was: how to deal with the embarrising things: Is, odds & ends questions

[Guest guest]

Folks, these are questions from my AS husband and a few from me, lower down.

(hubby)

1. I notice that when I am doing my routine items that I will more than just on isolated occasions seemingly move from step one to step three, omitting step two save as a comedy routine (e.g., checking on something in the bedroom, while holding something that belongs in the sink). Is this more than just isolated thinking? Does the AS lend itself to associations or lack of associations that lead to "comedy routines" like open door, close door, go through door banging into closed door?

2. I know that when communications related meltdowns happen for me I revert to "safe" places and items. The question here is how to deal with the externally triggered communication meltdowns (e.g. someone else - not the Mrs. - is causing consternation or frustration levels to rise needlessly) and those meltdowns are manifesting against your partner. How can communication meltdowns be calmed without venting negative frustrations that may have nothing to do with partner, but leads to taking out frustration to partner?

3. How is the adjustment progress from dating and its inherent schedule, and being married and its completely different schedule made easier? I find myself still adjusting to this and leaves me still confused as to what "I want," what "I need," and what was and what is now because reconciling these things are tricky at times.

here-

My questions are about how to work with , (husband), when we clearly need to communicate and his "Safe items," can make me feel unsafe. When this happens I have noticed that I start going inward, and act as though I am nothing more than a shadow hanging back from interaction with my husband. In its extreme has left me seemingly unable to speak. I end up needing to write to let him know what's going on. The best way I can describe this is that I become. "verbally" submissive. Body language is keeping my head down. Primarily to shield myself from seeing the items in question. Because with them about, I feel an instant sense of overwhelm. There is a sense of being surrounded for me, but not in a positive way, which is how my husband views these items.

I have read up on "intense" interests & AS, as well, as about this particular intense interest. I have gotten to a point where I can speak clinically, intellectually informed about them. However, as a spouse... Let's just say I'm grateful that Hubby has more than one intense interest.

As I've said, I have researched the issue as well as the particular items in question and I feel that I have been respectful of this issue. It's just that there is an enormity to the "Collection," and that has made me feel very unsafe, and often overwhelmed. Often in relation to the appearance of more being added to the collection.

Then there are those other intense interests that he has that we can & have shared. Those are of course easier for me to deal with. He also needs alone time that manifests in long walks, which used to be a huge issue for us, but which we have both worked hard to see the other person's side as well as find room for compromise, on both our parts.

He is also an avid reader with a preference for books from the library. Something my dad did, so I can relate and understand. However, I'm more a bookstore kind of gal. It doesn't mean I buy I can brows for some time.

Anyway, some of hubby's walks lead to library visits. We have as part of work out how the walks work with the couple come to an understanding that these visits may occur twice a week. Even when he has had steady work which means he will leave work & travel first to a library for 1 hour, 1 1/2 and a half. Knowing this up front helps "The planner." <> to feel safer as well, because I know we will be eating later, or not to expect that we will try to do anything outside when he gets in.

We are also grappling with several outside situations at the moment that have triggered both of us and this is what has brought it all to a head over this weekend.

We might end up going into those with you all in another e-mail. We are both looking to understand how we work and how we can stay unified in the face of the latest round of upheaval at this time.

Thank you all for you insight.

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