Re: Why does he do it?

[Guest guest]

Elaine, two things stood out to me. First, it seems like your

husband is deliberately doing this and enjoying the chaos it causes

for everyone else. Then he is trying to deflect the blame onto

you. Second, perhaps its time to let your son's pshychologist know

about it. It seems to me that your husband needs to see a

professional too about why he does this. Verleen

>

> Hi all, i have a query! my son Adam(now 14) is very sensitive to

certain types of music. His dad is very aware of this and will even

talk about this with Adam's psychologist, sounding as though he is

sympathetic and understanding towards him. Why oh why then does he

ignore this fact when it suites him? he is driving me to the edge of

reason. Hubby likes certain 'pop' songs which Adam absolutely hates,

if hubby plays these certain songs Adam will kick off instantly, and

turns into a maniac, literally! I end up trying to keep Adam from

yanking plugs out of the wall and kicking the stereo, and hubby? he

continues to listen to these stupid bloody songs while all around him

is chaos and at times even has a smile on his face. Now i am not a

violent person but when he does this i just want to punch his lights

out, strong words i know but personally i think putting his son

through this is cruel, while he just thinks Adam should and would get

used to the songs.

> Perfect example, Tuesday and again today hubby played a song Adam

hates, Adam comes home from school on his mini bus at around 3.30pm,

hubby started playing this song at 3.25pm and had it on auto repeat,

i warned him to make sure it was off BEFORE Adam walked through the

door but as usual he ignored me, sorry to say Adam called him

a " torturous prick " . Then again toady he started playing the same

song at 3.27pm, he played it 5 times before the bus pulled up which

was a couple of minutes late today, but instead of turning the song

off he reduced the volume so i shouted " turn it off " which granted he

did do but then started singing the bloody song!!!. This may sound

like a small problem but believe me it is causing arguments daily

here, i am trying so, so hard to reasonable and fair but I'm really

losing my patience now. Why does he do this? and why does he shout

his mouth off at me when i ask/tell him his behaviour is

unreasonable? why does he try and

> act the " i won't be spoken to like that " father when he is

responsible for all the stress in the first place? help me out guys

please, I'm at the end of my tether here.

> Elaine (stressed out mum who dearly wishes she wasn't allergic to

alcohol)

>

[Guest guest]

, I was wondering the same. , my heart goes out to

you too. I feel the most destructive thing is when a person allows

the parent to continue to control your feelings. Let me tell you a

little about my story.

My mother was physically and mentally abusive. Picture broken

bones, cuts and burns.....deliberately done, while she laughed. The

mental torture of being locked in the attic where we were told big

rats were there that eat children and then she used a broom to mimic

the sound of rats coming. I was the oldest and my father's favorite

(not a designation that is a good one when there were 7 of us).

When I was a little girl, I slept under the bed because I was afraid

that my mother would come in the middle of the night and stab me. I

taught my little brother to do the same.

When I was in my early thirties, I came to feel differently for my

mother. I realized that she was mentally ill during that time, and

there was no services in those days to help her and no family and

friends in the state we lived in. She was alone with small children

without enough food to feed them, and even heat to warm them at

times. My father came home only on Friday night and left Sunday

night. He worked out of state. She was also in a loveless

marriage. My father married her because it was the right thing to

do because she was pregnant with me. He had already ended the

relationship months earlier. My father was controlling. He

controlled everything. My mother never had but a few dollars and

coins in her pocket at any given time. I always knew my father

loved us. He was a hard taskmaster, but a fair one. My mother hurt

herself and was haunted by what she had done. One child was taken

away by the courts as an abused child. I felt that my father could

do no wrong. As I matured, I came to realize that he was the

biggest part of the problem. I loved him greatly too. I came to

see them for who they really were ---- two people who weren't right

for each other, who both loved us and who both had some terrible

faults as well as some wonderful assets. My mother was very

creative and a great artist.

My mother got better with age when she had more creature comforts and

worked outside the home to earn money for Christmas presents for us.

Or we would have none. The best thing I did for myself was when I

forgave my mother and came to love her. She died when she was 62

and I would give anything to have her back with me. She ended her

last 20+ years of life being a loving and gentle mother and fantastic

grandmother. If I had never forgiven her, I would never have been

able to see this. Verleen

>

> Hi veronica

>

> My heart went out to you when I read about your mom and how she

treated you ...is it possible she is mentally ill ????

>

> I'm starting to look at families and see that where there is one

with a neurological disorder or a mental illness there is always one

or two more that seem to be troubled.

>   Lowry