there's something wrong with me

[Guest guest]

There's something wrong with me

1, yes it feels that way

2, no i can't know that absolutely true,

3, I cry, I hide away, I don't want to go out, I read books on how to

fix myself, I feel like there's a time limit of 1 month before Shali

comes back, I feel sorry for myself, I watch satsang, I see my whole

life play out in front of me and it feels like this thought is going

to be there forever so I see failed relationships and me feeling

fearful for the rest of my life, I see me still being single and old

and lonely.

I feel scared that people will see how fucked up I am.

I search for answers to fix myself.

I'm in gods business blaming him for making me wrong.

I think I can protect myself from others seeing how flawed and fucked

up I am by holding this belief.

I get to fix myself, so i get to believe i'm in control.

It holds this identification in place.

if i couldn't believe this thought again the worst thing that could

happen is everyone would know how fucked up i am.

this thought brings me stress and a peaceful reason for dropping it is

that i would be more confident and radiant in my relationships.

4, breathing deeply, calm , peaceful, enjoying my life, connecting

with people,

typing away on my keyboard, it feels like there would be alot of

silence in my mind, expansion, allowing myself to be sad when i'm sad,

cry when i cry, accepting all of it, no judgement on myself for being

human, no fear that others won't like me.I would be more honest in my

relationships, i would tell people i'm scared, or i'm hurting.

I wouldn't be scared or hurting because i would have no concept that

anything was wrong with me even if i was really emotional..I'd be

observing rather than trying to fix myself. I'd be watching a great

movie, one where I played the starring role and I'd love my

movie...I'd be more socialable because I'd be fearless that people

were gonna see how broken i was ..

T.A THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.

1, I woke up this morning and took a shower,

2, I ate breakfast,

3, I checked my email,

4, I drove to the store to buy groceries

5, I came home again.

6, I made a phone call

7, I sat with the feelings that came up for me and allowed myself to

really feel crap and didn't struggle to fix it.

8, I fell asleep

9, I woke up , read my book.

10, I made dinner and spent 2 hours having a normal conversation with

my new house mate

11, I washed up

12, I made a few more calls

13, i'm now sitting here writing this, breathing, typing , fingers on

keyboards..

14, yesterday I went to tai chi then i spent the day at the beach with

my friends, swimming and chatting and came home and read in the

evening and listened to satsang.

15, it's ok for me not to want to go out and socialize

16, it's ok for me not want to be alone

T.A THERE'S SOMETHING RIGHT WITH ME

1, I eat healthy food and look after my body

2, I have given up most of my addictions,

3, I have fantastic curly hair,

4, I have a great suntan

5, I am soft hearted

6, I can be fearless in many ways

7, I have given up my addiction to sugar

8, I am versatile and can turn my hand to many things

9, I am a great facilitator

10, I am compassionate and understanding

11, I am learning to speak my truth

12, Yesterday I woke up and went to Tai Chi even though my mind was

telling me to stay in bed.

13, I'm managing to hold it together even though I'm not earning much

money and have bills o pay.

14, I live a wonderfully free life in Hawaii

15, I have alot of friends who adore me

16, I have an ex boyfriend who can't quite let go for some reason ..

wow could it be that I'm actually ok??

17, I'm a great chef

18, I am great with helping people with nutrition and giving advice on

diets and addictions

19, I'm a fantastic dancer

20, i'm great with being open with my emotions

21, i've travelled all around the world.

22, I'm doing breatghing classes that arw helping me to release my

emotions

23, I'm exploring tantra and intimacy

24, i'm generous, kind and compassionate to others feelings.

25, I love making food for people and sharing conversation

26, I have friends from all walks of life

27, I can quickly admit when I feel i've been unfair.

28, I'm doing The Work.