the coolest thing! and update

[Guest guest]

First, the coolest thing:

I downloaded/installed Skype today. Mostly because I have some Yamaha

keyboard " friends " in the UK who use it, and I'd like the opportunity to

talk with them someday. But also because I think it's cool and interesting

and I wanted to satisfy my curiosity . Anyway, one of the add-ons for

Skype is a fax service. I don't have a fax machine anymore, so I checked

into it and had a free fax allowed to try it out. I sent a note to the NH

for my mom. It says it was sent successfully so that excites me because I'd

like to send her a note every now and again, especially since I can't see

her until evening during the week. I hope she will enjoy getting notes from

me now and again - it helps me to feel more in touch if nothing else .

The update:

got back from the psych hospital on Tuesday. That evening she was

more lucid than she's been in a longtime, the sundowning that she'd

experienced while in the hospital continued, as I've already written.

Wednesday evening she was a little more depressed but still calm and NOTHING

like she'd been before she was in the hospital. Weepy, easily angered, but

coherent. That's the day that Casey's boyfriend went with us, and met her.

She was gracious, as always, but I could tell it was only with great effort.

Last night she was very lucid and affectionate, but serious and

matter-of-fact. She wanted to talk to me about important things so we sat

in the activity room in front of the window with the lovely view. She asked

me questions about LBD and about her future. As I explained everything

again, she listened and asked very intelligent and thoughtful questions

about both the disease and about her future. I answered honestly but always

with hope, and only withheld the things that she doesn't need to be worrying

about. The main points I made, and reiterated over and over again (she

repeated questions as her ST memory is pretty much gone), were these:

1 - Your living arrangements and circumstances are different but that

doesn't mean that you don't have a life

2 - You will still, once your Medicaid is approved, be able to go places.

You can go on Girls' Day Out outings with Casey and I. You can go to the

fish fries around town on Fridays. You can come to church with us. You can

come to our house for dinner, or for an afternoon.

3 - You still will have a say in your life. It won't be the same as before.

But you will have choices, such as how to decorate your own space; if you

need something from the store I will take you to get it; whether or not to

participate in the activites; where you'd like to go for dinner on our

evenings out...

4 - You are part of our family. Even though you're 1/2 mile away, our time

together with you and family activities now involve 4 of us instead of just

3. You are valuable to Casey as a mentor and a grandma and an advisor. You

are valuable to me as a confidante and a friend as well as my mom. You are

valuable to Pete as the only mom he has in his life. You are our matriarch

and the head of our extended family. Because you have this disease and

because you aren't living in your own home doesn't change any of that,

except...

....5 - We will have more time together. Pete and Casey and I moved here 2

years ago to be closer to you and spend more time with you. That hasn't

happened as we'd all hoped. But now it can, and it will, to the degree that

you want to be involved. We are geographically close as well as emotionally

now, and we can take advantage of that to have the kind of relationships

that we moved here to have with you.

6 - You are not locked away or locked up, and you are not alone. This isn't

a " what to do with " thing, this is a family situation that involves us

all, together. We are here for you as you've always been, and will continue

to be, here for us. You will have a life, it will be a different life but

it will be more than laying in a bed and waiting to die. That's not why

you're here.

7 - You don't have to worry about bills, bill collectors, nasty phone calls

and mail, or anything like that anymore. Gwen is taking care of all that,

your responsibilities for it have ended. You are free of it. You don't

have to pay bills, you don't have to worry about taxes and insurances and

leaky roofs and car repairs. You are free to live your life without those

responsibilities weighing you down.

8 - Your room here will be your space. We will shop together for a nice

bedspread and some pillows for your room. I will be bringing some of your

furniture from home, like the chair you sit in, your magazine rack, and a

lamp so you don't have to have the overhead fluorescent light. We will

rearrange your bed and nightstand so it's not like a hospital room. You

will have a comfortable place to sit and soft lighting and be surrounded by

some of the things you love.

Those were the main points and the answers to her questions as she asked

them repeatedly. At one point Pete told her she was the only mom he had

now, and she cried, and he cried, and they hugged so I cried . I don't

know if she will remember it all today, but last night it was a good

conversation and a time of closeness for us all...I hope that we have many

more close times in the future, only God knows whether or not we do, but I

do know that I cherish each time that I have my mom with me, when she has

her own personality and is able to converse, because I never know if that

will be the last time.

His,

Sherry

www.owly.net

[Guest guest]

Sherry, your mother is so lucky to have such a kind, caring, thoughtful daughter

on her

team. Your husband sounds like a gem as well. Your mom likely won't remember

the

words, will likely need to hear them over and over, but hopefully the feelings

of

reassurance, love, being cared for and about will stay with her.

Gibsons BC

Mother died Aug. 12, 2006 at age 92 after a 13 year decline from PDD.

>

> First, the coolest thing:

> I downloaded/installed Skype today. Mostly because I have some Yamaha

> keyboard " friends " in the UK who use it, and I'd like the opportunity to

> talk with them someday. But also because I think it's cool and interesting

> and I wanted to satisfy my curiosity . Anyway, one of the add-ons for

> Skype is a fax service. I don't have a fax machine anymore, so I checked

> into it and had a free fax allowed to try it out. I sent a note to the NH

> for my mom. It says it was sent successfully so that excites me because I'd

> like to send her a note every now and again, especially since I can't see

> her until evening during the week. I hope she will enjoy getting notes from

> me now and again - it helps me to feel more in touch if nothing else .

>

> The update:

> got back from the psych hospital on Tuesday. That evening she was

> more lucid than she's been in a longtime, the sundowning that she'd

> experienced while in the hospital continued, as I've already written.

> Wednesday evening she was a little more depressed but still calm and NOTHING

> like she'd been before she was in the hospital. Weepy, easily angered, but

> coherent. That's the day that Casey's boyfriend went with us, and met her.

> She was gracious, as always, but I could tell it was only with great effort.

>

> Last night she was very lucid and affectionate, but serious and

> matter-of-fact. She wanted to talk to me about important things so we sat

> in the activity room in front of the window with the lovely view. She asked

> me questions about LBD and about her future. As I explained everything

> again, she listened and asked very intelligent and thoughtful questions

> about both the disease and about her future. I answered honestly but always

> with hope, and only withheld the things that she doesn't need to be worrying

> about. The main points I made, and reiterated over and over again (she

> repeated questions as her ST memory is pretty much gone), were these:

> 1 - Your living arrangements and circumstances are different but that

> doesn't mean that you don't have a life

> 2 - You will still, once your Medicaid is approved, be able to go places.

> You can go on Girls' Day Out outings with Casey and I. You can go to the

> fish fries around town on Fridays. You can come to church with us. You can

> come to our house for dinner, or for an afternoon.

> 3 - You still will have a say in your life. It won't be the same as before.

> But you will have choices, such as how to decorate your own space; if you

> need something from the store I will take you to get it; whether or not to

> participate in the activites; where you'd like to go for dinner on our

> evenings out...

> 4 - You are part of our family. Even though you're 1/2 mile away, our time

> together with you and family activities now involve 4 of us instead of just

> 3. You are valuable to Casey as a mentor and a grandma and an advisor. You

> are valuable to me as a confidante and a friend as well as my mom. You are

> valuable to Pete as the only mom he has in his life. You are our matriarch

> and the head of our extended family. Because you have this disease and

> because you aren't living in your own home doesn't change any of that,

> except...

> ...5 - We will have more time together. Pete and Casey and I moved here 2

> years ago to be closer to you and spend more time with you. That hasn't

> happened as we'd all hoped. But now it can, and it will, to the degree that

> you want to be involved. We are geographically close as well as emotionally

> now, and we can take advantage of that to have the kind of relationships

> that we moved here to have with you.

> 6 - You are not locked away or locked up, and you are not alone. This isn't

> a " what to do with " thing, this is a family situation that involves us

> all, together. We are here for you as you've always been, and will continue

> to be, here for us. You will have a life, it will be a different life but

> it will be more than laying in a bed and waiting to die. That's not why

> you're here.

> 7 - You don't have to worry about bills, bill collectors, nasty phone calls

> and mail, or anything like that anymore. Gwen is taking care of all that,

> your responsibilities for it have ended. You are free of it. You don't

> have to pay bills, you don't have to worry about taxes and insurances and

> leaky roofs and car repairs. You are free to live your life without those

> responsibilities weighing you down.

> 8 - Your room here will be your space. We will shop together for a nice

> bedspread and some pillows for your room. I will be bringing some of your

> furniture from home, like the chair you sit in, your magazine rack, and a

> lamp so you don't have to have the overhead fluorescent light. We will

> rearrange your bed and nightstand so it's not like a hospital room. You

> will have a comfortable place to sit and soft lighting and be surrounded by

> some of the things you love.

>

> Those were the main points and the answers to her questions as she asked

> them repeatedly. At one point Pete told her she was the only mom he had

> now, and she cried, and he cried, and they hugged so I cried . I don't

> know if she will remember it all today, but last night it was a good

> conversation and a time of closeness for us all...I hope that we have many

> more close times in the future, only God knows whether or not we do, but I

> do know that I cherish each time that I have my mom with me, when she has

> her own personality and is able to converse, because I never know if that

> will be the last time.

>

> His,

> Sherry

> www.owly.net

>

[Guest guest]

Not I but Christ in me. I'm not a patient person by nature so it rather

surprises me that I can tell her things over and over again without getting

frustrated.

Pete is indeed a very special man, and he and my mom have always adored each

other . His own mom died at the age of 42 from complications after gall

bladder surgery (which was much different 30 years ago than it is

now!)...his stepmom died about 3 years ago and his dad 6 months later, on

Thanksgiving Day. My family is his family now .

Thanks for your kind words!

His,

Sherry

www.owly.net

----- Original Message -----

> Sherry, your mother is so lucky to have such a kind, caring, thoughtful

> daughter on her

> team. Your husband sounds like a gem as well. Your mom likely won't

> remember the

> words, will likely need to hear them over and over, but hopefully the

> feelings of

> reassurance, love, being cared for and about will stay with her.