the work

[Guest guest]

felt good to stop my mind and get this down on " paper " .  let me know if you see

something i might be missing.

 

thanks in advance!

lisa

 

 

i should not stand up for myself and ask for what i need.

)Is it true?

yes, it feels true...i have been asserting myself more and i feel guilty about

it.  i am used to / more comfortable with subordnating my own wants and needs to

those of my co-workers, my family etc...

~what is the reality of it?

reality is that i am beginning to stand up more and more for my own wants and

needs.

~whose business is it?

it is my business to stand up for myself, and i need to learn to let others look

after their reactions to my newly found assertiveness (that would be their

business not mine).

 

2) Can you absolutely know that it is true?

No, I halfway know that it is good to stand up for my needs and wants.  i´m just

not used to it yet.

~are you omniscient?

lol!  no.  i cannot absolutely know that i should not stand up for me.  in fact,

i am sure i will continue to strengthen in this area.

~what´s the worst that could happen?

i am not sure....these are unexplored waters for me.  i suppose i could alienate

all the people at work and my family whom i have trained to expect that i would

automatically put their wants and needs above mine.

~and it means that ______?

it means that i am already beginning to have people resist and question my new

behavior.  i am already having co-workers and family memebers ask me, " what is

wrong with me and why am i being so " sensative " .

3)How do you feel/ react when you believe this thought?

~can you see a reason to drop the thought?

i can see good reasons to drop the thought.  it stresses me out to think i am

bad or wrong to say what i want and need, because I AM saying what i want and

need outloud to people who have known me for many, many years.  it stresses me

out when they find it odd---- this new lisa.

 ~describe how your body feels when you believe this thought.

my reaction seems more emotional / mental than physical, but i do get a slight

nervous feeling in my stomach.  i tend to second guess myself in my head once

i've asked for what i want.  so i have this inner dialogue going on where one

side is saying i am bad and selfish and the other side is saying, " finally!! way

to go, lis! "

~where and when did the thought first occur to you?

when i stood up to my ex and said what i wanted for a change.  also when i asked

some of my co-workers to address me only by my name.

~how do you treat that person, yourself and others when you believe this

thought?

when i believe i should not say what i need and want, i push down my own

feelings and end up feeling dissatisfied/ frustrated with the situation.  i

allow my co-workers to call me things that feel like unwanted endearments at

best and demeaning  at worst.  as for my ex, i do favors and run errands for her

that she finds convenient whether i want to do them or not.  in the end, this

makes me disappointed, frustrated and angry with myself, my co-workers and peg

(feels better to call her by her name than " ex " ).

~who were you before this thought first occured to you?

a happier, more care free soul ;~) and i can feel that being

restored---breathing new life.

~does this thought bring peace or stress into your life?

stress.  i need to stand up politely and firmly for what i want and need, let

the chips fall where they may and not second guess myself or feel badly about

it.

~where does your mind travel (into the past and / future) when you believe this

thought?

my mind travels into the future and says there may be bad repurcussions from

standing up for me. people will not like it that i am changing my behaviour and

asking for what i want.

~whose business are you in when you think this thought?

i am in their business trying to guage their longterm reaction.  i will say that

their initial short term reactions have been to question me and to express their

unease and displeasure with my requests for what i want. 

 

4)Who would you be /how would you react if you could drop the thought?

~you may find this question leaves you without an identity.~

~without belief in your thoughts, you are left with the simple reality: woman

sitting in a chair, writing.

WHEN i drop this thought, or when this thought lets me go, i will be a happier

person, stating what i want and need, politely and firmly, and i will not second

guess myself.  i will know beyond a doubt that it is good and well for me to be

my own champion.

Turn it around to yourself, to the opposite and to the other.

i should not stand up for others and ask for what they need.

this is very true for me just now!  i have done this my whole life, and i need

to practice standing up for me ....if not instead....at least for me also. 

however, for a while i think it might be good for me to try only standing up for

me.

i should stand up for myself and ask for what i need.

very true!

i am standing up...that is the reality.

i do deserve to consider my wants and desires as important.

if there are consequences, i will learn to accept and maybe even love them ;~)

Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It

will not lead you astray.

Rumi