inquiry: i should be more social with mamaschool moms

[Guest guest]

mamaschool is the old co-op my son was in at pre-school. the same moms are

involved in my son's kindergarten and i sometimes see them at drop off or

pick up.

*1) Is it true?

*yes

*What's the reality of it?*

i'm not

*

Whose business is it?

*mine

*

2) Can you absolutely know it's true?

*no

*

And it means that...

*I'm selfish, unproductive and a reject

*

What do you think you would have?

*less time! less energy.

*What's the worst that could happen?

*I could end up alone, left out and embarassed.

*

3) How do you react when you think that thought? i should be more social

with mamaschool moms

*i'm embarassed to see any of them. i hide. it hurts me to hear that they

are being social with each other, and yet i just don't want to be. i rush

pz when i pick him up. i'm afraid of picking him up too late because i

don't want to run into anyone. i'm closed and hurting.

*Can you see a reason to drop that thought? (And please don't)

*omg yes.

*4) Who would you be without that thought? i should be more social with

mamaschool moms*

i would be excited to see them. in love with them and with me! i would ask

how they are and love hearing the response. i would be present. i would

love them and me unconditionally in the present moment. i wouldn't worry

about what they're thinking about me.

*Turnarounds*

**

*to myself: i should be more social with myself*

*

*

yes. when i am worried about what they think of me...which i'm starting to

see this is really about...actually, worried about what i think of me...i'm

in their business and i'm in the future and in god's business...everywhere

but the present moment being social with me. i'm missing out on my lovely

self. and i'm missing out on them. i should be more unconditionally loving

to myself. i didn't choose my energy levels or hobbies or personality...any

of the things that are making me not so social. the world is bringing me

exactly what i need to see that.

*

*

*

**to the other: mamaschool moms should be more social with me*

*

*

yes! they don't ask me how i am, or invite me to many things. i'm blaming

myself for all of it, but the truth is, they are also not being social with

me. and it's fine. can i just be fine with us not being social?

*

*

*

**to the opposite: i shouldn't be more social with mamaschool moms*

* *

lol! i shouldn't because i'm not! this is so true! until i am, i'm not. i

shouldn't because i don't really get much out of being with them compared

to not being with them. i love being alone with pz and us sharing each

other's attention. i love being social with other moms, like katia and

cristie, because we are more alike. i really love it the way it is. and i

beat myself up for it because i feel like if i were better - had more

energy, was more outgoing - i would hang out with the mamaschool crowd. so

i make it all about what a loser i am. if i really liked being with them, i

would make the effort. so it's not because of my energy or lack of

outgoingness per se. if i had more time and energy, i would just do more of

what i'm already doing! lol!

*For others... I am willing to/ I look forward to...

*

not being social with mamaschool moms

[Guest guest]

I can so relate to this... Thank you! This is my work too...

>

> mamaschool is the old co-op my son was in at pre-school. the same moms are

> involved in my son's kindergarten and i sometimes see them at drop off or

> pick up.

>

[Guest guest]

Dear churyl,

thank you for posting your work!

> mamaschool is the old co-op my son was in at pre-school. the same moms are

> involved in my son's kindergarten and i sometimes see them at drop off or

> pick up.

>

> *1) Is it true?

>

> *yes

>

> *What's the reality of it?*

>

> i'm not

> *

> Whose business is it?

>

> *mine

> *

> 2) Can you absolutely know it's true?

>

> *no

>

you have a reason for believing it is true... Why?

> *And it means that...

>

> *I'm selfish, unproductive and a reject

> *

> What do you think you would have?

>

> *less time! less energy.

>

> *What's the worst that could happen?

>

> *I could end up alone, left out and embarassed.

>

Is this the reason you think you should be more social with them?

Try being alone. You arrive there, and everyone leaves you out.

I think it is interesting that you'd feel embarrassed... I would understand

upset, anger, etc... but what are you embarassed about?

Isn't embarassement a story about the past? About you having done something that

you should not have done? Are you referring to not being social enough? And why

would you want to pretend to be social, what would you gain, what would you get

from them by pretending that you are someone you are not? What is it you want to

have from them, even if they are not willing to give it to you?

>

> *

> 3) How do you react when you think that thought? i should be more social

> with mamaschool moms

>

> *i'm embarassed to see any of them. i hide.

>

That doesn't that social, does it? I don't think that thought is working very

well.

I'd let it go.

> it hurts me to hear that they

> are being social with each other,

>

because you feel they should concentrate more on you?

> and yet i just don't want to be.

>

that sounds ok to me.

> rush

> pz when i pick him up. i'm afraid of picking him up too late because i

> don't want to run into anyone. i'm closed and hurting.

>

> *Can you see a reason to drop that thought? (And please don't)

>

> *omg yes.

>

Yes, it doesn't seem to be working very well. ;-)

> *4) Who would you be without that thought? i should be more social with

> mamaschool moms*

>

> i would be excited to see them. in love with them and with me! i would ask

> how they are and love hearing the response. i would be present. i would

> love them and me unconditionally in the present moment. i wouldn't worry

> about what they're thinking about me.

>

THAT sounds peaceful! ;-)

AND social!

> *Turnarounds*

> **

>

> *to myself: i should be more social with myself*

> *

> *

> yes. when i am worried about what they think of me...which i'm starting to

> see this is really about...actually, worried about what i think of me...i'm

> in their business and i'm in the future and in god's business...everywhere

> but the present moment being social with me. i'm missing out on my lovely

> self. and i'm missing out on them. i should be more unconditionally loving

> to myself. i didn't choose my energy levels or hobbies or personality...any

> of the things that are making me not so social. the world is bringing me

> exactly what i need to see that.

>

Such a challenge, sometimes, isn't it?

> *

> *

> *

> **to the other: mamaschool moms should be more social with me*

> *

> *

> yes! they don't ask me how i am, or invite me to many things. i'm blaming

> myself for all of it, but the truth is, they are also not being social with

> me. and it's fine. can i just be fine with us not being social?

>

Well, maybe... and is it as true as you original thought?

And whose business is it?

> *

> *

> *

> **to the opposite: i shouldn't be more social with mamaschool moms*

> * *

> lol! i shouldn't because i'm not! this is so true! until i am, i'm not. i

> shouldn't because i don't really get much out of being with them compared

> to not being with them. i love being alone with pz and us sharing each

> other's attention. i love being social with other moms, like katia and

> cristie, because we are more alike. i really love it the way it is. and i

> beat myself up for it because i feel like if i were better - had more

> energy, was more outgoing - i would hang out with the mamaschool crowd. so

> i make it all about what a loser i am. if i really liked being with them, i

> would make the effort. so it's not because of my energy or lack of

> outgoingness per se. if i had more time and energy, i would just do more of

> what i'm already doing! lol!

>

Whatever " being social " means...!!

I hear it means " pretend to like mamaschool moms " ...

What is your thought, really? I hear you think you should be more social, so

that THEY like you more... If that were true, you'd really want THEM to be more

social with you, and you want to want to buy it with pretended sociality...

I don't think so.

>

> *For others... I am willing to/ I look forward to...

> *

> not being social with mamaschool moms

>

>

Thank you for your work, again!

Love,