Re:Nurture Give & Take-- Yeap Usarian, We act the way we feel!

[Guest guest]

Hi Usarian, hi all

Did you feed the monsters? :-) :-) :-) :-) That is so cute and funny....... Something my dad would have said too!

Usarian, what you wrote IS EXACTLY how I do things and feel as well. When I have had intensity in the writing I do in response to others I tend to do a lot of stuff that have to do with the ocd part and the AS part.

There is a difference when you do things do to ocd or AS. I have learned to recognized this differences a little bit. Once I recognize the differences, I am also recognizing the DEGREE or intensity or how I am being affected by what has happened or is going on.

I usually start with AS only, but it can quickly go to ocd as my need to express myself is being hinder by my own inability at times to "send" the right message by choosing the right words. Instead, I tend to mess up, as the message I have intended to send is perceived differently! Or my actions have been misinterpreted a bit, usually in a situation where I am trying to help; and perhaps over do it!

This past two month have been emotionally trying and exhausting for me.

I had to withdraw from working one day-- and I usually do not do that at all! And I almost did again few days ago, but pushed myself to go and "function"!

I do not drink, but have some Irish cream, Kaluah (with milk) which I occasionally might drink. I had twice in the pat three weeks two tablespoons of each!

When I am having extreme stress where I have to withdraw and I also have to think, I usually do so while doing things. It is hard to turn off the switch off! I just cannot do it.

when I have to touch things and put them in specific way, I know I have reach a high peek my need to "stimm" in order to calm down. It is as if while I am trying to put things in order physically I am also trying to put my life in order. It is as is each thing I am putting in line or order is 'HOW" I am trying to put the "abstracts" of what I should do in order as well. It is as IF I am trying to:

First: Figure out the WHOLE thing that is going on (sort out my own feelings and views) I tend to do this while just organizing things, it is the "sorting things out" stage I am in....... I can manage this one very well, by using logic more than emotions. I used the "cause/effect" approach as I am trying to figure out why things got the way they did or are in my life and then with others.

Second: I am trying to find a adequate solution to the dilemma that is going on in my life that is favorable and fair. ( In this stage things start to escalate as emotions are equally involved as logic is, to calm me down....... I write, yet while writing I am also thinking as well. I withdraw emotionally from the world as to deal with my emotionally in private and with my own.

Once I am calm enough to balance out the emotions (feelings) and the physical need to control them I get into the "active stage" where I can go ahead and do some heavy gardening (summer) heavy gutter cleaning, inside house cleaning (fall)

........ and all the same goes for other times of the year. I do this as I am trying to make a way of communicating effectively or putting things IN ORDER IN MY LIFE.

It is as if by being able to physically control what I do, it also helps me figure out in my mind how to put in order thing out there. It helps me reduce stress, and gives me a sense of having some control in my life. It can deeper than that as when someone has some sort of ocd it also helps them calm down emotionally as to think that they "somehow" through their cleaning or things they do could control the outcome as to prevent something from going wrong. At times I do that, I seem to have non-classic ocd. It was terrible when I was growing up. It was also terrible 15 years ago....... It has diminished greatly, I prayed and preyed a lot, still do so....... At times I felt that through praying, I could also help have a favorable outcome to situations....... I prayed a lot for me to be able to calm down emotionally, and to have my ocd reduced greatly....... I did not know at the times that was what I was doing....... Now I do. Looking back, I think that God had great mercy on me, as he came through for me.

I hive had a very peaceful life for the most part this past four years or even more....... More structure life and with it more peace of mind. It has been until this past two month, that things are rocking in my emotions and mind, but I have not succumb to ocd or AS as much as I would have in the past....... I have not withdrawn completely, only a little bit, and I am still trying to push myself to fight my own ways at times.

The only thing that I feel is great once I am put through the MILL is that every time I am in similar situations, the stimmin, the stressing, the suffering, the OVERLOAD is less and less and less and less.

I had a wonderful life, I feel I have overcome a lot. I am able to adapt and that is the greatest thing I have ever overcome. I have to thank dad again for this as well. I never had the choice with him to withdraw when I was little. I shut down I cold not talk many times, but when he realized that nothing was going to come out of me, he let me be for few seconds and then he will direct me as something to do to get me out of the stage in which I was.

That is how I pull through things now, I get occupied until I am able to get out of stages....... YET, I follow dad's ways and I do not allow myself to forget why I got like that, so that I can fight it, so that I can win at the end and be more malleable!

........Anyhow, I have to go out and meet the guys who are going to cut some tree....... See, I am going to organize my backyard and more of the front yard as well. I need to control something....... I am going in a controooooool Craze right now....... Oh my God!

is chopping down the trees....... Ahhhhhhh! How teeeeeeerrible! :-)

Usarian, I am just being bad here!....... I am NOT chopping down the trees to control anything else but the pipes not to be busted from the tree's roots.......

And also one of the trees in the back yard had half of it fallen, so it is best I bring it down....... He served his time on Earth and now to Earth he needs to go back....... I know what I will plant instead....... Next year, I will make an organized garden in memory of the taken down trees....... NO trees here unless they are away form the house and I prefer gardens as I can enjoy them and see the little rabbits and creatures that come to visit them better!

Take care and I surely know how you feel when you do the thins you do....... Or have a big idea at least! It is alright to do this things....... I like to think that NT's like going on shopping sprees to make them feel better....... That is their way of stimming, or so I tell myself :-)

........ I prefer being FRUGAL! It is peaceful that way....... and safe!

Hugs to all members of your family!!!!!!!

.

Make your life easier with all your friends, email, and favorite sites in one place. Try it now.