Re: when the work doesnt seem to work

[Guest guest]

Hi Logan,

good work! And, yes, I have had similar experiences...

Doing the work with a motive doesn't work. Alas, I am not sure how to notice I

have a motive other than inquiry. It could be when I step too quick over the

first two questions, instead of sitting with them. And the reluctance to admit

if it feels like a 'yes, it IS true!', when I know that it " should be " a " no,

reality is different, and reality is always right! " .

Another reason to " write it down " , because the mind is too fast and the thoughts

come so quick...

Am 20.03.2012 um 09:41 schrieb Logan:

> Dear Friends,

>

> Today I clarified somethign taht for me makes it difficult to use the Work and

I am wondering if anyone has any comments. This is a little bit of a paraphrase

of somethign I shared when I first started but I think using an example might

help to make it clearer.

>

> Over the weekend I felt very unappreciated by my partner and felt like I was

beating my ehad against the wall, dealing with the same problems as always,

feeling unheard, feeling that my partner is too slow to understand what I am

asking for.

>

> Now, we should do the Work ont hose beliefs, right?

>

> Well I tried to and I found that basically what I was doing was running away

from a confrontation, as if by doing the work I could get rid of the

incomfortable feelings of anger and that would make my life easier. I wouldnt

have to confront him.

>

> Needless to say, that approach does not and did not work. It seems to just

have increased my suffering.

>

> I sat down waitign for the train to day and in my mind, I said to him how I

feel. Only then, when I really admitted where I see him as going wrong (not just

questioning the thought) did I start to feel some relief. From there I made a

plan about what to discuss with him and now I am much more clear.

>

> This reminds me of a story that Byron mentions in 'Loving What Is' where

she says that something inside of her would tell her to wash the dishes and that

this is a story and a thought like any other, but it was a short and direct one

and when she did it, she was fine.

>

> I feel my thoughts about confronting my partner are similar ones, that perhaps

I should just move on, but instead I hold them in and when taht becomes too

uncomfortable I try to 'work' them away because I dont want to confront another

person and I end up increasingly miserable to the point that I ahve to set aside

the Work on that situation. I don't think that the work itself is likely the

problem, but I am a bit doubtful also.

>

> Does anyone have any similar experience?

>

> Love to you,

>

> Logan

>

>

>

>

> TODAY(Beta) • Powered by Yahoo!

> reveals childhood fear

> The star is forced to overcome a lifelong obstacle for her role in " Snow White

& the Huntsman. "

> Privacy Policy

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Thanks for your feedback. Actually, the key I get from you is that when it seems

like I am not suffering from a thought, I should be honest about keeping it, if

thats what I choose to do. Motivations....maybe that is the Work I have just

done without realising it?

Its interesting that my right eye got very very irritated and has stayed so

since around the time that I got angry and disappointed. This is a clear

physical sign, for me.

Whats more interesting is that it disappeared after I had this conversation with

myself wiaitng for the train. I think I was angry because 'no one listens to me'

(when I am upset with them, confronting them). But *I* listened to me, there on

the platform and voila...the pain in my eye also left.

Now I have written a worksheet on not being able to confront my partner.

That is working better.

Peace,

Logan

________________________________

To: Loving-what-is

Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 12:14 PM

Subject: Re: when the work doesnt seem to work

Hi Logan,

good work! And, yes, I have had similar experiences...

Doing the work with a motive doesn't work. Alas, I am not sure how to notice I

have a motive other than inquiry. It could be when I step too quick over the

first two questions, instead of sitting with them. And the reluctance to admit

if it feels like a 'yes, it IS true!', when I know that it " should be " a " no,

reality is different, and reality is always right! " .

Another reason to " write it down " , because the mind is too fast and the thoughts

come so quick...

Am 20.03.2012 um 09:41 schrieb Logan:

> Dear Friends,

>

> Today I clarified somethign taht for me makes it difficult to use the Work and

I am wondering if anyone has any comments. This is a little bit of a paraphrase

of somethign I shared when I first started but I think using an example might

help to make it clearer.

>

> Over the weekend I felt very unappreciated by my partner and felt like I was

beating my ehad against the wall, dealing with the same problems as always,

feeling unheard, feeling that my partner is too slow to understand what I am

asking for.

>

> Now, we should do the Work ont hose beliefs, right?

>

> Well I tried to and I found that basically what I was doing was running away

from a confrontation, as if by doing the work I could get rid of the

incomfortable feelings of anger and that would make my life easier. I wouldnt

have to confront him.

>

> Needless to say, that approach does not and did not work. It seems to just

have increased my suffering.

>

> I sat down waitign for the train to day and in my mind, I said to him how I

feel. Only then, when I really admitted where I see him as going wrong (not just

questioning the thought) did I start to feel some relief. From there I made a

plan about what to discuss with him and now I am much more clear.

>

> This reminds me of a story that Byron mentions in 'Loving What Is' where

she says that something inside of her would tell her to wash the dishes and that

this is a story and a thought like any other, but it was a short and direct one

and when she did it, she was fine.

>

> I feel my thoughts about confronting my partner are similar ones, that perhaps

I should just move on, but instead I hold them in and when taht becomes too

uncomfortable I try to 'work' them away because I dont want to confront another

person and I end up increasingly miserable to the point that I ahve to set aside

the Work on that situation. I don't think that the work itself is likely the

problem, but I am a bit doubtful also.

>

> Does anyone have any similar experience?

>

> Love to you,

>

> Logan

>

>

>

>

> TODAY(Beta) • Powered by Yahoo!

> reveals childhood fear

> The star is forced to overcome a lifelong obstacle for her role in " Snow White

& the Huntsman. "

> Privacy Policy

[Guest guest]

I have this same situation sometimes - well, a lot actually. I've found some

things that help me: 1. examine my motive and if it is for anything but the

truth, I do NOT do the work at that point on that particular thought. 2. I

remember 's words about not trying to evolve myself further ahead than I

am. 3. I give myself the absolute best in a given situation. (example: I

know that next week it may not bother me that my neighbor is playing loud music

because I've questioned my thoughts. I may even come to love the loud music.

But today it really bothers me so I'm going to ask him to turn the music down

please even though I really want to avoid knocking on his door.

Stay in touch. I love hearing from you. Remember, " You can't do it wrong.

That's not possible. " -Byron

Love,

Kay

>

> Hi ,

>

> Thanks for your feedback. Actually, the key I get from you is that when it

seems like I am not suffering from a thought, I should be honest about keeping

it, if thats what I choose to do. Motivations....maybe that is the Work I have

just done without realising it?

>

> Its interesting that my right eye got very very irritated and has stayed so

since around the time that I got angry and disappointed. This is a clear

physical sign, for me.

>

> Whats more interesting is that it disappeared after I had this conversation

with myself wiaitng for the train. I think I was angry because 'no one listens

to me' (when I am upset with them, confronting them). But *I* listened to me,

there on the platform and voila...the pain in my eye also left.

>

> Now I have written a worksheet on not being able to confront my partner.

>

>

> That is working better.

>

> Peace,

>

> Logan

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: Loving-what-is

> Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 12:14 PM

> Subject: Re: when the work doesnt seem to work

>

> Hi Logan,

>

> good work! And, yes, I have had similar experiences...

>

> Doing the work with a motive doesn't work. Alas, I am not sure how to notice I

have a motive other than inquiry. It could be when I step too quick over the

first two questions, instead of sitting with them. And the reluctance to admit

if it feels like a 'yes, it IS true!', when I know that it " should be " a " no,

reality is different, and reality is always right! " .

>

> Another reason to " write it down " , because the mind is too fast and the

thoughts come so quick...

>

>

> Am 20.03.2012 um 09:41 schrieb Logan:

>

> > Dear Friends,

> >

> > Today I clarified somethign taht for me makes it difficult to use the Work

and I am wondering if anyone has any comments. This is a little bit of a

paraphrase of somethign I shared when I first started but I think using an

example might help to make it clearer.

> >

> > Over the weekend I felt very unappreciated by my partner and felt like I was

beating my ehad against the wall, dealing with the same problems as always,

feeling unheard, feeling that my partner is too slow to understand what I am

asking for.

> >

> > Now, we should do the Work ont hose beliefs, right?

> >

> > Well I tried to and I found that basically what I was doing was running away

from a confrontation, as if by doing the work I could get rid of the

incomfortable feelings of anger and that would make my life easier. I wouldnt

have to confront him.

> >

> > Needless to say, that approach does not and did not work. It seems to just

have increased my suffering.

> >

> > I sat down waitign for the train to day and in my mind, I said to him how I

feel. Only then, when I really admitted where I see him as going wrong (not just

questioning the thought) did I start to feel some relief. From there I made a

plan about what to discuss with him and now I am much more clear.

> >

> > This reminds me of a story that Byron mentions in 'Loving What Is'

where she says that something inside of her would tell her to wash the dishes

and that this is a story and a thought like any other, but it was a short and

direct one and when she did it, she was fine.

> >

> > I feel my thoughts about confronting my partner are similar ones, that

perhaps I should just move on, but instead I hold them in and when taht becomes

too uncomfortable I try to 'work' them away because I dont want to confront

another person and I end up increasingly miserable to the point that I ahve to

set aside the Work on that situation. I don't think that the work itself is

likely the problem, but I am a bit doubtful also.

> >

> > Does anyone have any similar experience?

> >

> > Love to you,

> >

> > Logan

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > TODAY(Beta) • Powered by Yahoo!

> > reveals childhood fear

> > The star is forced to overcome a lifelong obstacle for her role in " Snow

White & the Huntsman. "

> > Privacy Policy

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I am glad to be in touch with you also, Kay.

Thanks so much for these points. They are very much appreciated and resonate.

:-) I am thinking to try and articualte this really clearly and maybe eventually

send it in a letter to . Maybe she can respond to this and it will help

others.

Logan

________________________________

To: Loving-what-is

Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 2:08 PM

Subject: Re: when the work doesnt seem to work

 

I have this same situation sometimes - well, a lot actually. I've found some

things that help me: 1. examine my motive and if it is for anything but the

truth, I do NOT do the work at that point on that particular thought. 2. I

remember 's words about not trying to evolve myself further ahead than I

am. 3. I give myself the absolute best in a given situation. (example: I

know that next week it may not bother me that my neighbor is playing loud music

because I've questioned my thoughts. I may even come to love the loud music.

But today it really bothers me so I'm going to ask him to turn the music down

please even though I really want to avoid knocking on his door.

Stay in touch. I love hearing from you. Remember, " You can't do it wrong.

That's not possible. " -Byron

Love,

Kay

>

> Hi ,

>

> Thanks for your feedback. Actually, the key I get from you is that when it

seems like I am not suffering from a thought, I should be honest about keeping

it, if thats what I choose to do. Motivations....maybe that is the Work I have

just done without realising it?

>

> Its interesting that my right eye got very very irritated and has stayed so

since around the time that I got angry and disappointed. This is a clear

physical sign, for me.

>

> Whats more interesting is that it disappeared after I had this conversation

with myself wiaitng for the train. I think I was angry because 'no one listens

to me' (when I am upset with them, confronting them). But *I* listened to me,

there on the platform and voila...the pain in my eye also left.

>

> Now I have written a worksheet on not being able to confront my partner.

>

>

> That is working better.

>

> Peace,

>

> Logan

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: Loving-what-is

> Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 12:14 PM

> Subject: Re: when the work doesnt seem to work

>

> Hi Logan,

>

> good work! And, yes, I have had similar experiences...

>

> Doing the work with a motive doesn't work. Alas, I am not sure how to notice I

have a motive other than inquiry. It could be when I step too quick over the

first two questions, instead of sitting with them. And the reluctance to admit

if it feels like a 'yes, it IS true!', when I know that it " should be " a " no,

reality is different, and reality is always right! " .

>

> Another reason to " write it down " , because the mind is too fast and the

thoughts come so quick...

>

>

> Am 20.03.2012 um 09:41 schrieb Logan:

>

> > Dear Friends,

> >

> > Today I clarified somethign taht for me makes it difficult to use the Work

and I am wondering if anyone has any comments. This is a little bit of a

paraphrase of somethign I shared when I first started but I think using an

example might help to make it clearer.

> >

> > Over the weekend I felt very unappreciated by my partner and felt like I was

beating my ehad against the wall, dealing with the same problems as always,

feeling unheard, feeling that my partner is too slow to understand what I am

asking for.

> >

> > Now, we should do the Work ont hose beliefs, right?

> >

> > Well I tried to and I found that basically what I was doing was running away

from a confrontation, as if by doing the work I could get rid of the

incomfortable feelings of anger and that would make my life easier. I wouldnt

have to confront him.

> >

> > Needless to say, that approach does not and did not work. It seems to just

have increased my suffering.

> >

> > I sat down waitign for the train to day and in my mind, I said to him how I

feel. Only then, when I really admitted where I see him as going wrong (not just

questioning the thought) did I start to feel some relief. From there I made a

plan about what to discuss with him and now I am much more clear.

> >

> > This reminds me of a story that Byron mentions in 'Loving What Is'

where she says that something inside of her would tell her to wash the dishes

and that this is a story and a thought like any other, but it was a short and

direct one and when she did it, she was fine.

> >

> > I feel my thoughts about confronting my partner are similar ones, that

perhaps I should just move on, but instead I hold them in and when taht becomes

too uncomfortable I try to 'work' them away because I dont want to confront

another person and I end up increasingly miserable to the point that I ahve to

set aside the Work on that situation. I don't think that the work itself is

likely the problem, but I am a bit doubtful also.

> >

> > Does anyone have any similar experience?

> >

> > Love to you,

> >

> > Logan

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > TODAY(Beta) • Powered by Yahoo!

> > reveals childhood fear

> > The star is forced to overcome a lifelong obstacle for her role in " Snow

White & the Huntsman. "

> > Privacy Policy

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Logan,

I was wondering if you have a stressful story about the word

" confrontation. " Would you be willing to consider doing the work on what

confrontation means to you?

Steve

imtheslaw@...

> Dear Friends,

>

> Today I clarified somethign taht for me makes it difficult to use the Work

> and I am wondering if anyone has any comments. This is a little bit of a

> paraphrase of somethign I shared when I first started but I think using an

> example might help to make it clearer.

>

> Over the weekend I felt very unappreciated by my partner and felt like I

> was beating my ehad against the wall, dealing with the same problems as

> always, feeling unheard, feeling that my partner is too slow to understand

> what I am asking for.

>

> Now, we should do the Work ont hose beliefs, right?

>

> Well I tried to and I found that basically what I was doing was running

> away from a confrontation, as if by doing the work I could get rid of the

> incomfortable feelings of anger and that would make my life easier. I

> wouldnt have to confront him.

>

> Needless to say, that approach does not and did not work. It seems to just

> have increased my suffering.

>

> I sat down waitign for the train to day and in my mind, I said to him how

> I feel. Only then, when I really admitted where I see him as going wrong

> (not just questioning the thought) did I start to feel some relief. From

> there I made a plan about what to discuss with him and now I am much more

> clear.

>

> This reminds me of a story that Byron mentions in 'Loving What Is'

> where she says that something inside of her would tell her to wash the

> dishes and that this is a story and a thought like any other, but it was a

> short and direct one and when she did it, she was fine.

>

> I feel my thoughts about confronting my partner are similar ones, that

> perhaps I should just move on, but instead I hold them in and when taht

> becomes too uncomfortable I try to 'work' them away because I dont want to

> confront another person and I end up increasingly miserable to the point

> that I ahve to set aside the Work on that situation. I don't think that the

> work itself is likely the problem, but I am a bit doubtful also.

>

> Does anyone have any similar experience?

>

> Love to you,

>

> Logan

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Steve,

You are absolutely right on this one.

Yesterday, in fact, I did a worksheet where I said, 'I cannot confront X because

and then listed a long series of judgements. It was amazing and it was like

suddenly finding all the bugs eating up the inside of the walls of your house,

when you wre just miserable for so long wondering why your home was falling

apart. :-) I am grateful for this stuff to be exposed.

And actually, once I did have this conversation it was like 'I have to confront

this person, is it true?'. But amazingly, the idea of confrontation all together

was almost a kind of misunderstanding of what needed to happen. There was some

confrontation but more just communicating and being honest rather than lying. So

many layers - its interesting.

Since I wrote the original email, the discussion with my partner happened and

the work was a par tof it but in a more refined way that before.

I am learning so much, thanks to all of you...

Peace,

Logan

________________________________

To: Loving-what-is

Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 5:43 PM

Subject: Re: when the work doesnt seem to work

 

Hi Logan,

I was wondering if you have a stressful story about the word

" confrontation. " Would you be willing to consider doing the work on what

confrontation means to you?

Steve

imtheslaw@...

> Dear Friends,

>

> Today I clarified somethign taht for me makes it difficult to use the Work

> and I am wondering if anyone has any comments. This is a little bit of a

> paraphrase of somethign I shared when I first started but I think using an

> example might help to make it clearer.

>

> Over the weekend I felt very unappreciated by my partner and felt like I

> was beating my ehad against the wall, dealing with the same problems as

> always, feeling unheard, feeling that my partner is too slow to understand

> what I am asking for.

>

> Now, we should do the Work ont hose beliefs, right?

>

> Well I tried to and I found that basically what I was doing was running

> away from a confrontation, as if by doing the work I could get rid of the

> incomfortable feelings of anger and that would make my life easier. I

> wouldnt have to confront him.

>

> Needless to say, that approach does not and did not work. It seems to just

> have increased my suffering.

>

> I sat down waitign for the train to day and in my mind, I said to him how

> I feel. Only then, when I really admitted where I see him as going wrong

> (not just questioning the thought) did I start to feel some relief. From

> there I made a plan about what to discuss with him and now I am much more

> clear.

>

> This reminds me of a story that Byron mentions in 'Loving What Is'

> where she says that something inside of her would tell her to wash the

> dishes and that this is a story and a thought like any other, but it was a

> short and direct one and when she did it, she was fine.

>

> I feel my thoughts about confronting my partner are similar ones, that

> perhaps I should just move on, but instead I hold them in and when taht

> becomes too uncomfortable I try to 'work' them away because I dont want to

> confront another person and I end up increasingly miserable to the point

> that I ahve to set aside the Work on that situation. I don't think that the

> work itself is likely the problem, but I am a bit doubtful also.

>

> Does anyone have any similar experience?

>

> Love to you,

>

> Logan

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

[Guest guest]

Logan,

Good for you. You are the one making this all happen. People can make

suggestions but you are the one acting on them.

Vivian

Re: when the work doesnt seem to work

Hi Logan,

I was wondering if you have a stressful story about the word

" confrontation. " Would you be willing to consider doing the work on what

confrontation means to you?

Steve

imtheslaw@...

> Dear Friends,

>

> Today I clarified somethign taht for me makes it difficult to use the Work

> and I am wondering if anyone has any comments. This is a little bit of a

> paraphrase of somethign I shared when I first started but I think using an

> example might help to make it clearer.

>

> Over the weekend I felt very unappreciated by my partner and felt like I

> was beating my ehad against the wall, dealing with the same problems as

> always, feeling unheard, feeling that my partner is too slow to understand

> what I am asking for.

>

> Now, we should do the Work ont hose beliefs, right?

>

> Well I tried to and I found that basically what I was doing was running

> away from a confrontation, as if by doing the work I could get rid of the

> incomfortable feelings of anger and that would make my life easier. I

> wouldnt have to confront him.

>

> Needless to say, that approach does not and did not work. It seems to just

> have increased my suffering.

>

> I sat down waitign for the train to day and in my mind, I said to him how

> I feel. Only then, when I really admitted where I see him as going wrong

> (not just questioning the thought) did I start to feel some relief. From

> there I made a plan about what to discuss with him and now I am much more

> clear.

>

> This reminds me of a story that Byron mentions in 'Loving What Is'

> where she says that something inside of her would tell her to wash the

> dishes and that this is a story and a thought like any other, but it was a

> short and direct one and when she did it, she was fine.

>

> I feel my thoughts about confronting my partner are similar ones, that

> perhaps I should just move on, but instead I hold them in and when taht

> becomes too uncomfortable I try to 'work' them away because I dont want to

> confront another person and I end up increasingly miserable to the point

> that I ahve to set aside the Work on that situation. I don't think that the

> work itself is likely the problem, but I am a bit doubtful also.

>

> Does anyone have any similar experience?

>

> Love to you,

>

> Logan

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello Logan!

Nice work buddy! I love the power of lists to show me where to go! And your

discovery that the desire for confrontation fell away.

I am preparing a presentation on The Work to be delivered this Sunday. So while

I was getting my haircut today to look good I gave my hairdresser a run down of

The Work. She had never heard of it. I Just went through with a very brief

demonstration of me doing The Work with the 4 questions.

I am pretty nervous about public speaking and tend to disconnect. I am really

having a time with wondering if I can get this simple message out so that people

" get it " . After I did my thing, I asked her how I did. She went on to say quite

a bit about how " it sounds like you are trying to get people to think about what

they are doing rather than just reacting. " Yes, that is it!!! I wanted her to

say that " I did a good job " but what she said was actually better. She put the

information into her own words!

Another thing I mentioned was that after inquiry, the thing that was bothering

me sometimes feels irrelevant. In my example the whole situation " I want to go

an yell at her. " just seemed silly. Before inquiry it seemed like such a good

idea. Amazing!

I still have more inquiry to do on presenting. I can probably make a list from

this email. Feel free to make one for me if you like.

Thanks for posting!

ne

[Guest guest]

Hi ne,

Nice post and I get what you mean.

Here are some stressful thoughts

that come up for me, even as an

experienced presenter -

1) The audience should like this

2) The audience should take an action,

such as buying, contact me, give me

their business cards, doing the Work

3) The event promoter should like

this

Remember 's book - Spare me the

desire for love, approval or appreciation?

4) I shouldn't be nervous or anxious

5) I shouldn't make any mistakes that

might lessen the quality of the program

6) I should look good and sound good

7) I should know what I'm talking about

8) I should be an authority

Then I picture an individual in the front

row as a person

9) Bob should get this

10) Bob should be interested in what I'm

saying

11) Bob shouldn't be checking his email

12) Bob should have turned his cell phone

off

13) Bob should have a friendly, engaged

facial expression and body language

14) Bob should be able to read all the

small print on my slides

15) Bob should be able to hear me clearly

That's probably enough for now - ;>D

Warmly,