boundary problem resulting from shame/low self image due to CMT

[Guest guest]

Hello,

I find I have " boundary " problem resulting from shame/low self image due to CMT.

The following are information about " boundary " , a term in psychology research.

If you might happen to have the same problem, then I will post another post

about how to address the " boundary " problem.

1)having clear boundaries in one's relationships is crucial to having a healthy,

balanced lifestyle

2)Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their land, we need to

set mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help

us distinguish what is our responsibility and what isn't¡The inability to set

appropriate boundaries at appropriate times with the appropriate people can be

very destructive.

3)when does being nice become an impediment in your relationship with others?

The answer: When it already affects and stifles your self-growth.

4)Being too nice to all people regardless of circumstances or motives is not a

wise move as you may think. Acting as someone else's doormat does not do you any

good. People take advantage of you, and that's not a positive thing. On the one

hand, you don't get the respect that you deserve as an individual and, as a

result, you succumb to depression and/or lose self-confidence. On the other

hand, you encourage others to become insensitive and ungrateful takers of your

love, time, energy and money, which is a bad thing.

5)many clinical psychological symptoms e.g., depression, anxiety, addictions,

eating disorders, guilt problems, shame issues, marital struggles, and

what-have-you find their root in conflicts with boundaries.

6)reflect on how you manage your relationships. Are you pleasing your spouse too

much at the expense of your personal preferences and inclinations? Are you

always the one contacting your friend who seems to be not too keen to return

your calls and answer your e-mails because he/she is too busy and swamped with

work? Do you always find yourself in situations when you always say yes to

people when, deep inside, you really want to say no? Do you always feel you have

to work hard for your friendships or other relationships on a super-pleaser

mode? If you have answered yes to most or all of these questions, then it's time

for you to take control of your life and set healthy boundaries in your

relationships.

7)being too nice is another thing. It ruins the balance of things, and could

hurt you so deeply that it scars you for life. Pleasing others on their own

terms and in their own time is not the key to true happiness

8)There are lots of abusive people out there who don't deserve your " yes " and

Close-up smile. Draw the line somewhere.You do yourself a great disservice if

you allow them to take you and your resources for granted all the time. Learn to

say " no " when you need to.

Seven key signs that will help you determine if you are in fact " too nice. "

You Always Say Yes

If you find it unbearable to tell someone no, then you are too nice. There are a

number of reasons why people are unable to say no. They're afraid the other

person will get mad or have their feelings hurt. It may be the fear that people

will not like you if you tell them no. Sometimes individuals feel like they

don't have the right to say no, especially if they are dealing with an authority

figure.

You're always making Compromises

Compromise is a good thing when it is done in the best interest of everyone

involved. However, when you constantly compromise the things you want in favor

of doing what another person wants a lot of resentment will begin to grow. This

is not in your best interests or that of the other person.

You never ask for what you want

Being unable to express your needs and desires is another symptom of being too

nice. A lot of the time the " nice " person believes it is actually greedy and

inappropriate to ask for things. They think that they are being a burden to

others. In addition to never asking for what they want, the individual probably

avoids actions like, having the last slice of pizza, finishing off the milk in

the fridge, or taking the front seat in the car.

You Get Stuck Doing All of the Dirty Work

Do you find yourself often doing the chores or taking care of responsibilities

at home or work that no one else wants to do? This is another situation the " too

nice " person finds themselves in on a regular basis. Sometimes it gets to the

point that people don't even ask you to do these things anymore; everyone

assumes that you'll just do it.

You Can't Voice your Opinions

You are in a situation where someone is doing something you think is

inappropriate but you can't bring yourself to say anything. A coworker says

something you disagree with and you pretend to go along with it in order to

avoid conflict. A friend continuously embarrasses you in public and you say

nothing. People who are " too nice " often find themselves in situations where

they feel uncomfortable or offended but are too afraid to say so.

You find yourself in the position of " Shrink "

If you can't say no, are unable to voice your opinions, are continuously making

compromises, and always say yes, then it's very likely that you have found

yourself listening to all of your friends and families problems. Of course there

is nothing wrong with offering a helping hand and being there for others, but if

you allow everyone to unload their problems onto you for an extended period of

time it is going to take its toll. We all have challenges to face, and it's hard

to deal with them if we are busy dealing with everyone else's too.

You feel like you're living Someone Else's Life

If you feel like your life isn't even yours anymore, then you have surpassed

being too nice and become a doormat. People are using you and you are allowing

them to. The decisions you make on a daily basis are determined by how other

people will react to you. You negate yourself in order to keep everyone else

happy.

Why do we do this?

We do this because we don't believe that we're valuable on our own. We're

convinced that the only way to experience a sense of self worth is to have the

constant approval of others. If you don't agree with this, consider how you feel

when someone is unhappy with you; most likely you feel as if you have failed in

some way; that you are bad or not good enough. Every person that lives their

lives this way eventually reaches an intense level of unhappiness. We can not

ignore ourselves and our desires and still be happy. If any of this rings true

for you, that's ok. You haven't done anything wrong. Every one wants to make

others happy and we all want to be happy ourselves. Everything we do, whether we

realize it or not, is an effort to live a happier life. The important thing is

that you understand that as long as you sacrifice yourself for others, happiness

is not possible. Once you realize this and accept it, you can begin to take

control of your life again and make it your own.