Introduction

[Guest guest]

,

Do your teeth have amalgam (silver fillings) in your teeth? Have you

investigated anything about teeth and health problems?

http://webpages.charter.net/kyarbrough/rootcanals.htm

http://webpages.charter.net/kyarbrough/rootcanalemails.htm

[Guest guest]

Hi:

I think damp and cold weather does aggravate FM.

I don't take pain medication except for the odd excedrin. What I used is a raw

food diet. Go to rawfood.com and you will get an education on raw foods.

They use substitutes for your favorite foods and you can make muffins,

pancakes, and deserts but using raw foods like nuts and raisins etc.

When I stick to my raw food diet I feel normal even in cold weather.

good luck

rosemarie

> Hi, my name is , I am a forty four year old woman who has had

fybromyalgia since being a child. I wasn't diagnosed until in my late twenties

but in knowing what the symptoms are, I realize I have had it for many more

years than I thought. I have so many questions but will not ask them all in my

first letter. lol.It seems to be getting worse with age. Mine is also aggrivated

by

changing or damp weather and since moving to England a year and a half

ago where both of those things are common, dampness as well as ever

changing weather I find myself in pain and tired much more so than before.

When I lived in Kansas I had a terrible time in the sprng but during the hot

summer I was relatiave pain free except of course when summer storms were

brewing and winters weren't too bad either. But here, it is like it was in

Kansas

spring time year round almost. I guess the two question I really want to ask are

these. I seem to notice that when my fybromyaligia is really acting up and for

me it often manifest itself in feet and ankle pain, my teeth give me problems.

It

is so weird and hard o describe but it almost feels like my teeth have electric

currents going through them. The closest thing that I can compare it to is how

it would feel if I were to chew on a piece of aluminum foil. I have told myself

that it can't be connected but find when the symptoms lighten up, the feeling in

my teeth lighten up as well. Am I nuts?????? Is it just a coincidence??? The

second, what have you found that is best for pain. I know some of the things in

general you do for it ( and willing to learn more of course) like I do walk

regulary and try and exercise but when in pain, what have you found. When I

was first diagnosed they put me on amitriptiline ( spelling) and I found it

really

did alleviete the pain greatly I was unable to take it for various side effects.

The side effects really were worse than the pain. I have tried everything on the

market and have yet to find anything that really gives me real relief. I am

hoping to learn more here. My mother was recently diagnosed and if the list

turns out well for me I am going to recommend that she join as well.Thanks

>

>

> I am not damaged, I am just strange and I like being strange.

>

> toomanymes399 on yahoo messenger

>

> toomanymes on msn messenger

>

> toomanymes399@y...

>

> webboffin@w...

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! Plus - For a better Internet experience

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I'm new to this group.

I have been married for 8 and 1/2 years to someone who I suspect has Asperger's. Ironically I have been a special educator for children on the spectrum for the past 16 years. I did not know about my husbands Asperger's till after marriage since in India it is not uncommon to marry someone after just 5-6 meetings.

We've had our ups and downs and right now we seem to be at our very lowest, the reason for my joining this group.

My husband goes through obsessions which are difficult to thwart and his current one seems to involve a woman. He is hiding that from me but has suddenly asked me for a divorce and says he wants it right away because he wants to be alone. I know he is doing this out of some misplaced sense of wanting to protect me. But for the first time in our relationship, I am unable to reach him. I am seeking professional help but the appointments are taking time and I feel he is slipping further away everyday. I still believe in his love for me and I don't think I am in denial.

Any suggestions on how to reach him and reopen the communication would be most welcome as I await the psychiatric appointment.

Vanitha Vanithawww.autismbangalore.org

[Guest guest]

You are a very perceptive and brave woman to take such an approach with your husband in such a difficult time.

Obsessions are very powerful things, and they most certainly can be directed at people. If that happens with someone of he opposite sex, it can be confusing to say the least for the AS person.

The suggestion that pops into my head is to take him out to dinner to talk and explain to him in as general a sense as possible what AS is and what it's like to have it and let him "diagnose" himself. At this stage of his life, if you're reading him right, he will probably find it to be a huge releif and find some clarity. If he's like me, he would probably poo-poo the idea to your face then get on the internet later and research. I would avoid telling him you think he's AS since that might lead him to decide within himself that he is not, unless he trusts your opinion as much as he trusts his own.. (not something we're renown for...) .. It would be a good idea to bring some description of AS printed out that he can take with him.

Just some suggestions.. you know him, I don't.

All the best,

Usarian

From: Vanitha Rao

Sent: Tuesday, November 25, 2008 4:51 AM

To: aspires-relationships

Subject: Introduction

Hi,

I'm new to this group.

I have been married for 8 and 1/2 years to someone who I suspect has Asperger's. Ironically I have been a special educator for children on the spectrum for the past 16 years. I did not know about my husbands Asperger's till after marriage since in India it is not uncommon to marry someone after just 5-6 meetings.

We've had our ups and downs and right now we seem to be at our very lowest, the reason for my joining this group.

My husband goes through obsessions which are difficult to thwart and his current one seems to involve a woman. He is hiding that from me but has suddenly asked me for a divorce and says he wants it right away because he wants to be alone. I know he is doing this out of some misplaced sense of wanting to protect me. But for the first time in our relationship, I am unable to reach him. I am seeking professional help but the appointments are taking time and I feel he is slipping further away everyday. I still believe in his love for me and I don't think I am in denial.

Any suggestions on how to reach him and reopen the communication would be most welcome as I await the psychiatric appointment.

Vanitha Vanithawww.autismbangalore.org

[Guest guest]

Hello--

I have to think hard about this one in order to honestly help you.

I am trying to see the whole picture. In my views this is far more than what meets the eye.

If he is this determined and has gone this far....... It might not be an obsession.

How long has he known the other person?

I like people, and am interested in people, but I have never had an obsession for a man.

I like a guy, have liked him since three years ago, he is what the ideal partner to have would be like....... yet I have no obsession for him. It would be nice and really good for both of us if it need up being a relationship....... Yet it is far from being an obsession.

What it is that make it an obsession? What is it that makes it different than the other times that you have distanced from each other?

I really need to think about this one....... Religiously, what are his believes?

I think that you need to have a very Unemotional talk with him. Do not accuse him of being obsessed, do not accuse him of anything....... Instead help him fid out the truth by asking he what is it that he likes about her. If it is something that he has already had with you, then let him kwon that he already has that in you.

Is this the first time he is obsesses with a woman?

Does she knows of your existence? In reality, if he is asking for a divorce, it only makes me wonder how long have they known each other.

Perhaps is she is aware of your existence, she confronts him and then runs away as far as possible....... There is something in all of this that does not match to me. Still I cannot pinpoint yet. Try your best to get help meanwhile through:

Counselors, psychologist, psychiatrics, religious leaders, and anything you can come up with. Both of you are and need to be willing to participate in each others lives.......

I one of the parties refuses, or is unwilling to, then it will not work. It has to happen between the two of you for it to work.

In any case, I will try to think about something and write about it tomorrow.

Sincerely,

.

One site has it all. Your email accounts, your social networks, and the things you love. Try the new AOL.com today!

[Guest guest]

Hello, How are you doing?

I am trying to answer to this mail with sincerity and I am trying to figure some stuff out in order to attempt to help you or give you my insight in the matter.

I am asking many question, but you do not have to answer them to me....... It is more for your own self. If you wish, you can always contact me off list.

Hi,

I'm new to this group

Again, welcome to Aspires, this is a neat group to belong to.......

I have been married for 8 and 1/2 years to someone who I suspect has Asperger's. Ironically I have been a special educator for children on the spectrum for the past 16 years. I did not know about my husbands Asperger's till after marriage since in India it is not uncommon to marry someone after just 5-6 meetings.

How soon did you discovered that he was AS after you had married him? If so, has he been given a diagnosis?

How old is he now? No need to answer if you do not wish to disclose his age.

We've had our ups and downs and right now we seem to be at our very lowest, the reason for my joining this group.

What does he do for a living? Is his AS mild? What triggered this last down time?

What is his complaint?

My husband goes through obsessions which are difficult to thwart and his current one seems to involve a woman.

Has he been the one telling you about the woman? Or how do you know this is what is going on?

He is hiding that from me but has suddenly asked me for a divorce and says he wants it right away because he wants to be alone.

Have you separated in the past? Have you ever been separated before?

Usually, before a divorce comes a separation. If a separation has happened, then he might not just be obsessed with the "woman". If there has been a separation that has lasted for several month, then he might not be just talking....... As he might have had time to find himself alone and seems to like it....... And perhaps that is why he says he wants to be alone.

I know he is doing this out of some misplaced sense of wanting to protect me.

What are you referring here to? Trying to protect you by hiding that he wants to be with someone else? And if so, how is this protecting you? In any case, the truth of the matter should be address by him to you. If he wants to go, then nothing will stop him from doing so, if he wants to stay and work things out, then he will do so.

Same applies to you, if it was you, you will end up doing what you think is the best for you and the family. Have you ever had counseling before?

But for the first time in our relationship, I am unable to reach him.

Have you in the past had the same issues as the ones you have now? How have things changed? In a relationship it takes TWO to make it work or make it fail. It is not the job of one alone....... How is it that makes you feel that you can not reach into him? Is he willing to at least listen without getting angry or upset?

What are his reasons for him not wanting to listen anymore? have you had this talk before in the past?

Has he felt or perceived that your effort to understand each other are not necessarily constant? Are his efforts or have his efforts being constant in the relationship or has he been the one bringing up the counselors, psychologist, psychiatrics, religious leaders, etc, etc? Have you gone with him to the meetings? Or is he the one not going or making any efforts to understand each other.

I am seeking professional help but the appointments are taking time and I feel he is slipping further away everyday. I still believe in his love for me and I don't think I am in denial.

I am sorry to hear that is how you feel, I really do not know what is going on, but I wish to ask you something here. Can you go to talk to a religious leader while you wait for the appointment to come?

I was asked twice in my life about an arrange marriage....... Some people in my family have done it....... I was presented with two prospects, one a Medial Doctor and Surgeon, the other one a Business Man. Both quite successful, but I was quite furious to say the least!

My dad would have never forced me to marry anyone, he disobeyed the rules....... So, he knew that I would most likely question that if he tried to even make me go out on a date with the guy. Dad knew I did not like either one of the guys, our families have known forever, and we have known all of our lives. I never liked them as guys, or man....... One of the is AS, and he is bright, successful and fun, but I just did not want to be with him. He was not someone I could like or learn to like; much leaser love in a "woman/man" way.

I liked them both as human beings, but hat as it. Marrying, was not a "business" for me, it was about love and learning to love each other.

My father knew this of me, so I supposed that the reason why he had the meeting with the uncle of the guys was because he wanted to see "fireworks" due to me being angry!

He knew I can be feisty, so he was not surprised when I said: I do not need anyone to help me to be unhappy, I could do that to me on my own if I wanted.

At times love can be confused with being accustomed to being with someone. That is the best I could have done with any of the guys, but I just knew that there was no chemistry between us, at least not from me.

Arrange marriage concept is not that bad, but in my views it is better to get to know the person prior to marrying them, and be friends and confidants. Marrying someone blindly is absolute risk with 50% chances that a person can learn to love each other.

Any suggestions on how to reach him and reopen the communication would be most welcome as I await the psychiatric appointment.

talk is the best approach to any of these, but frank talk should always be based on the fulfilling one's words with actions. talk to him in a calm manner and show him how have you proved your love for him. Tell him how you have reciprocated his love for you and how much you both are alike. Show him how you both are for each other, how you both are compatible and how much fun you both have on the nice and calm times.

I have an idea of what you can do, but for that I will write to you later on. I need to put the thoughts in order and then write to you with them.

The list is a little bit slow right now, but will pick up after the holidays. Be patient, perhaps you can really have a frank talk in order to bring both of you closer together.

.

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[Guest guest]

Vanitha,

I will write to you offline, I have some ideas.

Hope you are holding alright, if in fact is not an obsession, then troubles will continue.

If it is an obsession, there might be ways of helping.

Will write later on today.

there is always one question I ask people in similar situations.......

What do you need out of life, what do you want out of live, Can you get it, can you live with the results and endure it all.

do you want to live the rest of your life like this is things do not change or improve dramatically.

Those are fair questions and also realistic. In the past, I had many Indian Friends, and learned to cook Indian food through some of them or their mothers.

Excellent cuisine and I can be peaky when choosing food to eat....... At times ;-)

.

.

Life should be easier. So should your homepage. Try the NEW AOL.com.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Thanks for your response.

To answer your questions -

Both my husband and I are 42 years old.

I realized he had Asperger's early on in our marriage (5-6 months). But it was only much later that I gave him a questionnaire, some online thing and he did it and agreed that he fits the profile. Since this last crisis started I have spoken to a psychiatrist who agrees that he could be having Asperger's. As to a formal diagnosis he has never agreed to it until now. Today is our first appointment.

There has been no separation. He has had to travel on work and there have been periods when he has been away for several months. But thats always work and when that happens we chat/call/mail each other almost everyday.

He is currently the head of an off shore development center dealing with cell phone software, so you can call him a software engineer. But since he is doing more people management lately, I know he is a bit frustrated.

The current episode has had a very sudden onset. He has had this woman friend for sometime who is 5-6 years younger from his old school. She started a consultancy, to all appearances the company is in her name and my dear hubby is doing all the work (another concern of mine - he is being used, which happens frequently). I used to object a bit but did not make too much of it since by now I am used to these phases.

As to the women - he tells me about it. I can make out from the way he talks when the obsession is severe or mild. And I believe him when he says its not the same as the way he loves me. Invariably it involves a woman who is having a lot of trouble in her life and he devotes all his time to trying and helping her in his own way.

On Nov 10th he returned from a 2 day business trip and made the mistake of not destroying his boarding pass. He had told me he is going to New Delhi and actually gone to Calcutta where this woman is based. I hit the roof.

So he said "set me free". We argued, and the usual scenes followed. On the morning of 15th nov he cried and said lets seek help. I started initiating the process, but finding the right person and getting an appointment has taken 2 weeks. Meantime from 17th he has been saying it will not work and he is sticking to that stance and is not as loving as he was on 15th and 16th. In fact he is totally cold and aloof.

Hope I have answered all your questions. Sorry for such a long winded mail and thanks for your help and support.

Regards

Vanithawww.autismbangalore.org

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

The consultation with the psychiatrist did not go well with my husband making a sudden turn around and telling the doctor he is not interested in help and he wants out of the marriage as soon as possible.

But what I did get from the doctor is that he requires further intensive evaluation as this appears to be something on the Asperger's-Schizophrenia Spectrum. I'm not sure what he meant, unless he meant that differential diagnosis will take time. Or did he mean Schizophrenia occuring as a co-morbid disorder. Well my husband has categorically refused further appointments. Meantime I have gone ahead and made an appointment for myself to see if I can understand the disorder better.

I have moved out of our house to give my husband space....if that would put him in a better frame of mind when I try and suggest further evaluation.

None of his elders live nearby...but I am trying to work on extended social support as well. He is an aethiest so religion is out of the question.

Thanks and regards

Vanithawww.autismbangalore.org

[Guest guest]

Vanitha Rao wrote:

> But what I did get from the doctor is that he requires further

> intensive evaluation as this appears to be something on the

> Asperger's-Schizophrenia Spectrum. I'm not sure what he meant, unless

> he meant that differential diagnosis will take time.

I do not either.

Perhaps the doctor is saying it looks like Autism or Schizophrenia but

cannot tell which. A point here is that several other conditions can be

mistaken for Autism, so it is a matter of eliminating them and what is

left is the correct diagnosis.

A commonly said thing with people on the Autistic spectrum is do not

push because they will resist, they need to be given space and time.

Pushing adds to mental overload.

Unfortunately as I read your situation, giving him space will give him

room to make bad choices, act out what he wants.

Searching for some good information, because I am aware of the talk

about overlap of these two conditions, this is about a 2001 paper

" Data on 14 males with autism and 14 with schizophrenia were collected

to examine symptom overlap. The Structured Clinical Interview (SCID),

the schedule for positive symptoms (SAPS) and the schedule for negative

symptoms (SANS) of schizophrenia, the Childhood Autism Rating Scale

(CARS), and the DSM-III-R were administered. On the SCID, none of the

men with paranoid schizophrenia met criteria for autism while 7 of those

with autism met criteria for schizophrenia, disorganized type, showing

negative symptoms. In addition, 5 showed positive symptoms on the SAPS

and 6 negative symptoms on the SANS. As the difference in measured

nonverbal intelligence was not significant, the effects could not be

attributed to it. Although the findings continue to support the

differentiation of autism and schizophrenia, they are also consistent

with a comorbidity of the two disorders, mainly in those diagnosed with

autism. "

Another paper from 2001

" OBJECTIVE: In the last several decades, considerable evidence has

suggested that autism and schizophrenia are unrelated. However, recent

reports have suggested that individuals with autism may be at greater

risk for schizophrenia and that the conditions may be more closely

related than generally believed. METHOD: The authors examined detailed

case records of 163 adolescents and adults with well-documented

histories of autism. These cases included 139 males and 24 females.

RESULTS: Only one individual had an unequivocal history of

schizophrenia. CONCLUSIONS: If the present study group is taken to be

representative, it appears that the frequency of schizophrenia among

autistic patients (0.6%) is roughly comparable to the frequency of

schizophrenia in the general population. It does not appear that the two

conditions are more commonly observed together than would be expected on

a chance basis; therefore, the current (DSM-III-R) approach to dual

diagnosis of these conditions appears reasonable. "

I have seen plenty of talk about the association being likely to be

caused by misdiagnosis.

Or did he mean

> Schizophrenia occuring as a co-morbid disorder. Well my husband has

> categorically refused further appointments. Meantime I have gone

> ahead and made an appointment for myself to see if I can understand

> the disorder better. I have moved out of our house to give my husband

> space....if that would put him in a better frame of mind when I try

> and suggest further evaluation.

Plenty on the list will give you a cyber-hug, and wish we could help.

[Guest guest]

Thanks to all who have mailed and extended their support. I am sorry for not replying individually but these days I seem to be in some kind of a stupor and have been going around like a zombie. Fridays therapy session was way too much of a shock. I am trying to implement some of the suggestions given by you. But I think and need to come back and read your mails once again when I am in a calmer frame of mind.

Thanks and regards Vanithawww.autismbangalore.org