Fighting Fair- Examples of Unfair fighting

[Guest guest]

I just had to pipe up here... <smile!> ....

At 11:04 PM 11/29/2008, Usarian wrote:

This is where

I have had a major change in my outlook on things. I have always

insisted truth vs lie.... black and white. No one ever argued with

me about it until I met e. I have finally come to see it in

a different light. There is not an intent to deceive or mislead,

they just never paid attention to the details.. it's not important.

What you're discussing is what I call the difference between

accuracy and honesty. NT's are intrinsically inaccurate. It's

the challenge of the AS to see past the facts and into the intent.

To ignore the words and listen to the face and tone as NT's do.

Doesn't it annoy the crap out of you that NT's think they know what

you're saying and completely ignore every carefully cosen word you just

said??? It does me! My eyes have been openning lately to the

difference to the fact that NT's simply do not communicate with each

other using words.. there's statisics if you need them (but needing them

emphasises the point anyway).

The summary of the matter is this: never let the facts

get in the way of what's being communicated.

Our matter of fact tone and neutral facial expression is

what is hurtful to NT's when we speak. Kind of like the background

music to a video segment. The tone changes completely with a

different style of music to the same identical

video.

You could not have said it better, Usarian. LOL! I've frequently

disparaged that some folks are very " fluid with their facts "

and " wishy washy " when they tell you something one day with

deep conviction and the next day after they've spoken with their peers,

they have re-aligned themselves with the majority, even if the majority

is WRONG.

When I was young, I figured it was just out and out lying, and I loved

jokes like this one:

Q. How can you tell that _________ is lying?

A. Her lips are moving. "

I could NEVER understand the purpose of this behavior until I started

watching " Survivor. " This facet of NT behavior is what I

believe prompted Jane Meyerding, a very bright light in our autism

community, to come to an interesting conclusion when she was a young

woman, struggling to find her place in college. She know nothing about AS

or NT ways of being back then of course, but she classified those who

relied on " group-think " as having a " hollow core " and

those who formed opinions and beliefs independently, like herself, as

having a " solid core. "

Read more of her insights at this link:

Thoughts on Finding Myself Differently Brained

http://www.inlv.demon.nl/subm-brain.jane.eng.html

There is no disrespect intended towards our NT brethren here at all.

But U must admit that, frankly, there are many pathological traits that

are ascribed to AS by the NT community. The one that REALLY sticks in my

craw is the repeated assertion that we have no empathy. So now U see,

there are things that we on the spectrum can be very perplexed if not

deeply disturbed about by NT social communication as well.

- Helen