When is it time to call it a day?

[Guest guest]

you are the one person I referred to. why do I stay? I have a good life, a nice house that I helped build and pay for. He makes the money, I do everything else. I am terrified of being single ... a moving target for all the matchmakers. I like the safety of being a dumpy frumpy middle aged eccentric! hahah If I was single I would have to ... date... argh. I also feel committed to keeping my promise of "better or for worse" ..

am I a martyr? A glutton for punishment? I also know he would find another woman to take care of him immediately and there is someting about that that I don't like. these are my feelings.. I sound like a b_ _ _ _ _ . Thanks for your wise words.. jkz coward

Hi Janet:

Been there. done it. There are no guarantees in life. There is only today and now. I felt everything you do but knew SOMETHING had to change or we both would ended up in a nut house. Lol

I had just returned to work when Larry lost his job of 16 years and could not keep another job for a year. We were on the verge of losing our house and I did nothing as I knew my marriage was over and I had to protect myself and think of my kids. I saw this as my ticket out of the marriage. I had 2 choices, help save the house or force us in to selling.

My kids hated ME as they saw ME as being responsible for losing their home and of course Larry fed into this with them. I kept my eye on the prize and our divorce was ugly. I kept telling them, one day you will understand. We got our asking price for our home that was inflated before our home ws ever listed on the market.

Looking back, I did good as no one had a crystal ball and the housing market fell 6 weeks after we closed escrow. If I had not been so rigid about getting out of the marriage or letting it die, we would have lost the house and walked with nothing. So now I am a hero. Go figure. Lol

Our oldest daughter was already out of the house and our AS son stayed with Larry as we all moved together in the beginning and then I branched out 2 months later and Brittnay came with me. Cass does not like change.

I just signed my third renewal of my lease on our home. I told Britt, it is hard to believe we are going on three years. It has become home.

It is tough to be a single parent but I live in a beautiful house and I thank the powers to be every day. It is tough being alone but has been good for me. I am now responsible for paying the bills, but I also never have to walk on egg shells again in my home.

Was it worth it? For us? Yes. Larry and I still see each other because of the kids and it is so much better for both of us. No pressure. If I need something and have to call Larry he is right here and vice vs..

Some say there is no pain without gain in life and in our case this is true. We had to go down a dark road to come out on top.

New Beginnings was my theme for months, my mantra and it became my new life and focus.

The best part of life is looking back after the dust has settled and seeing how we acted like children at the time.

But hey, that is life and growing up and part of what we had to experience and live through to get where we are at today. No pain, no gain? Personally I like to shoot the person who wrote this. Lol I say this in humor.

Little grasshopper, you worry too much. There is an old therapy fable that goes like this:

Once upon a time, a women moved into a cave in the mountains to study with a guru. She wanted to learn everything there was to know. The guru supplied her with stacks of books and left her alone so she could study. Every morning the guru returned to the cave to monitor the women's progress. In his hand, he carried a heavy wooden cane. Each morning, he asked the same question: "Have you learned everything there is to know yet?" Each morning, her answer was the same. "NO' she said, "I haven't." The guru would hit her over the head with the cane.

This scenario persisted for months. One day the guru entered the cave, asked the same question, heard the same answer, and raised his cane to hit her in the same way but this time the women grabbed the cane from the guru, stopping his assault in midair.

Relieved to end the daily battering, but fearful of reprisal, the woman looked at the guru, to her surprise, the guru smiled. ...CONGRADULATIONS he said. "You have graduated. You now know everything you need to know.

"How is that?," the woman asked. He just smiled. "You have learned that you will never learn everything there is to know about life, but my child, you have learned yet one of the most valuable lessons in life ... and that is how to stop the pain." ...author unknown

YOU have to know when the time is right to leave or stay. It is all about YOU! That was the lesson I had to learn. Life would go on without me always trying to hold the family together. That was a role "I" adopted and was use to. I had to learn to let go and just trust life would work out and take me where I needed to be and it did. My kids lost their anger towards me and we reconnected and Larry lost his anger the day the divorce was final. This is just "our" story. We actually had a happy ending after all. Kind of like the ending of the movie Mrs. Doubtfire. Relationships come in all sizes and many end in divorce. That does not mean the end of life but new beginnings for all. You just have to learn to change your path and dreams. It is called LIFE.

Just me.