Told Don't Ask

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Have any of you, either AS or NT, experienced times when you really

wanted to know something, asked the best way you c ould, and were

told that it was offensive or negative, and were basically told that

you could not ask your question? This has happened to me twice this

week, but happened to me a lot as a child. In each cse, the intent

was not to make me be quiet and refrain from asking, but it still

did that. There was a requirement that I not " make assumptions "

or " Be negative " , and I could not get around these requirements to

the other party's satisfaction. I know that I can just not ask

these questions, and wait till the right situations arise, someone

else opens the door, and I can just nudge things in the direction to

get the answers I need. I know the peole involved really did not

mean any harm- and even clarified that they did not mean for me not

to be able to ask. i can sense a bit of why my questions may have

been risking offending someone. In one case, one person rephrasd my

question to what looked to me like a very weak, general form of it,

but when OI asked it that way, I actually got lots of helpful

information! I did not learn all I needed, but I got a great amount.

So, here are my questions for you:

(1) Do I really have to just not ask certain things, because I do

not know how to ask correctly?

(2) What are some things you can say or do to ask questions when

the subject could offend someone-- not because it is a political

topic (these are not), but because it is asking about development of

the potential to do the wrong thing? (Nobody really wants to feel

that he or she is learning to do wrong.)

(3) What are some ways that I can be allowed, socially, to discuss

a bad situation that happened, but convey that I am doing that in

order to improve, and because I have the faith that I can? For

example, is there a way to open the subject or bridge into it, that

does this?

I will try to give specifics if they are needed, but may need help

with acceptable phraseology.

Thanks in advance,