tha bachelor

[Guest guest]

facy i admire your honesty and i admire alexanders

answers and questions. --

This maybe a rampant feeling among men and women .

EVery once and awhile i watch the bachelor

an american tv show.. and im sort

of sick for the girls who dont get a rose.. and how

devastated they are... get a life..

im even sort of angry they all act like its the end

of the world..

tonight some girl said shes going home to her cat.

WEll it was one of the better interviews.

usually they are just crying.. and its so annoying.

we are sort of programmed to fall in love and thats

what we see on tv and movies.

No relationship lasts. no form lasts.

The only truly lasting relationship we have is with ourselves

and with God.. or Eckhart would say consciousness.

And in fact the girl who wins at the end.. usually doesnt

end up marrying the guy.. Only one girl married and that

was on the bachelorette show and she picked the guy..

but i wonder are they happy today .. maybe they are.

the other couples on all previous shows have broken up in the end.

is there a happily ever after.

only if they can be happy without

a dependency.. looming over their heads.

i guess thats my story.. for the night..

I for one would not go on a bachelor show.. i am too shy

and to embarrassed to be that vulnerable on national

tv.. too old and too ugly now but even when i was

young. i wouldnt of done it.

which is another point if you judge someone on looks

you have to remember that will not last.

well unless your a rare case.

well i guess i have rambled on enough.

get an animal they will love you till they die and they

will die.. i guess im assuming you like animals.. never mind.

if you love yourself even if others dont . you would be egoless.

its great the key is loving the formless not the form.. the ego.

loving the ego means loving suffering.. according to eckhart.

from a new earth.. its all in the book.

I think everyone i know has been through a painful breakup

suffering is a way to enlightenment. life is the guru..

according to eckhart.

roslyn

- In Loving-what-is , Völz wrote:

>

> Dear Facy,

>

> >>>> Hey, congratulations! That's beautifully simple:

> >>>> She should mail me!> >>> ok.. right.

> >>> let's try this.

> >> Great! :-)

> >>> is it true?

> >>> not neccesarily.

> >> Is that a " no " ?

> >> Or rather a " maybeperhapsimnotsosure " ?

> > ok maybe this will be easier to understand what i ment:

> > 1)is it true? i think so.

> > 2)can i absolutly know it is true? no.

> Well, how do we know it's not true? She didn't. Not yet.

>

> >>> how do i react to the thought when she doesn't?

> >>> i feel frustrated, i think there's something wrong with me, i

> >>> image

> >>> her and mentaly in her buisness and see her perfect without me, i

> >>> feel like i dont exist and that i have no meaning.

> >> K, so that's where the thought takes you.

> >>> i try manipulations and tricks to make her respond and as a last

> >>> option i curse her and wish her bad things.

> >> jup. As if that would work! ;-)

> >> Doesn't seem very appealing, does it?

> > ofcours not.. this is to burn to boat completely.

> To get what? Peace of mind?

> Does it work?

> Not even there?

>

> >>> i feel tensed i wanna cry

> >> sidenode: do you let you?

> > i do alow myself, i dont have a problem with it and when it happens

> > it feels better afterwards .. but i rarely actually do.

> It's not necessary to actually cry. It's enough to notice when you do

> want to and don't let yourself.

>

>

> >>> and break something and i think it means

> >>> something about me.. that it is yet another sign that this

> >>> horrible

> >>> think im afraid i am is actually true.

> >>> im afraid ill be alone forever

> >> deep one.

> > yea.

> >> I think it's wonderful you are aware of that fear.

> > how come?

> it's a first step to deal with it.

> You can not deal with something you are not aware of.

>

> >>> and telling myself everybody is succeffuly making it beside me.

> >> making ... what, exactly?

> > finding someone occasionaly, dating, kissing, having someone who

> > fancy them, creating attraction, or basicly.. have any hope for love.

> That might be an illusion.

>

> However, pic someone specific and notice whether you think of him as

> successful, even in the moment he is not doing any of the above.

>

> Are you missing anything he has, in that moment? Anything of value?

>

>

> >> finding a " partner " (what is that)? Finding someone he can love?

> > yes.

> So what is necessary for finding someone you can love?

>

> And if there's something you can not love, do the work on that.

>

> >> Trick

> >> someone into loving him? Making someone dependent? Declaring

> >> ownership

> >> on someone? Having sex? Having an orgasm? Faking one?

> > yes. yes. yes.

> Why would you trick someone into loving you? And what for? Again,

> peace of mind? That's the hard way, the one you have been trying all

> this time.

> Why would you want someone to depend on you?

> And how is it you need a partner to have sex?

> Or to have an orgasm? Or to fake one?

> If you wanted sex now, you would be somewhere masturbating.

> And it's ok if sometimes you do. That's how you know you want sex if

> no one's available.

>

>

> >> What is it you are trying to get so desperately?

> > approaval.

> Of whom?

>

> And how should he know how to give you approval, if you don't teach

> anyone?

>

> The approval thing is your job. No one can take that from you.

>

>

> > and the ultimate one for me is a girl being attracted to me, not any

> > girl though.

> Although that would be a start, as I hear.

>

> > for some reasone i believe attraction is the true value scaler for

> > what a person is truly worth.

> It is. According to you.

>

> You put a value on people you don't even know. And you think that

> that's what you need, as well.

>

> > cause we dont choose to be attracted, it is something that is being

> > triggered inside us, which responds to " nature's saying " , meaning.. a

> > man's energy, what he projects, his body, his face.

>

> > and i do have a deep believe that is saying that when i will truly

> > find the inner truth that im looking for and that i will finaly be

> > free .. it will be seeing .. and the result would be that girls would

> > find me more attractive.

> > that's my story.

> What a story!

>

> So...

>

> So all women on the planet find you attractive.

>

> What would you have?

>

> >> What is it that EVERYONE but you has?

> > something. i dont know what it is. but something..

> Well, I'd rather fast find out what that is. Otherwise, I might get

> it, and don't even realize it!

>

> > they know how to

> > do it, they dont have that big of a problem with it, everyone dates.

> > everyone mates.

> No.

>

> Everyone's parents did.

>

>

> What do you want to mate for? Why now?

>

> Your time for doing that hasn't come yet. Ask again next week.

>

>

> >> Close your eyes. Imagine EVERYBODY around you was a happy couple.

> >> Doing... whatever happy couples do: being romantic, kissing,

> >> massaging, having sex, orgies... whatever comes into your mind

> >> they

> >> have. How do you feel if it did not even occur to you, that you

> >> needed a partner? If it did not occur to you that your, job, your

> >> sense of life was anything but watching? Try to stay in that

> >> moment,

> >> because this doesn't tell us anything about the future!

> > i'll be honest with you..

> good.

>

> But be honest with yourself, instead.

>

> > im so attached to the concept of which i

> > should have a girlfriend that i find it very hard to even consive who

> > i am in this mating world without the concept that i should mate too.

> Well, look at you. That's who you are without dating.

>

> > but with no doubt i would be much happier and minding my own buisness

> > and expressing my self more joyfully.

> So that should be what we look for.

>

> > that if i hadn't had the thought, i would be peacefull.

> > i know it is the thought that is causing it all .. but how do i get

> > rid of it?

> You don't. learn to love it, instead. It will leave you, if you let it.

>

> And come back, eventually. Your job is to become aware of what is true.

>

>

> >>> who would i be without the thought that she should mail me back?

> >>> i would be relaxed and unaware of her and she wouldn't exist in my

> >>> reality, i would be focused on what im doing and would feel free

> >>> and

> >>> clean.. and the horrible button that she pressed wouldn't had been

> >>> pressed.

> >>> so i would be.. just fine.

> >> Good find!

> > that's not new to me, i know myself with this state of mind and it is

> > wonderfull.. but not new .. i just can't be there all the time..

> No need to.

>

> > i have a breakdowns and shifts of state of mind.

> Who would you be, now, if you did not know that?

>

>

> >> Can you find a reason to let that thought go?

> > sure.

> >> Can you find a reason that's peaceful to keep that thought?

> > no. i cant. it's very stressful.

> Not even one.

>

> >> And do try to find them.

> >>

> >> Whithout the thought... can you be aware of her not mailing back?

> >> Doing whatever she is doing? Living her life? How does that feel

> >> without the thought?

> > it is still painfull.. it's not about the mail .. cause im seeing her

> > happy and joyfull and im not apart of it.

> > it feels like yet being in her buisness.

> Well, you are!

>

> She should not be happy without you, and that's painful to believe.

>

> I had that when I pictured my wife with another man. It went that far,

> that I thought of her even when I saw another happy couple. And

> without the thought I could see how she should be happy with another

> man.

>

>

> >>> T.A: she should not mail me back

> >> Right! She can't mail you back, she is busy doing her job. Which

> >> includes not to mail you.

> > yea.. that's seems every girl's job lately.

> It is.

> Fascinating, how they all know what to do: Let you do your job.

>

> >> I know some people who are desperately trying to be alone. Can you

> >> teach them?

> > no i can't .. it's natural or you have it or you dont.

> >

> >>> T.A: i should mail myself

> >>> 1. ha?!

> >> Yes. Give yourself the attention you want from her.

> >>

> >> You thought this was about a mail of hers? Get real! No mail coming.

> >>

> >> Now that you know that, you can finally take care of your needs,

> >> instead of waiting for someone else to babysit you. Again, that's

> >> a

> >> good thing, because you are the only one who will always be around.

> >>

> >> And can you see how these could be as true, or maybe even truer

> >> than

> >> the original thought?

> >>

> >> Now, number six it:

> >> I am willing to experience again, how she will not mail me. -

> >> That's

> >> what could happen again, and if only in your mind.

> >

> > thanks.

> also notice how you treat everyone else around you, if you believe she

> should mail you, and she doesn't.

>

>

>

> Good luck & love,

>

>