New here

September 11, 2007

Hi ,

I went to the F & F Center for a year. I was on a heavy amount of supplements,

antibiotics, antvirals, heparin injections, hormones, etc. When I started

heparin treatment it flushed my veins and I got really sick (migraine and

throwing up). Then, when various antibiotics were started, I again went through

a horrendous bout of illness. I did have periods of feeling better and thought

the program was working. I finally gave it up after being on antibiotics for 8

months and developing major candida, which I still can't seem to cure.

Their program works for some people. My body was just too sensitive for all the

meds. It took my belly about 6 months to heal from the heparin injections. One

thing I did like about it was that they were the first place to find out exactly

what was going on with my health. They do extensive bloodwork (over 30 vials)

and you get tons of information from that. Their premise is that fibro is

infection based.....and I had and probably still have lots of infections.

Good luck with your treatment.

New Here

Hi,

I'm new here and just wanted to say hello, and to say that I look

forward to getting to know all of you and learn from you too.

I'm also wondering if any of you have been to the Fibromyalgia and

Fatigue Center? If so, I am wondering what your experience was? Are

they really as good as they say they are, or is it just another hoax?

Thanks so much for your input.

September 11, 2007

Hi ,

Thanks so much for your reply. My goodness, I'm sorry to hear about

your experience. I'm surprised they kept you on antibiotics for so

long; I would think they would have been concerned about the candida

too.

I'm sorry but I don't know what heparin injections are and what they

are for. What did they do for your candida? I know I've had major

problems with candida too for some reason.....can't seem to get rid

of mine either. If you have all those infections, then is the immune

system responsible for them??? Did they test that?

I'm really sensitive to meds too, so not sure that would work for me

either. Do you mind my asking what you're doing for your health

problems now? Did the suppliments help any?

Again, my thanks for your reply. I was just wondering about them and

if their claims were really true. When I talked to the guy here,

they said they had a 91% success rate, which I doubt. If it was that

good, I'd think we'd be hearing more about them.

>

> Hi ,

>

> I went to the F & F Center for a year. I was on a heavy amount of

supplements, antibiotics, antvirals, heparin injections, hormones,

etc. When I started heparin treatment it flushed my veins and I got

really sick (migraine and throwing up). Then, when various

antibiotics were started, I again went through a horrendous bout of

illness. I did have periods of feeling better and thought the program

was working. I finally gave it up after being on antibiotics for 8

months and developing major candida, which I still can't seem to

cure.

>

>>

> ----- Original Message -----

> >

September 13, 2007

Hi ,

I'm glad some of that is helping. It sounds like you've really

looked into things and that you have a pretty good doc too. Again,

I haven't heard of some of the things you mentioned like the Ozone

and the Gerson Therapy so looks like I need to do some research.

I go to a doc who says he alternative medicine, but he's not really.

He's basically a traditional doc that has things like a chiro.,

naturopath, accupuncturist, etc in his office. He's very nice and

good at what he does, but he believes more in various kinds of pills

than he does this other type stuff and it's really not helping.

Thanks so much for your help, . I look forward to learning more

in the future.

>

> > Some of your current treatments I'm familiar with......other's I

am not,

> > like ozone thereapy. Is what you're doing now helping? I know

you said

> > the green juice is, but is the rest of it? WHat kind of things

do you

> > use in your green drink?

> >

> > Thanks again.

> >

>

October 2, 2007

-hi im phyllis, where can I get more info. on the F & F center. where is

it? thanks,

-- In fibromyalgiacured , " peachynga "

wrote:

>

> Hi ,

>

> I went to the F & F Center for a year. I was on a heavy amount of

supplements, antibiotics, antvirals, heparin injections, hormones,

etc. When I started heparin treatment it flushed my veins and I got

really sick (migraine and throwing up). Then, when various antibiotics

were started, I again went through a horrendous bout of ihworking. I

finally gave it up after being on antibiotics for 8 months and

developing major candida, which I still can't seem to cure.

>

> Their program works for some people. My body was just too sensitive

for all the meds. It took my belly about 6 months to heal from the

heparin injections. One thing I did like about it was that they were

the first place to find out exactly what was going on with my health.

They do extensive bloodwork (over 30 vials) and you get tons of

information from that. Their premise is that fibro is infection

based.....and I had and probably still have lots of infections.

>

> Good luck with your treatment.

>

> New Here

>

> Hi,

>

> I'm new here and just wanted to say hello, and to say that I look

> forward to getting to know all of you and learn from you too.

>

> I'm also wondering if any of you have been to the Fibromyalgia and

> Fatigue Center? If so, I am wondering what your experience was? Are

> they really as good as they say they are, or is it just another hoax?

>

> Thanks so much for your input.

>

October 22, 2008

Hi all,

I just wanted to introduce myself. I am Hael. My husband is Fish. I

am NT, I suppose, and I am guessing that my husband is AS, although

there has been no diagnosis, and he would be quite dismayed to know

that I think he is.

We have been married for just a little over a year. We dated for about

8 months before he proposed, and then we were engaged for a year.

Here are the several reasons I believe he is AS:

-- his son from his first marriage (my step-son), who is 8, has been

identified by his physician as possibly AS, high-functioning, but

definitely somewhere on that spectrum.

-- Fish and his son are like mirror images of each other when it comes

to AS-like behavior.

-- Fish is very socially awkward and uncomfortable, and has been on

anxiety medications in the past for his social discomfort. Not only

is he highly uncomfortable in crowds or with other people, he has very

odd conversational ... peculiarities. If caught up in conversation

with one or several other people, Fish will typically avoid any

interaction, unless the subject pertains directly to him. He comes

across as rude or disinterested, usually staring off at some point

across the room. Sometimes he will absentmindedly nod or vaguely

smile as if to appear he is paying attention, but he is out of the

conversation. He never asks anyone about themselves or something they

are interested in. If given the opportunity, or if asked, he will

talk about his own pet projects or obsessions at length, without any

sign of stopping, in great detail, and almost in a professorial /

lecturing way, even if the question or the setting is more conducive

to a simple or basic explanation, or if the question was asked mainly

out of politeness. It has been very embarrassing several times when I

can read the body language of the other party, and they are clearly

saying, " ok, enough. " I get the sense that people want to make an

excuse to get away from Fish when he is on one of his rambles, and it

is all i can do to try and interrupt him by asking the other person

about themselves, or by saying to him, " Fish, let's let so-and-so get

on the road, I'm sure they've got a long drive, " or something like

that. I will tell you that I have seen relief come over the faces of

more than one person when I've jumped in this way.

-- Fish has one or two very serious obsessions; one is growing things,

and the other, I would say, is one particular computer role-playing

game. The growing things component is one we have managed to turn

into a fairly profitable, viable small business. He plays the game of

growing things like a strategy game, fascinated and obsessed with all

the variables and challenges. It's all he talks about. God forbid

you get him started talking about it. The other obsession is his

computer game, but because I know many people become addicted to the

same game, I don't know how indiciative it is of AS. I should also

say that he is obsessed with and fascinated with weather; he got his

masters in an obscure area of climatology, and taught climate and

physical geography briefly at the university level. If, god forbid,

anyone in any setting makes any comment about weather in earshot of

him, he will get all " teacher-y " about it. Granted, I have learned a

lot about our physical environment from him, but it's beyond just,

" Hey, you want to know something interesting? " No, he will give you a

full lecture on rayleigh scattering or some other weather-related or

atmospheric topic.

-- When he was younger, from his middle school years up through

college, Fish was obsessed with fishing. He talks about it now, about

how all-consuming fishing was for him back then, but he just shrugs,

and doesn't find anything all that unusual about it. He nearly didn't

graduate from school, because he spent all his time out in a boat

fishing. In those years, he also devised and created this very

elaborate fishing strategy game, dealing with all kinds of variables,

such as fish migrations, weather patterns, and other issues that

affect fishing. He was very proud of this game, and showed it to me a

year or so ago; he wanted to play it with me, but I realized

immediately that what he considered a " game " would be, for me, and for

most others, a very tedious, long-lasting exercise in minute attention

to detail. I tried to be enthusiastic, saying how much fun it would

be to create a computer version of the game, with images of all the

different fish, and options to build different types of boats and

stuff. He said he preferred to play it with " no flash, " with just the

basic strategies. it looked like a tricky game, a long-lasting

strategy game that, frankly, seemed like it was over my head.

-- Fish has trouble with emotions. He has trouble expressing emotions

and he definitely has trouble reading or appreciating or empathizing

with emotions in others. He has very little tolerance for other

people, and does not cultivate or maintain anything close to

" friendships. " He has some business partnerships, and of course, he

has me; I know without a doubt I am his one and only friend,

confidante, " person. " Friendships are very foreign to him, and when

we have associations with other people, I am always nervous that he is

going to get perturbed by something about the other people, and write

them off. It has been tricky for me, as I am a somewhat social

person; I have few friends, but those I have I consider very fine

people, and I want to keep them in my life.

-- I used to think he was just a picky eater, but I have come to learn

that Fish has an incredibly sensitive (oversensitive) palate and

oversensitive sense of smell. He can smell things well before anyone

else can. He is a perfect barometer for meat that is just shy of

going bad. Even if it smells fine to the rest of us, he will throw it

away. He has nearly become a vegetarian, because he rarely finds meat

that he finds palatable. He is stuck pretty basically on a few meals,

and rarely likes to stray at all.

-- Fish wears the same few clothes all the time. It helps that we

have a business where clothing doesn't matter, and where function is

the most important thing. His skin is very sensitive to anything

" scratchy, " which happens to be a lot of things. He can't stand to

have anything restrictive, and he abhors wearing pants or shirts that

require buttoning. He wears T-shirts -- the same few very soft from

wear T-shirts he has worn for years and years -- and stretchy shorts

most all year long. In the winter, he will throw on stretchy athletic

pants over his shorts and he wears large sweat-shirts. That's about

it.

This all makes him sound pretty bad, but in fact, Fish is a very good

man, and he can be a very sweet person. He's incredibly intelligent,

for one thing, and I love that. He's very logical. He doesn't show

much emotion for his children, but he cares for his children; they are

both very important to him. I am pregnant with our first child

together (my first ever), and he is very sweet about it, patting my

belly and checking in with the baby every now and then. In a way, I

think of Fish as a diamond in the rough; he will always be who he is,

and to many people, the outside, awkward part of Fish is hard to get

past. To me, his love of growing things, his family-focused, inward

nature, his intelligence, and even his willingness to please me

(sometimes) make him worth it.

My greatest struggles are with Fish's lack of emotion and his

difficulty with my emotions -- I am pretty rational, but not all the

time, and I've definitely noticed some mood swings with this

pregnancy. I've also dealt with depression over the years, and

currently I take medication for it. It's not severe, but if I go

without my medication for awhile, it definitely affects my

functioning. Also, I grew up in a very affectionate family, and it

can be hard to have to ASK him for a hug or for a show of affection.

Fish no longer takes anti-anxiety medication; we think a lot of his

anxiety was brought on by his ex-wife, who I really think would have

had no awareness that his " quirks " could be related to the same thing

her son is dealing with. However, she was one of the first to point

out, after the doctor mentioned that her son is possibly AS, that,

" Hey, that might be what's wrong with Fish. " Of course, I don't see

it as anything " wrong " with him; just different, and I know that my

personality meshes better with his, AS or no, than hers did.

The other thing that makes this really hard is that Fish hasn't been

diagnosed, and he probably won't ever be. He blew it off when it was

suggested that his boy has it, and he blows off any suggestion that he

could be AS.

Anyone else out there who has experienced that with a spouse? Denial

about being AS? What did you do?

Well, I know this is long. I just wanted to put it out there and

introduce myself and my AS spouse. Thanks for reading.

Hael

October 28, 2008

Hello Jim

My husband is a quiet self conscious man, he's always felt awkward and out of place in public, hates talking on the telephone and simply will not socialise. He has always felt he was a waste of a human life and a failure in others eyes, he is convinced people see him as an idiot, his self degradation has hindered his whole life. Since discovering he 'may' be Aspergers he has learnt to accept himself as a lovely human being who just has a different outlook on life and is not abnormal for not sharing the opinions of those around him, he accepts he is allowed to make mistakes and will not be banished to hell for doing so. We have done a lot of research and soul searching together over the last few years and since discovering he most definitely 'is' Asperger's he is beginning to realise he does belong on this earth, he has a right to be on this earth. I will have to hold my hands up here, but i too thought he had narcissistic

tendencies, he is always looking at himself in the mirror, works out almost everyday to keep his body the way it is, he spends so much time concentrating on himself there is no time left for anyone else, if you were to see him you too i'm sure would think he was vain and wonder why someone like him would need to spend so much time grooming. He is gorgeous looking, has a body to put 'jean Claude van dam' to shame, has a smile so big and white it could light up a country lane at night, he's 44 but looks at least 20 years younger. He is not vain, he is not narcissistic, nor a show off. He spends so much time grooming cause it is one thing about him he can control, looking good is his mask, how he looks on the outside does not reflect how he feels on the inside. He is showing more confidence just lately, he actually has a spring in his step but i think this is due to the change in me and how i communicate with him which he is responding to in a positive

way, for quite a few years prior to finding this group i was nothing short of ignorant to his feelings and how my negativity reflected on him and made him feel. After all that waffle what i can say for sure is he does accept he is Asperger's although he was in denial for a while, i 'worked' on him for months showing him why i and our sons psych thought so, he is learning to feel comfortable in his skin, to accept himself for a man with a brain that works differently to others and that it does not mean he is thick, stupid, an idiot, or a failure. In fact he has actually said the words "so i'm not a failure after all then" now how heart breaking is it to hear a grown man say that? shame on the NT mental health authority for not picking up on his 'label'.

The biggest step forward for him was when our son was punching himself in the head saying "i don't want to be Autistic, i want to get it out of my head, you don't know what it feels like" my husband replied "i do know what it feels like, cause i have it too and i have had it longer than you".

He still feels awkward about himself but now will ask me for my opinion rather than suffer in silence.

It has made a difference by way of we are both more accepting of each others ways of doing things and its not a case of who is right, we understand that we may do the same thing but take a different approach it does not mean either approach is wrong cause the outcome is the same, we understand we are allowed to be different, we no longer argue about silly insignificant things and accept each others differences.

Hope i have not babbled on so much you don't get the 'gist' of what am trying to explain.

Elaine

To: aspires-relationships Sent: Monday, 27 October, 2008 21:28:13Subject: Re: New here

Elaine,

Can you expand on how your Husband accepting your AS dx, has made a difference in your relationship. Thanks. Jim

From: Elaine <alexhoey1961@ yahoo.co. uk>To: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) comSent: Thursday, October 23, 2008 12:30:07 AMSubject: Re: [aspires-relationsh ips] New here

Hello Hael

My husband is also UN diagnosed AS, our son 13 is diagnosed AS. When we were told our son was on the spectrum i researched as much as i could, it was then that i discovered that my husband, sister in law, father in law was on the spectrum also. My husband was in denial about our son and himself for a couple of years, he disagreed with our sons psychologist and her diagnosis at first, he just refused to acknowledge anything she said, he has always had a need for perfection and being diagnosed with a disorder to him was not perfect. I hired every book the library had on the subject and without ramming it down his throat too much kept reading the odd passage, the list of traits, and comparing our sons characteristics with what was in the books. He did learn to accept the diagnosis but it took quite a while. Once he had accepted this i then would read a passage or something off the various lists and say "that's just like you", or

"blimey sounds like they are describing you here", he would always want to know what i meant by that, so this is how he listened and learnt, the result after over a year, was he did accept he could possibly be on the spectrum himself and we both went to see our doctor to start the ball rolling... Unfortunately the doctor was dismissive, cold, be little ling, and made an enemy out of my husband with his ridicule like bedside manner. After being observed for sometime by our sons psychologist and having my/our suspicions confirmed my husband has now accepted he has AS, he seems more accepting of himself and not so quick to put himself down and refere to himself as stupid or an idiot, he has lived a life of negativity, felt he was a failure as a man, and so spent many many years previous in the mental health care system.

I can relate all that you have said on the subject of emotions, things got so bad we were hours away from a break up, then i found this group. I 'woke' up simple as that, wont go into details as iv'e said it all before but you will be ok, if you get as much as i do from this group, there's nothing you will feel you can't overcome.

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

PS Have you read anything by Lawson? her life is so much like my husbands,

Take care

Elaine

[aspires-relationsh ips] New here

Hi all,I just wanted to introduce myself. I am Hael. My husband is Fish. Iam NT, I suppose, and I am guessing that my husband is AS, althoughthere has been no diagnosis, and he would be quite dismayed to knowthat I think he is.We have been married for just a little over a year. We dated for about8 months before he proposed, and then we were engaged for a year.Here are the several reasons I believe he is AS:-- his son from his first marriage (my step-son), who is 8, has beenidentified by his physician as possibly AS, high-functioning, butdefinitely somewhere on that spectrum.-- Fish and his son are like mirror images of each other when it comesto AS-like behavior.-- Fish is very socially awkward and uncomfortable, and has been onanxiety medications in the past for his social discomfort. Not onlyis he highly uncomfortable in crowds or with other people, he has veryodd

conversational ... peculiarities. If caught up in conversationwith one or several other people, Fish will typically avoid anyinteraction, unless the subject pertains directly to him. He comesacross as rude or disinterested, usually staring off at some pointacross the room. Sometimes he will absentmindedly nod or vaguelysmile as if to appear he is paying attention, but he is out of theconversation. He never asks anyone about themselves or something theyare interested in. If given the opportunity, or if asked, he willtalk about his own pet projects or obsessions at length, without anysign of stopping, in great detail, and almost in a professorial /lecturing way, even if the question or the setting is more conduciveto a simple or basic explanation, or if the question was asked mainlyout of politeness. It has been very embarrassing several times when Ican read the body language of the other party, and they

are clearlysaying, "ok, enough." I get the sense that people want to make anexcuse to get away from Fish when he is on one of his rambles, and itis all i can do to try and interrupt him by asking the other personabout themselves, or by saying to him, "Fish, let's let so-and-so geton the road, I'm sure they've got a long drive," or something likethat. I will tell you that I have seen relief come over the faces ofmore than one person when I've jumped in this way.-- Fish has one or two very serious obsessions; one is growing things,and the other, I would say, is one particular computer role-playinggame. The growing things component is one we have managed to turninto a fairly profitable, viable small business. He plays the game ofgrowing things like a strategy game, fascinated and obsessed with allthe variables and challenges. It's all he talks about. God forbidyou get him started talking about it.

The other obsession is hiscomputer game, but because I know many people become addicted to thesame game, I don't know how indiciative it is of AS. I should alsosay that he is obsessed with and fascinated with weather; he got hismasters in an obscure area of climatology, and taught climate andphysical geography briefly at the university level. If, god forbid,anyone in any setting makes any comment about weather in earshot ofhim, he will get all "teacher-y" about it. Granted, I have learned alot about our physical environment from him, but it's beyond just,"Hey, you want to know something interesting? " No, he will give you afull lecture on rayleigh scattering or some other weather-related oratmospheric topic.-- When he was younger, from his middle school years up throughcollege, Fish was obsessed with fishing. He talks about it now, abouthow all-consuming fishing was for him back then, but he

just shrugs,and doesn't find anything all that unusual about it. He nearly didn'tgraduate from school, because he spent all his time out in a boatfishing. In those years, he also devised and created this veryelaborate fishing strategy game, dealing with all kinds of variables,such as fish migrations, weather patterns, and other issues thataffect fishing. He was very proud of this game, and showed it to me ayear or so ago; he wanted to play it with me, but I realizedimmediately that what he considered a "game" would be, for me, and formost others, a very tedious, long-lasting exercise in minute attentionto detail. I tried to be enthusiastic, saying how much fun it wouldbe to create a computer version of the game, with images of all thedifferent fish, and options to build different types of boats andstuff. He said he preferred to play it with "no flash," with just thebasic strategies. it looked like

a tricky game, a long-lastingstrategy game that, frankly, seemed like it was over my head.-- Fish has trouble with emotions. He has trouble expressing emotionsand he definitely has trouble reading or appreciating or empathizingwith emotions in others. He has very little tolerance for otherpeople, and does not cultivate or maintain anything close to"friendships. " He has some business partnerships, and of course, hehas me; I know without a doubt I am his one and only friend,confidante, "person." Friendships are very foreign to him, and whenwe have associations with other people, I am always nervous that he isgoing to get perturbed by something about the other people, and writethem off. It has been tricky for me, as I am a somewhat socialperson; I have few friends, but those I have I consider very finepeople, and I want to keep them in my life.-- I used to think he was just a picky eater, but

I have come to learnthat Fish has an incredibly sensitive (oversensitive) palate andoversensitive sense of smell. He can smell things well before anyoneelse can. He is a perfect barometer for meat that is just shy ofgoing bad. Even if it smells fine to the rest of us, he will throw itaway. He has nearly become a vegetarian, because he rarely finds meatthat he finds palatable. He is stuck pretty basically on a few meals,and rarely likes to stray at all.-- Fish wears the same few clothes all the time. It helps that wehave a business where clothing doesn't matter, and where function isthe most important thing. His skin is very sensitive to anything"scratchy," which happens to be a lot of things. He can't stand tohave anything restrictive, and he abhors wearing pants or shirts thatrequire buttoning. He wears T-shirts -- the same few very soft fromwear T-shirts he has worn for years and years -- and

stretchy shortsmost all year long. In the winter, he will throw on stretchy athleticpants over his shorts and he wears large sweat-shirts. That's aboutit.This all makes him sound pretty bad, but in fact, Fish is a very goodman, and he can be a very sweet person. He's incredibly intelligent,for one thing, and I love that. He's very logical. He doesn't showmuch emotion for his children, but he cares for his children; they areboth very important to him. I am pregnant with our first childtogether (my first ever), and he is very sweet about it, patting mybelly and checking in with the baby every now and then. In a way, Ithink of Fish as a diamond in the rough; he will always be who he is,and to many people, the outside, awkward part of Fish is hard to getpast. To me, his love of growing things, his family-focused, inwardnature, his intelligence, and even his willingness to please me(sometimes)

make him worth it.My greatest struggles are with Fish's lack of emotion and hisdifficulty with my emotions -- I am pretty rational, but not all thetime, and I've definitely noticed some mood swings with thispregnancy. I've also dealt with depression over the years, andcurrently I take medication for it. It's not severe, but if I gowithout my medication for awhile, it definitely affects myfunctioning. Also, I grew up in a very affectionate family, and itcan be hard to have to ASK him for a hug or for a show of affection.Fish no longer takes anti-anxiety medication; we think a lot of hisanxiety was brought on by his ex-wife, who I really think would havehad no awareness that his "quirks" could be related to the same thingher son is dealing with. However, she was one of the first to pointout, after the doctor mentioned that her son is possibly AS, that,"Hey, that might be what's wrong with

Fish." Of course, I don't seeit as anything "wrong" with him; just different, and I know that mypersonality meshes better with his, AS or no, than hers did.The other thing that makes this really hard is that Fish hasn't beendiagnosed, and he probably won't ever be. He blew it off when it wassuggested that his boy has it, and he blows off any suggestion that hecould be AS.Anyone else out there who has experienced that with a spouse? Denialabout being AS? What did you do?Well, I know this is long. I just wanted to put it out there andintroduce myself and my AS spouse. Thanks for reading.Hael

October 28, 2008

Elaine and everyone,

That's interesting because I had been thinking that if she (my wife) accepts that she has AS, it may lead her to try to adapt like your husband is doing. I see the "AS label" as potentially playing a vital role in sparking improvement.

In my wife and in my life, the traits of low self-confidence and arguing are only 2 of many impossible traits. For example, she never touches or gives positive feedback. I'm afraid that, at best, improvement, if any, will be contrived and possibly temporary. I'd appreciate your and others feedback.

Jim

To: aspires-relationships Sent: Tuesday, October 28, 2008 3:08:32 AMSubject: Re: New here

Hello Jim

My husband is a quiet self conscious man, he's always felt awkward and out of place in public, hates talking on the telephone and simply will not socialise. He has always felt he was a waste of a human life and a failure in others eyes, he is convinced people see him as an idiot, his self degradation has hindered his whole life. Since discovering he 'may' be Aspergers he has learnt to accept himself as a lovely human being who just has a different outlook on life and is not abnormal for not sharing the opinions of those around him, he accepts he is allowed to make mistakes and will not be banished to hell for doing so. We have done a lot of research and soul searching together over the last few years and since discovering he most definitely 'is' Asperger's he is beginning to realise he does belong on this earth, he has a right to be on this earth. I will have to hold my hands up here, but i too thought he had narcissistic

tendencies, he is always looking at himself in the mirror, works out almost everyday to keep his body the way it is, he spends so much time concentrating on himself there is no time left for anyone else, if you were to see him you too i'm sure would think he was vain and wonder why someone like him would need to spend so much time grooming. He is gorgeous looking, has a body to put 'jean Claude van dam' to shame, has a smile so big and white it could light up a country lane at night, he's 44 but looks at least 20 years younger. He is not vain, he is not narcissistic, nor a show off. He spends so much time grooming cause it is one thing about him he can control, looking good is his mask, how he looks on the outside does not reflect how he feels on the inside. He is showing more confidence just lately, he actually has a spring in his step but i think this is due to the change in me and how i communicate with him which he is responding to in a positive

way, for quite a few years prior to finding this group i was nothing short of ignorant to his feelings and how my negativity reflected on him and made him feel. After all that waffle what i can say for sure is he does accept he is Asperger's although he was in denial for a while, i 'worked' on him for months showing him why i and our sons psych thought so, he is learning to feel comfortable in his skin, to accept himself for a man with a brain that works differently to others and that it does not mean he is thick, stupid, an idiot, or a failure. In fact he has actually said the words "so i'm not a failure after all then" now how heart breaking is it to hear a grown man say that? shame on the NT mental health authority for not picking up on his 'label'.

The biggest step forward for him was when our son was punching himself in the head saying "i don't want to be Autistic, i want to get it out of my head, you don't know what it feels like" my husband replied "i do know what it feels like, cause i have it too and i have had it longer than you".

He still feels awkward about himself but now will ask me for my opinion rather than suffer in silence.

It has made a difference by way of we are both more accepting of each others ways of doing things and its not a case of who is right, we understand that we may do the same thing but take a different approach it does not mean either approach is wrong cause the outcome is the same, we understand we are allowed to be different, we no longer argue about silly insignificant things and accept each others differences.

Hope i have not babbled on so much you don't get the 'gist' of what am trying to explain.

Elaine

From: Jim <jim7000rocketmail (DOT) com>To: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) comSent: Monday, 27 October, 2008 21:28:13Subject: Re: [aspires-relationsh ips] New here