Foreplay & Aspergers (Books/Reading/Lyrics)

[Guest guest]

To all reading this, I apologize to anyone offended by the topic. If you're concerned don't think I'll know if you delete, or ignore.

This a tough one to write. It's become a recurring question at our home, so I figured I'd try it out here.

How do you "explain," foreplay to your spouse when he is autistic/Aspie? My has had trouble comprehending how it works. Let me just say a few things right off the top here. I'm not complaining. We have talked about this, and it's actually been initiating the conversations. It's just that I'm not sure how to respond with crystal clear and direct answers. I was no angel before him. It's just that when he doesn't know and has trouble asking, his asking is vast. I have never had to have this discussion with a partner before. I don't want to discourage the questions. I'd love to learn what it means to him. See, that's were I'm looking. If I had a jumping off point how has it worked for him in the past. (I'm only the second woman he's been with in this way. and she was fully able bodied.) Whatever she might have done that was a Prelude are some of the things he's having trouble putting into words. He has told me I'm seductive, but can't offer any specificity.

It seems like this is one of the areas where even though we've never sat down and talked about it, he feels he's not living up to what is "required." I'd love foreplay, I just don't know how to offer ideas, suggestions. We were cuddling last night and Jim on's version of 'Light My Fire.' That's when started to sing the song, "Not something anyone should have to be subjected to." But it also seemed to open up something inside him, something very real and honest. That's when the questions came. One question was, " Is this a some about foreplay?" I'm like, "Of course it is!" But, ay know it never dawned on me that there would be another adult out there that wouldn't "already," know that.

We have the books on Love & Aspergers. Asperger's in Love, an Aspergers Marriage. I just don't know if there is another one out there that deals with these issues in clear terms. Those books have helped, and we still have them. It's just that like many of our other books they are away in storage right now while we await a paint job that was promised by management back in March. I can't see us uncovering those books before the holidays, and this feels important to him.

Thanks for listening, and any help coming our way.

Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com.

[Guest guest]

I'm going to take this one on, but I'll have to stow the emotions to do it.

We went through this. We were each other's official firsts, but I had more.. experience generally, so not only was I awkwardly asking clinical questions and trying to elicit clinical answers instead of romanitical just-trying-to-make-me-feel-good-about-myself answers, I was also trying to express things I wanted to try without being commanding or whatever.

But I will also add, I had to learn at a point in our marriage that it was my turn to take the dive and shut up with the questions because I was ruining this "mood" thing she kept talking about.

I can't suggest a book for you, sorry.. but I think of things in a similar way to the way English teachers teach you how to write about a setting.

Geographically, Chronologically, or .. I cant remember the third one..

The concept is .. you know for an aspie, it might have to be kind of a concrete unromatic suggestion. Use a clock.

When event becomes identified as an encounter, he should make a mental note of the time. Final destination should not be attempted for fifteen minutes. While you're waiting, explore the surrounding geography.

I also like to use my AS mind in as romatic a way as it is capable, which is to accurately communicate the things I enjoy about my wife. There are three categories for this:

Body (of course. In a videogame this would be the easy setting for any guy),

Soul (aspects of our relationship and her role in it that I admire and appreciate. Great way to get started here is to say "I love the way you __________" fill in the blank.)

Spirit (Some might balk at this one, but we met at Bible school, so spirituality is very very important to us, and encouraging each other's spiritual convictions and activities in an intimate setting brings things to a level unrivalled in my experience).

He should make a note to NOT BALANCE STATEMENTS, even though that might sound insane. This is not a time for both a positive and a negative.. but maybe that was just me.. learned that one the.. difficult way.

Generally, a gentle light touch and a positive word is the essence of build-up.

From: Tempttea@...

Sent: Wednesday, September 10, 2008 12:30 PM

To: aspires-relationships

Subject: Foreplay & Aspergers (Books/Reading/Lyrics)

To all reading this, I apologize to anyone offended by the topic. If you're concerned don't think I'll know if you delete, or ignore.

This a tough one to write. It's become a recurring question at our home, so I figured I'd try it out here.

How do you "explain," foreplay to your spouse when he is autistic/Aspie? My has had trouble comprehending how it works. Let me just say a few things right off the top here. I'm not complaining. We have talked about this, and it's actually been initiating the conversations. It's just that I'm not sure how to respond with crystal clear and direct answers. I was no angel before him. It's just that when he doesn't know and has trouble asking, his asking is vast. I have never had to have this discussion with a partner before. I don't want to discourage the questions. I'd love to learn what it means to him. See, that's were I'm looking. If I had a jumping off point how has it worked for him in the past. (I'm only the second woman he's been with in this way. and she was fully able bodied.) Whatever she might have done that was a Prelude are some of the things he's having trouble putting into words. He has! told me I'm seductive, but can't offer any specificity.

It seems like this is one of the areas where even though we've never sat down and talked about it, he feels he's not living up to what is "required." I'd love foreplay, I just don't know how to offer ideas, suggestions. We were cuddling last night and Jim on's version of 'Light My Fire.' That's when started to sing the song, "Not something anyone should have to be subjected to." But it also seemed to open up something inside him, something very real and honest. That's when the questions came. One question was, " Is this a some about foreplay?" I'm like, "Of course it is!" But, ay know it never dawned on me that there would be another adult out there that wouldn't "already," know that.

We have the books on Love & Aspergers. Asperger's in Love, an Aspergers Marriage. I just don't know if there is another one out there that deals with these issues in clear terms. Those books have helped, and we still have them. It's just that like many of our other books they are away in storage right now while we await a paint job that was promised by management back in March. I can't see us uncovering those books before the holidays, and this feels important to him.

Thanks for listening, and any help coming our way.

Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com.

[Guest guest]

Here are some examples you could use with your husband. Let him know that alot of the pumping will hurt if there isn't any foreplay. Unless you like quickies and you are ready. Sure those are books on aspie's for relationships, yet maybe expand your library and find books on sexuality in detail. Like "she comes first" and the one that helped me is "supersex".

before a machine gets started up it needs to get a oiled up so that it can run for a long time.

Everytime i am about to ride my bike i need to put lube on the chain and air in the tires. If you dont do this the bike will not run right and can hurt the bike.

Did you have a exact question in there ? Im a aspie who has alot of time and experience in sex.

Matt

Foreplay & Aspergers (Books/Reading/Lyrics)

To all reading this, I apologize to anyone offended by the topic. If you're concerned don't think I'll know if you delete, or ignore.

This a tough one to write. It's become a recurring question at our home, so I figured I'd try it out here.

How do you "explain," foreplay to your spouse when he is autistic/Aspie? My has had trouble comprehending how it works. Let me just say a few things right off the top here. I'm not complaining. We have talked about this, and it's actually been initiating the conversations. It's just that I'm not sure how to respond with crystal clear and direct answers. I was no angel before him. It's just that when he doesn't know and has trouble asking, his asking is vast. I have never had to have this discussion with a partner before. I don't want to discourage the questions. I'd love to learn what it means to him. See, that's were I'm looking. If I had a jumping off point how has it worked for him in the past. (I'm only the second woman he's been with in this way. and she was fully able bodied.) Whatever she might have done that was a Prelude are some of the things he's having trouble putting into words. He has told me I'm seductive, but can't offer any specificity.

It seems like this is one of the areas where even though we've never sat down and talked about it, he feels he's not living up to what is "required." I'd love foreplay, I just don't know how to offer ideas, suggestions. We were cuddling last night and Jim on's version of 'Light My Fire.' That's when started to sing the song, "Not something anyone should have to be subjected to." But it also seemed to open up something inside him, something very real and honest. That's when the questions came. One question was, " Is this a some about foreplay?" I'm like, "Of course it is!" But, ay know it never dawned on me that there would be another adult out there that wouldn't "already," know that.

We have the books on Love & Aspergers. Asperger's in Love, an Aspergers Marriage. I just don't know if there is another one out there that deals with these issues in clear terms. Those books have helped, and we still have them. It's just that like many of our other books they are away in storage right now while we await a paint job that was promised by management back in March. I can't see us uncovering those books before the holidays, and this feels important to him.

Thanks for listening, and any help coming our way.

Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com.