codependence problem resulting from shame / low self-image due to CMT

[Guest guest]

Hello,

I find I have " codependence " problem, a psychology term, due to CMT.

I see myself, define my self-worth on the basis of how other people see me or

define me. Unfortunately, My parents always feel sorry for me since I was a

little girl. I subconsciously see myself as damaged good and have very low self

exteem and thus I project my own feeling onto others. I presume that people

will look down on me. Also, I take other people's feelings as my own feelings. I

tend to feel that I have an obligation to fix other people 's problems without

being asked.

Codependence is about giving away power over our self-esteem. Taking our

self-definition and self-worth from outside or external sources is dysfunctional

because it causes us to give power over how we feel about ourselves to people

and forces which we cannot control.

Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls

Codependence is about giving away power over our self-esteem. Interdependence is

about making allies, forming partnerships. It is about forming connections with

other beings.

In order to stop giving our power away, to stop reacting out of our inner

children, to stop setting ourselves up to be victims, so that we can start

learning to trust and Love ourselves, we need to begin to practice discernment.

Discernment is having the eyes to see, and the ears to hear - and the ability to

feel the emotional energy that is Truth.

We cannot become clear on what we are seeing or hearing if we are reacting to

emotional wounds that we have not been willing/able to feel and subconscious

attitudes that we have not been willing/able to look at. We cannot learn to

trust ourselves as long as we are still setting ourselves up to be victimized by

untrustworthy people.

Not only were we taught to be victims of people, places, and things, we were

taught to be victims of ourselves, of our own humanity. We were taught to take

our ego-strength, our self-definition from external manifestations of our being.

.. . Looks, talent, intelligence - external manifestations of our being are gifts

to be celebrated. They are temporary gifts. They are not our total being. They

do not define us or dictate if we have worth. We were taught to do it backwards.

To take our self-definition and self-worth from temporary illusions outside of,

or external to our beings. It does not work. It is dysfunctional.

Codependence and interdependence are two very different dynamics.

The way to healthy interdependence is to be able to see things clearly - to see

people, situations, life dynamics and most of all ourselves clearly. If we are

not working on healing our childhood wounds and changing our childhood

programming then we cannot begin to see ourselves clearly let alone anything

else in life.

Codependence is about giving away power over our self-esteem. Taking our

self-definition and self-worth from outside or external sources is dysfunctional

because it causes us to give power over how we feel about ourselves to people

and forces which we cannot control. Any time that we give power over our

self-esteem to something outside of ourselves we are making that person or thing

our higher power. We are worshiping false gods.

If my self-esteem is based on people, places, and things; money, property, and

prestige; looks, talent, intelligence; then I am set up to be a victim. People

will not always do what I want them too; property can be destroyed by an

earthquake or flood or fire; money can disappear in a stock market crash or bad

investment; looks change as I get older. Everything changes. All outside or

external conditions are temporary.

That is why it is so important to get in touch with our Spiritual connection. To

start realizing that we have worth because we are children of God. That we are

all part of the Eternal ONENESS that is the God Force/Goddess Energy/Great

Spirit. We are Spiritual beings having a human experience - our worth as beings

is not dependent upon any outer or external condition. We are Unconditionally

Loved and we always have been.

The more we can start owning the Truth of who we really are and integrating it

into our relationship with ourselves, the more we can enjoy this human

experience that we are having. Then we can start learning how to be

interdependent - how to give power away in conscious, healthy ways because our

self-worth is no longer dependent on outside sources.

Interdependence is about making allies, forming partnerships. It is about

forming connections with other beings. Interdependence means that we give

someone else some power over our welfare and our feelings.

Anytime we care about somebody or something we give away some power over our

feelings. It is impossible to Love without giving away some power. When we

choose to Love someone (or thing - a pet, a car, anything) we are giving them

the power to make us happy - we cannot do that without also giving them the

power to hurt us or cause us to feel angry or scared.

In order to live we need to be interdependent. We cannot participate in life

without giving away some power over our feelings and our welfare. I am not

talking here just about people. If we put money in a bank we are giving some

power over our feelings and welfare to that bank. If we have a car we have a

dependence on it and will have feelings if it something happens to it. If we

live in society we have to be interdependent to some extent and give some power

away. The key is to be conscious in our choices and own responsibility for the

consequences.

The way to healthy interdependence is to be able to see things clearly - to see

people, situations, life dynamics and most of all ourselves clearly. If we are

not working on healing our childhood wounds and changing our childhood

programming then we cannot begin to see ourselves clearly let alone anything

else in life.

The disease of Codependence causes us to keep repeating patterns that are

familiar. So we pick untrustworthy people to trust, undependable people to

depend on, unavailable people to love. By healing our emotional wounds and

changing our intellectual programming we can start to practice discernment in

our choices so that we can change our patterns and learn to trust ourselves.

As we develop healthy self-esteem based on knowing that the Force is with us and

Loves us, then we can consciously take the risk of Loving, of being

interdependent, without buying into the belief that the behavior of others

determines our self-worth. We will have feelings - we will get hurt, we will be

scared, we will get angry - because those feelings are an unavoidable part of

life. Feelings are a part of the human experience that we came here to learn

about - they cannot be avoided. And trying to avoid them only causes us to miss

out on the Joy and Love and happiness that can also be a part of the human

experience.