Communication

[Guest guest]

I am getting so frustrated I just want to cry. I want to be able to communicate with my hubby, Dan, (AS) but we can not seem to do it at times.

Here is the scene: I am sitting at the desk in the living room. It is 6 pm on a Sunday evening and the family (Hubby, me and our 2 girls) has stayed home sick all day. Our girls are starting movie. My 21 year old daughter in law comes up stairs from basement apartment, going into the kitchen. Dan follows her (he always feels comfortable talking with young ladies) and asks her what her and her hubby (my son) are doing for the evening. She did not know of anything special and asked him why. He told her (I could hear him in the next room) that he was asking because he needed someone to go to the store with him. She leaves to go talk to her hubby.

I was upset that he had not asked or even told me he was going to the store (especially since we were sick and had business in town the next day) to make a trip that takes him 3 plus hours. (about 15 minutes to the store and the rest of the time wondering the store which makes him physically miserable, and too exhausted to be driving. So the rule is: he is supposed arrange a time and I will go with him.)

So he tells me he is taking son to the store to help him buy some stuff (for two projects I want done that him and I had (barely) discussed the day before). I asked why he had not asked me to go and he said he asked son because he needed someone strong. (I am strong enough for what he wanted) Also, he said I knew he was going today because we had talked about the projects yesterday. (we have been talking about the projects for the last three months)

Son comes up stairs to go and I once again question Dan as to why he is taking son (it is to get stuff for my project and neither of them know the details of what i want.) Dan tells son I will go with him.

I don't feel like going it is late and cold and damp and we both have bad colds but, Dan insists he has to go now, he has to have the stuff for the projects tommorrow, it can not wait till tomorrow. So we go.

Me being NT am still trying to find out why he will not work with me as a partner when it comes to things going on in our life. So he tells me he simply asked daughter in law if they were busy to see what was going on. He now says he did not request son to go with him was just inquiring.

He throws a temper tantrum during the drive and I feared for my life thinking he was going to kill us both. While we were in the store and I asked him how he had planned to get the stuff I wanted with out me? He then said he was not going to buy anything he was just going to check on prices with son. By this time I asked him to just quit explaining.

I don't know why he is suddenly acting this way again when things have been going so well. I continue to try to be peacable and give him lots of time to think. So on the trip home I grabbed some food for the girls and suggested pizza for him and I since we had to leave the house before I could fix dinner. So he insisted he would order online when we got home. I specifically asked him not to get a plain chese pizza as he has done before (which he does not eat) He saw the store (as we passed it) had a large pepperoni (his favorite, not mine I like meat lovers, lots of toppings) on sale for $4.99. I requested he get two then and we would have plenty for left overs. He then called the store to see if it was carry out only. Yes, so he said he would call back. So he tell me and I say well lets just get two pepperoni pizza's then and he says, OK. I left the room and he calls back and orders 1 pepperoni and 1 cheese with white sauce. (he prefers red sauce) The only one in the family that likes cheese pizza is our 6 year old and she had other food but only eats one piece anyway.

How can I have a husband who will see me as a partner? and How do we stop this from happening? It is frustating for both of us.

(NT)

[Guest guest]

"Jennie wrote" > You might want to look up Passive Aggressive disorder. Dan sounds PA to me. Possibly with >a shade of Narcissism.

Thanks, So is it possible to have AS and PA? He really act AS.

I have had a psyciatrist of mine tell me he sounded that way. When I later told Dan about it he acted really hurt. It only seems to pop up every few months and I don't know what to do about it or handle it. Is driving me insane and I don't know what he is capable when he acts this way. He is usually very passive. He is on Depression meds.

, (NT)

[Guest guest]

Yes it is possible to have both or all three. Jennie AS

Thanks, So is it possible to have AS and PA? He really act AS.