made that sound - she did put a rug down there, and there

is an electric blanket and a tv.

When I was a kid, and I would be watching tv, my dad would walk into

living room and without any acknowledgment to me, he'd walk right up

and turn the channel. I often watched The Brady Bunch and The

Partridge Family, shows that showed kids mattered and parents

listened and were involved. That is so not the household I grew up

in. There living room they have now, very comfortable, big screen tv,

but again, if they're home, the tv's on the shows they like to watch,

wich are not the ones I like to watch.

All my dad ever talks to me about is the weather. I can't seem to

find peace around being around someone who doesn't interact with me.

I guess I believe the story people should at least acknowledge and

talk sometimes if they live in the same house.

My parents have a nice home, and they don't interact with people

much. I can imagine they'd hate the idea of moving into an assisted

living home, with strangers taking care of them. They have enough

money they can hire hired help. But I don't think they like the idea

of some stranger coming into their home to care for them and do

cleaning and such.

I get to feeling a little sick when I think that in the future there

could come a time when the family expects me to move in with mom and

dad. I wonder if I have a choice, as either way I think I'd feel bad -

moving in and not liking it, or not moving in and feeling guilty.

My brothers aren't at all the type to do housekeeping or laundry or

prepare meals. When mom said they'd expect us kids to care for them,

I don't see my brothers doing nearly what I'd be expected to do. And

they're the ones who've always lived within a few miles of where we

grew up. They're the ones who choose to live a settled life, not me.

Anyway, as you read this, know that this is my uninvestigated story.

I'll do some 'work' on it.

If I had this money coming from say a lottery winning ticket, I'd

feel so elated at the news.

I'll be seeing my parents in a few weeks, before they leave. Am

thinking of having a sit down talk with them, letting them know I

really value my carefree, vagabond, moving a lot seeing a lot

lifestyle. And if the cost of receiving this money means I'd be

giving that up, then maybe I shouldn't accept it.

I would appreciate hearing your thoughts and suggestions.