Re: How CMT parents see themselves and children influence how children see

[Guest guest]

Hi Caroline,

Absolutely true - in my experience anyway I had very confident and assured

parents from whom I developed my self esteem. However, neither one had CMT.

Early intervention in CMT not only is physical, but needs to be

emotional/positive as well. Dysfunction breeds more dysfunction - a vicious

cycle.

Gretchen

[Guest guest]

This is a good thread for me, my son 10 has CMT but neither my husband or I do.

I am not always sure how to deal with it with him. Yes of course it is a

physical thing and we are dealing with that but I am not sure about the

emotional toll it is taking on him. He tries to explain to kids but he feels

they do not understand or really want to understand and it frustrates him. He

also is not realizing yet that this is a lifelong thing for him.

Lori

[Guest guest]

How very true. Not only concerning CMT, but life in general.My daughter,11,and

myself were recently diagnosed with CMT 1 although,we knew what it was for quite

some time.Several others in my family have CMT.

I got my positivity from my mother.She is strong,determined,independant,and

spiritually sound.Watching her cope with CMT,struggling at times,but always

making it through,one way or another taught me alot.She never gives

up,persistance,persistance,persistance.

She taught me to never give up,or feel sorry for myself.I only hope to model

this for my child now,as she is so very impressionable.She is looking to me to

know how to feel,to react to the situation.She is glad to be able to put a name

to the " what is wrong with me " feeling.

Angie

[Guest guest]

My mom has CMT which she never accepts herself. She throw things in the kitchen,

scream, yell, want to commit suicide, and want to get divorced. She says this

and says that. All she says contradict with each other. After 30 years, I

finally find she is insane. People in her family of origin all have emotional

problems, due to CMT. They fight with each other verbally.

She didn't tell my father that she has CMT when she married him. I guess at that

time she wanted to find a " meal ticket " . She doesn't love him. She didn't tell

the truth when she married my father.

Afterwards, my father found that she has CMT and children she gave birth too

also have CMT. Then, my father starts to hate my mother for cheating on him.

My mom starts to hate my father for not being a good " meal ticket " .

That is, they hate each other all their life. They are incapable of loving their

children, because they spend all their time hating each other. My father passed

away

in 2006.

My mom is still alive, keeping on hating her life. After hearing her wanting to

commit suicide for all my life, I really wish she can die. Unfortunately, she is

still alive, cursing all the things and people in the world. She thinks all

people are responsible for her miserable life.

She is incapable of getting a job to make money. She never work.

But she is very good at asking money from people, government, and so on.

Myself has spent one year to figure out what is wrong with me. I already know

that I have CMT and already accept that. But I don't feel happy all my life.

After reading a lot of psychological books, I know what is going on.

Parents. Be careful when you have CMT yourself or when your children have CMT

Parents might destroy their lives and their children's life through their

emotional abuses due to CMT.

Caroline

[Guest guest]

Hi Caroline,

You certainly had a rough start in life.  Kudos to you for working so hard to

make positive changes in your thinking.

I'm not a clinical psychologist, but like you have studied it in the past.  One

thing that really stood out to me in your emails was the inordinate amount of

blame you give to CMT for your family's behavior.

For example, in this email you conclude by saying, " Parents might destroy their

lives and their children's life through their emotional abuses due to CMT. "

 

Due to CMT? In my experience, CMT is not the problem or the reason.

Emotional abuse and mental illness know no boundaries.  Families of all types,

with and without CMT, suffer from problems similar to yours. Conversely, many

families with CMT do not have ANY of these types of issues.  It really has

nothing to do with CMT.

I would venture to say that if your mother did not have CMT, she would still be

the unhappy person she is and she would have  still treated you in the same

abusive way.  For people who think and behave this way, the object of blame

doesn't matter. If she didn't have CMT to blame, she would have found something

else to blame. In this type of situation, it's not the physical disease of CMT

that is the source of this problem, but rather the learned emotional abuse

pattern and the unhealthy mental state that are the true issues.

As you continue working to heal yourself, I suggest that you try something new. 

Try removing " CMT " from your thought pattern completely.

For example, instead of saying:

" People in her family of origin all have emotional problems, DUE TO CMT. "

Just simply say:

" People in her family of origin all have emotional problems. "

And instead of saying:

" Parents might destroy their lives and their children's life through their

emotional abuses DUE TO CMT. "

 

Change that to:

" Parents might destroy their lives and their children's life through their

emotional abuses

Remove the words due to CMT. Remove the excuse.  Place the blame where it truly

lies.

The reality is that you were raised by an emotionally abusive parent who suffers

from mental illness and was emotionally abused herself by her parent(s).

Millions of people suffer from this same disease. The good news is that for most

people it is curable.  You can get better and you can avoid repeating it for the

next generation.

In helping friends through similar issues, one of the things that helped them

was surrounding themselves with positive, appreciative people who were free with

their compliments, and not just empty or phony words, but heartfelt

compliments.  A heartfelt compliment from a person you trust can reaffirm what

you know is good about yourself but have a hard time accepting.  And then be

that kind of friend yourself to others.

Also, learn to separate yourself from your CMT.  The person you are is not

defined by any physical limitations you may happen to have.

[Guest guest]

Caroline,

 

I agree with somebody else that wrote that your mother's abuses was not due to

CMT, but to the choice she made of making that an excuse to abuse her

family. You just need to forgive your parents and move on and do not make the

same mistake yourself.  Live your life to its fullest because you never know

when it will end.  I will pray a lot for you.  You have read so many

psychological books but you have missed the best one and that is the Bible. 

Trust in the Lord and get close to him and you will start to see a change in

your life. 

Anita