New Year's Invitation

[Guest guest]

something old to cheer the New Year

30th Anniversary!

INTERNATIONAL CONGRESS ON THE SNEEZE

2009

You are cordially invited to a Reunion of historic significance to be held this year in Beijing, the People's Republic of China, May 16-20. We are fortunate in having many of the same distinguished participants! The venue will be the newly built luxurious Hotel Ahs Mah.

Co-directors: The Honorable Dr. Ah Chu and Dr. Ti Shu (U. of Beijing)

Associate Directors: Immanuel enblatt, M.D. (Vienna)

Pascal de Bergerac (Lyons)

We feel these gentlemen to be outstandingly capable in the field. Doctors Ah and Ti, of course, are well known for their work on the hallucinogenic side-effects of nasal sprays and especially on the addictive properties of the chemical Cyranosa, shown by their extensive research with Cantonese fieldmice.

Dr. enblatt's reputation rests equally securely on his definitive work Die Medizinische Landschaft der Schande [The Medicinal Landscape of Shame] and his extensive research on nasal tics in n women has finally been published. The results of this study will be shared at this conference and se are eagerly awaited by the world psychiatric community.

Dr. de Bergerac is a welcome friend back in our midst. Author of Les Odeurs de la Pudeur [The Odors of Modesty] , he is the foremost authority on the impact of scents upon the senses. His treatise Pheroma/Pleroma on the smells of Proust will be a stunning contribution to the conference.

Tentative Agenda

Welcome by the Chinese government and scientific community.

Summary and review of current nosology connected to the topic of the sneeze: biological, psychological, zoological, historical, literary, etc.

Presentation of papers, followed by a panel discussion on praxis, prophylaxis, with case histories where applicable.

List of papers resubmitted, in order received:

1) Sputum et disputum - an overview of the psychological and physical remedies for sneezing (and hiccups) of the ancient Etruscans. Presented by Fazzoletto, M.D. (Milano)

2) Catarrh, Cathars, Catharsis - a look at the medieval approach to sneezing, with particular emphasis on religious and magical superstitions during the plagues. Immanuel enblatt, M.D. (Vienna)

3) The Sneeze as Ejaculation of the Facial Penis - The suppressed factor in Freudian annals: the common substitution of the nose in penis envy as evidenced in the frequency of nasal orgasms in female patients during the last century. Presented by Ignazio Prepuzzio, M.D. (Firenze)

4) Proboscis and prognosis - a brief summary of recent statistics on the ratio of nostril size to spontaneous infection. Presented by Spiro Rhinopoulis, M.D. (Athens)

5) The Common Code in Mucus and Cilia - Piers P. Pepper, Ph.D. Litt.D. (Oxon.) will share pertinent extracts from the recently discovered Pastoral Eclogue attributed to Plowman revealing advanced medical knowledge concealed in poetic device. The implications may open whole new pastures for future research.

6) Itching in the I Ching - an extract of proto-neolithic remedies preserved in Chinese folk medicine found in the Confucian commentaries on the I Ching with special reference to the contemporary praxis of moxy-noxybustion of the nose in peasant populations along the Hwang Ho. Dong Flung, M.D. (Vietnam)

7) Sexual Tumescence in the Nasal Passages of the Egyptian Crocodile - an astonishing introduction to a much-neglected subject with specific reference to the hitherto undeciphered papyrus discovered by Lord Vicks in 1923. Because of the deep significance of this to rhinotic pathology in humans Dr. Ibn Nibl (Cairo) was shortlisted for a Nobel Prize not long ago.

8) The Linguistic Aspects of Sneezing - here we encounter Dr. Ah Chu's exhaustive compilation of 16,407 variations of sneezes found the world over, many of them taped on location. The classification and etymology of sneeze-oriented terminology can now thankfully be found in his Concise Dictionary of Sneezing (Chinese-Russian-English, cross-indexed). Dr. Ah plans to share informally some of his adventures in the field.

9) The Sneeze in Myth and Early Mysteries - Dr. Kyrano Stofftopsky (Moscow), now associated with the C.G. Jung Institut of Zurich, will start us off with the intro-uterine sneeze depicted by Neanderthal man in a cave in the Vuga Mountains, then tracing the mythic dimensions of nasal symbolism. After discussing his well-known work on mystic nostril-twitching signs among the Gnostics, he will reveal the human risks involved in his recent research of the chill factor on the development of the Inca nose. His dangerous work high in the beaks [peaks] of the Andes resulted in frostbite and the loss of his own nose, for which, however, he has been handsomely decorated by both the governments of Peru and the former U.S.S.R.

10) Physiogenic Problems in Sneezing - W. Pecksniff, M.S., M.D. (Baltimore) will present some of the psychological complexes associated with physical problems in sneezing. Beginning at the zoological end of the spectrum with the aardvark (length of sneeze), anteater (ants), he will comment briefly on fossil beaks, psittachotic psychosis in parrots, and the grievous problems confronted by the pelican. This will bring him eventually to the human factor as evidenced in the astronomer Tycho Brahe (silver nose), the composer Myslivicek (no nose and the variants of Jimmy Durante (big nose) demonstrating a fascinating corollary to Adler's Theory of the Inferior Organ.

11) The Spasmodic Sneeze - antidote to soporificity and reactive depression. Here we will have a climactic paper and demonstration by the foremost Swiss authority on Gemuesenchemie [vegetable chemistry]. In a participatory workshop, Dr. Amalaswintha Ruebli-Hasennase (Basel) will show the multifarious uses and administration of natural substances in noses volunteered by the audience. The euphoric effects of inhalations of vinegar, dandruff, fernspores, and powdered "dragon's blood" (courtesy of our Chinese sponsors) will be shown to be superior to snuff, cocaine, and aeroplane glue. Dr. Ruebli-Hasennase has already been cited for proving inhalation of baking powder in the left nostril a viable alternative to shock treatment. This workshop should end our Congress with eclat!

Our conference will end with a formal banquet highlighted by Szechuanese and Cantonese cuisine, followed by a repeat performance of the highly acclaimed oratorio commissioned especially for the first Congress, composed by the talented English composer Snoot, based on the famous multilingual ejaculations of lin: God bless you! God bless you! Gesundheit! Santé!

We certainly look forward to your joining us in Beijing!

For further information please contact me:

Alice O. Howell

Secretary to the Congress

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