Just want to share this with you.

[Guest guest]

I've been reading a book recently called " What's wrong with you " by a

guy called Fry.

It was given to me by my mother as an early Christmas present, after

she saw I was having a particularly rough day.

It's been quite interesting to flick through and read some of this

guy's own experience in life, plus get a slightly different

perspective on emotions, feelings and the conscious/unconscious mind.

The essence of what he is saying (to me) is that the unconscious mind

tries to move towards some kind of true happiness, whereas the

conscious mind is interested in survival. In addition, the conscious

mind understands cause and effect, it's the logical / rational part of

the mind.

The unconscious mind is interested in releasing and healing unresolved

emotional trauma.

A conflict occurs when the conscious mind gets in the way of this, or

gets scared by emotions coming up – emotions that could have been

trapped for many years – it doesn't make sense to the conscious mind

as it doesn't relate to the present.

He talks about stuff we are unable to deal with when we are younger

being stored up, for release at a time when we are more able to / when

it is safe to release these emotions.

This is ringing true for me because what I'm seeing is, as I continue

with the work, I am feeling safer in the world than I was, so then it

seems there are parts of me that feel safe to come out – this is a

cycle as I can then feel unsafe/scared as these emotions are expressed.

Over my time with the work so far I've seen these expressions change –

initially I used to get very angry and these outbursts were directed

at people I loved – again, he talks about emotions like this being

released in intimate relationships as we perceive them as safe places

to do this. Ironically, this can lead to the relationships becoming

unsafe/

I'm also seeing how it's shifted to physical shaking, crying, deep

retching, how afterwards my body feels physically exhausted, like a

load of stuff has been released – also how as this is happening old

memories can be coming up at the same time – like it's the unresolved

stuff coming out with the trapped emotions.

When I first started with the work I felt threatened by this kind of

experience, and can still do – often the pre-cursor to this kind of

event there is resistance and a belief comes up that " if I let go I

will die " . What I'm learning is that just the opposite is the case.

What else?

I'm seeing how starting with the work had me looking outward a lot

initially, to judging other people, and it still goes there a lot of

the time. However, it's also turned inwards to old events and

questioning the beliefs about what I should be doing and how I should

be, who I am.

OK, that feels enough for now.

Guess one of the things I'm noticing is how 's experience with

the work may have been informed by her realisations, the clarity she

woke up with that day in the halfway house. I can't know for sure of

course.

What I can see is that my experience is more like being lowered into a

big hole bit by bit - sometimes I feel scared, sometimes I don't want

to go, sometimes I try and distract myself and sometimes I try to find

all kinds of ways of getting out of it.

OK, that's definitely enough.

Jon x