women and aspergers

[Guest guest]

Hi everybody. My name is camilla and i am new to the group. lots

going on in this household. recently my nephew was diagnosed with

autism, which lead us on a path of discvery and revelations. I have

been in a relationship for 8 years and we have a 6 year old son.

recently, my husband and i separated, but continued to live under

the same roof. I'll get to the gist as i can go on and on and on -

it seems my husband johno has aspergers. and so, we have booked him

in to go to TOny attwood's clinic - which fortunately for us, is

less than an hour up the road! I've experienced enormous relief. My

husband - who is very rigid and controlling, very isolated and yet

the most adorable and sweet man on this planet - who has also

bluntly offended me and others with his insensitivity over the

years - well, he is open to teh notion that he has Aspergers. it

explains so much ...his lack of sonority in his voice, his

woodenness, his social justice concerns, his beauty and his funny,

funny running when he jogs on the beach. so, the great news is, we

may have a way of staying together - because the prospect of

aspergers explains EVERYTHING - EVRY SINGLE PROBLEMATIC ISSUE i have

experienced as his partner. In fact, it is resulting in compassion,

care and a newfound love, as well as the same old enearing

frustations regarding his systematic approach to thing in the house.

Of course he recently got a High Distinction in his Physics unit at

uni - which he does part-time, and he is a maths and science

teacher. he recently told me that he thinks in numbers and when he

meditates, he breaks the session into breaths and counts these and

knows the breakdown of the meditation session in terms of

inhalations/exhalations.

I've read a number of books of late, and have read Maxine Aston's

Aspergers Marriage. In it, she has a chapter on Women with Aspergers

and how differently they present than men. are there any women with

aspergers in this group? You see, her chapter seems to be an exact

breakdown of my life and how i have operated for 46 years. an almost

chameleon-like approach to who i am, a shifting and searching and

yet a great deal more sociable and emotional than my partner. I was

super bright as a child - top of the class, then fell apart

academically in early high school and then came back to duxing just

about everything in the final two years of school. But i oursued all

humatities based subjects and couldn;t stand maths or sciences at

all. I would prefer to spend my social time at school in the art

room than with people. it felt nice and comforting. I have a special

interest - I am an artist/painter, and really it is all i want to

do, to the point that my husband complains that draggin gme away

from it is like torture for me and i have really aggressive

eruptions if he want me to finish up in the studio. funny old life

we have together> and then we have a son who seems fine and happy

but probably thinks his mum and dad are a couple of odd bods. i

have friends, but most of these have been a result of attending 12

step meeting the past ten years. I've learned a lot about

socialising in 12 step meetings actually. Prior to that, i would

have a partner, or a best girfriend and no-one else really. I was

fine in primary school - and actually had friends, but when i hit

adolscence the problems started in a huge way. I actually prefer to

spend most days alone,in the studio, although i actually like to

converse with friends via email, phone or facebook. and if i am in a

social group, i tend to sit with one person and hate the pain of a

group talking and talking. it is like a nightmare for me and i avoid

it as much as possible. i can talk at length about art and am fine

in the world if it relatd to art, but if i have to go to an opening

and it is socialising, well, i just don't ever go. I am really

amazed at how people do life. it has never really appealed to me.

The past three weeks i thought i would try not to paint, and without

being able to do it, my whole life has been caving in to the paoint

i have felt like the world is sliding out from under me. it has been

like living in a terrifying black hole where the carpet has been

pulled out from beneath me and i am tumbling into a dark realm of

horror. Yesterday, i got back in the studio again, and then

yesterday afternoon i could manage to go shopping, to smile and get

back in to my very neat routine of painting, household, son and

partner. phew - what a relief. if there are any Asperger's women out

there, does any of this resonate? oh, and i like to wear plain old

studio clothes all the time. comfy and covered in paint. and then of

course, i have one " uniform " i wear for going out in to the art

scene!! very chic and plain though. oh, an di have always always

felt like i had a boy's brain and not a girl's. help!!!!!!!!

have a great day people and thanks for haveing this group operating.