Re: Coping Stragedies-- Need Input- Advise.......

[Guest guest]

I don't know what it is, but I feel it too..

Thanks, for sharing this with me.

It is hard, and I can relate to what you are saying about being someplace else in time. It is a weird feeling. At times is as if I leave my self, yet I am still there in body, but the mind is far away.

I remember clearly when I was two years more or less old. I was outside my father's office, and sister was close by. Dad came out and he looked at me, he went down and touched my face and hair and asked me, how much do you love me? I said A century thousand! I was trying to say One hundred Thousand. I do not know how I knew that quantity existed, but I knew what it was. I had this terrible pink dress on my which had ruffles that hurt my skin.

sister had a green shirt with brown shorts.

Other times I do not see anyone, but me and the space and time when experiences or events happened. Like yo they do not have to be traumatic, but daily events. Sometimes hearing one word will remind me of something that happened long ago. Others, it would be an smell or just the simple fact that how the atmosphere feels in an specific moment is the same as it felt some other time, and place.

It is amazing how one things brigs another one, it is a chain reaction indeed.......

If I just knew how to think in words, or if I could manage the way I think in picture without the emotions I would be better off, we all AS who feel this way would be better off.

My mind is overloaded with information of the past right now; it will take me a couple of days to be more like me....... Or hope so!

Good Night,

....... Who is mad at the post office machine as it was down!

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[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Usarian here.

I fully identify with what you are saying. I have been going through something similar lately for some inexplicable reason all kinds of memories from my childhood have been replaying on me over and over again. Like you say though, it's not a memory of oh this happened and that happened, but I re experience it. My eyes go blind and I see what I saw then. I feel physically and emotionally what I felt then. I hear what I heard then.. like being in some sort of immersible simulation. I'm still me at my current age mentally, but everything else comes over me. For me it has never been events, no matter how traumatic. I do not remember events at all. I remember experiences instead. Not a specific time and place, and there are never ever any other people around. I just remember what it felt like to stand on this hill in my childhood hometown near my grandmother's house and smell the winter air just before it snowed. I keep finding myself standing in the parking lot at work for a minute at a time off in another time and place.

For me it's all centered around my grandmother. I keep thinking about things I associated with her when I was little. A certain tree in the woods, a barn, how incredibly strong she was in her seventies when I was born and how old she lived and how tender she was to me.

I don't know what it is, but I feel it too..

From: vcsfrewer@...

Sent: Monday, December 01, 2008 8:09 PM

To: aspires-relationships

Subject: Coping Stragedies-- Need Input- Advise.......

Hi,

Today I feel like an angel with a broken wing, like I felt most days when little and few years ago when I moved on from ex.

This past month, has been a trying one for me. I tried to help a couple of people who had the same troubles I seem to have had in the past.

While helping them I kept tough and continued to be tough through it all. I was very honest and also realistic as to be able to help and not just sympathize. I was able to manage my own emotions, my own memories of the past.

On Thursday, I started to feel anguish as if something was happening, but I could not figure out. I used to feel those things with dad, if he was sad, I felt it as well, before I even knew he was sad. It was like that all the time, we had an strong emotional relationship, even from afar! Miles, or countries of distancing did never weakened or diminished this feelings of sensing him. It was the bonding of two very strong AS people who dearly loved each other, even when we had our own differences, our love was extreme and unique.

I felt his pain, emotional and at times we both would get physically sick a the same time, even when were where in two different towns or countries.

Once I called him and told him I had a terrible pain on my right shoulder after having drank some red wine and eaten fruit. At the time I was talking to him, he was also applying a heating pad to his right shoulder. He had also had wine and fruit and was having the same pain as mine. We were so bonded, it was too much at times!

Sometimes when we could not express our emotions, we got sick to our stomachs or just felt drained! Just like I am feeling today. This morning, about 2:00 AM I got up with anguish, with this feelings of something going on and I am not sure what it is.

I remembered things from my childhood, the sufferings my dad had to go through.

His sufferings were mine, and they hurt like they did with no one else. I felt them all over again today.

I also felt the pain again when I had to move forward due to a betrayal of trust I had to endure. My inability of not having able to see the truth and how being this naive hurt me.

All of it came down on me this morning. Some of the AS people know what I am trying to say.

When I remember it all, not just with my mind, but my body feels.

I feel the anguish I felt then, I feel the emotional pain, I feel the same way my body felt. I can even put an scent to every situation I had as I remember how the air smelled them.

I can even feel the season in which things were happening.......

The video in my mind plays it all over again.

I knew I would have to face this sometime soon as I have been remembering and thinking for over a month now....... It has not been easy.

Yet I hoped that somehow someone does not feels alone in their journey, in their dilemma about dealing with someone in the spectrum. Hoping for them to see that what they have gone through is also something some of us in the spectrum have also gone through (with someone NT or AS)

The irony of all of what I am going through right now is that If it was someone else asking for advise or ways to cope, I would be giving the advise. I would have an idea how they could cope, but when it comes to me I just can't give me advise. It is as if I am able to do this things for others, but not for me. It is like when I was little, I could not defend myself, I was bullied to the max. Yet if someone was being bullied, the lioness in me came out and I would defend anyone, specially the underdog.

Is there anyone here who could tell me how they cope when you get stuck in feeling like in a daze? I am even achy, and I went to work today by forcing me to go there. I almost called out and I do not usually do that!

Tomorrow and Wednesday I was picked out to go to a new account....... I have what it takes to make the process a success.

It was very hard for me to concentrate today, I was just doing things automatically. While I was doing things, I was thinking, and feeling. My mind was not there, I was not focusing, but I pull through. I have to be alright tomorrow, and I cannot call out, they are counting on me. I think I will be better tomorrow, but the thought have almost taken a tool on me today.

My mind is an strong one, and I know I will have to wait until the weekend to plummet and let go. Yet I do not want to think anymore about any of this.......

I wonder why we have to have such powerful minds, and at times a body who takes the emotional hits hard as well. Why not remember WITHOUT the emotions, just remember in WORDS and not in PICTURES! Why the video that plays in my mind, that is so vivid....... It is all there, even when I remember about my brother being hurt....... I also remember the anguish I felt all over again.

How could I learn to think in words? How could I learn to only remember a situation without feeling the emotions? As time has gone by, this has diminished, but when it comes to dad and remembering him, my heart physically hurts. At times it is as he and I were twins.......

Anyhow, I am feeling better already, just by writing about it.......

, who might have some Irish Cream tonight after coming back from the post office and mail my package....... That makes me happy....... I mail it in the automatic stuff they have in there....... I am sending a package to one very special friend....... doing that, cheers me up!

Hope the mail makes some sense sine I am not revising it,

:-/

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[Guest guest]

My mind does that thing too.. I call it racing.

I enjoy that fact that I don't think in words. I find that I don't really think in images or sounds, although they're there, but in concepts.. raw ideas.

Reminds me.. I had a deaf student teacher in high school. She openned the class for questions, I asked her what language she thought in since she didn't know what the sound of our spoken language was. She said it was hard to explain, but she thought in sign language in her head.

Between that and Adam's babelfish idea, I've always figured everybody thought the same way, but most have a way of expressing the thought to themselves, pictures, audio, etc.

After many long conversations with my wife, I believe she has a special ability I want.. she seems to be capable of thinking without translating her thoguhts into anything first. She reads absurdly fast, I believe because of this.. she reads roughly 300 pages an hour with full comprehension and memory of most details in the book. In truth, this is something of a leisurely rate for her. She's never had any kind of speed reading training or anything. (actually both my sisters are the same way with reading, especially my older sister, but she has a certified photographic memory and a ridiculously high IQ to go with it).

Thinking now of SOooo many stories like yours, but there's no point of all that typing!

Enjoy the holidays!

Usarian

From: vcsfrewer@...

Sent: Monday, December 01, 2008 10:48 PM

To: aspires-relationships

Subject: Re: Coping Stragedies-- Need Input- Advise.......

In a message dated 12/1/2008 11:31:36 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, usarianbluebottle writes:

I don't know what it is, but I feel it too..

Thanks, for sharing this with me.

It is hard, and I can relate to what you are saying about being someplace else in time. It is a weird feeling. At times is as if I leave my self, yet I am still there in body, but the mind is far away.

I remember clearly when I was two years more or less old. I was outside my father's office, and sister was close by. Dad came out and he looked at me, he went down and touched my face and hair and asked me, how much do you love me? I said A century thousand! I was trying to say One hundred Thousand. I do not know how I knew that quantity existed, but I knew what it was. I had this terrible pink dress on my which had ruffles that hurt my skin.

sister had a green shirt with brown shorts.

Other times I do not see anyone, but me and the space and time when experiences or events happened. Like yo they do not have to be traumatic, but daily events. Sometimes hearing one word will remind me of something that happened long ago. Others, it would be an smell or just the simple fact that how the atmosphere feels in an specific moment is the same as it felt some other time, and place.

It is amazing how one things brigs another one, it is a chain reaction indeed.......

If I just knew how to think in words, or if I could manage the way I think in picture without the emotions I would be better off, we all AS who feel this way would be better off.

My mind is overloaded with information of the past right now; it will take me a couple of days to be more like me....... Or hope so!

Good Night,

....... Who is mad at the post office machine as it was down!

Life should be easier. So should your homepage. Try the NEW AOL.com.