$ for the work and an argument that blew up out of my dissapointment

[Guest guest]

Since I've been getting better at doing the worksheets and then

finding out what I really mean I've been doing more worksheets then I

have been actually doing the work on. Mostly just alot of content.

So here is the worksheet and the last two 4q's and TAs I've done

I'm angry, saddened, depressed becaus mom doesnt listen to me. She

keeps nagging me about money. I hate that she doesnt understand me. I

hate that she is saddened by parts of me.

I want her to understand me. I want her to understand how hard it is

to l ive here. I want her to stop telling me about her religious

views. I want her to listen to me. I want her to see things my way. I

want her to give me money. I want her to stop hurting over me.

She should be more loving. She should want to know more about me. She

should let go of her views that keep her from really loving me. She

should think that I am using her. She shouldnt think that I'm closed

to her. She should bwe more clear. She shouldnt take things so

personally. She should know I l over her. She shouldnt think I'm

ungrateful. She should be more supportive. She should be more open to

my life. SHe shouldnt think there is something wrong with the world.

She should be happy with me.

I need her to love all of me. I need her to stop crying over my pain.

I need her to understand me. I need her to be more supportive. I need

her to show me the same kind of love she shows others. I need her to

stop bringing up old hurts. I need her to listen to me. I need her to

be my friend.

Mom is a childish spirit. Mom is sometimes a hypocrite. Mom is

confused. Mom is sad. Mom is unapproachable. Mom is always in my

space. MOm is difficult. Mom is a clean freak. Mom is too giving. Mom

is easily hurt. Mom is caring. Mom is not a good listener. Mom is too

christian. Mom is hard to talk too. Mom is gentle. Mom is judgemental.

I dont ever want to hide myself from her. I dont ever want to feel

unheard. I dont ever want to fighht wuith her. I dont ever want to

feel live I've hurt her feelings. I dont ever want to be angry with

her. I dont ever want to defend myself from her. I dont ever want to

be judged by her.

Wooh

thats alot

but one belief at a time

here we go

(this one was started half asleep so its not entirely written out)

Mom doesnt listen to me

1. sometimes

2. no

3. I get angry Y yell to try and make her listen. I feel left out and

like she doesnt listen. I get this angry forceful feeling in my chest

like I'm gonna make you listen to me.

4. I think I would her HER. I think we might agree on things. I would

be relieved. Like a weight off my chest.

TA. I dont Listen to me - I dont hear where I agree with her. I dont

listen to all the advice I gice her.

TA. I dont listen to mom. I interrupt her and I tell her how it is,

regardless of what she is going to say.

I want mom to understand me. Mom should understnad my situation. Mom

doesnt understand me. Mom should understand me.

Is it true?

(clarify) what would it look like

She would know that I'm not happy here and not feel bad about it.

She would have sympathy for how hard it is to get a job.

She would be interested in the work.

1. no.

2. no

3. I get angry that she feels bad about it. I think shes childish. I

try and rationalize to her that I'm happy. I think that I've hurt her.

I try and manipulate her into feeling differenly. I feel sad because I

think I'm responsible for it.

4. I would love her. I would sit next ot her and want to help because

she feels so responsible. Compassion.

TA. I shouldnt feel bad about mom being unhappy

I shouldnt feel bad about mom being unhappy I'm here.

Mom should feel bad about me being unhappy here.

-I feel like thats true because I am happy here so her feeling bad was

telling me its a lie!

Mom keeps nagging me about money

1. No

3. I feel angry and upset with her. I think I dont want to be around

her if that is the case. I feel guilty I dont have a job. I hear her

saying how ungrateful I am. I feel pressured. I look for jobs and

stress about it because I'm trying to live up to what I think they

expect of me. I feel stress and tightness in my chest when I believe

this thought.

4. I would still be looking for a job but w/out some of the stress.

When she says I need to get a job I could agree with her instead of

feel defensive about it.

- why does it piss me off

because im trying, because im not finding one, because i always seem

too late. Because i keep waking up too late as much as I try not too.

Because I dont want to create disharmony in the family.

4.(again) It feels alot more peaceful. We could work towards making

things easier for me to get a job. She wouldnt feel like the enmy to

me. It feels more like a partnership

TA. I keep nagging me about money - I run these same couple scenerios

of me and mom arguing about it over and over. Reaality then is kinger

then my thinking. I keep thinking that my job efforts are never

enough, so I never feel good about my efforts.

TA. I keep nagging mom about money. Ive asked her for money that Ive

never paid back.

TA. Mom keeps giving me money. YEs! they give me a house, food, gifts,

computer, college, cars. They clean up after me. Give me occasional rides.

Thats all for now. Ill be working on this worksheet for a few days.