Introducing myself

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Welcome to the

group.

Bronchiectasis affects

everyone in different ways, as you have probably realised by now. Just as we

grow older, it will progress. The important thing is how quickly. My bronch is

very close to the same as it was six years ago, so is progressing very slowly –

which is obviously good. But I have one of the lesser known side effects, for

want of a better term, which is an immune deficiency.

I must admit, I

don’t have the weight loss problem you have encountered. Quite the

opposite sometimes! Lol

There is a ton

of information on the internet about Bronchiectasis – the trick is

finding out what is true and what is not. This group has helped me more with

information than any doctors, nurses, or hospitals ever could.

One of the thing

we all have problems with is getting good medical attention. When you

find a good doctor – someone who will listen to you, and understand that

YOU know your own body better than him/her – hang on and don’t let

go. Having a great gp, specialist or pulmonologist, is like winning the

lottery.

BTW, I live in Melbourne, Australia.

Cheryl

----------------------------------------------------------------

Cheryl

, Award Winning Australian

Author

http://www.cheryl-wright.com

http://www.savingemma.com

http://www.writer2writer.com

Saving Emma - #9

Best Seller February 2005 http://www.whiskeycreekpress.com

-----Original

Message-----

From: Philactos

Sent: Saturday, 2 April 2005 12:58

PM

To: bronchiectasis

Subject: Introducing

myself

Hello, all, I am a new

member of the group. Although I have been reading messages for over a month

now, this is the first time I am writing. I was diagnosed in December, and have

just found out that according to my second CT scan, my bronchiectasis is progressing.

But so far I am " asymptomatic. " I will be having a " scope "

test sometime in May or June. I have also been told I have reflux, and am

trying to implement a " GERD " diet. The challange is to keep my weight

up, since I weigh only a hundred pounds now. All this is very new to me, never

having heard of these diseases before. I can see from what I'm learning in this

group that there is a lot to deal with and a lot to know about. I look forward

to exchanging information and thoughts with you all... I have learned so much

already and feel as if I know many of you already.

I live in Boston,

Massachusetts, actually Newton. I am fifty-four years old, and I teach the

third grade in Boston. I have one son who runs track, while I watch in the

bleachers. I guess I ought to be the one out there running now. Well, that's

all for now. Best wishes to all.

Sincerely, Philactos

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Welcome to our group. You’ll get lots of good

information and advice. It’s

amazing how this one disease can affect everyone so differently. What problems were you having that made

you doctor suspect bronch? For me

it was a sudden onset of continual lung infections and unusual spots on my

x-ray (they thought it was cancer at first). That prompted a CT and a referral to a

pulmonologist. A few months later,

he did a bronchoscopy and discovered the bronchiectasis.

I’m 51 and live in Waukesha, Wisconsin—just outside of Milwaukee. My daughter ran track

and cross country when she was in high school. I thought that I got quite a cardio

vascular workout just watching her race—my heart would really pound!

Barb

·

[Guest guest]

Welcome ,

I'm sure you will find this group very helpful :-) Are you taking medication for your reflux? Quite a few of us have reflex (GERD) and it is wise to keep this under control as it can exacerbate the "bronch". I used to be underweight, but now I have the opposite problem .. I only want to lose about 5kg, but not an easy task (lol)! Exercise is good for you, but only do what you can manage. It's nice that your son is into athletics, it is a great sport to watch.

Take care and be well.

Bunny

----------------------------------------------

Hello, all, I am a new member of the group. Although I have been reading messages for over a month now, this is the first time I am writing. I was diagnosed in December, and have just found out that according to my second CT scan, my bronchiectasis is progressing. But so far I am "asymptomatic." I will be having a "scope" test sometime in May or June. I have also been told I have reflux, and am trying to implement a "GERD" diet. The challange is to keep my weight up, since I weigh only a hundred pounds now.

[Guest guest]

Barbara, I was diagnosed because I had chest x-rays at my primary

care physician's office, since I have had infections which I always

thought were bad " colds " , but never got better without antiboitics.

I have also had pneumonia about four times in a period of about six

or eight years starting in 1992. My primary doctor's associate

noticed the same spot in the lung on more than one x-ray, and

suggested a ct scan last year. I didn't make the time for it, but

this year I was so sick in December, she reminded me and I

immediately went for the CT scan right after Christmas. I am

working on the GERD diet and got medication for that. I don't have

any treatment for the bronchiectasis itself yet. -

-- In bronchiectasis , " Barbara Erdmann "

<blerdmann@m...> wrote:

> Hi ,

> Welcome to our group. You'll get lots of good information and

advice.

> It's amazing how this one disease can affect everyone so

differently.

> What problems were you having that made you doctor suspect

bronch? For

> me it was a sudden onset of continual lung infections and unusual

spots

> on my x-ray (they thought it was cancer at first). That prompted

a CT

> and a referral to a pulmonologist. A few months later, he did a

> bronchoscopy and discovered the bronchiectasis.

>

> I'm 51 and live in Waukesha, Wisconsin-just outside of Milwaukee.

My

> daughter ran track and cross country when she was in high school.

I

> thought that I got quite a cardio vascular workout just watching

her

> race-my heart would really pound!

>

> Barb

> *

[Guest guest]

Hi , like you i have trouble with keeping up my weight - I have

seen a dietician and the I have my weight monitored by my Doctor. In

between infections i have a diet which has an emphasis on foods which

have protien. When i have an infection I need to really make sure

anything i eat has nutritional value and include nutritional drinks

too. When we get infections we don't feel like eating etc yet our

bodies need more energy to heal so it's really important to try to

make every mouthful count.

I teach Pre-schoolers and children with learning difficulties, so have

lots of infections and exposure - forunately this year i havn't missed

much work.

I live in South Australia and it's Autumn here - i've been able to put

on weight during summer ready for the nasty infections winter bring.

Good luck Judy

[Guest guest]

welcome to the group , I,m sure you will learn a lot from this group,

and also get heaps of great support.

We have a few teachers and nurses in the group too.

Although we all have similar illnesses etc, and share the good and the bad

times, we can still generally cheer each ther up, a few LOL,s. around too.

Welcome again, you can only learn more, and also share too.

Sandy,Australia.

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Welcome to the group.

Here are some acronyms,

PDS-NOS= Pervasive Developmental. Disorder- Not Otherwise Specified.

AS= Asperger's

Aspie= Friendly way to say someone has AS. Others use other ways to do so. I like and enjoy using Aspie, so that is the way I refer to myself or to what a person with AS might be about.

ASD= Asperger's disorder

HFA= High Functioning Autism

NT= Neuro Typical (meaning a person that does NOT have AS)

OCD= Obsessive compulsive behaviour.

NS= Aslo a Neuro Typical for what I understand. I usually see more NT, than NS here int he list, so someone else might now better than me what NS really means or is intended to mean.

ADHD= Attention Deficit Hyperactivity disorder.

ADD= Attention Deficit disorder.

BTW="by the way",

IMO="in my opinion",

IMHO="in my humble opinion",

LOL="laughing out loud",

ROFL="rolling on floor laughing,

FWIW="for what its worth",

Here is a link for more of this type stuff.......

http://www.autism-resources.com/autismfaq-glos.html

Welcome to the Group,

.

PS-- I always like to say that "We, AS people are not created equals" We are all different just like NT's. We might share some traits, but we all develop and advance in ways that only can be defined by the way a person was raised. Also by the environment where they learned, the amount of help that person might have received; and mainly by the character of the person who has AS.

Make your life easier with all your friends, email, and favorite sites in one place. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

I have always been described as black and white. This is the way it is until you prove me wrong, and then, poof, ok, you're right, but don't try to tell me I'm wrong without backing it up! (drives wifey nuts.. )

Hi there,

I have also been described as White and Black....... Now it has improved to somewhere in the middle, so you can say I am able to see Gray now!

I discovered the possible dx of AS few years ago, and at the beginning, I was upset, yet it was as well a way to explain things. Like Usarian, I was also tod I that I was too bright to have troubles, I should just apply more.

I do agree with one thing here about Usarian, If I am accused of doing something or being wrong. Someone has to back it up and tell me how. NO! It is not out of defiance at all, it is not out of picking up an argument.

It is about trying to honestly "understand" WHY I am seeing things differently than others, so that I can chose to either correct my thinking or prove my point in a way I can deliver the right message. I think most of the "Go get it type AS" seem to be this way....... Kind of cautious and also kind of analytical. Cause/effect approach to some stuff, taking calculated risks and also wanting to find what is what in reality!

In a way like trying to put feelings to words in order to understand how the other person might feel about what some of us might have said. It is about learning to communicate and do so effectively, not because one wants to add trouble to one's life or relationship.

One thing I seem to do is that I can prove myself, or give explanation for whatever I do.

My dad always seek explanation and questioned everything, everything!

So I learned to prove myself, I do not mind giving proof of why I did something or why I said something or do things in certain ways....... As a matter of fact, I like it!

A lot of the time people who tend not to be able to give explanations, never see past their noses. Many times the only reason I hear is "I do not know", Yet, that is also alright as they usually are not active parts of my life. Even if they were, I will have to come to terms with their way of thinking and adapt the best I can.

We all have limitations in what we can do and cannot do, it all depends on out characters and the understanding of the world out there.

So, even when I might not ask for an explanations on things I am ready to give one.

I still "think" and try to find answers on my own for what others do, if appropriate, I might ask questions in order to understand things better and leave things clear in my mind....... Many times there is no need to ask for explanations, and I might find the reason for one on my own.

The only time I will ask for an explanation (if it is worth it) will be if someone has accused me of something I have not done.

My character speaks for itself, so there are times when if someone says something that is not accurate, others will question the integrity of the person saying it, NOT mine.

Once at work, someone said something that I must definitely would not do. The person assumed she was correctly doing so.

When I heard about it a week later, I went to the top person and inquire about it, she laugh and said: ", we knew it was not possible; she really pick the wrong person on this one".......

Sometimes some people tend to think that because English is my second language, I also "think with an accent", but surely they find out soon it is not the case. When it comes to my integrity as a person, I am black and white and do not budge on that one, neither need to change that part of me.

So there are things when I am going to be black and white, specially if it has to do with my views and morals. That is not changing, I could stretch my values a little bit, but not change them. I live with me and I want to go to bed in peace feeling good about myself, and having peace of mind.

I do not impose my values in anyone else, everyone is free to do as they please as long as it does not interferes with my moral values.

I behave in a certain way, and do not expect anyone to behave the same way I do. I do not own anyone, no one owns me either.

If I was in a relationship, then things would be different, I would not be alone and even when my moral values won't change, I will have to adapt to the person I am with as part of the give and take of any relationship. It does not means I am going to approve or give in to all there is that is against my own belief, specially if it involves me. I do not like breaking the law either.......

Hope that you can find some answers to your dilemma(s). This is a very nice group, things are kind of quiet in a way, I supposed the Holidays....... Yet, stick around and you will see that at times it can et active here.......

Blessing and Good Night,

.

Make your life easier with all your friends, email, and favorite sites in one place. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Just wanted to introduce myself as I am a new member of your group.

I only learned of Aspergers in the last 6 months. In that time I

have come to my own conclusion that my husband of 12 years (plus 7

years dating) is an Aspie. He has also read about it some and

quietly admitted that he agrees with this conclusion.

We went through a very difficult time 7 years ago when he lost his

job as a programmer (dot.bomb) for the second time and went into a

depression (although I didn't realize). I pulled away hoping he

would follow me and he never did. I considered leaving but his black

and white reality kept me from ending things permanently.

I just learned to stop asking him for much of anything (emotionally

speaking). We now have 2 beautiful children ages 6 & 1. I'm a

little bit worried to think that this may never change. I get a lot

of questions from people about why he doesn't talk, disappears during

social gathers or why he " doesn't like " them. It's all very hard to

explain. I'm not sure if I should try to encourage him to go see

someone or what.

The way I learned about this is from my aunt. A close cousin of mine

committed suicide almost 4 years ago at age 34. I've just learned

from his mother (my aunt) that he was diagnosed with Aspergers one

year before he died.

Anyway - I have never been in a group like this before so any

direction or input is appreciated. Also have patience with me as I'm

not yet in tune with all of the acronymns you are using.

Thanks!

[Guest guest]

Morning! Welcome! Great place here!

My name's Usarian, my wife posts here too, but uses

the

same address, so it can be confusing which of us is saying

what.

She's NT, I'm AS.

I'm a programmer, like you husband. (it's

been estimated that 78% of IT professionals are AS), and have

experienced

myself what you describe. I wasn't really able to simulate "normal"

social behaviors successfully until I understood the underlying

cause.

With you guys already having been together for so long

and

making it work, especially without knowing about AS, is impressive!

I'm

curious what each of you feels is the "secret to your success"!

Hope to hear more from you soon,

Usarian

From:

Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 9:35 PM

To: aspires-relationships@ya

hoogroups.com

Subject: Introducing

myself

Hi,Just wanted to introduce myself as I am a new member of your

group.

I only learned of Aspergers in the last 6 months. In that time I

have

come to my own conclusion that my husband of 12 years (plus 7 years

dating)

is an Aspie. He has also read about it some and quietly admitted that he

agrees with this conclusion. We went through a very difficult time 7

years ago when he lost his job as a programmer (dot.bomb) for the second

time and went into a depression (although I didn't realize). I pulled

away

hoping he would follow me and he never did. I considered leaving but his

black and white reality kept me from ending things permanently.I

just learned to stop asking him for much of anything (emotionally

speaking).

We now have 2 beautiful children ages 6 & 1. I'm a little bit

worried to

think that this may never change. I get a lot of questions from people

about

why he doesn't talk, disappears during social gathers or why he "doesn't

like" them. It's all very hard to explain. I'm not sure if I should try

to

encourage him to go see someone or what.The way I learned about

this

is from my aunt. A close cousin of mine committed suicide almost 4 years

ago

at age 34. I've just learned from his mother (my aunt) that he was

diagnosed

with Aspergers one year before he died.Anyway - I have never

been in

a group like this before so any direction or input is appreciated. Also

have

patience with me as I'm not yet in tune with all of the acronymns you

are

using.Thanks!

[Guest guest]

I didn't seek it out, my wife did because .. well, let

me

back up.

I have always been .. weird.. I like people, so

long

as I don't have to talk to them.. especially in groups. Certain sounds

drive me insane (flourescent bulbs and CRT..err.. the old tube TV sets and

monitors, especially when they were on their way out).

In high school they told my parents that I had a

learning

disability and I saw a school psychiatrist (or whatever the heck they were)

daily.. two of them took me on as a special case. reoccurring line: "he's

soo

smart, he just doesn't apply himself" and all kinds of stuff..

started programming at age 8... foreshadow of what was

to

come.. my old Commodore 64 was my obsession for years, but no one

understood..

mime was also a big deal for me.. if anything it

taught me

how to simulate emotions more convincingly in the end.

bla bla bla, went to Bible school, got married, had a

bunch of kids (5 boys)

marriage counselling was.....interesting.. or

premarital

counselling really I guess.

boy #1 was AS from birth, but no one caught it.. he's

also

absurdly intelligent, and his intelligence masked his AS.

boy 2 NT, then twins, one NT, and one SEVERELY

autistic. He wa sthe first to get diagnosed, and the pediatrician

started

looking at genetic heritage.. actually it was more like:

Dr: maam, is your husband into computers?

wife: are you kidding?

Dr: kid's prolly autistic, here's a referral,

lets

look at your other kids and tell hubby he's prolly AS.

and that's where we left it for me.. kids saw all

kinds of

Dr.s before we realized they couldn't do anything humane to our children, so

we

pursued educational programs.

I think my wifey got on here originally about boy#1

driving her nutz looking for what other people do, but it has helped us get

past

something we'd been dancing around for years.

I hope this makes some sense.. I kind of rushed it (in

the

middle of something else)

I have always been described as black and white.

This is the way it is until you prove me wrong, and then, poof, ok, you're

right, but don't try to tell me I'm wrong without backing it up!

(drives

wifey nuts.. )

anyway,

TTYL

-Usarian

From: Skeen

Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 10:03 PM

To: aspires-relationships@ya

hoogroups.com

Subject: RE: Introducing

myself

The funny thing is that as I'm learning about this some of the reason

may

be my reading more into what he's saying than what he even meant. For

example, when I considered getting an apartment to test out a separation, he

said no we either stick together or separate for good. Well I read a

lot

into that statement about how committed he was, etc. etc. and I wasn't ready

to

quit for good, so I stayed..for good. But now that I'm learning more I

think he is just to black and white to be able to deal with the

uncertainty.

How did you learn about the underlying cause? Have you been

"officially" diagnosed? If so, what prompted you to seek this

out?Thanks

Introducing

myself

Hi,Just wanted to introduce myself as I am a new member of your

group.

I only learned of Aspergers in the last 6 months. In that time I

have

come to my own conclusion that my husband of 12 years (plus 7 years

dating) is an Aspie. He has also read about it some and quietly

admitted

that he agrees with this conclusion. We went through a very

difficult

time 7 years ago when he lost his job as a programmer (dot.bomb) for

the

second time and went into a depression (although I didn't realize). I

pulled away hoping he would follow me and he never did. I considered

leaving but his black and white reality kept me from ending things

permanently.I just learned to stop asking him for much of anything

(emotionally speaking). We now have 2 beautiful children ages 6 &

1.

I'm a little bit worried to think that this may never change. I get a

lot

of questions from people about why he doesn't talk, disappears during

social gathers or why he "doesn't like" them. It's all very hard to

explain. I'm not sure if I should try to encourage him to go see

someone or what.The way I learned about this is from my aunt.

A

close cousin of mine committed suicide almost 4 years ago at age 34.

I've

just learned from his mother (my aunt) that he was diagnosed with

Aspergers one year before he died.Anyway - I have never been

in a

group like this before so any direction or input is appreciated. Also

have

patience with me as I'm not yet in tune with all of the acronymns you

are

using.Thanks!

[Guest guest]

you know.. one of my pet peaves has always been my

wife

reading things into what I say..

I always tell her.. "I meant what I SAID, not

something

other than what I said. I used the words I intended you to hear, and

that's all there is! Listen to the words I say!"

Coming to understand now how to communicate in a more

general sense.. not communicate to transfer information but communicate to

express and allow others the same latitude. AS think of speaking as a

means to transfer information.. exclusively. Learning to hear what's

being

said without listening to the specific words used is .. well, it feels

stupid

and absurd, but after a while things start to make sense..

Hey, that came out fairly coherent!

-Usarian

From: Skeen

Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 10:03 PM

To: aspires-relationships@ya

hoogroups.com

Subject: RE: Introducing

myself

The funny thing is that as I'm learning about this some of the reason

may

be my reading more into what he's saying than what he even meant. For

example, when I considered getting an apartment to test out a separation, he

said no we either stick together or separate for good. Well I read a

lot

into that statement about how committed he was, etc. etc. and I wasn't ready

to

quit for good, so I stayed..for good. But now that I'm learning more I

think he is just to black and white to be able to deal with the

uncertainty.

How did you learn about the underlying cause? Have you been

"officially" diagnosed? If so, what prompted you to seek this

out?Thanks

Introducing

myself

Hi,Just wanted to introduce myself as I am a new member of your

group.

I only learned of Aspergers in the last 6 months. In that time I

have

come to my own conclusion that my husband of 12 years (plus 7 years

dating) is an Aspie. He has also read about it some and quietly

admitted

that he agrees with this conclusion. We went through a very

difficult

time 7 years ago when he lost his job as a programmer (dot.bomb) for

the

second time and went into a depression (although I didn't realize). I

pulled away hoping he would follow me and he never did. I considered

leaving but his black and white reality kept me from ending things

permanently.I just learned to stop asking him for much of anything

(emotionally speaking). We now have 2 beautiful children ages 6 &

1.

I'm a little bit worried to think that this may never change. I get a

lot

of questions from people about why he doesn't talk, disappears during

social gathers or why he "doesn't like" them. It's all very hard to

explain. I'm not sure if I should try to encourage him to go see

someone or what.The way I learned about this is from my aunt.

A

close cousin of mine committed suicide almost 4 years ago at age 34.

I've

just learned from his mother (my aunt) that he was diagnosed with

Aspergers one year before he died.Anyway - I have never been

in a

group like this before so any direction or input is appreciated. Also

have

patience with me as I'm not yet in tune with all of the acronymns you

are

using.Thanks!

[Guest guest]

Interesting, thanks.

Introducing myself

Hi,Just wanted to introduce myself as I am a new member of your group. I only learned of Aspergers in the last 6 months. In that time I have come to my own conclusion that my husband of 12 years (plus 7 years dating) is an Aspie. He has also read about it some and quietly admitted that he agrees with this conclusion. We went through a very difficult time 7 years ago when he lost his job as a programmer (dot.bomb) for the second time and went into a depression (although I didn't realize). I pulled away hoping he would follow me and he never did. I considered leaving but his black and white reality kept me from ending things permanently.I just learned to stop asking him for much of anything (emotionally speaking). We now have 2 beautiful children ages 6 & 1. I'm a little bit worried to think that this may never change. I get a lot of questions from people about why he doesn't talk, disappears during social gathers or why he "doesn't like" them. It's all very hard to explain. I'm not sure if I should try to encourage him to go see someone or what.The way I learned about this is from my aunt. A close cousin of mine committed suicide almost 4 years ago at age 34. I've just learned from his mother (my aunt) that he was diagnosed with Aspergers one year before he died.Anyway - I have never been in a group like this before so any direction or input is appreciated. Also have patience with me as I'm not yet in tune with all of the acronymns you are using.Thanks!

[Guest guest]

Welcome, I am e (Usarian's wife). I read

your

posting and can relate. I think for us the turn around point came when

I

realized I had to communicate differently with him. In going through

the

different communication techniques I learned for our AU son, I started

applying

them to Usarian and our relationship began to improve. I too had

stopped

looking for anything emotional from my husband, as a matter of fact the

thought

of any intimacy on any level with him made me feel "yucky" to coin one of my

boys terms. Helen pointed out that happens in relationships where one

partner has taken on a nurturing role toward the other. Our

relationship

has improved so much since joining this group. It has done much more

than

any of the pre-marital or marital counseling we have received (and there was

a

lot of it).

As for the black and white thing.......boy can I

relate. It got to the point where I felt every conversation had become

an

argument. Down to questions on the weather. We have both had to

change here. Usarian came to understand I will not quantify every

statement that I make with an explanation. And I had to learn that for

him

communication takes place on the fact realm and little to no where

else.

If I want him to get me I have to give proof (even if it is only about the

weather) Between the two of us we have something that is

working.

Happy Holidays. I am glad you are

here.

e

From:

Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 9:35 PM

To: aspires-relationships@ya

hoogroups.com

Subject: Introducing

myself

Hi,Just wanted to introduce myself as I am a new member of your

group.

I only learned of Aspergers in the last 6 months. In that time I

have

come to my own conclusion that my husband of 12 years (plus 7 years

dating)

is an Aspie. He has also read about it some and quietly admitted that he

agrees with this conclusion. We went through a very difficult time 7

years ago when he lost his job as a programmer (dot.bomb) for the second

time and went into a depression (although I didn't realize). I pulled

away

hoping he would follow me and he never did. I considered leaving but his

black and white reality kept me from ending things permanently.I

just learned to stop asking him for much of anything (emotionally

speaking).

We now have 2 beautiful children ages 6 & 1. I'm a little bit

worried to

think that this may never change. I get a lot of questions from people

about

why he doesn't talk, disappears during social gathers or why he "doesn't

like" them. It's all very hard to explain. I'm not sure if I should try

to

encourage him to go see someone or what.The way I learned about

this

is from my aunt. A close cousin of mine committed suicide almost 4 years

ago

at age 34. I've just learned from his mother (my aunt) that he was

diagnosed

with Aspergers one year before he died.Anyway - I have never

been in

a group like this before so any direction or input is appreciated. Also

have

patience with me as I'm not yet in tune with all of the acronymns you

are

using.Thanks!

[Guest guest]

Thanks for everyone's insights. I am reading and taking it all in...

Introducing myself

Hi,Just wanted to introduce myself as I am a new member of your group. I only learned of Aspergers in the last 6 months. In that time I have come to my own conclusion that my husband of 12 years (plus 7 years dating) is an Aspie. He has also read about it some and quietly admitted that he agrees with this conclusion. We went through a very difficult time 7 years ago when he lost his job as a programmer (dot.bomb) for the second time and went into a depression (although I didn't realize). I pulled away hoping he would follow me and he never did. I considered leaving but his black and white reality kept me from ending things permanently.I just learned to stop asking him for much of anything (emotionally speaking). We now have 2 beautiful children ages 6 & 1. I'm a little bit worried to think that this may never change. I get a lot of questions from people about why he doesn't talk, disappears during social gathers or why he "doesn't like" them. It's all very hard to explain. I'm not sure if I should try to encourage him to go see someone or what.The way I learned about this is from my aunt. A close cousin of mine committed suicide almost 4 years ago at age 34. I've just learned from his mother (my aunt) that he was diagnosed with Aspergers one year before he died.Anyway - I have never been in a group like this before so any direction or input is appreciated. Also have patience with me as I'm not yet in tune with all of the acronymns you are using.Thanks!

[Guest guest]

Hi

My name is EmJ and I'm newer to the list as well.

My husband, , is high functioning ASD. He wasn't diagnosed until

after we were married. I work with children on the spectrum and was

seeing too many similarities so my husband and I decided that he

needed to get an eval. In 's case the 'label' helped him because

to him it meant that he wasn't stupid. It also pointed him in the

direction of what to do to get help. He took the treatment

recommendations and ran with them. I can barely keep all of his

therapies straight, I don't know how he does it.

I can also relate to the black and white thinking. Both of us are

still learning in this area. I try to work on being more specific,

especially when it's a situation that may be stressful for him, and

is slowly but surely learning that I may not be concrete, may be

overly sarcastic (a bad habit), and may have nonverbal communication

that will confuse him. He has gotten pretty good about asking me for

clarification, especially with nonverbals, when he is confused.

Social situations tend to be very stressful for . The great

thing about is that he is working so hard to learn and improve.

He has become a lot more aware of what aspects of social situations

overwhelm him and trys to avoid them. Sometimes we'll talk through

it ahead of time as well so he can start preparing himself. If he

has to leave he is getting more comfortable telling people he needs

to step out for air. He also doesn't mind if I tell people that.

Personally I recommend seeing someone, not only for your husband but

for yourself as well. My husband and I both go to therapy

regularly. It helps to have someone objective to help you check

yourself. I also find it helpful to have the extra emotional support

when I might be extra stressed (like during finals week) because

sometimes it still gets to be too much for .

Anyway I hope this helps. I just finished up my last semester of

college and I'm pretty sure I'm not completely coherent after all

those finals!

EmJ

>

> Thanks for everyone's insights. I am reading and taking it all

in...

> Introducing myself

>

>

> Hi,

> Just wanted to introduce myself as I am a new member of your

group.

> I only learned of Aspergers in the last 6 months. In that time I

> have come to my own conclusion that my husband of 12 years (plus 7

> years dating) is an Aspie. He has also read about it some and

> quietly admitted that he agrees with this conclusion.

>

> We went through a very difficult time 7 years ago when he lost his

> job as a programmer (dot.bomb) for the second time and went into a

> depression (although I didn't realize). I pulled away hoping he

> would follow me and he never did. I considered leaving but his

black

> and white reality kept me from ending things permanently.

>

> I just learned to stop asking him for much of anything

(emotionally

> speaking). We now have 2 beautiful children ages 6 & 1. I'm a

> little bit worried to think that this may never change. I get a

lot

> of questions from people about why he doesn't talk, disappears

during

> social gathers or why he " doesn't like " them. It's all very hard

to

> explain. I'm not sure if I should try to encourage him to go see

> someone or what.

>

> The way I learned about this is from my aunt. A close cousin of

mine

> committed suicide almost 4 years ago at age 34. I've just learned

> from his mother (my aunt) that he was diagnosed with Aspergers one

> year before he died.

>

> Anyway - I have never been in a group like this before so any

> direction or input is appreciated. Also have patience with me as

I'm

> not yet in tune with all of the acronymns you are using.

>

> Thanks!

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, it makes a lot of sense, thanks. The interesting thing here is that he likes the social situations, or at least I think he does. However, he will sometimes disappear during them and I never understood that, particularly when we are hosting...Kind of like hello I'm trying to watch the kids, cook dinner for our extended family and entertain our guests...where are you!!!?!?!

However, this still seems different than what many people say. is excited going into social situations so he doesn't need to "prepare" or anything (that I know of) but he may well vanish in the midst of it. I was more tuned into the fact that he has never been the one to plan these events, even just getting together with his brothers, but he gets very excited when he is invited. Being a very social person myself this is very confusing to me. If you like it then why don't you initiate it. I have always tried to encourage this but to no avail. Again - I never heard of AS until recently.

Someone else mentioned that they expected their spouse to be more like their dad in this area. That is totally true for me. My dad is totally the host/ entertainer at parties so I've never been able to figure out why I can't get to offer the guests a drink. His dad even does that at his parent's house. This has just all bewildered me for the last 12 years. Gosh that sounds like a long time

Your talk about counseling is interesting because clearly it needs to be the RIGHT kind of counseling. We went to marriage counseling but the counselor was really hard on to me when was not there. would be late and the counselor would say - you know if this was important to him, then he'd be on time and other things that were fairly condescending. He really did his utmost to help us break up, and we probably would have if we had continued to see him.

Introducing myself> > > Hi,> Just wanted to introduce myself as I am a new member of your group.> I only learned of Aspergers in the last 6 months. In that time I> have come to my own conclusion that my husband of 12 years (plus 7> years dating) is an Aspie. He has also read about it some and> quietly admitted that he agrees with this conclusion.> > We went through a very difficult time 7 years ago when he lost his> job as a programmer (dot.bomb) for the second time and went into a> depression (although I didn't realize). I pulled away hoping he> would follow me and he never did. I considered leaving but his black> and white reality kept me from ending things permanently.> > I just learned to stop asking him for much of anything (emotionally> speaking). We now have 2 beautiful children ages 6 & 1. I'm a> little bit worried to think that this may never change. I get a lot> of questions from people about why he doesn't talk, disappears during> social gathers or why he "doesn't like" them. It's all very hard to> explain. I'm not sure if I should try to encourage him to go see> someone or what.> > The way I learned about this is from my aunt. A close cousin of mine> committed suicide almost 4 years ago at age 34. I've just learned> from his mother (my aunt) that he was diagnosed with Aspergers one> year before he died.> > Anyway - I have never been in a group like this before so any> direction or input is appreciated. Also have patience with me as I'm> not yet in tune with all of the acronymns you are using.> > Thanks!> >

[Guest guest]

And I had to learn that for him communication takes place on the fact realm and little to no where else. If I want him to get me I have to give proof (even if it is only about the weather) Between the two of us we have something that is working.

Happy Holidays. I am glad you are here.

e

Very Clever....... :-) ;-)

I think that you both are one of the greatest examples in this list that through working toward a common goal, things can be achieve.

I have always admire you as couple, and as individuals as well. I seem to always find something useful or to ponder about when I read your mails.

I, at times which that I was more relaxed or easy going with my own self. I do not usually ask for explanations to anyone of why they act the way they act. Specially if it has nothing to do with my life. Yet, I am always ready to prove myself, at times it is just that I feel I do not like to leave any doubt about myself. Other times, I might not give a darn, but if I am with someone I care, then I am ready to give explanations. I am giving them as to explain myself mainly, not to satisfy anyone else's curiosity. If by doing so it helps them, then it would be like a double blessing as we both could be happy. I gave an explanation, and he got one; now he or I could understand where we are coming from better.

If I want explanation(s), I usually try to look for them myself, but some questions my be asked as to understand the pieces I was not able to link. All in the good nature and with the desire to communicate better, to genuinely understand better what has gone on or what is going on. All in aim for Peace Of Mind for me, and thus for a relationship if I was to be in one.

You and Usarian are such a blessing to the group, and at times I can picture e with a Halo on her head; other times I think of her a Saint e as well :-) (All good e)

Usarian, I can also picture you as well, but not with the halo....... Instead, with an stick trying to poke at beehives! :-) :-P

Hi Usarian, love you BOTH just the same!

.

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