Re: Birthdays

[Guest guest]

NOPE!LOL!

birdsong

> YEA, BUT CAN WE KEEP IT A SECRET, PLEASE!!!!!! LOL

> LUV YA'

> MOM- BILLIE-WEEBLES- G/MA (THIS IS THE SAME PERSON BUT WITH MANY

AKA)

> BIRTHDAYS

>

>

> > MOM

> > THURSDAY YOUR BIRTHDAY??

> > LOVE BETSY

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

This year I got nowt, as Ian 'couldnt make up his mind what to buy me'. He blamed me for having a birthday.

One year I got a red balloon..... and he told me off when it popped. How thoughtless.

Yet another year, I got an Ipod????????????? Which must have cost an arm/leg and I was utterly astounded. I think it was meant to last as the birthday present for the rest of my lifetime ...

Judy B, bah humbug

Subject: Re: Re: Reaching out - KarinaTo: aspires-relationships Date: Wednesday, 22 October, 2008, 8:02 PM

OMG that is so--o funny. You are cracking me up today and I do need the laughs

e, still laughing

From: thecelticcurse

Sent: Wednesday, October 22, 2008 12:47 PM

To: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com

Subject: [aspires-relationsh ips] Re: Reaching out - Karina

This reminded me of one of the first gifts my AS husband gave me. He was very proud to present me with a steam cleaner wand that would logically make it easier for me to clean the toilet and shower LOLOLOL..omg LOL This was before we knew he was AS. Hey it was better than a dang mop!>> e, What you say makes sense to me. You remind me of another thing I learned about my husband and this is that it's not that he means literally he's thinking nothing it's that his mind is just pointlessly wandering and there is nothing there that is in his opinion worth saying out loud. This is also mystifying to me but makes more sense than just 'no body is home'! LOL> > Also about the gifts with no

point... it is funny my husband did this as well. He had this list of stuff that he had learned from somewhere... . Readers Digest articles or something about how women want cards, candy, flowers, etc. Anyway it was just this thing he was supposed to do. He didn't bother to find out if I even liked them. That was annoying. I too would much rather have something that had some thought that included who I am in it. I don't like gifts that are given just because someone thinks they should. I am much happier now that he just picks up a cool rock off the ground and brings it home to me. (I'm a rock hound.) This is one part of me that I think is probably pretty typical of women. I like it when my husband takes time to think of what I would like and then gets something suitable for that. I'm not the cut flower type of person. But I do like it that when he is at work he often saves things from his bulldozer and

brings them home for me. These might be plants, trees, rocks, old birdhouses, yard ornaments, etc. He never would believe that I would be happy with this 'junk' because he didn't have to pay anything, but I am happy as a clam with those. I also like it when he makes something himself. (He does wood working.) because it indicates he cared enough to take the time to work on this thing that he knew I would like. In the past he just wanted to get the gift thing over with. He didn't want to think longer than 30 seconds. But he also didn't want to be told what I would want. I learned that if I told him what I wanted that I would never get that thing. Anyway... your explanation makes sense to me.> > Jennie AS woman> > > >>e here. Just to clarify I have never said my mind was devoid of thought....just that I was not thinking about anything in particular. With

five boys and all that entails there are very few quiet moments in our home. When I do get one I try to not think about anything and just let my thoughts wander. It gives me some breathing space. I tend to be on call all the time and I can get pretty tense. I need these moments to keep sane. LOL> I also am not nearly as emotional as portrayed, Usarian actually is the one who brought this point up about a week ago in conversation, compared to my sisters I am down right emotionless LOL Usarian just can not process any emotion from me that goes against what he thinks I should be feeling. This is why I have distanced myself emotionally. ...it's better for everyone> I don't think it is only the thought that counts but sure does matter a lot. When we first married Usarian would bring me flowers home every couple of weeks because that is what he had been told to do. There was no real sentiment

behind them and therefore I felt no sentiment toward them. This bothered him because he felt I was ungrateful. I could not get him to understand that a handful of half dead flowers from the grocery store have value only if there was some sentiment on the part of the one giving them. From this he gleaned that he should buy flowers from the flower shop instead. Now I was getting nicer, well arranged flowers every couple of months but the sentiment still was not there. It was one of those things he did because that is what he was supposed to do. Not because he wanted to. He was frustrated because my emotional response was lacking. Somewhere along the way things changed and he stopped buying me flowers except on rare occasions when he is actually thinking about me or it is some sort of special occasion. These flowers actually have meaning to me because there is thought and sentiment behind them. So I

guess when you boil it down I would prefer less action that has meaning to lots of actions with absolutely no meaning.> Anyway I hope this clears some things up.> > e, slacking off on my chores today<<>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I really do not care about birthday.

Yet I have a brother who will do anything and everything to remind me of my birthday.......

He is very sweet,

and I just go alone with whatever he says or does for me. It will hurt his feelings if I did not want to do anything with him. Thanks God he is not close to me, so unless he is in town, he can only call me on the phone to say Happy birthday....... which he does several times a day. If he visits me, he always brings a present with him. He usually gets something that he knows I will like. Do I care that he gives me anything? NO, no at all. Does he cares that I make a big deal out of it? OH YES! I see my birthday as his time to celebrate, so it does

not even feels like my birthday, but his deal.

Like I said, he is sweet, but at times I wish I could take the calendar from his place and make it appear a month later.......

Yet when it comes to everyone else's birthdays, I do like to send e-cards, to send a little present (to my nieces in special) or to say something special. I like making others feel good and special if that is something they like to celebrate! Why not doing it?

.

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[Guest guest]

Once, for Christmas, I got a huge rechargeable torch with a carry

strap on it! I would have fallen over if I'd tried to wear it!

When I looked surprised, my AS partner said, Don't you like it? I'VE

always wanted one!

Last year I got an electric toothbrush, a good one that he told me he

had found half price in the local supermarket! Well, I wasn't

thrilled, but when I last went to the dentist she was ecstatic about

the way I was cleaning my teeth and said I needed no work done!

Usually I tell my partner what I want, and he is very surprised and

asks me if it's what I really want.

Partner used to buy his Christmas gifts from his friend's import

warehouse. One year, I saw his list and at least six people were lined

up to get a candle. He is very generous, though, so I expect they each

got their own candle!

Helena, 44, F, NS. England, UK

> >

> > e, What you say makes sense to me. You remind me of another

> thing I learned about my husband and this is that it's not that he

> means literally he's thinking nothing it's that his mind is just

> pointlessly wandering and there is nothing there that is in his

> opinion worth saying out loud. This is also mystifying to me but

> makes more sense than just 'no body is home'! LOL

> >

> > Also about the gifts with no point... it is funny my husband did

> this as well. He had this list of stuff that he had learned from

> somewhere... . Readers Digest articles or something about how women

> want cards, candy, flowers, etc. Anyway it was just this thing he was

> supposed to do. He didn't bother to find out if I even liked them.

> That was annoying. I too would much rather have something that had

> some thought that included who I am in it. I don't like gifts that

> are given just because someone thinks they should. I am much happier

> now that he just picks up a cool rock off the ground and brings it

> home to me. (I'm a rock hound.) This is one part of me that I think

> is probably pretty typical of women. I like it when my husband takes

> time to think of what I would like and then gets something suitable

> for that. I'm not the cut flower type of person. But I do like it

> that when he is at work he often saves things from his bulldozer and

> brings them home for me. These might be plants, trees, rocks, old

> birdhouses, yard ornaments, etc. He never would believe that I would

> be happy with this 'junk' because he didn't have to pay anything, but

> I am happy as a clam with those. I also like it when he makes

> something himself. (He does wood working.) because it indicates he

> cared enough to take the time to work on this thing that he knew I

> would like. In the past he just wanted to get the gift thing over

> with. He didn't want to think longer than 30 seconds. But he also

> didn't want to be told what I would want. I learned that if I told

> him what I wanted that I would never get that thing. Anyway... your

> explanation makes sense to me.

> >

> > Jennie AS woman

> >

> >

> > >>e here. Just to clarify I have never said my mind was

> devoid of thought....just that I was not thinking about anything in

> particular. With five boys and all that entails there are very few

> quiet moments in our home. When I do get one I try to not think

> about anything and just let my thoughts wander. It gives me some

> breathing space. I tend to be on call all the time and I can get

> pretty tense. I need these moments to keep sane. LOL

> > I also am not nearly as emotional as portrayed, Usarian actually is

> the one who brought this point up about a week ago in conversation,

> compared to my sisters I am down right emotionless LOL Usarian just

> can not process any emotion from me that goes against what he thinks

> I should be feeling. This is why I have distanced myself

> emotionally. ...it's better for everyone

> > I don't think it is only the thought that counts but sure does

> matter a lot. When we first married Usarian would bring me flowers

> home every couple of weeks because that is what he had been told to

> do. There was no real sentiment behind them and therefore I felt no

> sentiment toward them. This bothered him because he felt I was

> ungrateful. I could not get him to understand that a handful of half

> dead flowers from the grocery store have value only if there was some

> sentiment on the part of the one giving them. From this he gleaned

> that he should buy flowers from the flower shop instead. Now I was

> getting nicer, well arranged flowers every couple of months but the

> sentiment still was not there. It was one of those things he did

> because that is what he was supposed to do. Not because he wanted

> to. He was frustrated because my emotional response was lacking.

> Somewhere along the way things changed and he stopped buying me

> flowers except on rare occasions when he is actually thinking about

> me or it is some sort of special occasion. These flowers actually

> have meaning to me because there is thought and sentiment behind

> them. So I guess when you boil it down I would prefer less action

> that has meaning to lots of actions with absolutely no meaning.

> > Anyway I hope this clears some things up.

> >

> > e, slacking off on my chores today<<

> >

>