Re: boundaries

[Guest guest]

My son has a huge issue with boundries. He is constantly hugging

everyone. He also likes to lick other kids and he gets into a lot

of shoving matches. We have talked to him about this over and over,

along with the school psychologist and his therapist, but he just

doesn't seem to get it. Sorry I can't be of any help, but if anyone

else has suggestions, I would really appreciate tham too.

Patti

>

> Goodmorning everyone,

> Does anyone have any concerns with their AS child with

boundaries?

> We had this problem for years, since he was an infant. My son as

a

> tot was a lot stronger than other tots his age. so, he was able

to

> push them, or put something too close to another persons face

when

> he wanted to show them something. as he got a little older, if a

> person was wearing a hat or glasses, he would try to grab it off

> their head or face. (he liked their reaction) and got their

> attention. through social skills class repetition and thearpy,

He

> outgrew that. he learned to stay an arm distance away from

another

> person, keep your hands to your self, and explained otherways of

> getting someones attention. but, he taught himself " this way of

> handling things " If someone annoyed him. instead of telling them

> to stop and move away. (verbalizing) He will figure out what

annoys

> them. He might not " get back at them right away " but will

remember

> that, that person annoyed him. it could be the next day, week, or

> the next time he sees that person (that annoyed him) and annoy

that

> person back. thats where the perservation begins. He does not

know

> when to stop till an adult stops him. of course that become a

> problem for him because " he was wrong to annoy that child " but, he

> won't explain,(verbalizing) what that child did to him. so my son

> looks like the aggressor. this has stopped for about half a year,

> but I see it's slowly starting up again. It just started right

now

> while standing outside, for the school bell to ring for the

children

> to go inside, he started grabing the childrens hats. than,

> pretending to " box fight " them, (without touching them) but

getting

> too close. finally, one boy got too upset and pushed him down.

at

> that time I was able to get near him to have a private talk with

my

> son about what just happened. I don't know why this started up

> again. but I'm writing to see if anyone had a problem with

> boundries? how they handled them? did they get past that stage?

Rose

>

[Guest guest]

Hi My name is Helena and my son has as. A while back we had a real problem

with bees and going outside. His therapist made up a picture story about it

and it really helped better than telling him. Maybe it will work for you.

Just a suggestion. Helena

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Patti

Sent: Tuesday, November 08, 2005 2:49 PM

Subject: ( ) Re: boundaries

My son has a huge issue with boundries. He is constantly hugging

everyone. He also likes to lick other kids and he gets into a lot

of shoving matches. We have talked to him about this over and over,

along with the school psychologist and his therapist, but he just

doesn't seem to get it. Sorry I can't be of any help, but if anyone

else has suggestions, I would really appreciate tham too.

Patti

>

> Goodmorning everyone,

> Does anyone have any concerns with their AS child with

boundaries?

> We had this problem for years, since he was an infant. My son as

a

> tot was a lot stronger than other tots his age. so, he was able

to

> push them, or put something too close to another persons face

when

> he wanted to show them something. as he got a little older, if a

> person was wearing a hat or glasses, he would try to grab it off

> their head or face. (he liked their reaction) and got their

> attention. through social skills class repetition and thearpy,

He

> outgrew that. he learned to stay an arm distance away from

another

> person, keep your hands to your self, and explained otherways of

> getting someones attention. but, he taught himself " this way of

> handling things " If someone annoyed him. instead of telling them

> to stop and move away. (verbalizing) He will figure out what

annoys

> them. He might not " get back at them right away " but will

remember

> that, that person annoyed him. it could be the next day, week, or

> the next time he sees that person (that annoyed him) and annoy

that

> person back. thats where the perservation begins. He does not

know

> when to stop till an adult stops him. of course that become a

> problem for him because " he was wrong to annoy that child " but, he

> won't explain,(verbalizing) what that child did to him. so my son

> looks like the aggressor. this has stopped for about half a year,

> but I see it's slowly starting up again. It just started right

now

> while standing outside, for the school bell to ring for the

children

> to go inside, he started grabing the childrens hats. than,

> pretending to " box fight " them, (without touching them) but

getting

> too close. finally, one boy got too upset and pushed him down.

at

> that time I was able to get near him to have a private talk with

my

> son about what just happened. I don't know why this started up

> again. but I'm writing to see if anyone had a problem with

> boundries? how they handled them? did they get past that stage?

Rose

>

[Guest guest]

Helena,

Could you tell me a little more about this picture story about bees. My

daughter has AS and is terrified of bees/bugs (especially since she was

bitten by a bee this summer). If there is a bug in the classroom, she will

really make a scene. And if any bee or bug comes near her outside, she will

go inside right away and not go back outside.

Vicki

( ) Re: boundaries

My son has a huge issue with boundries. He is constantly hugging everyone.

He also likes to lick other kids and he gets into a lot of shoving matches.

We have talked to him about this over and over, along with the school

psychologist and his therapist, but he just doesn't seem to get it. Sorry I

can't be of any help, but if anyone else has suggestions, I would really

appreciate tham too.

Patti

>

> Goodmorning everyone,

> Does anyone have any concerns with their AS child with

boundaries?

> We had this problem for years, since he was an infant. My son as

a

> tot was a lot stronger than other tots his age. so, he was able

to

> push them, or put something too close to another persons face

when

> he wanted to show them something. as he got a little older, if a

> person was wearing a hat or glasses, he would try to grab it off their

> head or face. (he liked their reaction) and got their attention.

> through social skills class repetition and thearpy,

He

> outgrew that. he learned to stay an arm distance away from

another

> person, keep your hands to your self, and explained otherways of

> getting someones attention. but, he taught himself " this way of

> handling things " If someone annoyed him. instead of telling them to

> stop and move away. (verbalizing) He will figure out what

annoys

> them. He might not " get back at them right away " but will

remember

> that, that person annoyed him. it could be the next day, week, or the

> next time he sees that person (that annoyed him) and annoy

that

> person back. thats where the perservation begins. He does not

know

> when to stop till an adult stops him. of course that become a problem

> for him because " he was wrong to annoy that child " but, he won't

> explain,(verbalizing) what that child did to him. so my son looks

> like the aggressor. this has stopped for about half a year, but I see

> it's slowly starting up again. It just started right

now

> while standing outside, for the school bell to ring for the

children

> to go inside, he started grabing the childrens hats. than, pretending

> to " box fight " them, (without touching them) but

getting

> too close. finally, one boy got too upset and pushed him down.

at

> that time I was able to get near him to have a private talk with

my

> son about what just happened. I don't know why this started up again.

> but I'm writing to see if anyone had a problem with boundries? how

> they handled them? did they get past that stage?

Rose

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Vicki, Yes I'll try. She wrote a story with pictures about a little boy

who wouldn't go outside because of the bees. He was very sad. Then he went

outside one day and found out the bees didn't bother him if he didn't bother

them. I was really surprised it worked. We had to read it over and over to

get it to him but the pictures really helped. She just drew stick people. I

will try to find it then I can scan it into my computer so I can post it.

Hope this helps. Helena

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Vicki

Sent: Wednesday, November 09, 2005 1:14 PM

Subject: RE: ( ) Re: boundaries

Helena,

Could you tell me a little more about this picture story about bees. My

daughter has AS and is terrified of bees/bugs (especially since she was

bitten by a bee this summer). If there is a bug in the classroom, she will

really make a scene. And if any bee or bug comes near her outside, she will

go inside right away and not go back outside.

Vicki

( ) Re: boundaries

My son has a huge issue with boundries. He is constantly hugging everyone.

He also likes to lick other kids and he gets into a lot of shoving matches.

We have talked to him about this over and over, along with the school

psychologist and his therapist, but he just doesn't seem to get it. Sorry I

can't be of any help, but if anyone else has suggestions, I would really

appreciate tham too.

Patti

>

> Goodmorning everyone,

> Does anyone have any concerns with their AS child with

boundaries?

> We had this problem for years, since he was an infant. My son as

a

> tot was a lot stronger than other tots his age. so, he was able

to

> push them, or put something too close to another persons face

when

> he wanted to show them something. as he got a little older, if a

> person was wearing a hat or glasses, he would try to grab it off their

> head or face. (he liked their reaction) and got their attention.

> through social skills class repetition and thearpy,

He

> outgrew that. he learned to stay an arm distance away from

another

> person, keep your hands to your self, and explained otherways of

> getting someones attention. but, he taught himself " this way of

> handling things " If someone annoyed him. instead of telling them to

> stop and move away. (verbalizing) He will figure out what

annoys

> them. He might not " get back at them right away " but will

remember

> that, that person annoyed him. it could be the next day, week, or the

> next time he sees that person (that annoyed him) and annoy

that

> person back. thats where the perservation begins. He does not

know

> when to stop till an adult stops him. of course that become a problem

> for him because " he was wrong to annoy that child " but, he won't

> explain,(verbalizing) what that child did to him. so my son looks

> like the aggressor. this has stopped for about half a year, but I see

> it's slowly starting up again. It just started right

now

> while standing outside, for the school bell to ring for the

children

> to go inside, he started grabing the childrens hats. than, pretending

> to " box fight " them, (without touching them) but

getting

> too close. finally, one boy got too upset and pushed him down.

at

> that time I was able to get near him to have a private talk with

my

> son about what just happened. I don't know why this started up again.

> but I'm writing to see if anyone had a problem with boundries? how

> they handled them? did they get past that stage?

Rose

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Helena,

Does the bee story have something to do about boundries? or, use a picture

story to help with boundries? Does this have anything to do with boundries?

Helena Hunter <hhunter@...> wrote:

Hi My name is Helena and my son has as. A while back we had a real problem

with bees and going outside. His therapist made up a picture story about it

and it really helped better than telling him. Maybe it will work for you.

Just a suggestion. Helena

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Patti

Sent: Tuesday, November 08, 2005 2:49 PM

Subject: ( ) Re: boundaries

My son has a huge issue with boundries. He is constantly hugging

everyone. He also likes to lick other kids and he gets into a lot

of shoving matches. We have talked to him about this over and over,

along with the school psychologist and his therapist, but he just

doesn't seem to get it. Sorry I can't be of any help, but if anyone

else has suggestions, I would really appreciate tham too.

Patti

>

> Goodmorning everyone,

> Does anyone have any concerns with their AS child with

boundaries?

> We had this problem for years, since he was an infant. My son as

a

> tot was a lot stronger than other tots his age. so, he was able

to

> push them, or put something too close to another persons face

when

> he wanted to show them something. as he got a little older, if a

> person was wearing a hat or glasses, he would try to grab it off

> their head or face. (he liked their reaction) and got their

> attention. through social skills class repetition and thearpy,

He

> outgrew that. he learned to stay an arm distance away from

another

> person, keep your hands to your self, and explained otherways of

> getting someones attention. but, he taught himself " this way of

> handling things " If someone annoyed him. instead of telling them

> to stop and move away. (verbalizing) He will figure out what

annoys

> them. He might not " get back at them right away " but will

remember

> that, that person annoyed him. it could be the next day, week, or

> the next time he sees that person (that annoyed him) and annoy

that

> person back. thats where the perservation begins. He does not

know

> when to stop till an adult stops him. of course that become a

> problem for him because " he was wrong to annoy that child " but, he

> won't explain,(verbalizing) what that child did to him. so my son

> looks like the aggressor. this has stopped for about half a year,

> but I see it's slowly starting up again. It just started right

now

> while standing outside, for the school bell to ring for the

children

> to go inside, he started grabing the childrens hats. than,

> pretending to " box fight " them, (without touching them) but

getting

> too close. finally, one boy got too upset and pushed him down.

at

> that time I was able to get near him to have a private talk with

my

> son about what just happened. I don't know why this started up

> again. but I'm writing to see if anyone had a problem with

> boundries? how they handled them? did they get past that stage?

Rose

>

[Guest guest]

This sounds good, but I never heard of the bee story. I hope you can get it

onto the computer.

Helena Hunter <hhunter@...> wrote:Hi My name is Helena and my son has as.

A while back we had a real problem

with bees and going outside. His therapist made up a picture story about it

and it really helped better than telling him. Maybe it will work for you.

Just a suggestion. Helena

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Patti

Sent: Tuesday, November 08, 2005 2:49 PM

Subject: ( ) Re: boundaries

My son has a huge issue with boundries. He is constantly hugging

everyone. He also likes to lick other kids and he gets into a lot

of shoving matches. We have talked to him about this over and over,

along with the school psychologist and his therapist, but he just

doesn't seem to get it. Sorry I can't be of any help, but if anyone

else has suggestions, I would really appreciate tham too.

Patti

>

> Goodmorning everyone,

> Does anyone have any concerns with their AS child with

boundaries?

> We had this problem for years, since he was an infant. My son as

a

> tot was a lot stronger than other tots his age. so, he was able

to

> push them, or put something too close to another persons face

when

> he wanted to show them something. as he got a little older, if a

> person was wearing a hat or glasses, he would try to grab it off

> their head or face. (he liked their reaction) and got their

> attention. through social skills class repetition and thearpy,

He

> outgrew that. he learned to stay an arm distance away from

another

> person, keep your hands to your self, and explained otherways of

> getting someones attention. but, he taught himself " this way of

> handling things " If someone annoyed him. instead of telling them

> to stop and move away. (verbalizing) He will figure out what

annoys

> them. He might not " get back at them right away " but will

remember

> that, that person annoyed him. it could be the next day, week, or

> the next time he sees that person (that annoyed him) and annoy

that

> person back. thats where the perservation begins. He does not

know

> when to stop till an adult stops him. of course that become a

> problem for him because " he was wrong to annoy that child " but, he

> won't explain,(verbalizing) what that child did to him. so my son

> looks like the aggressor. this has stopped for about half a year,

> but I see it's slowly starting up again. It just started right

now

> while standing outside, for the school bell to ring for the

children

> to go inside, he started grabing the childrens hats. than,

> pretending to " box fight " them, (without touching them) but

getting

> too close. finally, one boy got too upset and pushed him down.

at

> that time I was able to get near him to have a private talk with

my

> son about what just happened. I don't know why this started up

> again. but I'm writing to see if anyone had a problem with

> boundries? how they handled them? did they get past that stage?

Rose

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Helena - thanks so much. I would be interested to see it if you can find

it. She was afraid before she ever got bit, but now that she has been

bitten, her fear is overwhelming. Maybe I'll take her to the local library,

which she loves!, to see if I can find any books on the subject.

Vicki

( ) Re: boundaries

My son has a huge issue with boundries. He is constantly hugging everyone.

He also likes to lick other kids and he gets into a lot of shoving matches.

We have talked to him about this over and over, along with the school

psychologist and his therapist, but he just doesn't seem to get it. Sorry I

can't be of any help, but if anyone else has suggestions, I would really

appreciate tham too.

Patti

>

> Goodmorning everyone,

> Does anyone have any concerns with their AS child with

boundaries?

> We had this problem for years, since he was an infant. My son as

a

> tot was a lot stronger than other tots his age. so, he was able

to

> push them, or put something too close to another persons face

when

> he wanted to show them something. as he got a little older, if a

> person was wearing a hat or glasses, he would try to grab it off their

> head or face. (he liked their reaction) and got their attention.

> through social skills class repetition and thearpy,

He

> outgrew that. he learned to stay an arm distance away from

another

> person, keep your hands to your self, and explained otherways of

> getting someones attention. but, he taught himself " this way of

> handling things " If someone annoyed him. instead of telling them to

> stop and move away. (verbalizing) He will figure out what

annoys

> them. He might not " get back at them right away " but will

remember

> that, that person annoyed him. it could be the next day, week, or the

> next time he sees that person (that annoyed him) and annoy

that

> person back. thats where the perservation begins. He does not

know

> when to stop till an adult stops him. of course that become a problem

> for him because " he was wrong to annoy that child " but, he won't

> explain,(verbalizing) what that child did to him. so my son looks

> like the aggressor. this has stopped for about half a year, but I see

> it's slowly starting up again. It just started right

now

> while standing outside, for the school bell to ring for the

children

> to go inside, he started grabing the childrens hats. than, pretending

> to " box fight " them, (without touching them) but

getting

> too close. finally, one boy got too upset and pushed him down.

at

> that time I was able to get near him to have a private talk with

my

> son about what just happened. I don't know why this started up again.

> but I'm writing to see if anyone had a problem with boundries? how

> they handled them? did they get past that stage?

Rose

>

[Guest guest]

Connor has " boundary " issues only when he is riled up. I always attributed it

to his need for being squished. He would sometimes look like he was squishing

himself when excited (grunt and bear down, eyes squinted shut)--mostly he

tackles his sister but he is very touchy feely with certain other kids and once

the contact starts it is very hard to stop it. He also seems to have these

rolling, tackling, hugging sessions with kids who also have sensory issues.

They are like magnets to eachother. While he once picked up a kid at school,

hugged her tightly and dropped her while on line to go outside (when he was in

pre-school 2 years ago)--he doesn't normally just grab any old non-sensory

stranger.

Alison

( ) Re: boundaries

My son has a huge issue with boundries. He is constantly hugging

everyone. He also likes to lick other kids and he gets into a lot

of shoving matches. We have talked to him about this over and over,

along with the school psychologist and his therapist, but he just

doesn't seem to get it. Sorry I can't be of any help, but if anyone

else has suggestions, I would really appreciate tham too.

Patti

>

> Goodmorning everyone,

> Does anyone have any concerns with their AS child with

boundaries?

> We had this problem for years, since he was an infant. My son as

a

> tot was a lot stronger than other tots his age. so, he was able

to

> push them, or put something too close to another persons face

when

> he wanted to show them something. as he got a little older, if a

> person was wearing a hat or glasses, he would try to grab it off

> their head or face. (he liked their reaction) and got their

> attention. through social skills class repetition and thearpy,

He

> outgrew that. he learned to stay an arm distance away from

another

> person, keep your hands to your self, and explained otherways of

> getting someones attention. but, he taught himself " this way of

> handling things " If someone annoyed him. instead of telling them

> to stop and move away. (verbalizing) He will figure out what

annoys

> them. He might not " get back at them right away " but will

remember

> that, that person annoyed him. it could be the next day, week, or

> the next time he sees that person (that annoyed him) and annoy

that

> person back. thats where the perservation begins. He does not

know

> when to stop till an adult stops him. of course that become a

> problem for him because " he was wrong to annoy that child " but, he

> won't explain,(verbalizing) what that child did to him. so my son

> looks like the aggressor. this has stopped for about half a year,

> but I see it's slowly starting up again. It just started right

now

> while standing outside, for the school bell to ring for the

children

> to go inside, he started grabing the childrens hats. than,

> pretending to " box fight " them, (without touching them) but

getting

> too close. finally, one boy got too upset and pushed him down.

at

> that time I was able to get near him to have a private talk with

my

> son about what just happened. I don't know why this started up

> again. but I'm writing to see if anyone had a problem with

> boundries? how they handled them? did they get past that stage?

Rose

>

[Guest guest]

Patti-

I replied earlier about Connor's need to quish others but neglected to say what

I do

about it. When he gets going, it is very hard to stop him. While I thought it

was

his need to squish, which is a propriception craving (OT terminology)

but the treatment for a kid craving proprio is to squish the heck out of them to

meet their needs for deep pressure. There are lots of awesome ways to give a

kid

proprioceptive input--like rolling them up in a mat like a hot dog, making a

sandwich

out of them by lying on top of them, I will sometimes hold Connor while lying

on the floor and roll with him/alternating who is on top, wheelbarrel walking

gives a kid deep pressure as does crab walking. But to tell you the truth,

it doesn't seem to calm him down. It just delights him and makes him crave

more.

I will sometimes smush him til he does calm down by lying on him (at his

request)

without too much other motion, maybe ask him calming questions like how his day

was (sounds a bit crazy as I write it) But he does tell me it helps him and

will actually

announce " I need a smush! " (he is six by the way)

Good luck--

[Guest guest]

Hi. I'm not sure. It was just bees were a big problem for him to understand.

She also did one about being bossy. She told me you can social stories with

pictures to get them to understand rather than telling them. That was just

one example. Thanks Helena

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Rose

Sent: Wednesday, November 09, 2005 2:37 PM

Subject: RE: ( ) Re: boundaries

Hi Helena,

Does the bee story have something to do about boundries? or, use a picture

story to help with boundries? Does this have anything to do with boundries?

Helena Hunter <hhunter@...> wrote:

Hi My name is Helena and my son has as. A while back we had a real problem

with bees and going outside. His therapist made up a picture story about it

and it really helped better than telling him. Maybe it will work for you.

Just a suggestion. Helena

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Patti

Sent: Tuesday, November 08, 2005 2:49 PM

Subject: ( ) Re: boundaries

My son has a huge issue with boundries. He is constantly hugging

everyone. He also likes to lick other kids and he gets into a lot

of shoving matches. We have talked to him about this over and over,

along with the school psychologist and his therapist, but he just

doesn't seem to get it. Sorry I can't be of any help, but if anyone

else has suggestions, I would really appreciate tham too.

Patti

>

> Goodmorning everyone,

> Does anyone have any concerns with their AS child with

boundaries?

> We had this problem for years, since he was an infant. My son as

a

> tot was a lot stronger than other tots his age. so, he was able

to

> push them, or put something too close to another persons face

when

> he wanted to show them something. as he got a little older, if a

> person was wearing a hat or glasses, he would try to grab it off

> their head or face. (he liked their reaction) and got their

> attention. through social skills class repetition and thearpy,

He

> outgrew that. he learned to stay an arm distance away from

another

> person, keep your hands to your self, and explained otherways of

> getting someones attention. but, he taught himself " this way of

> handling things " If someone annoyed him. instead of telling them

> to stop and move away. (verbalizing) He will figure out what

annoys

> them. He might not " get back at them right away " but will

remember

> that, that person annoyed him. it could be the next day, week, or

> the next time he sees that person (that annoyed him) and annoy

that

> person back. thats where the perservation begins. He does not

know

> when to stop till an adult stops him. of course that become a

> problem for him because " he was wrong to annoy that child " but, he

> won't explain,(verbalizing) what that child did to him. so my son

> looks like the aggressor. this has stopped for about half a year,

> but I see it's slowly starting up again. It just started right

now

> while standing outside, for the school bell to ring for the

children

> to go inside, he started grabing the childrens hats. than,

> pretending to " box fight " them, (without touching them) but

getting

> too close. finally, one boy got too upset and pushed him down.

at

> that time I was able to get near him to have a private talk with

my

> son about what just happened. I don't know why this started up

> again. but I'm writing to see if anyone had a problem with

> boundries? how they handled them? did they get past that stage?

Rose

>

[Guest guest]

Hello Helena

social stories do work well with my son, but where do you get the one your

talking about with the bees? I think that sounds like it will connect.

Helena Hunter <hhunter@...> wrote:

Hi. I'm not sure. It was just bees were a big problem for him to understand.

She also did one about being bossy. She told me you can social stories with

pictures to get them to understand rather than telling them. That was just

one example. Thanks Helena

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Rose

Sent: Wednesday, November 09, 2005 2:37 PM

Subject: RE: ( ) Re: boundaries

Hi Helena,

Does the bee story have something to do about boundries? or, use a picture

story to help with boundries? Does this have anything to do with boundries?

Helena Hunter <hhunter@...> wrote:

Hi My name is Helena and my son has as. A while back we had a real problem

with bees and going outside. His therapist made up a picture story about it

and it really helped better than telling him. Maybe it will work for you.

Just a suggestion. Helena

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Patti

Sent: Tuesday, November 08, 2005 2:49 PM

Subject: ( ) Re: boundaries

My son has a huge issue with boundries. He is constantly hugging

everyone. He also likes to lick other kids and he gets into a lot

of shoving matches. We have talked to him about this over and over,

along with the school psychologist and his therapist, but he just

doesn't seem to get it. Sorry I can't be of any help, but if anyone

else has suggestions, I would really appreciate tham too.

Patti

>

> Goodmorning everyone,

> Does anyone have any concerns with their AS child with

boundaries?

> We had this problem for years, since he was an infant. My son as

a

> tot was a lot stronger than other tots his age. so, he was able

to

> push them, or put something too close to another persons face

when

> he wanted to show them something. as he got a little older, if a

> person was wearing a hat or glasses, he would try to grab it off

> their head or face. (he liked their reaction) and got their

> attention. through social skills class repetition and thearpy,

He

> outgrew that. he learned to stay an arm distance away from

another

> person, keep your hands to your self, and explained otherways of

> getting someones attention. but, he taught himself " this way of

> handling things " If someone annoyed him. instead of telling them

> to stop and move away. (verbalizing) He will figure out what

annoys

> them. He might not " get back at them right away " but will

remember

> that, that person annoyed him. it could be the next day, week, or

> the next time he sees that person (that annoyed him) and annoy

that

> person back. thats where the perservation begins. He does not

know

> when to stop till an adult stops him. of course that become a

> problem for him because " he was wrong to annoy that child " but, he

> won't explain,(verbalizing) what that child did to him. so my son

> looks like the aggressor. this has stopped for about half a year,

> but I see it's slowly starting up again. It just started right

now

> while standing outside, for the school bell to ring for the

children

> to go inside, he started grabing the childrens hats. than,

> pretending to " box fight " them, (without touching them) but

getting

> too close. finally, one boy got too upset and pushed him down.

at

> that time I was able to get near him to have a private talk with

my

> son about what just happened. I don't know why this started up

> again. but I'm writing to see if anyone had a problem with

> boundries? how they handled them? did they get past that stage?

Rose

>

[Guest guest]

Hi. 's Therapist just made it up. She cut out squares of paper and

stapled them together to make a book. I hope this helps. Helena

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Rose

Sent: Thursday, November 10, 2005 6:37 PM

Subject: RE: ( ) Re: boundaries

Hello Helena

social stories do work well with my son, but where do you get the one your

talking about with the bees? I think that sounds like it will connect.

Helena Hunter <hhunter@...> wrote:

Hi. I'm not sure. It was just bees were a big problem for him to understand.

She also did one about being bossy. She told me you can social stories with

pictures to get them to understand rather than telling them. That was just

one example. Thanks Helena

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Rose

Sent: Wednesday, November 09, 2005 2:37 PM

Subject: RE: ( ) Re: boundaries

Hi Helena,

Does the bee story have something to do about boundries? or, use a picture

story to help with boundries? Does this have anything to do with boundries?

Helena Hunter <hhunter@...> wrote:

Hi My name is Helena and my son has as. A while back we had a real problem

with bees and going outside. His therapist made up a picture story about it

and it really helped better than telling him. Maybe it will work for you.

Just a suggestion. Helena

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Patti

Sent: Tuesday, November 08, 2005 2:49 PM

Subject: ( ) Re: boundaries

My son has a huge issue with boundries. He is constantly hugging

everyone. He also likes to lick other kids and he gets into a lot

of shoving matches. We have talked to him about this over and over,

along with the school psychologist and his therapist, but he just

doesn't seem to get it. Sorry I can't be of any help, but if anyone

else has suggestions, I would really appreciate tham too.

Patti

>

> Goodmorning everyone,

> Does anyone have any concerns with their AS child with

boundaries?

> We had this problem for years, since he was an infant. My son as

a

> tot was a lot stronger than other tots his age. so, he was able

to

> push them, or put something too close to another persons face

when

> he wanted to show them something. as he got a little older, if a

> person was wearing a hat or glasses, he would try to grab it off

> their head or face. (he liked their reaction) and got their

> attention. through social skills class repetition and thearpy,

He

> outgrew that. he learned to stay an arm distance away from

another

> person, keep your hands to your self, and explained otherways of

> getting someones attention. but, he taught himself " this way of

> handling things " If someone annoyed him. instead of telling them

> to stop and move away. (verbalizing) He will figure out what

annoys

> them. He might not " get back at them right away " but will

remember

> that, that person annoyed him. it could be the next day, week, or

> the next time he sees that person (that annoyed him) and annoy

that

> person back. thats where the perservation begins. He does not

know

> when to stop till an adult stops him. of course that become a

> problem for him because " he was wrong to annoy that child " but, he

> won't explain,(verbalizing) what that child did to him. so my son

> looks like the aggressor. this has stopped for about half a year,

> but I see it's slowly starting up again. It just started right

now

> while standing outside, for the school bell to ring for the

children

> to go inside, he started grabing the childrens hats. than,

> pretending to " box fight " them, (without touching them) but

getting

> too close. finally, one boy got too upset and pushed him down.

at

> that time I was able to get near him to have a private talk with

my

> son about what just happened. I don't know why this started up

> again. but I'm writing to see if anyone had a problem with

> boundries? how they handled them? did they get past that stage?

Rose

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Helena,

yes, I can also make mine up to relate to my son's situation. thanks

Helena Hunter <hhunter@...> wrote:

Hi. 's Therapist just made it up. She cut out squares of paper and

stapled them together to make a book. I hope this helps. Helena

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Rose

Sent: Thursday, November 10, 2005 6:37 PM

Subject: RE: ( ) Re: boundaries

Hello Helena

social stories do work well with my son, but where do you get the one your

talking about with the bees? I think that sounds like it will connect.

Helena Hunter <hhunter@...> wrote:

Hi. I'm not sure. It was just bees were a big problem for him to understand.

She also did one about being bossy. She told me you can social stories with

pictures to get them to understand rather than telling them. That was just

one example. Thanks Helena

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Rose

Sent: Wednesday, November 09, 2005 2:37 PM

Subject: RE: ( ) Re: boundaries

Hi Helena,

Does the bee story have something to do about boundries? or, use a picture

story to help with boundries? Does this have anything to do with boundries?

Helena Hunter <hhunter@...> wrote:

Hi My name is Helena and my son has as. A while back we had a real problem

with bees and going outside. His therapist made up a picture story about it

and it really helped better than telling him. Maybe it will work for you.

Just a suggestion. Helena

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Patti

Sent: Tuesday, November 08, 2005 2:49 PM

Subject: ( ) Re: boundaries

My son has a huge issue with boundries. He is constantly hugging

everyone. He also likes to lick other kids and he gets into a lot

of shoving matches. We have talked to him about this over and over,

along with the school psychologist and his therapist, but he just

doesn't seem to get it. Sorry I can't be of any help, but if anyone

else has suggestions, I would really appreciate tham too.

Patti

>

> Goodmorning everyone,

> Does anyone have any concerns with their AS child with

boundaries?

> We had this problem for years, since he was an infant. My son as

a

> tot was a lot stronger than other tots his age. so, he was able

to

> push them, or put something too close to another persons face

when

> he wanted to show them something. as he got a little older, if a

> person was wearing a hat or glasses, he would try to grab it off

> their head or face. (he liked their reaction) and got their

> attention. through social skills class repetition and thearpy,

He

> outgrew that. he learned to stay an arm distance away from

another

> person, keep your hands to your self, and explained otherways of

> getting someones attention. but, he taught himself " this way of

> handling things " If someone annoyed him. instead of telling them

> to stop and move away. (verbalizing) He will figure out what

annoys

> them. He might not " get back at them right away " but will

remember

> that, that person annoyed him. it could be the next day, week, or

> the next time he sees that person (that annoyed him) and annoy

that

> person back. thats where the perservation begins. He does not

know

> when to stop till an adult stops him. of course that become a

> problem for him because " he was wrong to annoy that child " but, he

> won't explain,(verbalizing) what that child did to him. so my son

> looks like the aggressor. this has stopped for about half a year,

> but I see it's slowly starting up again. It just started right

now

> while standing outside, for the school bell to ring for the

children

> to go inside, he started grabing the childrens hats. than,

> pretending to " box fight " them, (without touching them) but

getting

> too close. finally, one boy got too upset and pushed him down.

at

> that time I was able to get near him to have a private talk with

my

> son about what just happened. I don't know why this started up

> again. but I'm writing to see if anyone had a problem with

> boundries? how they handled them? did they get past that stage?

Rose

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you, I will definately give your suggestions a try!

>

>

>

>

> Patti-

> I replied earlier about Connor's need to quish others but

neglected to say what I do

> about it. When he gets going, it is very hard to stop him.

While I thought it was

> his need to squish, which is a propriception craving (OT

terminology)

> but the treatment for a kid craving proprio is to squish the heck

out of them to

> meet their needs for deep pressure. There are lots of awesome

ways to give a kid

> proprioceptive input--like rolling them up in a mat like a hot

dog, making a sandwich

> out of them by lying on top of them, I will sometimes hold Connor

while lying

> on the floor and roll with him/alternating who is on top,

wheelbarrel walking

> gives a kid deep pressure as does crab walking. But to tell you

the truth,

> it doesn't seem to calm him down. It just delights him and makes

him crave more.

> I will sometimes smush him til he does calm down by lying on him

(at his request)

> without too much other motion, maybe ask him calming questions

like how his day

> was (sounds a bit crazy as I write it) But he does tell me it

helps him and will actually

> announce " I need a smush! " (he is six by the way)

> Good luck--

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Understanding Development of Boundaries

The term boundaries is used to describe the limitswe set in relationships. These

limits generally define¡§how far we can go with comfort in arelationship¡¨

(Whitfield, 1993). Healthyboundaries assist us in setting and maintaining our

priorities in life. Healthy personal boundaries also enable us to create

intimacy in our relationship swith others. Development of healthy boundaries

start inchildhood with early secure attachment to aparental figure. Development

of a secure parent-child relationship provides the basic building blocks for

development of healthy emotional tolerance and emotional coping skills.

Through the continued loving, nurturing relationship with aparent figure, a

child learns to identify, feel, and tolerate a range of emotional states.

However, this process can be disrupted by poor or rigid parenting, loss of a

primary parent, lack of emotional availability of a parent due to mental health

or addiction issues, or through exposure toan unsafe environment in the form of

exposure to violence or neglect.

Long term trauma can lead achild to be hyper vigilant. This constant expectation

of harm in turn interferes with a child's ability to tune into a full range of

emotions or to develop appropriate tolerance for sometimes uncomfortable

emotions such as anxiety, anger, orsadness.Without the ability to tolerate

strong feelings suchas anxiety, anger, or sadness it is difficult to engage in

the normal curious exploration of the world that helps a child grow and develop

a comfortable sense of self.

As one might expect, if you live as if danger might be lurking around every

corner, this will have an impact on how you interact with and judge the

behaviours of others. For example,constant anxiety in the presence of others may

result in checking behaviours whereby a child has to be very tuned into the

surrounding environment at all times to determine level of safety. This might

certainly interfere with things such as building skills at school or other

competency behaviours because attention is always divided.

In turn, without feelings of competency it is difficult to develop a

positivesense of self-worth. Over time these feelings of unworthiness are

reflected often reflected in the boundaries or lack of boundaries the person

sets with others. & #1048729;

Some Signs of Unhealthy Personal Boundaries in a Relationship & #1048707;

You are unclear about your preferences and reluctant to voice your wants/desires

in a direct way

You do not notice feelings of unhappiness because are simply in survival

mode & #1048707;

You do more and more for less and less return & #1048707;

You have few hobbies because you have no attention span for self-directed

activity & #1048707;

You make exception for a person's behaviours that you would not tolerate in

yourself or other people

You are manipulated by flattery so that you lose objectivity

You try to create intimacy with people who are not capable of returning your

efforts

You feel hurt and victimized but not angry

You allow the other person to abuse your family and friends & #1048707;

You mostly feel afraid and confused & #1048707;

Tend to commit yourself for as long as the other person needs with no bottom

line

What do Healthy Boundaries look Like? The following are some examples of ideas

and behaviours that let you know that your boundaries are intact and healthy.

1. You have a clear sense of preferences and act upon them.

2. Are able to acknowledge your moods and circumstances, while remaining

centered.

3. Do more in a relationship when that gets results.

4. Have excited interest in self-enhancing hobbies and projects.

5. Have a personal standard, albeit flexible, that applies to everyone and asks

for accountability.

6. Appreciate feedback and can distinguish it from attempts to manipulate.

7. Pick only partners or friends with whom mutual affection or love is possible.

8. Let yourself feel anger, are able to express it and embark upon a program of

change.

9. Do not let your partner breach or abuse the boundaries of your children and

friends.

10. Feel comfortable saying no when you feel the other person's expectations

exceed your internal or external limits.

Improving Your Boundaries

Developing healthier boundaries in your relationships can help to lessen the

effects of issues such as anxiety and depression and lead toa general improved

sense of well-being. In order to improve your boundaries, the first step is to

focus on determining the reasons behind theboundary issues that currently exist.

Generally,difficulties in dealing with emotions such asanger and anxiety lead us

to make reactive rather than proactive decisions regarding how to be in

relationships.

Some good workbooks that can assist with gaining a better understanding of

emotions and boundaries are listed in the next column. If you are finding that

an inability to gauge or set appropriate boundaries are causing problems across

a number of different areas of your life, it may also be helpful to engage in

some individual or group counseling with the aid of a therapist who specializes

in relationship based issues.

WEBSITES www.mentalhelp.net

The National Mental Health Consumer Self HelpClearinghouse.www.canmat.org

Canadian Network for Mood and AnxietyTreatments www.aamft.org

The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy

BOOKS

Boundaries and Relationships. Knowing,Protecting, and enjoying the self.

L.Whitfield, M.D. (1993).

The Anger Workbook for Women: How to KeepYour Anger from Undermining your

self-esteem,your emotional balance and your relationships. J. Petracek

(2004)

Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life. E. Spradlin (2003)

Where to Draw the Line: How to Set up HealthyBoundaries Every Day. Anne

(2000)

Boundaries with Kids Workbook . Dr. HenryCloud and Dr. Townsend (1998)

[Guest guest]

Understanding Development of Boundaries

The term boundaries is used to describe the limitswe set in relationships.

These limits generally define“how far we can go with comfort in

arelationship†(Whitfield, 1993). Healthyboundaries assist us in setting and

maintaining our priorities in life. Healthy personal boundaries also enable

us to create intimacy in our relationship swith others. Development of

healthy boundaries start inchildhood with early secure attachment to

a parental figure. Development of a secure parent-child relationship provides

the basic building blocks for development of healthy emotional tolerance and

emotional coping skills.

Through the continued loving, nurturing

relationship with aparent figure, a child learns to identify, feel, and

tolerate a range of emotional states. However, this process can be disrupted

by poor or rigid parenting, loss of a primary parent, lack of emotional

availability of a parent due to mental health or addiction issues, or

through exposure toan unsafe environment in the form of exposure to violence

or neglect. Long term trauma can lead achild to be hyper vigilant. This

constant expectation of harm in turn interferes with a child's ability to

tune into a full range of emotions or to develop appropriate tolerance for

sometimes uncomfortable emotions such as anxiety, anger, or sadness.

Without

the ability to tolerate strong feelings suchas anxiety, anger, or sadness it

is difficult to engage in the normal curious exploration of the world that

helps a child grow and develop a comfortable sense of self. As one might

expect, if you live as if danger might be lurking around every corner, this

will have an impact on how you interact with and judge the behaviours of

others.

For example,constant anxiety in the presence of others may result in

checking behaviours whereby a child has to be very tuned into the

surrounding environment at all times to determine level of safety. This

might certainly interfere with things such as building skills at school or

other competency behaviours because attention is always divided. In

turn, without

feelings of competency it is difficult to develop a positivesense of

self-worth. Over time these feelings of unworthiness are reflected often

reflected in the boundaries or lack of boundaries the person sets with

others.

Some Signs of Unhealthy Personal Boundaries in a Relationship

- You are unclear about your preferences and reluctant to voice your

wants/desires in a direct way

- You do not notice feelings of unhappiness because are simply in

survival mode - You do more and more for less and less return

- You have few hobbies because you have no attention span for

self-directed activity

- You make exception for a person's behaviours that you would not

tolerate in yourself or other people

- You are manipulated by flattery so that you lose objectivity

- You try to create intimacy with people who are not capable of returning

your efforts

- You feel hurt and victimized but not angry

- You allow the other person to abuse your family and friends􀂃

- You mostly feel afraid and confused

- Tend to commit yourself for as long as the other person needs with no

bottom line

What do Healthy Boundaries look Like? The following are some examples of

ideas and behaviours that let you know that your boundaries are intact and

healthy.

1. You have a clear sense of preferences and act upon them.

2. Are able to acknowledge your moods and circumstances, while remaining

centered.

3. Do more in a relationship when that gets results.

4. Have excited interest in self-enhancing hobbies and projects.

5. Have a personal standard, albeit flexible, that applies to everyone and

asks for accountability.

6. Appreciate feedback and can distinguish it from attempts to manipulate.

7. Pick only partners or friends with whom mutual affection or love is

possible.

8. Let yourself feel anger, are able to express it and embark upon a program

of change.

9. Do not let your partner breach or abuse the boundaries of your children

and friends.

10. Feel comfortable saying no when you feel the other person's expectations

exceed your internal or external limits.

Improving Your Boundaries

Developing healthier boundaries in your relationships can help to lessen the

effects of issues such as anxiety and depression and lead toa general

improved sense of well-being. In order to improve your boundaries, the first

step is to focus on determining the reasons behind theboundary issues that

currently exist. Generally,difficulties in dealing with emotions such

asanger and anxiety lead us to make reactive rather than proactive decisions

regarding how to be in relationships.

Some good workbooks that can assist with gaining a better understanding of

emotions and boundaries are listed in the next column. If you are finding

that an inability to gauge or set appropriate boundaries are causing

problems across a number of different areas of your life, it may also be

helpful to engage in some individual or group counseling with the aid of a

therapist who specializes in relationship based issues.

WEBSITESwww.mentalhelp.net

The National Mental Health Consumer Self HelpClearinghouse.www.canmat.org

Canadian Network for Mood and AnxietyTreatmentswww.aamft.org

The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy

BOOKS

- Boundaries and Relationships. Knowing,Protecting, and enjoying the

self. L.Whitfield, M.D. (1993).

- The Anger Workbook for Women: How to KeepYour Anger from Undermining

your self-esteem,your emotional balance and your relationships. J.

Petracek (2004)

- Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life. E. Spradlin (2003)

- Where to Draw the Line: How to Set up HealthyBoundaries Every Day. Anne

(2000)

- Boundaries with Kids Workbook . Dr. HenryCloud and Dr. Townsend

(1998)

[Guest guest]

Boundaries keep coming up in posts & I appreciate it. It seems to me that

boundaries are a personal issue and that there are no hard and fast rules

concerning them.

Can we all agree that a good boundary for one may be inappropriate for another?

It does not matter why. We are all different - period.

If we can respect our differences including our innate boundaries, we all can

learn a great deal from this list & each other.

Chris