Re: One very sad story: Mom confesses to killing autistic child

[Guest guest]

This is disgusting. Why is it that the rest of us hate autism so much

yet would give our own lives before allowing our children to be hurt

in any way. As hard as my son can be, I would NEVER imagine hurting

him. She also had enough education to know she needed help if she was

having those thoughts for a year. No sympathy here.

in Houston

>

>

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080111/ap_on_re_us/autistic_girl_killed_1

>

> Mom confesses to killing autistic

child Fri Jan 11,

1:43 PM ET

>

> A mother distraught over dealing with her 3-year-old daughter's

autism said in a videotaped confession played in court that she

suffocated the child with a plastic bag, hoping to " fix her " and give

her peace in heaven.

> The toddler had scratch marks on the sides of her head and bite

marks were found inside her mouth and on the garbage bag as she

apparently attempted to free herself, according to testimony in the

murder trial of McCarron.

> McCarron told investigators in the taped confession played

Thursday that she wrapped the white plastic bag around little

's head as the child played with toys on the floor at the

home of McCarron's mother.

> " I didn't wake up that morning thinking I was going to do this, "

McCarron said on the video, calling her actions a " spur of the

moment " idea. " It was just so fast. Everything happened so fast. "

> McCarron, 39, a former pathologist, made the confession on May 15,

2006, two days after she allegedly killed , police said. The

confession was taken while McCarron was a patient at OSF St. Francis

Medical Center in Peoria after attempting suicide, investigators said.

> Wearing a hospital gown, she appears sitting on a bed next to her

husband, McCarron.

> " Maybe I could fix her this way, and in heaven she would be

complete, " she said.

> McCarron has pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity to

murder, obstructing justice and concealment of a homicidal death. She

has been found mentally fit to stand trial, but a medical expert

hired by her attorneys has said McCarron was insane at the time of

the killing.

> Prosecutors rested their case Thursday after testimony from

forensic pathologist Violette Hnilica, who performed the autopsy on

's body.

> The child had teeth marks on the insides of her lips, a bite mark

on her tongue and signs of pressure against her mouth, Hnilica

testified. also had scratch marks on the sides of her head

which were likely self-inflicted as she struggled to remove the bag

from her face, Hnilica said.

> died one to four minutes after her oxygen was cut off,

Hnilica said.

> McCarron said on the videotape that she took her daughter's

body back to her own house and put her in bed. She then went to the

store, bought ice cream and returned to her mother's home to get the

garbage bag because, " if things get bad, their house would be

searched. "

> Interviewers asked McCarron if she knew what she did was

criminally wrong.

> " I have enough education to know that, " she answered.

> McCarron told police she felt like a failure because of the

child's autism and was heartbroken when she failed at simple tasks.

> She said she began having thoughts of hurting the child a year

before the slaying but put them out of her mind. On the day of the

killing, though, the thoughts were stronger than ever, according to

the videotaped confession.

> " They were so intense, " she said.

> McCarron said she couldn't accept her daughter's autism, felt like

a failure because of it and was sad and hurt because the child

couldn't interact with her very well.

> " I loved very much, but I hated the autism so, so much, "

McCarron said. " I hated what it was doing to her. ... I just wanted

autism out of my life. "

>

>

>

>

> Copyright © 2008 The Associated Press. All rights

reserved. The information contained in the AP News report may not be

published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed without the prior

written authority of The Associated Press.

>

> var ADFadids = " -1,1030392 " ; function ADFlaunch() {var w;

var

l= " http://us.ard.yahoo.com/SIG=12eu9iudp/M=224039.1983420.3465435.1919

853/D=news/S=8903239:FOOT/_ylt=Ahws9fKCfEHwm4s3hyqcPxZH2ocA/Y=YAHOO/EX

P=1200099609/A=1030392/R=0/id=adfeedback/SIG=12fjpfbtg/*http://surveys

..yahoo.com/user_ad_feedback?

source=8903239:FOOT.q28=news.q26= " +ADFadids; w=window.open

(l, " AdFeedbackWin " , " toolbar=no,scrollbars=yes,resizable,location=no,he

ight=400,width=640 " ); }Copyright © 2008 Yahoo! Inc. All rights

reserved.

> Questions or Comments

> Privacy Policy -Terms of Service - Copyright/IP Policy - Ad

Feedback if(window.yzq_d==null)window.yzq_d=new Object();

window.yzq_d['Xvz1qELEYrM-']=' & U=129d5valu%2fN%3dXvz1qELEYrM-%2fC%3d-

1%2fD%3dFSRVY%2fB%3d-1'; var rt_page= " 8903239:FR01 " ; var

rt_ip= " 91.103.41.50 " ; if ( " function " == typeof(rt_AddVar) ){ rt_AddVar

( " ys " , escape( " 4F719345 " ));} if(window.yzq_d==null)window.yzq_d=new

Object(); window.yzq_d['W_z1qELEYrM-']=' & U=1395857de%2fN%

3dW_z1qELEYrM-%2fC%3d224039.1983420.3465435.1919853%2fD%3dFOOT%2fB%

3d1030392';

>

>

> if(window.yzq_p==null)document.write( " " ); if(window.yzq_p)yzq_p

('P=R.ypfUWTcuoxx7tIRgqqNASyW2cpMkeH9PkADEsP & T=1b2vsa4v3%2fX%

3d1200092409%2fE%3d8903239%2fR%3dnews%2fK%3d5%2fV%3d1.1%2fW%3dJ%2fY%

3dYAHOO%2fF%3d249483311%2fH%

3dY2FjaGVoaW50PSJuZXdzIiBjb250ZW50PSJjaGlsZDtnaXZlO3RyaWFsO3doaXRlO2hv

bWU7dmlkZW87SXQ7cG9saWNlO2hvdXNlO2VkdWNhdGlvbjtpdDtyZWZ1cmxfbmV3c195YW

hvb19jb20iIHJlZnVybD0icmVmdXJsX25ld3NfeWFob29fY29tIiB0b3BpY3M9InJlZnVy

bF9uZXdzX3lhaG9vX2NvbSI-%2fS%3d1%2fJ%3d4F719345'); if(window.yzq_s)

yzq_s();

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I don't hate autism. How can you hate something that is a part of your child? I

don't understand autism. I want to help my child with the challenges of autism,

but I don't hate it.

Hate releases some powerful energy, and I prefer the energy of love. When the

focus is hate, the energy is so negative. Words are powerful things and even

saying you hate something gives it power.

As I said, I don't understand autism. I don't know all the reasons why, but I

prefer to bless it, accept it and go forward with love. I want to do all I can

to help my child, but I am a bit distressed by the anger I hear from some people

in the autism community.

Blame and anger are counterproductive to hope and peace.

I don't understand this mother's actions, but I just have to bless the child as

the victim, the mother as the victimizer, not condoning what she did, but not

sitting as her judge either. I choose to judge not that I be not judged.

I think the more we can let go of judgment and try to move more into a spirit of

love, the better it will be for all of us.

Just my thoughts.

B.

[Guest guest]

The mother obviously needed help. Add to that a child with special needs. The

mother did not get the help she needed either for herself or for her child. It

is a battle we face each day trying to get help for our children. The mother was

sick, whether her child had autism or not, she would have probably had the

same/similar issues. This is a tradgedy.

-------------- Original message from " Blackmon " :

--------------

I don't hate autism. How can you hate something that is a part of your child? I

don't understand autism. I want to help my child with the challenges of autism,

but I don't hate it.

Hate releases some powerful energy, and I prefer the energy of love. When the

focus is hate, the energy is so negative. Words are powerful things and even

saying you hate something gives it power.

As I said, I don't understand autism. I don't know all the reasons why, but I

prefer to bless it, accept it and go forward with love. I want to do all I can

to help my child, but I am a bit distressed by the anger I hear from some people

in the autism community.

Blame and anger are counterproductive to hope and peace.

I don't understand this mother's actions, but I just have to bless the child as

the victim, the mother as the victimizer, not condoning what she did, but not

sitting as her judge either. I choose to judge not that I be not judged.

I think the more we can let go of judgment and try to move more into a spirit of

love, the better it will be for all of us.

Just my thoughts.

B.

[Guest guest]

You are right. This mother obviously had deep problems, and it is a tragedy.

That is why I have to just keep blessing the poor child who was the victim and,

again without condoning her acts, this sad mother who victimized her child.

Perhaps it serves as a reminder to us all that we need to support and lift each

other up every chance we get.

[Guest guest]

I don't hate autism either .... but I do hate what it has done to the

life of my child. It has robbed him of the childhood he should have

had and has caused him to suffer immeasurably ... it has caused him

pain. I don't believe in mercy killing either... but I do understand

it sometimes ...

This mother I don't know. I can only imagine whether she would have

reacted the same to a typically developing child ... or perhaps she

wouldn't have. I can only imagine if her motivation was an act of

what she thought was mercy ... or a act of hatred toward her child...

What I do know is that for the past 13 years I have dealt with autism

in my home. I have watched my son's body be wracked with seizure

after seizure ... I have watched him go days on end with total

refusal to eat anything literally starving himself to horrid

measures ... I have watched him scratch up and bite up his skin to

open bleeding gaping infected sores .... that ooze pus... I have

seen his body not be able to sleep for days and days and days on

end ..... I have seen him yelp and bang his head ... I have held

him still while he was in a rage because he wanted to run into the

street ... and I have cried and cried and cried over his pain.

And I have cried out for mercy ... for a end to the madness ... For

an end to his suffering. I have cried ... Lord why? I'll clean poop

off the walls for the rest of my life if I have to Lord ... but why

does this sweet child have to hurt so much .... If this is how it is

going to be ... why not take him home to be with you where there is

no more suffering? And I can say ... if not for the grace of God ...

I may have developed into this thought process if I couldn't have

hung onto hope....

I don't know why my son has gone through the hell he has been

through. I don't know why this mother felt the need to kill her

child. But I do know that I am ever so grateful that in the darkest

corners of my mind ...in the moments when I felt complete and total

despair ... I was able to hang onto the hope that things can and will

get better for my son.

Today my son doesn't do any of those horrible things to himself

anylonger. His body is at peace .. no longer suffering. His eyes

sparkle when we talk to each other ... and I still have hope that

things will continue to improve.

Thankfully no more seizure, no more self abusive behaviors, no more

sleeping issues, no more eating issues and thankfully for me .... no

more poop on walls!

I also hate where autism has taken me as a loving and devoted

mother ... I have felt things about situations that I should never

feel ... as each one of you have I am sure ... I have felt total and

complete despair at times ... I have been on the verge of a complete

and total mental breakdown ... and I am otherwise the most upbeat and

positive person you know. I don't believe on focusing on the

bad....and I have suffered the pain that only a loving mother can

feel when she has hurt ... not for herself ... but for the suffering

of her child.

For those of you just starting down this path .... remember to always

hang onto the hope ... and don't ever get lost in despair. And if in

your exhausted, painful darkness of your mind you are suffering

thoughts you know shouldn't be there ... seek out help, support, FIND

SLEEP! And know ... many of us have been there...

I can remember being so sleep deprived when my son was 3 that I

actually started to hallucinate. I was seeing bugs and monsters

attack me ... I am not mentally ill ... nor unstable. I was just a

mother without any help. My hubbie was deployed ... my daughter was

typically developing and up all day ... and my son was up ever single

night for weeks ... no sleep beyond 1 hour each night ... I was the

closest ever to cracking back then ... and having a complete

breakdown. I went into a screaming dilemna that I couldn't stop ...

throwing everything off of me ... anything that neared me ...Praise

God a dear friend stopped by ... and was able to reach past my

dillusion ... and help me get into bed. She stood guard watching and

waiting until I was able to calm down. Thankfully no one was

hurt ... but they sure could have been ... I was lost...

No support existed back then for us ...and I desperately needed

help ... not to mention sleep. ... when I did get the sleep I

needed I slept for more that 20 hours... When I woke up the

dillusions were gone ... and my heart was filled with hope again.

Never again did I allow things to get so out of hand that I could

have snapped. I have never had one dillusion since then ... but the

scars are deep within my mind ...I just wonder what might have

happened that night had God not sent by help.... because I didn't

know where to ask for it.

Judging this mother I can not do... I don't know her. But judging

myself I know I needed help. I am just so glad I got it before I

turned into a monster I didn't want to be nor ever intend to be... or

loosing my ability to reason and think... and making an irrational

decision based on pain and suffering or based on what wasn't even

real .... the bugs in my house ... the rats on my sofa ... and the

monsters in the walls .... I could have hurt someone and never even

knew it ...I was a very irrational temporarily unstable mother due to

extreme anxiety and complete lack of sleep....

I never knew how far the human mind could go because of lack of

sleep.

I have to feel compassion because I know for fact in my life that

perhaps autism could have caused me to unknowingly hurt my child....

and all I could have said was .... bugs/monsters/rats ... suffering,

pain ....had to stop the madness... I just thank God that by His

grace, even in my darkest moment of my life that I was sent help.

After that I learned to ask for it ...

Be encouraged it can and will get better! And get help when all you

can do is feel despair.

Melinda

>

> I don't hate autism. How can you hate something that is a part of

your child? I don't understand autism. I want to help my child with

the challenges of autism, but I don't hate it.

> Hate releases some powerful energy, and I prefer the energy of

love. When the focus is hate, the energy is so negative. Words are

powerful things and even saying you hate something gives it power.

> As I said, I don't understand autism. I don't know all the reasons

why, but I prefer to bless it, accept it and go forward with love. I

want to do all I can to help my child, but I am a bit distressed by

the anger I hear from some people in the autism community.

> Blame and anger are counterproductive to hope and peace.

> I don't understand this mother's actions, but I just have to bless

the child as the victim, the mother as the victimizer, not condoning

what she did, but not sitting as her judge either. I choose to judge

not that I be not judged.

> I think the more we can let go of judgment and try to move more

into a spirit of love, the better it will be for all of us.

> Just my thoughts.

> B.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Melinda,

What a wonderful post. Autism has been in our lives for more than 16 years and I

know what you mean when you talk about the nights of little sleep, the screaming

tantrums and all of the challenges on this journey.

The thing that shines through in your words that you may not even realize is how

much you have learned on the journey. How much compassion and unconditional love

has become even more a part of who you are.

While I often wish for autism not to be a part of my life, it is. And so, I look

to see the good things it has brought with it. I am certainly more patient, more

appreciative of the little miracles. I think I've learned something about

unconditional love and looking at the world from a different perspective.

I believe we are hear to lift each other up and learn together. Your words

certainly do that. And yes, for those just beginning this journey, never lose

hope and always know you are not alone.

b.

[Guest guest]

Thanks ,

I responded to another mother off list ... this is what I sent to

her ... about how I personally feel about what I learned through the

whole experience.

My heart always always breaks when I hear these kind of stories ...

I always wonder .... was it a horrid person that did that ... someone

with a warped mind that just can't accept a special needs child ...

someone who felt this child wasn't worth bothering with .... someone

who deserves harsh treatment ...

or was it a mother just like me .... who loves her children with

everything in her .... that would never dream of hurting a hair on

her child's head ... that was driven to a point of cracking and could

have acted in a way that she wouldn't even be able to explain or

justify ....and no help was around. I was fortunate.... I harmed no

one ... but I always wondered ... what would have happened had I been

totally alone when my body gave way to the stress of life... and let

me tell you I am filled with compassion and understanding. I mean I

threw chairs/lamps and anything around me thinking they were

rats/bugs/monsters attacking me .... what if my children had walked

into the room.... Would my mind have recognized them ... or would

they have looked like rats like the pillow did .... I can't bear

to think ... Thankfully I don't have to go there!

I share openingly my story in hopes of explaining to others just how

bad things can get if they don't seek out help when they need it. I

never want to hear another " mother kills child " story that is

attributable to the simple fact that exhaustion and stress and pain

has led the mind to go crazy ... literally.

There are so many young and wonderful mothers on this list that are

just learning to deal with autism ... I was young and ignorant to

what autism could do to a family, a person, and to the mind years

ago. My son is now 15. I wanted folks to look at this situation as

possibly one in which perhaps compassion was needed .... so that if

someone on the list needed to know there are those out there that

have stumbled because of complete despair and exhaustion .... they

would find compassion from me ... I would hear them and

understand ... I sincerely want to encourage them all to hold onto

the hope of healing ... of improvements .... but I also wanted to

let them know to not give into the exhaustion/pain without asking for

help.... or more sad stories might be heard.

Peace to you ....

Melinda

>

> Melinda,

> What a wonderful post. Autism has been in our lives for more than

16 years and I know what you mean when you talk about the nights of

little sleep, the screaming tantrums and all of the challenges on

this journey.

> The thing that shines through in your words that you may not even

realize is how much you have learned on the journey. How much

compassion and unconditional love has become even more a part of who

you are.

> While I often wish for autism not to be a part of my life, it is.

And so, I look to see the good things it has brought with it. I am

certainly more patient, more appreciative of the little miracles. I

think I've learned something about unconditional love and looking at

the world from a different perspective.

> I believe we are hear to lift each other up and learn together.

Your words certainly do that. And yes, for those just beginning this

journey, never lose hope and always know you are not alone.

> b.

>

>