Counting down the days

[Guest guest]

Hi all, I am now counting down the days. I have about 72 days

left. No help yet. I am sick with a bad cold now, so sick I am just

sitting here crying like a stupid baby. It is cold here, the snow is

still on the ground. My electric bill is astrinomical, and I cannot

pay that or my water. I am still trying to find housing. I have

come across a few options, a free single wide mobile in a park, but I

can't get the lady to call me or email me back since new years day.

Plus the rent is $400.00 for the space, which would leave me with

about $250.00 a month to live off of, utilities and all. I'd lose my

food stamps, which have gone down to $156.00. My friend Diane won't

let me end up in the street, but it isn't the ideal situation. Then

she proposed to her mother, who is 82 and living alone in a two story

house in a suburb of Chicago. I could move out there and take care

of her, she is pretty self saficient, but needs someone there. There

are two rooms upstairs, and I wouldn't have to pay for anything. But

it's Chicago, and my family is here. My grandson especially. My son

and my daughter, surprise surprise, don't want me to go. My son is

worried about my health, as his wife also has Hashimoto's and almost

lost her to a blood clot in her lungs. My daughter is trying to help

me find work. My son doesn't think at this time I can work. I feel

so useless, I used to do so much, horses and farming, gardening,

biking, now I can't even drive anymore and I seem to get worse each

day. I used to be the one helping people like me. Now I am people

like me. I guess I am in denile, hoping some type of miracle will

happen. I honestly get to the point where I feel so bad and like

such a loser I wish I would just die already. But then my grandson

or my doggies cuddle me and comfort me, and I realize they need me.

Even Diane, who can be harsh, doesn't want me to leave. I have never

been where I am, and have no clue how to fix this. And I am so sick

of thinking about it. There are so many people homeless and sick,

and I just go on and on about me. So selfish. I miss my dogs Sammy

and Jessie, and I miss my life. I just want to be happy and safe.

Thought I'd taken care of that with my home, but I lost it anyway.

Haven't even packed anything yet. Thanks for you're prayers and

thoughts, it's sad that the world has come to this, people who don't

know you care more about you then your community. I can't tell you

how many times I have been hung up on by people who's job it is to

help people in situations like me. Just don't know what will

happen. I will try to be more involved in the group.

Thank you and bless you all,

Dayle