Guest guest Posted September 24, 2002 Report Share Posted September 24, 2002 Hey Starr, Same feelings here, you're not alone. I'm in pain all the time too. I am totally off meds now except maybe asprin or tylenol. Unfortunately the meds made me even groggier than I was before. Magnesuim is good for restless legs syndrome if u have that. I've been on magnesuim for 2 months & I don't really have relief, same amount of muscle aches. Wish you luck in your treatment. If you find anything good that works let me know. Jenn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2003 Report Share Posted July 1, 2003 i am in Yuma, waaaayyyyy down at the bottom left of Arizona, 10min from california, or mexico depending which way you go... i got 2 new boks today, by Craggs-Hinton The Fibromyalgia Healing Diet, and Living with Fibromyalgia, has anyone read them? I am looking tomake an extreme change while my kids are gone to the ranch this month, i nave GOT to feel better, for them! Their father is non existent in their lives and i refuse to have them think ofme as " sick Mommy " Hugz, <A HREF= " http://www.pac-ach-int.com/960192438 " >Welcome to Kane's PAI Site</A> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2003 Report Share Posted July 1, 2003 Hi , I too had difficulty getting medical treatment in the beginning. You know what? I didn't get much relief either when I did finally get to a rheumatologist...just a lot of prescriptions that made me feel weaker instead of stronger. I discovered a book called Foods That Fight Pain by Neal Barnard MD. That got me more relief than any other thing I've done for fibro and fatigue. After getting comfortable, I went a step further and am now following Dr. Young's diet in his book The pH Miracle...and it truly has been a marked improvement...almost a cure thus far. I wish you the best in your healing journey...don't forget to address your emotional and spiritual selves in the healing process! > Hello all, i am , single mommy to 3 boys, 9, 7, and 5, i was diagnosed > in July of 2002, and there are NO doctors here that even REMOTELY treat > fibro. I have to travel to Phoenix for any answers, so am looking for ways that i > can help myself! > > I am looking to change my eating habits, does anyone have a specific diet > that they follow that has worked for them? > > > Thanks so much, > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 27, 2006 Report Share Posted December 27, 2006 Both Flexeril and Xanax are good for fibro. I still take the Flexeril. It helps with the morning achiness you wake up with. Good luck. Joanne --- wrote: > Saw my Dr...it is fibromyalgia. I was Rx'ed tramadol > flexril and xanax. > She said she has seen fantastic results with the > combination, so I hope > to get some relief. > thanks to everyone whos sent me emails. > its much appreacited. > - > > > > > Well Ive finally made the choice to see my Dr about > this. I have known > > for years that is it possible that I have > fibromyalgia,My mother and 3 > > cousins have it. But I do have a high pain tolerence > and have been > > putting it off. I also have hidradenitis and have seen > my Dr for that. > > All these years I have learned to deal with the pain. I > have too many > > resonsibilites that have kept me going. As of late I > cant stand it. So > > I see my Dr in the morning. I hope she can help. Thanks > for having > > this group, its good to know I am not alone. > > > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 31, 2006 Report Share Posted December 31, 2006 I'm glad Flexeril work for you but let me caution any of you that have not tried it yet. I took it and it immediately made me very suicidal. I was not told that this was a possible side effect and once I took it the second time and again felt overwhelmingly suicidal I realized it was the meds so I asked the doc and he confirmed it, so just be warned and take notice of any dark feelings or thoughts. It may not effect anyone else that way but it is better to be warned ahead of time. I wish I had been, it would have saved me a lot of heartache. Donna Both Flexeril and Xanax are good for fibro. I still take the Flexeril. It helps with the morning achiness you wake up with. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 31, 2006 Report Share Posted December 31, 2006 Use this link to look up meds before you take them. Be sure they don't interact with something you are already taking. http://www.rxlist.com/ Mood change is listed as a possible side effect for Flexeril, but sure would not have guessed it could be that bad. I take Paxil and for me, it's ideal. I have Seritonin Reuptake pretty bad (due to extremely severe Fibro), so signals weren't getting from my brain to my body. This corrects that. Only take it at night. Have for over 6 years. No problems, but I do pay attention to whether it needs to be increased or decreased a little and do that myself. Also promised my doc that if I feel " weird " I'll tell hubby, or if I am by myself, I will let someone in doc's office know. That way someone can check back with me to make sure all is well. I'd suggest this to anyone on this type of meds. For Fibros with these symptoms - anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive, and procrastination, an SSRI med can be great. Not all Fibros have those symptoms, but for those of us who do, they seem to come in a cluster. If you have one of them, you have the others, too. Anne Re: Re: New here I'm glad Flexeril work for you but let me caution any of you that have not tried it yet. I took it and it immediately made me very suicidal. I was not told that this was a possible side effect and once I took it the second time and again felt overwhelmingly suicidal I realized it was the meds so I asked the doc and he confirmed it, so just be warned and take notice of any dark feelings or thoughts. It may not effect anyone else that way but it is better to be warned ahead of time. I wish I had been, it would have saved me a lot of heartache. Donna Both Flexeril and Xanax are good for fibro. I still take the Flexeril. It helps with the morning achiness you wake up with. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 2007 Report Share Posted September 12, 2007 Hi , The antibiotic program was supposed to last 1 yr. I ended it early. The Fibro Center had me on nystatin for the candida, but the dr. said the candida would get worse anyway. But, she said it was kind of a necessary evil to kill the infections. I didn't stay on a strict candida diet either. Heparin is a blood thinner. The infections cause excess fibrin in the blood and make a layer of deposits on the blood vessels. The heparin keeps the veins flushed and eliminates the hiding places for infections. The center did test for immune function and mine was really low. They test natural killer cells. I think for whatever reason, the immune system isn't fighting infections. Some of the infections (like mycoplasma) are stealth infections and hide inside your own cells. Most people are exposed to these things and their immune system fights it off and it's not a problem. Here are a few of the things I'm doing: transdermal glutathione,whey protein, selenium-to build immunity mangosteen juice--supposed to fight bacteria and build immune, but I don't notice anything enzymes--proteolytic (like Vitalzyme) Betaine HCl--for digestion probiotic and prebiotic for gut health fresh green juice--I can actually feel the difference when I do this. It absorbs very well and it's like getting infused with a vitamin/mineral drink. I should do it every day, but it's so much work... Ozone therapy--just started so can't comment on effectiveness I wouldn't discount the Fibro Center completely. It does work for some people. I don't know about 91%, though. They told me it was not a cure and that I'd never be completely over it. Some of their supplements and other products are really good. They found that I had Lyme and they use alternative treatments as well as traditional. The center here has open house once a month and you can go and find out more about their treatment plan. Who knows, maybe if I'd toughed it out for the entire antibiotic protocol, I'd be a lot better. Take care, > > Hi , > > Thanks so much for your reply. My goodness, I'm sorry to hear about > your experience. I'm surprised they kept you on antibiotics for so > long; I would think they would have been concerned about the candida > too. > > I'm sorry but I don't know what heparin injections are and what they > are for. What did they do for your candida? I know I've had major > problems with candida too for some reason.....can't seem to get rid > of mine either. If you have all those infections, then is the immune > system responsible for them??? Did they test that? > > I'm really sensitive to meds too, so not sure that would work for me > either. Do you mind my asking what you're doing for your health > problems now? Did the suppliments help any? > > Again, my thanks for your reply. I was just wondering about them and > if their claims were really true. When I talked to the guy here, > they said they had a 91% success rate, which I doubt. If it was that > good, I'd think we'd be hearing more about them. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 2007 Report Share Posted September 12, 2007 Wow, a, you were very fortunate to get rid of the candida so quickly. I had a hard time staying on that diet for more than a month. I know some people (like me) probably need to stick with it for a longer time. I will think I'm over it and then start having bloating and miserable stomach again. I don't eat table sugar, but do like a few fruits and sprouted bread. > > When I had candida, I had a diet from my chiro - no yeast foods like bread, > no sugar, mostly vegetables, no fruit (sugar), and some lean meat. it > worked in only 2 weeks! Candida free. > > a J. > I hope Heaven smells like orange blossoms > http://stores.ebay.com/as-Hodge-Podge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 2007 Report Share Posted September 12, 2007 Of all you are doing, the fresh green juice is probably the most helpful because it's alkali. Annie FibroFix Re: New Here Hi , The antibiotic program was supposed to last 1 yr. I ended it early. The Fibro Center had me on nystatin for the candida, but the dr. said the candida would get worse anyway. But, she said it was kind of a necessary evil to kill the infections. I didn't stay on a strict candida diet either. Heparin is a blood thinner. The infections cause excess fibrin in the blood and make a layer of deposits on the blood vessels. The heparin keeps the veins flushed and eliminates the hiding places for infections. The center did test for immune function and mine was really low. They test natural killer cells. I think for whatever reason, the immune system isn't fighting infections. Some of the infections (like mycoplasma) are stealth infections and hide inside your own cells. Most people are exposed to these things and their immune system fights it off and it's not a problem. Here are a few of the things I'm doing: transdermal glutathione,whey protein, selenium-to build immunity mangosteen juice--supposed to fight bacteria and build immune, but I don't notice anything enzymes--proteolytic (like Vitalzyme) Betaine HCl--for digestion probiotic and prebiotic for gut health fresh green juice--I can actually feel the difference when I do this. It absorbs very well and it's like getting infused with a vitamin/mineral drink. I should do it every day, but it's so much work... Ozone therapy--just started so can't comment on effectiveness I wouldn't discount the Fibro Center completely. It does work for some people. I don't know about 91%, though. They told me it was not a cure and that I'd never be completely over it. Some of their supplements and other products are really good. They found that I had Lyme and they use alternative treatments as well as traditional. The center here has open house once a month and you can go and find out more about their treatment plan. Who knows, maybe if I'd toughed it out for the entire antibiotic protocol, I'd be a lot better. Take care, > > Hi , > > Thanks so much for your reply. My goodness, I'm sorry to hear about > your experience. I'm surprised they kept you on antibiotics for so > long; I would think they would have been concerned about the candida > too. > > I'm sorry but I don't know what heparin injections are and what they > are for. What did they do for your candida? I know I've had major > problems with candida too for some reason.....can't seem to get rid > of mine either. If you have all those infections, then is the immune > system responsible for them??? Did they test that? > > I'm really sensitive to meds too, so not sure that would work for me > either. Do you mind my asking what you're doing for your health > problems now? Did the suppliments help any? > > Again, my thanks for your reply. I was just wondering about them and > if their claims were really true. When I talked to the guy here, > they said they had a 91% success rate, which I doubt. If it was that > good, I'd think we'd be hearing more about them. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 2007 Report Share Posted September 12, 2007 Hi a, I'm very happy for you that you got rid of candia in two weeks, but I also think you are very fortunate. I've been fighting it off and on for many years now. In the beginning, I followed the diet too....now I don't follow it as closely as I'm sick of the diet. However I still don't eat much sugar, vinegar, etc. Since then I've learned that some meds are better killing that stuff than others. Sometimes nystatin seems to work on mine; other times it doesn't and I have to use something else for awhile. But most of the time I just go without meds for it anymore. I've also learned that some probiotics work better than others too. The stuff in yogurt is almost useless to me anymore. Right now I'm finding a particular brand of Kefir at the health food store seems to help as much as anything now. Too, I think some of our immune systems are working better than others......just my opinion. > > When I had candida, I had a diet from my chiro - no yeast foods like bread, > no sugar, mostly vegetables, no fruit (sugar), and some lean meat. it > worked in only 2 weeks! Candida free. > > a J. > I hope Heaven smells like orange blossoms > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 2007 Report Share Posted September 12, 2007 Hi , Thanks again for your informative reply. A year.....even 8 months is a very long time to be on antibiotics, and I can see why you'd get discouraged and quit early, especially if you're fighting candida too. Candida can make you feel miserable in itself. So can the die-off from fighting it. I've been fighting it for many years myself, so I know. I know from experience that it becomes insensitive to various meds from time to time, so if nystatin worked for you in the beginning, there's a good chance that it would become ineffective later on........at least that's been my experience. And if you had problems with the halprin too......gosh, you must have really been sick with these things, and I'm sorry for that. It sounds like they're testing for good things tho. I don't think I've ever had anyone test my killer cells or for other types of infections like you're talking about. Some of your current treatments I'm familiar with......other's I am not, like ozone thereapy. Is what you're doing now helping? I know you said the green juice is, but is the rest of it? WHat kind of things do you use in your green drink? Thanks again. > > Hi , > > The antibiotic program was supposed to last 1 yr. I ended it early. > The Fibro Center had me on nystatin for the candida, but the dr. said > the candida would get worse anyway. But, she said it was kind of a > necessary evil to kill the infections. I didn't stay on a strict > candida diet either. > > Heparin is a blood thinner. The infections cause excess fibrin in the > blood and make a layer of deposits on the blood vessels. The heparin > keeps the veins flushed and eliminates the hiding places for infections. > > The center did test for immune function and mine was really low. They > test natural killer cells. I think for whatever reason, the immune > system isn't fighting infections. Some of the infections (like > mycoplasma) are stealth infections and hide inside your own cells. > Most people are exposed to these things and their immune system fights > it off and it's not a problem. > > Here are a few of the things I'm doing: > > transdermal glutathione,whey protein, selenium-to build immunity > mangosteen juice--supposed to fight bacteria and build immune, but I > don't notice anything > enzymes--proteolytic (like Vitalzyme) > Betaine HCl--for digestion > probiotic and prebiotic for gut health > fresh green juice--I can actually feel the difference when I do this. > It absorbs very well and it's like getting infused with a > vitamin/mineral drink. I should do it every day, but it's so much work... > Ozone therapy--just started so can't comment on effectiveness > > I wouldn't discount the Fibro Center completely. It does work for some > people. I don't know about 91%, though. They told me it was not a cure > and that I'd never be completely over it. Some of their supplements > and other products are really good. They found that I had Lyme and > they use alternative treatments as well as traditional. The center > here has open house once a month and you can go and find out more > about their treatment plan. Who knows, maybe if I'd toughed it out for > the entire antibiotic protocol, I'd be a lot better. > > Take care, > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 13, 2007 Report Share Posted September 13, 2007 Hi , Most of what I'm doing seems to help somewhat. The things I would cut would be the glutathione and mangosteen juice (expensive for what they do). I still have bad days with pain and fatigue. The whey protein helps with energy and it's an easy to digest protein. My amino levels were critically low and my doctor started me off with powdered aminoes, then switched me over to whey. I wouldn't give this up. My digestion is much better with the HCl and enzymes and I tend to think that even healthy people would benefit from using them. I hope that with improved digestion, getting rid of some of the infections (with ozone), and a good diet, I'll get healthy again. My doctor's office does ozone saunas and I use a generator at home. I don't know enough about it to give you good information...and don't want to post inaccurate stuff. The basics are that you can use it to ozonate water and do insufflations. The purpose is to kill bacteria and viruses through oxygenating the body. I've tried so many different things it's a wonder I haven't killed myself in the process! I base my green juices on the Gerson Therapy. They use romaine, Swiss chard, cabbage, endive, escarole, green pepper, watercress, beet tops and a green apple. I don't use all of these every time, but try to incorporate as good a mix as possible. Hope this helps...and sorry for writing so much. > Some of your current treatments I'm familiar with......other's I am not, > like ozone thereapy. Is what you're doing now helping? I know you said > the green juice is, but is the rest of it? WHat kind of things do you > use in your green drink? > > Thanks again. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 13, 2007 Report Share Posted September 13, 2007 Isn't mangosteen juice really acidic? Re: New Here Hi , Most of what I'm doing seems to help somewhat. The things I would cut would be the glutathione and mangosteen juice (expensive for what they do). I still have bad days with pain and fatigue. The whey protein helps with energy and it's an easy to digest protein. My amino levels were critically low and my doctor started me off with powdered aminoes, then switched me over to whey. I wouldn't give this up. My digestion is much better with the HCl and enzymes and I tend to think that even healthy people would benefit from using them. I hope that with improved digestion, getting rid of some of the infections (with ozone), and a good diet, I'll get healthy again. My doctor's office does ozone saunas and I use a generator at home. I don't know enough about it to give you good information...and don't want to post inaccurate stuff. The basics are that you can use it to ozonate water and do insufflations. The purpose is to kill bacteria and viruses through oxygenating the body. I've tried so many different things it's a wonder I haven't killed myself in the process! I base my green juices on the Gerson Therapy. They use romaine, Swiss chard, cabbage, endive, escarole, green pepper, watercress, beet tops and a green apple. I don't use all of these every time, but try to incorporate as good a mix as possible. Hope this helps...and sorry for writing so much. > Some of your current treatments I'm familiar with......other's I am not, > like ozone thereapy. Is what you're doing now helping? I know you said > the green juice is, but is the rest of it? WHat kind of things do you > use in your green drink? > > Thanks again. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 13, 2007 Report Share Posted September 13, 2007 p.s. - have you checked the pH of the ionized water? and of your local tap and bottled water? Just curious. Annie Re: New Here Hi , Most of what I'm doing seems to help somewhat. The things I would cut would be the glutathione and mangosteen juice (expensive for what they do). I still have bad days with pain and fatigue. The whey protein helps with energy and it's an easy to digest protein. My amino levels were critically low and my doctor started me off with powdered aminoes, then switched me over to whey. I wouldn't give this up. My digestion is much better with the HCl and enzymes and I tend to think that even healthy people would benefit from using them. I hope that with improved digestion, getting rid of some of the infections (with ozone), and a good diet, I'll get healthy again. My doctor's office does ozone saunas and I use a generator at home. I don't know enough about it to give you good information...and don't want to post inaccurate stuff. The basics are that you can use it to ozonate water and do insufflations. The purpose is to kill bacteria and viruses through oxygenating the body. I've tried so many different things it's a wonder I haven't killed myself in the process! I base my green juices on the Gerson Therapy. They use romaine, Swiss chard, cabbage, endive, escarole, green pepper, watercress, beet tops and a green apple. I don't use all of these every time, but try to incorporate as good a mix as possible. Hope this helps...and sorry for writing so much. > Some of your current treatments I'm familiar with......other's I am not, > like ozone thereapy. Is what you're doing now helping? I know you said > the green juice is, but is the rest of it? WHat kind of things do you > use in your green drink? > > Thanks again. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 13, 2007 Report Share Posted September 13, 2007 Hi Anne, It may be since it's a fruit juice. I was told it has an alkalizing effect on the body, and I don't test as being acidic. It's supposed to be good for candida and an antibacterial. I've been using it for the past 3 months and haven't had any stomach problems from it; it's just not doing what I would hope for the price. My brother used it for fibro type symptoms and his pain vanished within 3 wks. That's why I thought I'd give it a try. > > Isn't mangosteen juice really acidic? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 13, 2007 Report Share Posted September 13, 2007 Our tap water tests at 7. I drink Nikken filtered water and it also tests a 7. Why? What kind of water do you drink? > > > Some of your current treatments I'm familiar with......other's I am not, > > like ozone thereapy. Is what you're doing now helping? I know you said > > the green juice is, but is the rest of it? WHat kind of things do you > > use in your green drink? > > > > Thanks again. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 13, 2007 Report Share Posted September 13, 2007 Do you test urine or saliva? thankx, Annie Re: New Here Hi Anne, It may be since it's a fruit juice. I was told it has an alkalizing effect on the body, and I don't test as being acidic. It's supposed to be good for candida and an antibacterial. I've been using it for the past 3 months and haven't had any stomach problems from it; it's just not doing what I would hope for the price. My brother used it for fibro type symptoms and his pain vanished within 3 wks. That's why I thought I'd give it a try. > > Isn't mangosteen juice really acidic? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 5, 2008 Report Share Posted April 5, 2008 Hi sorry print is so big,but had to see what I was sending ya all. I've had fibro for many yrs, and have been on disability since 2002..There was a link in one of the messages here, I couldn't get it to work...ahhhh so I'm an air head, here it is http://www.ispub.com/ostia/index.php? xmlFilePath=journals/ijaam/vol1n1/balneo.xml Jiri... Like I said I couldn't get it, there fore I couldn't read it.I'm 55 and have been dealing with this since the 80's, but then they called it's in your head. Nice to meet ya's. I'm from Florida, and well my past time is jail ministry,to women in rehab. Hugs,,although gentle as they can be, I'm up since 1:30 EST, pain is so bad I could not sleep. Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 23, 2008 Report Share Posted October 23, 2008 Welcome. This is a good place to come. I joined in August and have already learned so much. I'm sorry this is so short but I am in the middle of making dinner. e From: Deborah McKee Sent: Wednesday, October 22, 2008 3:03 PM To: aspires-relationships Subject: New here Hi all,I just wanted to introduce myself. I am Hael. My husband is Fish. Iam NT, I suppose, and I am guessing that my husband is AS, althoughthere has been no diagnosis, and he would be quite dismayed to knowthat I think he is.We have been married for just a little over a year. We dated for about8 months before he proposed, and then we were engaged for a year.Here are the several reasons I believe he is AS:-- his son from his first marriage (my step-son), who is 8, has beenidentified by his physician as possibly AS, high-functioning, butdefinitely somewhere on that spectrum.-- Fish and his son are like mirror images of each other when it comesto AS-like behavior.-- Fish is very socially awkward and uncomfortable, and has been onanxiety medications in the past for his social discomfort. Not onlyis he highly uncomfortable in crowds or with other people, he has veryodd conversational ... peculiarities. If caught up in conversationwith one or several other people, Fish will typically avoid anyinteraction, unless the subject pertains directly to him. He comesacross as rude or disinterested, usually staring off at some pointacross the room. Sometimes he will absentmindedly nod or vaguelysmile as if to appear he is paying attention, but he is out of theconversation. He never asks anyone about themselves or something theyare interested in. If given the opportunity, or if asked, he willtalk about his own pet projects or obsessions at length, without anysign of stopping, in great detail, and almost in a professorial /lecturing way, even if the question or the setting is more conduciveto a simple or basic explanation, or if the question was asked mainlyout of politeness. It has been very embarrassing several times when Ican read the body language of the other party, and they are clearlysaying, "ok, enough." I get the sense that people want to make anexcuse to get away from Fish when he is on one of his rambles, and itis all i can do to try and interrupt him by asking the other personabout themselves, or by saying to him, "Fish, let's let so-and-so geton the road, I'm sure they've got a long drive," or something likethat. I will tell you that I have seen relief come over the faces ofmore than one person when I've jumped in this way.-- Fish has one or two very serious obsessions; one is growing things,and the other, I would say, is one particular computer role-playinggame. The growing things component is one we have managed to turninto a fairly profitable, viable small business. He plays the game ofgrowing things like a strategy game, fascinated and obsessed with allthe variables and challenges. It's all he talks about. God forbidyou get him started talking about it. The other obsession is hiscomputer game, but because I know many people become addicted to thesame game, I don't know how indiciative it is of AS. I should alsosay that he is obsessed with and fascinated with weather; he got hismasters in an obscure area of climatology, and taught climate andphysical geography briefly at the university level. If, god forbid,anyone in any setting makes any comment about weather in earshot ofhim, he will get all "teacher-y" about it. Granted, I have learned alot about our physical environment from him, but it's beyond just,"Hey, you want to know something interesting?" No, he will give you afull lecture on rayleigh scattering or some other weather-related oratmospheric topic.-- When he was younger, from his middle school years up throughcollege, Fish was obsessed with fishing. He talks about it now, abouthow all-consuming fishing was for him back then, but he just shrugs,and doesn't find anything all that unusual about it. He nearly didn'tgraduate from school, because he spent all his time out in a boatfishing. In those years, he also devised and created this veryelaborate fishing strategy game, dealing with all kinds of variables,such as fish migrations, weather patterns, and other issues thataffect fishing. He was very proud of this game, and showed it to me ayear or so ago; he wanted to play it with me, but I realizedimmediately that what he considered a "game" would be, for me, and formost others, a very tedious, long-lasting exercise in minute attentionto detail. I tried to be enthusiastic, saying how much fun it wouldbe to create a computer version of the game, with images of all thedifferent fish, and options to build different types of boats andstuff. He said he preferred to play it with "no flash," with just thebasic strategies. it looked like a tricky game, a long-lastingstrategy game that, frankly, seemed like it was over my head.-- Fish has trouble with emotions. He has trouble expressing emotionsand he definitely has trouble reading or appreciating or empathizingwith emotions in others. He has very little tolerance for otherpeople, and does not cultivate or maintain anything close to"friendships." He has some business partnerships, and of course, hehas me; I know without a doubt I am his one and only friend,confidante, "person." Friendships are very foreign to him, and whenwe have associations with other people, I am always nervous that he isgoing to get perturbed by something about the other people, and writethem off. It has been tricky for me, as I am a somewhat socialperson; I have few friends, but those I have I consider very finepeople, and I want to keep them in my life.-- I used to think he was just a picky eater, but I have come to learnthat Fish has an incredibly sensitive (oversensitive) palate andoversensitive sense of smell. He can smell things well before anyoneelse can. He is a perfect barometer for meat that is just shy ofgoing bad. Even if it smells fine to the rest of us, he will throw itaway. He has nearly become a vegetarian, because he rarely finds meatthat he finds palatable. He is stuck pretty basically on a few meals,and rarely likes to stray at all.-- Fish wears the same few clothes all the time. It helps that wehave a business where clothing doesn't matter, and where function isthe most important thing. His skin is very sensitive to anything"scratchy," which happens to be a lot of things. He can't stand tohave anything restrictive, and he abhors wearing pants or shirts thatrequire buttoning. He wears T-shirts -- the same few very soft fromwear T-shirts he has worn for years and years -- and stretchy shortsmost all year long. In the winter, he will throw on stretchy athleticpants over his shorts and he wears large sweat-shirts. That's aboutit.This all makes him sound pretty bad, but in fact, Fish is a very goodman, and he can be a very sweet person. He's incredibly intelligent,for one thing, and I love that. He's very logical. He doesn't showmuch emotion for his children, but he cares for his children; they areboth very important to him. I am pregnant with our first childtogether (my first ever), and he is very sweet about it, patting mybelly and checking in with the baby every now and then. In a way, Ithink of Fish as a diamond in the rough; he will always be who he is,and to many people, the outside, awkward part of Fish is hard to getpast. To me, his love of growing things, his family-focused, inwardnature, his intelligence, and even his willingness to please me(sometimes) make him worth it.My greatest struggles are with Fish's lack of emotion and hisdifficulty with my emotions -- I am pretty rational, but not all thetime, and I've definitely noticed some mood swings with thispregnancy. I've also dealt with depression over the years, andcurrently I take medication for it. It's not severe, but if I gowithout my medication for awhile, it definitely affects myfunctioning. Also, I grew up in a very affectionate family, and itcan be hard to have to ASK him for a hug or for a show of affection.Fish no longer takes anti-anxiety medication; we think a lot of hisanxiety was brought on by his ex-wife, who I really think would havehad no awareness that his "quirks" could be related to the same thingher son is dealing with. However, she was one of the first to pointout, after the doctor mentioned that her son is possibly AS, that,"Hey, that might be what's wrong with Fish." Of course, I don't seeit as anything "wrong" with him; just different, and I know that mypersonality meshes better with his, AS or no, than hers did.The other thing that makes this really hard is that Fish hasn't beendiagnosed, and he probably won't ever be. He blew it off when it wassuggested that his boy has it, and he blows off any suggestion that hecould be AS.Anyone else out there who has experienced that with a spouse? Denialabout being AS? What did you do?Well, I know this is long. I just wanted to put it out there andintroduce myself and my AS spouse. Thanks for reading.Hael Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 23, 2008 Report Share Posted October 23, 2008 Hello Hael My husband is also UN diagnosed AS, our son 13 is diagnosed AS. When we were told our son was on the spectrum i researched as much as i could, it was then that i discovered that my husband, sister in law, father in law was on the spectrum also. My husband was in denial about our son and himself for a couple of years, he disagreed with our sons psychologist and her diagnosis at first, he just refused to acknowledge anything she said, he has always had a need for perfection and being diagnosed with a disorder to him was not perfect. I hired every book the library had on the subject and without ramming it down his throat too much kept reading the odd passage, the list of traits, and comparing our sons characteristics with what was in the books. He did learn to accept the diagnosis but it took quite a while. Once he had accepted this i then would read a passage or something off the various lists and say "that's just like you", or "blimey sounds like they are describing you here", he would always want to know what i meant by that, so this is how he listened and learnt, the result after over a year, was he did accept he could possibly be on the spectrum himself and we both went to see our doctor to start the ball rolling.. Unfortunately the doctor was dismissive, cold, be little ling, and made an enemy out of my husband with his ridicule like bedside manner. After being observed for sometime by our sons psychologist and having my/our suspicions confirmed my husband has now accepted he has AS, he seems more accepting of himself and not so quick to put himself down and refere to himself as stupid or an idiot, he has lived a life of negativity, felt he was a failure as a man, and so spent many many years previous in the mental health care system. I can relate all that you have said on the subject of emotions, things got so bad we were hours away from a break up, then i found this group. I 'woke' up simple as that, wont go into details as iv'e said it all before but you will be ok, if you get as much as i do from this group, there's nothing you will feel you can't overcome. Looking forward to hearing more from you. PS Have you read anything by Lawson? her life is so much like my husbands, Take care Elaine New here Hi all,I just wanted to introduce myself. I am Hael. My husband is Fish. Iam NT, I suppose, and I am guessing that my husband is AS, althoughthere has been no diagnosis, and he would be quite dismayed to knowthat I think he is.We have been married for just a little over a year. We dated for about8 months before he proposed, and then we were engaged for a year.Here are the several reasons I believe he is AS:-- his son from his first marriage (my step-son), who is 8, has beenidentified by his physician as possibly AS, high-functioning, butdefinitely somewhere on that spectrum.-- Fish and his son are like mirror images of each other when it comesto AS-like behavior.-- Fish is very socially awkward and uncomfortable, and has been onanxiety medications in the past for his social discomfort. Not onlyis he highly uncomfortable in crowds or with other people, he has veryodd conversational ... peculiarities. If caught up in conversationwith one or several other people, Fish will typically avoid anyinteraction, unless the subject pertains directly to him. He comesacross as rude or disinterested, usually staring off at some pointacross the room. Sometimes he will absentmindedly nod or vaguelysmile as if to appear he is paying attention, but he is out of theconversation. He never asks anyone about themselves or something theyare interested in. If given the opportunity, or if asked, he willtalk about his own pet projects or obsessions at length, without anysign of stopping, in great detail, and almost in a professorial /lecturing way, even if the question or the setting is more conduciveto a simple or basic explanation, or if the question was asked mainlyout of politeness. It has been very embarrassing several times when Ican read the body language of the other party, and they are clearlysaying, "ok, enough." I get the sense that people want to make anexcuse to get away from Fish when he is on one of his rambles, and itis all i can do to try and interrupt him by asking the other personabout themselves, or by saying to him, "Fish, let's let so-and-so geton the road, I'm sure they've got a long drive," or something likethat. I will tell you that I have seen relief come over the faces ofmore than one person when I've jumped in this way.-- Fish has one or two very serious obsessions; one is growing things,and the other, I would say, is one particular computer role-playinggame. The growing things component is one we have managed to turninto a fairly profitable, viable small business. He plays the game ofgrowing things like a strategy game, fascinated and obsessed with allthe variables and challenges. It's all he talks about. God forbidyou get him started talking about it. The other obsession is hiscomputer game, but because I know many people become addicted to thesame game, I don't know how indiciative it is of AS. I should alsosay that he is obsessed with and fascinated with weather; he got hismasters in an obscure area of climatology, and taught climate andphysical geography briefly at the university level. If, god forbid,anyone in any setting makes any comment about weather in earshot ofhim, he will get all "teacher-y" about it. Granted, I have learned alot about our physical environment from him, but it's beyond just,"Hey, you want to know something interesting? " No, he will give you afull lecture on rayleigh scattering or some other weather-related oratmospheric topic.-- When he was younger, from his middle school years up throughcollege, Fish was obsessed with fishing. He talks about it now, abouthow all-consuming fishing was for him back then, but he just shrugs,and doesn't find anything all that unusual about it. He nearly didn'tgraduate from school, because he spent all his time out in a boatfishing. In those years, he also devised and created this veryelaborate fishing strategy game, dealing with all kinds of variables,such as fish migrations, weather patterns, and other issues thataffect fishing. He was very proud of this game, and showed it to me ayear or so ago; he wanted to play it with me, but I realizedimmediately that what he considered a "game" would be, for me, and formost others, a very tedious, long-lasting exercise in minute attentionto detail. I tried to be enthusiastic, saying how much fun it wouldbe to create a computer version of the game, with images of all thedifferent fish, and options to build different types of boats andstuff. He said he preferred to play it with "no flash," with just thebasic strategies. it looked like a tricky game, a long-lastingstrategy game that, frankly, seemed like it was over my head.-- Fish has trouble with emotions. He has trouble expressing emotionsand he definitely has trouble reading or appreciating or empathizingwith emotions in others. He has very little tolerance for otherpeople, and does not cultivate or maintain anything close to"friendships. " He has some business partnerships, and of course, hehas me; I know without a doubt I am his one and only friend,confidante, "person." Friendships are very foreign to him, and whenwe have associations with other people, I am always nervous that he isgoing to get perturbed by something about the other people, and writethem off. It has been tricky for me, as I am a somewhat socialperson; I have few friends, but those I have I consider very finepeople, and I want to keep them in my life.-- I used to think he was just a picky eater, but I have come to learnthat Fish has an incredibly sensitive (oversensitive) palate andoversensitive sense of smell. He can smell things well before anyoneelse can. He is a perfect barometer for meat that is just shy ofgoing bad. Even if it smells fine to the rest of us, he will throw itaway. He has nearly become a vegetarian, because he rarely finds meatthat he finds palatable. He is stuck pretty basically on a few meals,and rarely likes to stray at all.-- Fish wears the same few clothes all the time. It helps that wehave a business where clothing doesn't matter, and where function isthe most important thing. His skin is very sensitive to anything"scratchy," which happens to be a lot of things. He can't stand tohave anything restrictive, and he abhors wearing pants or shirts thatrequire buttoning. He wears T-shirts -- the same few very soft fromwear T-shirts he has worn for years and years -- and stretchy shortsmost all year long. In the winter, he will throw on stretchy athleticpants over his shorts and he wears large sweat-shirts. That's aboutit.This all makes him sound pretty bad, but in fact, Fish is a very goodman, and he can be a very sweet person. He's incredibly intelligent,for one thing, and I love that. He's very logical. He doesn't showmuch emotion for his children, but he cares for his children; they areboth very important to him. I am pregnant with our first childtogether (my first ever), and he is very sweet about it, patting mybelly and checking in with the baby every now and then. In a way, Ithink of Fish as a diamond in the rough; he will always be who he is,and to many people, the outside, awkward part of Fish is hard to getpast. To me, his love of growing things, his family-focused, inwardnature, his intelligence, and even his willingness to please me(sometimes) make him worth it.My greatest struggles are with Fish's lack of emotion and hisdifficulty with my emotions -- I am pretty rational, but not all thetime, and I've definitely noticed some mood swings with thispregnancy. I've also dealt with depression over the years, andcurrently I take medication for it. It's not severe, but if I gowithout my medication for awhile, it definitely affects myfunctioning. Also, I grew up in a very affectionate family, and itcan be hard to have to ASK him for a hug or for a show of affection.Fish no longer takes anti-anxiety medication; we think a lot of hisanxiety was brought on by his ex-wife, who I really think would havehad no awareness that his "quirks" could be related to the same thingher son is dealing with. However, she was one of the first to pointout, after the doctor mentioned that her son is possibly AS, that,"Hey, that might be what's wrong with Fish." Of course, I don't seeit as anything "wrong" with him; just different, and I know that mypersonality meshes better with his, AS or no, than hers did.The other thing that makes this really hard is that Fish hasn't beendiagnosed, and he probably won't ever be. He blew it off when it wassuggested that his boy has it, and he blows off any suggestion that hecould be AS.Anyone else out there who has experienced that with a spouse? Denialabout being AS? What did you do?Well, I know this is long. I just wanted to put it out there andintroduce myself and my AS spouse. Thanks for reading.Hael Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 2008 Report Share Posted October 27, 2008 Hi Elaine,Thanks for giving a history of how things are going for you and your family. It does give me hope and others too, I'm sure.MemTo: aspires-relationships From: alexhoey1961@...Date: Thu, 23 Oct 2008 07:30:07 +0000Subject: Re: New here Hello Hael My husband is also UN diagnosed AS, our son 13 is diagnosed AS. When we were told our son was on the spectrum i researched as much as i could, it was then that i discovered that my husband, sister in law, father in law was on the spectrum also. My husband was in denial about our son and himself for a couple of years, he disagreed with our sons psychologist and her diagnosis at first, he just refused to acknowledge anything she said, he has always had a need for perfection and being diagnosed with a disorder to him was not perfect. I hired every book the library had on the subject and without ramming it down his throat too much kept reading the odd passage, the list of traits, and comparing our sons characteristics with what was in the books. He did learn to accept the diagnosis but it took quite a while. Once he had accepted this i then would read a passage or something off the various lists and say "that's just like you", or "blimey sounds like they are describing you here", he would always want to know what i meant by that, so this is how he listened and learnt, the result after over a year, was he did accept he could possibly be on the spectrum himself and we both went to see our doctor to start the ball rolling.. Unfortunately the doctor was dismissive, cold, be little ling, and made an enemy out of my husband with his ridicule like bedside manner. After being observed for sometime by our sons psychologist and having my/our suspicions confirmed my husband has now accepted he has AS, he seems more accepting of himself and not so quick to put himself down and refere to himself as stupid or an idiot, he has lived a life of negativity, felt he was a failure as a man, and so spent many many years previous in the mental health care system. I can relate all that you have said on the subject of emotions, things got so bad we were hours away from a break up, then i found this group. I 'woke' up simple as that, wont go into details as iv'e said it all before but you will be ok, if you get as much as i do from this group, there's nothing you will feel you can't overcome. Looking forward to hearing more from you. PS Have you read anything by Lawson? her life is so much like my husbands, Take care Elaine New here Hi all,I just wanted to introduce myself. I am Hael. My husband is Fish. Iam NT, I suppose, and I am guessing that my husband is AS, althoughthere has been no diagnosis, and he would be quite dismayed to knowthat I think he is.We have been married for just a little over a year. We dated for about8 months before he proposed, and then we were engaged for a year.Here are the several reasons I believe he is AS:-- his son from his first marriage (my step-son), who is 8, has beenidentified by his physician as possibly AS, high-functioning, butdefinitely somewhere on that spectrum.-- Fish and his son are like mirror images of each other when it comesto AS-like behavior.-- Fish is very socially awkward and uncomfortable, and has been onanxiety medications in the past for his social discomfort. Not onlyis he highly uncomfortable in crowds or with other people, he has veryodd conversational ... peculiarities. If caught up in conversationwith one or several other people, Fish will typically avoid anyinteraction, unless the subject pertains directly to him. He comesacross as rude or disinterested, usually staring off at some pointacross the room. Sometimes he will absentmindedly nod or vaguelysmile as if to appear he is paying attention, but he is out of theconversation. He never asks anyone about themselves or something theyare interested in. If given the opportunity, or if asked, he willtalk about his own pet projects or obsessions at length, without anysign of stopping, in great detail, and almost in a professorial /lecturing way, even if the question or the setting is more conduciveto a simple or basic explanation, or if the question was asked mainlyout of politeness. It has been very embarrassing several times when Ican read the body language of the other party, and they are clearlysaying, "ok, enough." I get the sense that people want to make anexcuse to get away from Fish when he is on one of his rambles, and itis all i can do to try and interrupt him by asking the other personabout themselves, or by saying to him, "Fish, let's let so-and-so geton the road, I'm sure they've got a long drive," or something likethat. I will tell you that I have seen relief come over the faces ofmore than one person when I've jumped in this way.-- Fish has one or two very serious obsessions; one is growing things,and the other, I would say, is one particular computer role-playinggame. The growing things component is one we have managed to turninto a fairly profitable, viable small business. He plays the game ofgrowing things like a strategy game, fascinated and obsessed with allthe variables and challenges. It's all he talks about. God forbidyou get him started talking about it. The other obsession is hiscomputer game, but because I know many people become addicted to thesame game, I don't know how indiciative it is of AS. I should alsosay that he is obsessed with and fascinated with weather; he got hismasters in an obscure area of climatology, and taught climate andphysical geography briefly at the university level. If, god forbid,anyone in any setting makes any comment about weather in earshot ofhim, he will get all "teacher-y" about it. Granted, I have learned alot about our physical environment from him, but it's beyond just,"Hey, you want to know something interesting? " No, he will give you afull lecture on rayleigh scattering or some other weather-related oratmospheric topic.-- When he was younger, from his middle school years up throughcollege, Fish was obsessed with fishing. He talks about it now, abouthow all-consuming fishing was for him back then, but he just shrugs,and doesn't find anything all that unusual about it. He nearly didn'tgraduate from school, because he spent all his time out in a boatfishing. In those years, he also devised and created this veryelaborate fishing strategy game, dealing with all kinds of variables,such as fish migrations, weather patterns, and other issues thataffect fishing. He was very proud of this game, and showed it to me ayear or so ago; he wanted to play it with me, but I realizedimmediately that what he considered a "game" would be, for me, and formost others, a very tedious, long-lasting exercise in minute attentionto detail. I tried to be enthusiastic, saying how much fun it wouldbe to create a computer version of the game, with images of all thedifferent fish, and options to build different types of boats andstuff. He said he preferred to play it with "no flash," with just thebasic strategies. it looked like a tricky game, a long-lastingstrategy game that, frankly, seemed like it was over my head.-- Fish has trouble with emotions. He has trouble expressing emotionsand he definitely has trouble reading or appreciating or empathizingwith emotions in others. He has very little tolerance for otherpeople, and does not cultivate or maintain anything close to"friendships. " He has some business partnerships, and of course, hehas me; I know without a doubt I am his one and only friend,confidante, "person." Friendships are very foreign to him, and whenwe have associations with other people, I am always nervous that he isgoing to get perturbed by something about the other people, and writethem off. It has been tricky for me, as I am a somewhat socialperson; I have few friends, but those I have I consider very finepeople, and I want to keep them in my life.-- I used to think he was just a picky eater, but I have come to learnthat Fish has an incredibly sensitive (oversensitive) palate andoversensitive sense of smell. He can smell things well before anyoneelse can. He is a perfect barometer for meat that is just shy ofgoing bad. Even if it smells fine to the rest of us, he will throw itaway. He has nearly become a vegetarian, because he rarely finds meatthat he finds palatable. He is stuck pretty basically on a few meals,and rarely likes to stray at all.-- Fish wears the same few clothes all the time. It helps that wehave a business where clothing doesn't matter, and where function isthe most important thing. His skin is very sensitive to anything"scratchy," which happens to be a lot of things. He can't stand tohave anything restrictive, and he abhors wearing pants or shirts thatrequire buttoning. He wears T-shirts -- the same few very soft fromwear T-shirts he has worn for years and years -- and stretchy shortsmost all year long. In the winter, he will throw on stretchy athleticpants over his shorts and he wears large sweat-shirts. That's aboutit.This all makes him sound pretty bad, but in fact, Fish is a very goodman, and he can be a very sweet person. He's incredibly intelligent,for one thing, and I love that. He's very logical. He doesn't showmuch emotion for his children, but he cares for his children; they areboth very important to him. I am pregnant with our first childtogether (my first ever), and he is very sweet about it, patting mybelly and checking in with the baby every now and then. In a way, Ithink of Fish as a diamond in the rough; he will always be who he is,and to many people, the outside, awkward part of Fish is hard to getpast. To me, his love of growing things, his family-focused, inwardnature, his intelligence, and even his willingness to please me(sometimes) make him worth it.My greatest struggles are with Fish's lack of emotion and hisdifficulty with my emotions -- I am pretty rational, but not all thetime, and I've definitely noticed some mood swings with thispregnancy. I've also dealt with depression over the years, andcurrently I take medication for it. It's not severe, but if I gowithout my medication for awhile, it definitely affects myfunctioning. Also, I grew up in a very affectionate family, and itcan be hard to have to ASK him for a hug or for a show of affection.Fish no longer takes anti-anxiety medication; we think a lot of hisanxiety was brought on by his ex-wife, who I really think would havehad no awareness that his "quirks" could be related to the same thingher son is dealing with. However, she was one of the first to pointout, after the doctor mentioned that her son is possibly AS, that,"Hey, that might be what's wrong with Fish." Of course, I don't seeit as anything "wrong" with him; just different, and I know that mypersonality meshes better with his, AS or no, than hers did.The other thing that makes this really hard is that Fish hasn't beendiagnosed, and he probably won't ever be. He blew it off when it wassuggested that his boy has it, and he blows off any suggestion that hecould be AS.Anyone else out there who has experienced that with a spouse? Denialabout being AS? What did you do?Well, I know this is long. I just wanted to put it out there andintroduce myself and my AS spouse. Thanks for reading.Hael When your life is on the go—take your life with you. Try Windows Mobile® today Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 2008 Report Share Posted October 27, 2008 Elaine, Can you expand on how your Husband accepting your AS dx, has made a difference in your relationship. Thanks. Jim To: aspires-relationships Sent: Thursday, October 23, 2008 12:30:07 AMSubject: Re: New here Hello Hael My husband is also UN diagnosed AS, our son 13 is diagnosed AS. When we were told our son was on the spectrum i researched as much as i could, it was then that i discovered that my husband, sister in law, father in law was on the spectrum also. My husband was in denial about our son and himself for a couple of years, he disagreed with our sons psychologist and her diagnosis at first, he just refused to acknowledge anything she said, he has always had a need for perfection and being diagnosed with a disorder to him was not perfect. I hired every book the library had on the subject and without ramming it down his throat too much kept reading the odd passage, the list of traits, and comparing our sons characteristics with what was in the books. He did learn to accept the diagnosis but it took quite a while. Once he had accepted this i then would read a passage or something off the various lists and say "that's just like you", or "blimey sounds like they are describing you here", he would always want to know what i meant by that, so this is how he listened and learnt, the result after over a year, was he did accept he could possibly be on the spectrum himself and we both went to see our doctor to start the ball rolling.. Unfortunately the doctor was dismissive, cold, be little ling, and made an enemy out of my husband with his ridicule like bedside manner. After being observed for sometime by our sons psychologist and having my/our suspicions confirmed my husband has now accepted he has AS, he seems more accepting of himself and not so quick to put himself down and refere to himself as stupid or an idiot, he has lived a life of negativity, felt he was a failure as a man, and so spent many many years previous in the mental health care system. I can relate all that you have said on the subject of emotions, things got so bad we were hours away from a break up, then i found this group. I 'woke' up simple as that, wont go into details as iv'e said it all before but you will be ok, if you get as much as i do from this group, there's nothing you will feel you can't overcome. Looking forward to hearing more from you. PS Have you read anything by Lawson? her life is so much like my husbands, Take care Elaine [aspires-relationsh ips] New here Hi all,I just wanted to introduce myself. I am Hael. My husband is Fish. Iam NT, I suppose, and I am guessing that my husband is AS, althoughthere has been no diagnosis, and he would be quite dismayed to knowthat I think he is.We have been married for just a little over a year. We dated for about8 months before he proposed, and then we were engaged for a year.Here are the several reasons I believe he is AS:-- his son from his first marriage (my step-son), who is 8, has beenidentified by his physician as possibly AS, high-functioning, butdefinitely somewhere on that spectrum.-- Fish and his son are like mirror images of each other when it comesto AS-like behavior.-- Fish is very socially awkward and uncomfortable, and has been onanxiety medications in the past for his social discomfort. Not onlyis he highly uncomfortable in crowds or with other people, he has veryodd conversational ... peculiarities. If caught up in conversationwith one or several other people, Fish will typically avoid anyinteraction, unless the subject pertains directly to him. He comesacross as rude or disinterested, usually staring off at some pointacross the room. Sometimes he will absentmindedly nod or vaguelysmile as if to appear he is paying attention, but he is out of theconversation. He never asks anyone about themselves or something theyare interested in. If given the opportunity, or if asked, he willtalk about his own pet projects or obsessions at length, without anysign of stopping, in great detail, and almost in a professorial /lecturing way, even if the question or the setting is more conduciveto a simple or basic explanation, or if the question was asked mainlyout of politeness. It has been very embarrassing several times when Ican read the body language of the other party, and they are clearlysaying, "ok, enough." I get the sense that people want to make anexcuse to get away from Fish when he is on one of his rambles, and itis all i can do to try and interrupt him by asking the other personabout themselves, or by saying to him, "Fish, let's let so-and-so geton the road, I'm sure they've got a long drive," or something likethat. I will tell you that I have seen relief come over the faces ofmore than one person when I've jumped in this way.-- Fish has one or two very serious obsessions; one is growing things,and the other, I would say, is one particular computer role-playinggame. The growing things component is one we have managed to turninto a fairly profitable, viable small business. He plays the game ofgrowing things like a strategy game, fascinated and obsessed with allthe variables and challenges. It's all he talks about. God forbidyou get him started talking about it. The other obsession is hiscomputer game, but because I know many people become addicted to thesame game, I don't know how indiciative it is of AS. I should alsosay that he is obsessed with and fascinated with weather; he got hismasters in an obscure area of climatology, and taught climate andphysical geography briefly at the university level. If, god forbid,anyone in any setting makes any comment about weather in earshot ofhim, he will get all "teacher-y" about it. Granted, I have learned alot about our physical environment from him, but it's beyond just,"Hey, you want to know something interesting? " No, he will give you afull lecture on rayleigh scattering or some other weather-related oratmospheric topic.-- When he was younger, from his middle school years up throughcollege, Fish was obsessed with fishing. He talks about it now, abouthow all-consuming fishing was for him back then, but he just shrugs,and doesn't find anything all that unusual about it. He nearly didn'tgraduate from school, because he spent all his time out in a boatfishing. In those years, he also devised and created this veryelaborate fishing strategy game, dealing with all kinds of variables,such as fish migrations, weather patterns, and other issues thataffect fishing. He was very proud of this game, and showed it to me ayear or so ago; he wanted to play it with me, but I realizedimmediately that what he considered a "game" would be, for me, and formost others, a very tedious, long-lasting exercise in minute attentionto detail. I tried to be enthusiastic, saying how much fun it wouldbe to create a computer version of the game, with images of all thedifferent fish, and options to build different types of boats andstuff. He said he preferred to play it with "no flash," with just thebasic strategies. it looked like a tricky game, a long-lastingstrategy game that, frankly, seemed like it was over my head.-- Fish has trouble with emotions. He has trouble expressing emotionsand he definitely has trouble reading or appreciating or empathizingwith emotions in others. He has very little tolerance for otherpeople, and does not cultivate or maintain anything close to"friendships. " He has some business partnerships, and of course, hehas me; I know without a doubt I am his one and only friend,confidante, "person." Friendships are very foreign to him, and whenwe have associations with other people, I am always nervous that he isgoing to get perturbed by something about the other people, and writethem off. It has been tricky for me, as I am a somewhat socialperson; I have few friends, but those I have I consider very finepeople, and I want to keep them in my life.-- I used to think he was just a picky eater, but I have come to learnthat Fish has an incredibly sensitive (oversensitive) palate andoversensitive sense of smell. He can smell things well before anyoneelse can. He is a perfect barometer for meat that is just shy ofgoing bad. Even if it smells fine to the rest of us, he will throw itaway. He has nearly become a vegetarian, because he rarely finds meatthat he finds palatable. He is stuck pretty basically on a few meals,and rarely likes to stray at all.-- Fish wears the same few clothes all the time. It helps that wehave a business where clothing doesn't matter, and where function isthe most important thing. His skin is very sensitive to anything"scratchy," which happens to be a lot of things. He can't stand tohave anything restrictive, and he abhors wearing pants or shirts thatrequire buttoning. He wears T-shirts -- the same few very soft fromwear T-shirts he has worn for years and years -- and stretchy shortsmost all year long. In the winter, he will throw on stretchy athleticpants over his shorts and he wears large sweat-shirts. That's aboutit.This all makes him sound pretty bad, but in fact, Fish is a very goodman, and he can be a very sweet person. He's incredibly intelligent,for one thing, and I love that. He's very logical. He doesn't showmuch emotion for his children, but he cares for his children; they areboth very important to him. I am pregnant with our first childtogether (my first ever), and he is very sweet about it, patting mybelly and checking in with the baby every now and then. In a way, Ithink of Fish as a diamond in the rough; he will always be who he is,and to many people, the outside, awkward part of Fish is hard to getpast. To me, his love of growing things, his family-focused, inwardnature, his intelligence, and even his willingness to please me(sometimes) make him worth it.My greatest struggles are with Fish's lack of emotion and hisdifficulty with my emotions -- I am pretty rational, but not all thetime, and I've definitely noticed some mood swings with thispregnancy. I've also dealt with depression over the years, andcurrently I take medication for it. It's not severe, but if I gowithout my medication for awhile, it definitely affects myfunctioning. Also, I grew up in a very affectionate family, and itcan be hard to have to ASK him for a hug or for a show of affection.Fish no longer takes anti-anxiety medication; we think a lot of hisanxiety was brought on by his ex-wife, who I really think would havehad no awareness that his "quirks" could be related to the same thingher son is dealing with. However, she was one of the first to pointout, after the doctor mentioned that her son is possibly AS, that,"Hey, that might be what's wrong with Fish." Of course, I don't seeit as anything "wrong" with him; just different, and I know that mypersonality meshes better with his, AS or no, than hers did.The other thing that makes this really hard is that Fish hasn't beendiagnosed, and he probably won't ever be. He blew it off when it wassuggested that his boy has it, and he blows off any suggestion that hecould be AS.Anyone else out there who has experienced that with a spouse? Denialabout being AS? What did you do?Well, I know this is long. I just wanted to put it out there andintroduce myself and my AS spouse. Thanks for reading.Hael Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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