Re: Fighting Fair...Seeing both sides

[Guest guest]

Hello Sandy,

I am working on a reply to you. It is half done.......

I have to go help now, but will give you examples and the possible reasons behind the reactions of parties in the examples. Hope that helps some, but will have to wait until later on today.

I think I know what you might mean by fairness....... I will try to give you my input on it though.

I am sooooooo happy to see you back! You are always nice, kind and peaceful!

Happy Holidays,

.

Life should be easier. So should your homepage. Try the NEW AOL.com.

[Guest guest]

Hello,

My wifey's making Thanksgiving dinner and can't respond today, but I'm sure she would have normally.

Before we knew I was AS, I can fully identify with every aspect of your husbands attitude, even about joining this board "what am I going to see there that I don't already know myself? There's no point!"

I was always right and my wife and everyone else was always wrong.. at least that’s what people have always said about me.. I could never see it.. still don't honestly.. I got around it by just shutting up. Keeping my thoughts and opinions to myself. I have a set of .. oh.. rules I guess.. about when I speak.. usually after reviewing the timing and wording with my wife. Makes for slow responses, but MUCH better results. I have found that instead of coming off as an arrogant know-nothing at work, I come off as a confident expert. (in a general sense).

It's harder dealing with the times I need to talk to my wife herself about something. I have a set of rules I use internally to keep myself from getting worked up and allowing her to speak.

1) I may not speak unless I can say what I need to say in one sentence. If I can't I wait and think.

2) I don't think while she's speaking, I listen, then think afterward. It's her responsibility to understand I need a good several minutes to put together a reply.

3) I don't interrupt, even if she says something incredibly offensive, or worse: inaccurate. She has a right to be wrong, and I DON'T have a right to correct her. This has been the HUGEST fight. She is allowed to be wrong, and I am NOT allowed to correct her. She doesn't WANT to be right, she just wants to speak. The specific information coming out of her mouth isn't as much the point as the generality she's expressing. It's hard for me to listen to the jist of what she's saying and not the details, but I'm slowly learning. I think this may be the overal struggle of the AS person in the NT world. We think in literals and specifics, but the rest of the world blends things together .. things aren't clearly defined to them. They say that's the way the real world is, we say everythign is truly defined. We may be able to, with age and wisdom, break the world down into smaller blacks and whites like pixels on a computer screen, but the real struggle is to not detail through the black and white pixels but to back up and see the beautiful shades of grey that form the big picture.

rabbit trails.. sorry

I think whatever it was I was trying to say is in there and I'm getting paged..

Usarian

From: Dahlberg

Sent: Thursday, November 27, 2008 10:08 AM

To: aspires-relationships

Subject: Fighting Fair...Seeing both sides

Hello

I haven't been on the board for some time. I am an NT. My husband and I both believe he has AS after reading many of the books, and after I have read so many of your posts, and have shared them with him.

I have tried and failed to get my husband to join the board to review all of your comments and perspectives.

But I would like your comments on the issue of arguing or fighting fairly

It seems that most of you NT's are cherised by your AS husband and trusted. It seems like if you say something then mostly your spouse believes what you say.

Do any of you experience a lack of fairness in communication? Do any of you bend over backwards to try to understand his/her perspective, try to talk or write or communicate in a totally fair manner and get a total lack of cooperation or fairness back?

If so, please give me some examples

Thanks

Sandy

[Guest guest]

Sandy,Welcome back! Can you give an example of not fighting fairly?

From: Dahlberg <pandy88sbcglobal (DOT) net>Subject: [aspires-relationsh ips] Fighting Fair...Seeing both sidesTo: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) comDate: Thursday, November 27, 2008, 11:08 AM

Hello

I haven't been on the board for some time. I am an NT. My husband and I both believe he has AS after reading many of the books, and after I have read so many of your posts, and have shared them with him.

I have tried and failed to get my husband to join the board to review all of your comments and perspectives.

But I would like your comments on the issue of arguing or fighting fairly

It seems that most of you NT's are cherised by your AS husband and trusted. It seems like if you say something then mostly your spouse believes what you say.

Do any of you experience a lack of fairness in communication? Do any of you bend over backwards to try to understand his/her perspective, try to talk or write or communicate in a totally fair manner and get a total lack of cooperation or fairness back?

If so, please give me some examples

Thanks

Sandy

[Guest guest]

I can give many but I'd rather hear examples from the others.

To: aspires-relationships Sent: Thursday, November 27, 2008 10:38:15 AMSubject: Re: Fighting Fair...Seeing both sides

Sandy,Welcome back! Can you give an example of not fighting fairly?

From: Dahlberg <pandy88sbcglobal (DOT) net>Subject: [aspires-relationsh ips] Fighting Fair...Seeing both sidesTo: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) comDate: Thursday, November 27, 2008, 11:08 AM

Hello

I haven't been on the board for some time. I am an NT. My husband and I both believe he has AS after reading many of the books, and after I have read so many of your posts, and have shared them with him.

I have tried and failed to get my husband to join the board to review all of your comments and perspectives.

But I would like your comments on the issue of arguing or fighting fairly

It seems that most of you NT's are cherised by your AS husband and trusted. It seems like if you say something then mostly your spouse believes what you say.

Do any of you experience a lack of fairness in communication? Do any of you bend over backwards to try to understand his/her perspective, try to talk or write or communicate in a totally fair manner and get a total lack of cooperation or fairness back?

If so, please give me some examples

Thanks

Sandy

[Guest guest]

Welcome back, Sandy... glad to hear that he feels he is AS.

>

> Hello

> I haven't been on the board for some time.  I am an NT.  My husband

and I both believe he has AS after reading many of the books, and after

I have read so many of your posts, and have shared them with him.