ABOUT DYING FROM CAROL C thru Jayn

[Guest guest]

GONE FROM MY SIGHT

The Dying Experience

Barbara Karnes

Each person approaches death in their own way, bringing to this

last experience their own uniqueness. What is listed here is simply

a guideline, a road map. Like any map there are many roads, arriving

at the same destination, many ways to enter the same city.

Use this guideline while remembering there is nothing

concrete here: all is very, very flexible. Any one of the signs in

this booklet may be present; all may be present; none may be

present. For some, it will take months to separate from their

physical body, for others, only minutes.

Death comes in its own time; in its own way.

Death is as unique as the individual who is experiencing

it.

If the following signs were to be put on a time table, a

very flexible time table, we could say these changes begin one to

three months before death occurs. The actual dying process often

begins with the two weeks prior to death. There is a shift that

occurs within a person which takes them from a mental processing of

death to a true comprehension and belief on their own mortality.

Unfortunately, this understanding is not always shared with others.

ONE TO THREE MONTHS PRIOR TO DEATH

WITHDRAWAL

As the knowledge the " yes, I'm dying " becomes real, a

person begins to withdraw from the world around them. This is the

beginning of separation, first from the world; no more interest in

newspapers or television, then from people – no more neighbors

visiting: " Tell Aunt Jessie I don't feel like company today. " And

finally from the children, grandchildren and perhaps even those

persons most loved.

This is becoming a time of withdrawing from everything

with the eyes closed. So sleep increases. A morning nap is added to

the usual afternoon nap. Staying in bed all day and spending more

time asleep than awake becomes the norm. This appears to be just

sleep but now know that important work is going on inside a level of

which " outsiders " aren't aware.

With this withdrawal comes less of a need to communicate

with others. Words are seen as being connected with the physical

life that is being left behind. Words lose their importance; touch

and wordlessness take on more meaning.

FOOD

Food is the way we energize our body. It is the means by

which we keep our body going, moving, alive. We eat to live. When a

body is preparing to die, it is perfectly natural that eating should

stop. This is one of the hardest concepts for a family to accept.

There is a gradual decrease in eating habits. Nothing

tastes good. Cravings come and go. Liquids are preferred over

solids. " I just don't feel like eating. " Meats are the first to go,

followed by vegetables and other hard to digest foods, until even

soft foods are no longer eaten.

It is okay not to eat. A different kind of energy is

needed now. A spiritual energy, not a physical one, will sustain

from here on

ONE TO TWO WEEKS PRIOR TO DEATH

Disorientation

Sleeping is most of the time now. A person can't seem to

keep their eyes open. The can, however, be awakened from that

sleep. There is literally one foot in each world. A person often

becomes confused, talking to people and about places and events that

are unknown to others. Thy may see and converse with loved ones who

have died before them. There may be a picking at bedclothes and

agitated arm movements. There is a seeming aimlessness to all

physical activity. Focus is changing from this world to the next;

they are losing their grounding to earth.

PHYSICAL CHANGES

There are beginning changes which show the physical body

is losing its ability to maintain itself.

The blood pressure lowers.

There are changes in the pulse beat either increasing

from a normal or eighty to upwards of one hundred fifty, or

decreasing anywhere down to zero.

The body temperature fluctuates between fever and cold.

There is increased perspiration, often with clamminess.

The skin color changes; flushed with the fever, bluish

with the cold. A pale yellowish pallor (not to be confused with

jaundice) often accompanies approaching death. The nailbeds, hands

and feet are often pale and bluish because the heart can't circulate

the blood through the body at a normal flow.

Breathing changes also occur. Respiration may increase

from a normal sixteen to twenty to upwards of forty or fifty breaths

every minute, or decrease to nine or even six breaths a minute.

There can be a puffing, a blowing of the lips on exhaling, or actual

stopping of the rhythmic breathing only to resume again. This

generally occurs during sleep. Congestion can also occur, a rattly

sound in the lungs and upper throat. There may be coughing with this

but generally nothing can be brought up. All of these breathing

changes and congestion have a tendency to come and go. One minute

any or all of these symptoms may be present, the next minute

breathing may clear and be even.

ONE TO TWO DAYS

TO HOURS PRIOR TO DEATH

Sometimes there is a surge of energy. A person may talk

clearly and alertly when before there had been disorientation. A

favorite meal might be asked for and eaten when nothing had been

eaten in days. A person might sit in the living room with relatives

and visit when they hadn't wanted to be with anyone for quite a

while. The spiritual energy for transition from this world to the

next has arrived and it is used for a time of physical expression

before moving on. This surge of energy is not always as noticeable

as the above examples, but in hindsight, it can usually be recognized.

The one to two weeks signs that were present earlier

become more intense as death approaches.

Restlessness can further increase due to lack of oxygen

in the blood. The breathing patterns become slower and more

irregular. Breathing often stops for ten to fifteen or even thirty

to forty-five seconds before resuming again,

Congestion can be very loud. It can be affected by

positioning on one side or the other, it still comes and goes.

The eyes may be open or semi-open but not seeing. There

is a glassy look to them, often tearing,

The hands and feet now become purplish. The knees,

ankles and elbows are blotchy. The underside of the arms, legs, back

and buttocks also can be blotchy.

Generally a person becomes non-responsive (unable to

respond to their environment) sometime prior to death.

How we approach death is going to depend upon our fear of

life, how much we participated in that life, and how willing we are

to let go of this known expression to venture into a new one. Fear

and unfinished business are two big factors in determining how much

resistance we put into meeting death.

The separation becomes complete when breathing stops.

What appears to be the last breath is often followed by one or two

long spaced breaths and then the physical body is empty. The owner

is no longer in need of a heavy, malfunctioning vehicle.

They have entered a new city, a new life.

SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES

ONE TO THREE MONTHS

Withdrawal from the world and people

Decreased food intake

Increase in sleep

Going inside of self

Less communication

ONE TO TWO WEEKS

Disorientation

Agitation

Talking with the unseen

Confusion

Picking at clothes

Physical

Decreased blood pressure

Pulse increase or decrease

Color changes, pale, bluish

Increased perspiration

Respiration irregularities

Congestion

Sleeping but responding

Complaints of body tired and heavy

Not eating, taking little fluids

Body temperature hot/cold

DAYS OR HOURS

Intensification of one to two week signs

Surge of energy

Decrease in blood pressure

Eyes glassy, tearing, half open

Irregular breathing, stop/start

Restlessness or no activity

Purplish knees, feet, hands, blotchy

Pulse weak and hard to find

Decreased urine output

May wet or stool in the bed

MINUTES

" Fish out of water " breathing

Cannot be awakened

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side

spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue

ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch

her until at the length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just

where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone on my side says: " There she is gone! "

" Gone. Where? "

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large

in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is

just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destination

port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at

the moment when someone on my side says: " There, she is gone! " there

are other eyes watching her coming, and the other voices ready to

take up the glad shout, " Here she comes! "

And that is dying.

Henry Van Dyke "

Over the next month or so, I will try and catch up with what is going

on. I will be making a trip to Atlanta sometime before the end of

June, and I also plan on making it to Ann Arbor in August for the

caregivers gathering. Hopefully the Jan 07 LBD symposium will be on

a dvd and distributed to Caregivers before I visit Atlanta. I would

really hate to make a scene (and those of you who have met me know

that I could advocate for any caregiver cause if needed. Sharon and

Donnie (Pensacola) are coming to stay with me Sunday since she has an

appointment at Shands. Sharon has been off-line for awhile but I'm

sure she will catch up from here. Sorry this is so long, but I

am " Chatty " at times - especially when I'm tired with too much

free time on my hands. Cyberhugs from ville FL, Carol C

**************Need a new ride? Check out the largest site for U.S. used car

listings at AOL Autos.

(http://autos.aol.com/used?NCID=aolcmp00300000002851)