Re: Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom

[Guest guest]

I am going to preface my remarks by saying that my son is 10 and I have been at this for 8 long years. He is not recovered, nor do I expect him to be at this point. I still keep plugging along, cautiously optimistic that my son will continue to improve and lead a happy life.

I have been reading this thread since it started. While I can understand the passion behind some of the comments, I'd like to suggest that we put an end to the judging of another mother's opinion. The fact is that no one knows another person's situation. IMHO, it's just as bad to suggest that a mom who isn't doing biomed doesn't love her child as it is to suggest that anyone who is doing biomed is a self centered, delusion nutjob. (Believe me, I've been called this and worse.)

We all have a tough road. My son isn't recovered. If I stop biomed tomorrow, does that mean I have stopped loving him? Is my failure to recover my child because I don't love him enough? Didn't try hard enough? Should have wanted it more?

Let's spend our energies building each other up instead of focusing on this one person's opinion.

LIsa

She's right, she is not a warrior mom, IMO she's a lazy one.Life should be easier. So should your homepage. Try the NEW AOL.com.

[Guest guest]

Yes, in one thread, she’s not a warrior mom and in another

she’s giving her daughter benedryl to get her to sleep.    Since she’s

already waded through that “plethora of literature written by warrior

moms” and isn’t even the least intrigued to see if changing her

child’s diet or giving her some vitamins/etc would help her in anyway, she’s

decided she loves her daughter unconditionally and we do not. 

Interesting on how those who don’t want to dive in and

help their children turn around and point fingers on those of us who do.  The

only thing that matters – is our children – and how ours will be doing

and feeling so much better and her poor daughter will not have the chance our

children had, because while she could have been healing her, she was too busy

telling us what we felt for our children.

It’s probably better to not give her articles any

attention since that’s probably what she is looking for – if no one

reads her dribble, then why would they continue to pay her to write?

From:

EOHarm [mailto:EOHarm ] On Behalf Of jenna.keefe

Sent: Saturday, November 29, 2008 9:07 AM

To: EOHarm

Subject: Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior

mom

This one has my blood boiling for the day . . .

the comments to this

blog are good. We should all send her a piece of our mind. Oh I am

boiling.Should invigorate me for the shopping day ahead.

-

From examiner.com

Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom

37 comments November 26, 12:32 PM

by Kathleen Byrne, New York Schools Examiner

There's a plethora of literature out there written by warrior

moms who will stop at nothing to recover their child from autism. The

most famous warrior mom, actress McCarthy, has written two

books on the subject. The stories have the same familiar narrative:

angst upon learning the diagnosis; seeking the cause (Ms. McCarthy

blames vaccines); researching and deciding on treatments; and the

sacrifices--personal, financial and familial--made to carry out

treatments.

All warrior moms decide early on that they will try anything to heal

their autistic child. I've done my research, and the only proven

autism treatment is Applied Behavioral Analysis. The biomedical

therapies—gluten- and casein-free diet, supplements such as fish oil,

chelation (a controversial detoxification), to name a few—do not have

a large body of well-designed and independently verified research

backing up their claims of improving the lives of autism patients.

Some say that the medical community, ruled by pharmaceutical

interests, is slow to accept innovation. While I agree with this

contention to a point, I also think that there is a lot of unchecked

emotion in the autism debate. Reason doesn't always come into play

when it comes to caring for our children. For example, warrior moms

will often say, " I didn't want to look back and wonder if there was

something I should have done. " I've thought that numerous times, too,

but doing something just for the sake of working out our personal

anxiety about having a disabled child is not good for any of our

children, least of all our beautiful, special-needs ones.

I believe a lot of warrior moms love their children, but they don't

love them unconditionally. They try untested therapies to allay their

own feelings of inadequacy. I know the uneasiness of watching my 3 ½-

year-old daughter struggle with a task quickly mastered by a typical

18-month-old, but it doesn't make me a warrior. It only makes me sad.

[Guest guest]

If it only makes her sad and not want to do more to improve her child, what kind of mother is she? A very poor one IMO.

My observation of the "autism moms" proves that these are parents who will go to the ends of our God Given Earth to help their children. A mother like this that takes a back seat and relies on Applied Behavior Analysis, a therapy that is often times delivered by an untrained provider through a state or county agency is one who not needs replies to her blog but a reality check. Another attention seeker. Her next claim will be that someone is threatening her also

Does it say she is a New York Schools Examiner? Undoubtedly she has another agenda.School districts are notorious for claiming that parents are crazy and they know everything. Sad for her children and those of the school system she "examines", indeed.

TZ

Subject: Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior momTo: EOHarm Date: Saturday, November 29, 2008, 2:06 PM

This one has my blood boiling for the day . . . the comments to this blog are good. We should all send her a piece of our mind. Oh I am boiling.Should invigorate me for the shopping day ahead.-From examiner.comConfessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom 37 comments November 26, 12:32 PM by Kathleen Byrne, New York Schools ExaminerThere's a plethora of literature out there written by warrior moms who will stop at nothing to recover their child from autism. The most famous warrior mom, actress McCarthy, has written two books on the subject. The stories have the same familiar narrative: angst upon learning the diagnosis; seeking the cause (Ms. McCarthy blames vaccines); researching and deciding on treatments; and the sacrifices-- personal, financial and familial--made to carry out treatments.All warrior moms decide early on that they will try anything

to heal their autistic child. I've done my research, and the only proven autism treatment is Applied Behavioral Analysis. The biomedical therapies—gluten- and casein-free diet, supplements such as fish oil, chelation (a controversial detoxification) , to name a few—do not have a large body of well-designed and independently verified research backing up their claims of improving the lives of autism patients.Some say that the medical community, ruled by pharmaceutical interests, is slow to accept innovation. While I agree with this contention to a point, I also think that there is a lot of unchecked emotion in the autism debate. Reason doesn't always come into play when it comes to caring for our children. For example, warrior moms will often say, "I didn't want to look back and wonder if there was something I should have done." I've thought that numerous times, too, but doing something just

for the sake of working out our personal anxiety about having a disabled child is not good for any of our children, least of all our beautiful, special-needs ones.I believe a lot of warrior moms love their children, but they don't love them unconditionally. They try untested therapies to allay their own feelings of inadequacy. I know the uneasiness of watching my 3 ½-year-old daughter struggle with a task quickly mastered by a typical 18-month-old, but it doesn't make me a warrior. It only makes me sad.

[Guest guest]

I will preface this with my son isn't recovered and isn't out of the woods. He is still in pain and we are trying very hard to control his serious bowel disease.

Of all the comments made on this article mine came from emotion and I should remember that I need to try to look at things more objectively. However, this woman is making a public statement about all of the mothers who are actively trying to help their children. I don't judge other mothers who don't use biomedical interventions and I have several as friends, but they in turn are not judging my decisions for my son.

Biomedical interventions are not out in the public and new parents should be told about them. It is their personal choice to decide what is best for their child at any given time, but this article can be damaging because if someone was on the fence about diets and help, this completely discourages even looking into it. This article gives a sense of hopelessness.

Now many many of our situations are extremely difficult situations, but to give up every shred of hope is more crushing than our situation. I don't know if my son will recover. In fact considering his severity, it would be the greatest miracle. However, improving his quality of life and helping him to all that he can is my goal. His life will always be filled with love, no one should say that I have don't have unconditional love for him because I choose to use biomedical interventions to help him.

Lynne

Life should be easier. So should your homepage. Try the NEW AOL.com.

[Guest guest]

She's right, she is not a warrior mom, IMO she's a lazy one.

Primer who lives in Oceanside but is in Carlsbad Unified School District

~All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. -- Arthur Schopenhauer

~Well-behaved women seldom make history~ Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

To: EOHarm Sent: Saturday, November 29, 2008 6:06:36 AMSubject: Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom

This one has my blood boiling for the day . . . the comments to this blog are good. We should all send her a piece of our mind. Oh I am boiling.Should invigorate me for the shopping day ahead.-From examiner.comConfessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom 37 comments November 26, 12:32 PM by Kathleen Byrne, New York Schools ExaminerThere's a plethora of literature out there written by warrior moms who will stop at nothing to recover their child from autism. The most famous warrior mom, actress McCarthy, has written two books on the subject. The stories have the same familiar narrative: angst upon learning the diagnosis; seeking the cause (Ms. McCarthy blames vaccines); researching and deciding on treatments; and the sacrifices-- personal, financial and familial--made to carry out treatments.All warrior

moms decide early on that they will try anything to heal their autistic child. I've done my research, and the only proven autism treatment is Applied Behavioral Analysis. The biomedical therapies—gluten- and casein-free diet, supplements such as fish oil, chelation (a controversial detoxification) , to name a few—do not have a large body of well-designed and independently verified research backing up their claims of improving the lives of autism patients.Some say that the medical community, ruled by pharmaceutical interests, is slow to accept innovation.. While I agree with this contention to a point, I also think that there is a lot of unchecked emotion in the autism debate. Reason doesn't always come into play when it comes to caring for our children. For example, warrior moms will often say, "I didn't want to look back and wonder if there was something I should have done." I've thought that

numerous times, too, but doing something just for the sake of working out our personal anxiety about having a disabled child is not good for any of our children, least of all our beautiful, special-needs ones.I believe a lot of warrior moms love their children, but they don't love them unconditionally. They try untested therapies to allay their own feelings of inadequacy. I know the uneasiness of watching my 3 ½-year-old daughter struggle with a task quickly mastered by a typical 18-month-old, but it doesn't make me a warrior. It only makes me sad.

[Guest guest]

The only problem I see with not giving her articles attention, is then some other mom sitting home reading that article may think the majority of people agree with the author. Polite well written rebuttals give the readers a better chance at helping their own children.

Primer who lives in Oceanside but is in Carlsbad Unified School District

~All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. -- Arthur Schopenhauer

~Well-behaved women seldom make history~ Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

To: EOHarm Sent: Saturday, November 29, 2008 6:55:10 AMSubject: RE: Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom

Yes, in one thread, she’s not a warrior mom and in another she’s giving her daughter benedryl to get her to sleep. Since she’s already waded through that “plethora of literature written by warrior moms” and isn’t even the least intrigued to see if changing her child’s diet or giving her some vitamins/etc would help her in anyway, she’s decided she loves her daughter unconditionally and we do not.

Interesting on how those who don’t want to dive in and help their children turn around and point fingers on those of us who do. The only thing that matters – is our children – and how ours will be doing and feeling so much better and her poor daughter will not have the chance our children had, because while she could have been healing her, she was too busy telling us what we felt for our children.

It’s probably better to not give her articles any attention since that’s probably what she is looking for – if no one reads her dribble, then why would they continue to pay her to write?

From: EOHarmyahoogroups (DOT) com [mailto:EOHarm@ yahoogroups. com] On Behalf Of jenna.keefeSent: Saturday, November 29, 2008 9:07 AMTo: EOHarmyahoogroups (DOT) comSubject: Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom

This one has my blood boiling for the day . . . the comments to this blog are good. We should all send her a piece of our mind. Oh I am boiling.Should invigorate me for the shopping day ahead.-From examiner.comConfessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom 37 comments November 26, 12:32 PM by Kathleen Byrne, New York Schools ExaminerThere's a plethora of literature out there written by warrior moms who will stop at nothing to recover their child from autism. The most famous warrior mom, actress McCarthy, has written two books on the subject. The stories have the same familiar narrative: angst upon learning the diagnosis; seeking the cause (Ms. McCarthy blames vaccines); researching and deciding on treatments; and the sacrifices-- personal, financial and familial--made to carry out treatments.All warrior

moms decide early on that they will try anything to heal their autistic child. I've done my research, and the only proven autism treatment is Applied Behavioral Analysis. The biomedical therapies—gluten- and casein-free diet, supplements such as fish oil, chelation (a controversial detoxification) , to name a few—do not have a large body of well-designed and independently verified research backing up their claims of improving the lives of autism patients.Some say that the medical community, ruled by pharmaceutical interests, is slow to accept innovation.. While I agree with this contention to a point, I also think that there is a lot of unchecked emotion in the autism debate. Reason doesn't always come into play when it comes to caring for our children. For example, warrior moms will often say, "I didn't want to look back and wonder if there was something I should have done." I've thought that

numerous times, too, but doing something just for the sake of working out our personal anxiety about having a disabled child is not good for any of our children, least of all our beautiful, special-needs ones.I believe a lot of warrior moms love their children, but they don't love them unconditionally. They try untested therapies to allay their own feelings of inadequacy. I know the uneasiness of watching my 3 ½-year-old daughter struggle with a task quickly mastered by a typical 18-month-old, but it doesn't make me a warrior. It only makes me sad.

[Guest guest]

I believe a lot of warrior moms love their children, but they don't love them unconditionally. They try untested therapies to allay their own feelings of inadequacy. I know the uneasiness of watching my 3 ½-year-old daughter struggle with a task quickly mastered by a typical 18-month-old, but it doesn't make me a warrior. It only makes me sad.My response (I might post this - I'm not sure if it's too harsh):"Exactly.. So what happens when that child is 30 years old, still living at home because they can't understand other people enough to make it on their own? Or when you dead? 'Warrior mothers do not 'not love their children unconditionally' as you supposed - they love them *enough* to want them to be able to make it in society. And, as much as some in the autism community would like, getting along in that society means being able to comprehend others emotions, being able to grow and absorb nutrients properly, having a digestive system able to form bowel movements correctly, not having intestines overrun by bacteria that should never be there, being able to generate and use cellular energy (ATP) properly (notice I'm going from the 'psychological' aspects of autism that have always been acknowledged to the newer findings that everyone is ignoring, and no one is trying to replicate). But to come back to the old, "safe" neurological-only definition of autism - inability to understand the emotions and communicate with others - take a look at almost any job application out there. "Teamwork and ability to get along with others, communication skills" is right at the top.. Good day, and I hope your child recovers - some day, when the studies that should have been done decades ago actually are done, and all this "controversy" is finally over. Who knows, you might even still be alive to see it - I hope so. Maybe then you won't be so sad."Jim

[Guest guest]

> She's right, she is not a warrior mom, IMO she's a lazy one.

LOL!

[Guest guest]

A Stepford Mom?

[For those of you with a public education, this is a literary

reference to " women in their place " wives of the 50's and 60's -- from

the book " The Stepford Wives " . -- also exemplified in the TV series,

Madmen.]

Lenny

>

> She's right, she is not a warrior mom, IMO she's a lazy one.

>  

>

>

[Guest guest]

I personally say post it

Primer who lives in Oceanside but is in Carlsbad Unified School District

~All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. -- Arthur Schopenhauer

~Well-behaved women seldom make history~ Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

To: EOHarm Sent: Saturday, November 29, 2008 10:50:07 AMSubject: Re: Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom

I believe a lot of warrior moms love their children, but they don't love them unconditionally. They try untested therapies to allay their own feelings of inadequacy. I know the uneasiness of watching my 3 ½-year-old daughter struggle with a task quickly mastered by a typical 18-month-old, but it doesn't make me a warrior. It only makes me sad.

My response (I might post this - I'm not sure if it's too harsh):

"Exactly.. So what happens when that child is 30 years old, still living at home because they can't understand other people enough to make it on their own? Or when you dead? 'Warrior mothers do not 'not love their children unconditionally' as you supposed - they love them *enough* to want them to be able to make it in society. And, as much as some in the autism community would like, getting along in that society means being able to comprehend others emotions, being able to grow and absorb nutrients properly, having a digestive system able to form bowel movements correctly, not having intestines overrun by bacteria that should never be there, being able to generate and use cellular energy (ATP) properly (notice I'm going from the 'psychological' aspects of autism that have always been acknowledged to the newer findings that everyone is ignoring, and no one is trying to replicate). But to come back to the

old, "safe" neurological- only definition of autism - inability to understand the emotions and communicate with others - take a look at almost any job application out there. "Teamwork and ability to get along with others, communication skills" is right at the top.. Good day, and I hope your child recovers - some day, when the studies that should have been done decades ago actually are done, and all this "controversy" is finally over. Who knows, you might even still be alive to see it - I hope so. Maybe then you won't be so sad."

Jim

[Guest guest]

That's funny, thank goodness for my child and those children with parents on this board, we are not Stepford Mom's;-)

Primer who lives in Oceanside but is in Carlsbad Unified School District

~All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. -- Arthur Schopenhauer

~Well-behaved women seldom make history~ Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

To: EOHarm Sent: Saturday, November 29, 2008 11:01:13 AMSubject: Re: Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom

A Stepford Mom? [For those of you with a public education, this is a literaryreference to "women in their place" wives of the 50's and 60's -- fromthe book "The Stepford Wives". -- also exemplified in the TV series,Madmen.]Lenny>> She's right, she is not a warrior mom, IMO she's a lazy one.> > >

[Guest guest]

Well said Lynne. On this comment, "However, this woman is making a public statement about all of the mothers who are actively trying to help their children. " I completely agree. SHe has the right to her feelings, but every time some one says I should not be helping my child, I will feel the need to comment. I do not want others to think the only thing out there is ABA. ABA is good but its also not a one stop cure. My child was not even able to get the most out of ABA until he was completely GFCF and on enzymes (and that is not my opinion, that is the opinion of the ABA teacher at California Avenue in Vista, CA)

Primer who lives in Oceanside but is in Carlsbad Unified School District

~All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. -- Arthur Schopenhauer

~Well-behaved women seldom make history~ Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

To: EOHarm Sent: Saturday, November 29, 2008 1:09:39 PMSubject: Re: Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom

I will preface this with my son isn't recovered and isn't out of the woods. He is still in pain and we are trying very hard to control his serious bowel disease.

Of all the comments made on this article mine came from emotion and I should remember that I need to try to look at things more objectively. However, this woman is making a public statement about all of the mothers who are actively trying to help their children. I don't judge other mothers who don't use biomedical interventions and I have several as friends, but they in turn are not judging my decisions for my son.

Biomedical interventions are not out in the public and new parents should be told about them. It is their personal choice to decide what is best for their child at any given time, but this article can be damaging because if someone was on the fence about diets and help, this completely discourages even looking into it. This article gives a sense of hopelessness.

Now many many of our situations are extremely difficult situations, but to give up every shred of hope is more crushing than our situation. I don't know if my son will recover. In fact considering his severity, it would be the greatest miracle. However, improving his quality of life and helping him to all that he can is my goal. His life will always be filled with love, no one should say that I have don't have unconditional love for him because I choose to use biomedical interventions to help him.

Lynne

Life should be easier. So should your homepage. Try the NEW AOL.com.

[Guest guest]

In my estimation of the numbers of much younger children I have seen (2-4 years of age), THOSE are the children who are more likely to be helped by ABA than, say, my son at the age of 10. THOSE are the kids whose parents stopped vaccinating at one year when the behavior started and got their sufficiently-early diagnosis. In the early days of our ABA program by a BCBA (or whatever the hell their credentials are), my son had to lay face-up on the floor with this person sitting on top of him -- all while he was screaming just so she could get eye contact or his attention. I normally had to leave the room in tears. So after a year of this (I will have to spend the rest of my life apologizing to my son) crap, he now use that $2500 per year to focus on a working detox program and lo and behold we know what was causing his

meltdowns and lack of attention: gluten, dairy, micotoxins in the brain from the yeast from all of the flippin mercury.RoxSubject: Re: Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior momTo: EOHarm Date: Saturday, November 29, 2008, 9:24 PM

Well said Lynne. On this comment, "However, this woman is making a public statement about all of the mothers who are actively trying to help their children. " I completely agree. SHe has the right to her feelings, but every time some one says I should not be helping my child, I will feel the need to comment. I do not want others to think the only thing out there is ABA. ABA is good but its also not a one stop cure. My child was not even able to get the most out of ABA until he was completely GFCF and on enzymes (and that is not my opinion, that is the opinion of the ABA teacher at California Avenue in Vista, CA)

Primer who lives in Oceanside but is in Carlsbad Unified School District

~All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. -- Arthur Schopenhauer

~Well-behaved women seldom make history~ Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

From: "chrislynnes@ aol.com" <chrislynnes@ aol.com>To: EOHarmyahoogroups (DOT) comSent: Saturday, November 29, 2008 1:09:39 PMSubject: Re: Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom

I will preface this with my son isn't recovered and isn't out of the woods. He is still in pain and we are trying very hard to control his serious bowel disease.

Of all the comments made on this article mine came from emotion and I should remember that I need to try to look at things more objectively. However, this woman is making a public statement about all of the mothers who are actively trying to help their children. I don't judge other mothers who don't use biomedical interventions and I have several as friends, but they in turn are not judging my decisions for my son.

Biomedical interventions are not out in the public and new parents should be told about them. It is their personal choice to decide what is best for their child at any given time, but this article can be damaging because if someone was on the fence about diets and help, this completely discourages even looking into it. This article gives a sense of hopelessness.

Now many many of our situations are extremely difficult situations, but to give up every shred of hope is more crushing than our situation. I don't know if my son will recover. In fact considering his severity, it would be the greatest miracle. However, improving his quality of life and helping him to all that he can is my goal. His life will always be filled with love, no one should say that I have don't have unconditional love for him because I choose to use biomedical interventions to help him.

Lynne

Life should be easier. So should your homepage. Try the NEW AOL.com.

[Guest guest]

Here's my full revised comment:Exactly.. So what happens when that child is 30 years old, still living at home because they can't understand other people enough to make it on their own? Or when you dead?Warrior mothers do not 'not love their children unconditionally' as you supposed - they love them *enough* to want them to be able to make it in society. As much as some in the autism community would like, getting along in that society means being able to comprehend the emotions of others, respond in kind, being able to handle stress and adapt to change like most "normal" people, being able to grow and absorb nutrients properly, having a digestive system able to form bowel movements correctly, not having intestines overrun by bacteria that should never be there, being able to generate and use cellular energy (ATP) properly.. Notice that I'm proceeding from the 'psychological' aspects of autism that have always been acknowledged, to the newer findings that everyone is ignoring, and no one is even trying to seriously replicate. Don't tell me the recent MMR study was a "serious attempt" - it only had 20 autistic kids in it! There is NO way you can draw any kind of reasonably conclusion from such a small sample!And even Kanner himself noted eating and possible gastrointestinal problems of 6 of his 11 patients, but he believed these to be psychological in origin, not medical ("Neurobiology of Autism" Bauman and Kemper, 2005 JHU Press. p103).But to come back to the old, "safe", neurological-only definition of autism: inability to understand the emotions of and effectively communicate with others. Take a look at almost any job application out there and you will see something similar to the following: "Teamwork and ability to get along with others, good communication skills" right at the top..Good day, and I hope your child recovers - some day, when the studies that should have been done decades ago actually *are* done, all this sad "controversy" is finally over, and autism is finally treated as the whole-body *medical* problem that it actually is. By the way, research currently going on at the Harvard Center for Non-Invasive Brain Stimulation hints that you can "cure" some of the higher functioning types of autism (Asperger's) *without* losing the "gifts" that that "autism" imparts (the "gifts" never were part of the autism in the first place - they are simply learned compensations for what the brain cannot do automatically. Those learned skill do not go away). Who knows, you might even still be alive to see it. I hope so. Maybe then you won't be so sad.

[Guest guest]

Well said Jim!

Primer who lives in Oceanside but is in Carlsbad Unified School District

~All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. -- Arthur Schopenhauer

~Well-behaved women seldom make history~ Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

To: EOHarm Cc: Primer Sent: Saturday, November 29, 2008 3:56:00 PMSubject: Re: Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom

Here's my full revised comment:

Exactly.. So what happens when that child is 30 years old, still living at home because they can't understand other people enough to make it on their own? Or when you dead?

Warrior mothers do not 'not love their children unconditionally' as you supposed - they love them *enough* to want them to be able to make it in society. As much as some in the autism community would like, getting along in that society means being able to comprehend the emotions of others, respond in kind, being able to handle stress and adapt to change like most "normal" people, being able to grow and absorb nutrients properly, having a digestive system able to form bowel movements correctly, not having intestines overrun by bacteria that should never be there, being able to generate and use cellular energy (ATP) properly.. Notice that I'm proceeding from the 'psychological' aspects of autism that have always been acknowledged, to the newer findings that everyone is ignoring, and no one is even trying to seriously replicate. Don't tell me the recent MMR study

was a "serious attempt" - it only had 20 autistic kids in it! There is NO way you can draw any kind of reasonably conclusion from such a small sample!

And even Kanner himself noted eating and possible gastrointestinal problems of 6 of his 11 patients, but he believed these to be psychological in origin, not medical ("Neurobiology of Autism" Bauman and Kemper, 2005 JHU Press. p103).

But to come back to the old, "safe", neurological- only definition of autism: inability to understand the emotions of and effectively communicate with others. Take a look at almost any job application out there and you will see something similar to the following: "Teamwork and ability to get along with others, good communication skills" right at the top..

Good day, and I hope your child recovers - some day, when the studies that should have been done decades ago actually *are* done, all this sad "controversy" is finally over, and autism is finally treated as the whole-body *medical* problem that it actually is. By the way, research currently going on at the Harvard Center for Non-Invasive Brain Stimulation hints that you can "cure" some of the higher functioning types of autism (Asperger's) *without* losing the "gifts" that that "autism" imparts (the "gifts" never were part of the autism in the first place - they are simply learned compensations for what the brain cannot do automatically. Those learned skill do not go away). Who knows, you might even still be alive to see it. I hope so. Maybe then you won't be so sad.

[Guest guest]

My child was not even able to get the most out of ABA until he was completely GFCF and on enzymes .. that is the opinion of the ABA teacher at California Avenue in Vista, CA That should be commented on the article. There was a short discussion about this the Indiana biomed list after the AoA article on the Cleveland Clinic discouraging parents from trying "untested, unproven methods" (the "Stay Sick!" icon). Someone on the list commented that their child improved so fast in the ABA lessons that the ABA teacher thought it was miraculous, saying "it just doensn't happen like this!" to the mother. Now that ABA teacher understands that biomed and ABA are not either/or. One helps the body, the other helps the mind.Jim

[Guest guest]

What happens when the person w/autism turns thirty.....sometimes the

same outcome....whether mom is a warrior or is called by other names.

Sometimes warriors will display delayed stress syndrom. Some warriors

are angry all the time and lash out at those that they need the most.

I know I do....and I lived through the 50s and 60s without medicating

myself. And I was and am without all the information(weapons) that

todays moms have. Ultimately everyoine of us....and our

children....will live one day at a time.

>

> > I believe a lot of warrior moms love their children, but they

don't

> > love them unconditionally. They try untested therapies to allay

their

> > own feelings of inadequacy. I know the uneasiness of watching my

3 ½-

> > year-old daughter struggle with a task quickly mastered by a

typical

> > 18-month-old, but it doesn't make me a warrior. It only makes me

sad.

>

> My response (I might post this - I'm not sure if it's too harsh):

>

> " Exactly.. So what happens when that child is 30 years old, still

> living at home because they can't understand other people enough

to

> make it on their own? Or when you dead? 'Warrior mothers do not

> 'not love their children unconditionally' as you supposed - they

love

> them *enough* to want them to be able to make it in society. And,

as

> much as some in the autism community would like, getting along in

> that society means being able to comprehend others emotions, being

> able to grow and absorb nutrients properly, having a digestive

system

> able to form bowel movements correctly, not having intestines

overrun

> by bacteria that should never be there, being able to generate and

> use cellular energy (ATP) properly (notice I'm going from the

> 'psychological' aspects of autism that have always been

acknowledged

> to the newer findings that everyone is ignoring, and no one is

trying

> to replicate). But to come back to the old, " safe " neurological-

only

> definition of autism - inability to understand the emotions and

> communicate with others - take a look at almost any job

application

> out there. " Teamwork and ability to get along with others,

> communication skills " is right at the top.. Good day, and I hope

> your child recovers - some day, when the studies that should have

> been done decades ago actually are done, and all

this " controversy "

> is finally over. Who knows, you might even still be alive to see

it

> - I hope so. Maybe then you won't be so sad. "

>

> Jim

>

[Guest guest]

If the outcome is the same, at least I will know I tried, I will also know that I did not sit on the side lines and wait because of fear.

You are part of this group and not who Jim, IMO, is writing too. He is specifically writing to the person who wrote the article.

Primer who lives in Oceanside but is in Carlsbad Unified School District

~All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. -- Arthur Schopenhauer

~Well-behaved women seldom make history~ Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

To: EOHarm Sent: Sunday, November 30, 2008 8:56:40 AMSubject: Re: Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom

What happens when the person w/autism turns thirty.....sometime s the same outcome....whether mom is a warrior or is called by other names. Sometimes warriors will display delayed stress syndrom. Some warriors are angry all the time and lash out at those that they need the most. I know I do....and I lived through the 50s and 60s without medicating myself. And I was and am without all the information( weapons) that todays moms have. Ultimately everyoine of us....and our children.... will live one day at a time. > > > I believe a lot of warrior moms love their children, but they don't> > love them unconditionally. They try untested

therapies to allay their> > own feelings of inadequacy. I know the uneasiness of watching my 3 ½-> > year-old daughter struggle with a task quickly mastered by a typical> > 18-month-old, but it doesn't make me a warrior. It only makes me sad.> > My response (I might post this - I'm not sure if it's too harsh):> > "Exactly.. So what happens when that child is 30 years old, still > living at home because they can't understand other people enough to > make it on their own? Or when you dead? 'Warrior mothers do not > 'not love their children unconditionally' as you supposed - they love > them *enough* to want them to be able to make it in society. And, as > much as some in the autism community would like, getting along in > that society means being able to comprehend others emotions, being > able to grow and absorb

nutrients properly, having a digestive system > able to form bowel movements correctly, not having intestines overrun > by bacteria that should never be there, being able to generate and > use cellular energy (ATP) properly (notice I'm going from the > 'psychological' aspects of autism that have always been acknowledged > to the newer findings that everyone is ignoring, and no one is trying > to replicate). But to come back to the old, "safe" neurological-only > definition of autism - inability to understand the emotions and > communicate with others - take a look at almost any job application > out there. "Teamwork and ability to get along with others, > communication skills" is right at the top.. Good day, and I hope > your child recovers - some day, when the studies that should have > been done decades ago actually are done, and all this

"controversy" > is finally over. Who knows, you might even still be alive to see it > - I hope so. Maybe then you won't be so sad."> > Jim>

[Guest guest]

Just because all of our situations are different, doesn't make you

wrong.

All the best,

CGF

>

> I will preface this with my son isn't recovered and isn't out of

the woods.

> He is still in pain and we are trying very hard to control his

serious bowel

> disease.

>

> Of all the comments made on this article mine came from emotion and

I should

> remember that I need to try to look at things more objectively.

However,

> this woman is making a public statement about all of the mothers

who are

> actively trying to help their children. I don't judge other

mothers who don't use

> biomedical interventions and I have several as friends, but they

in turn are

> not judging my decisions for my son.

>

> Biomedical interventions are not out in the public and new parents

should be

> told about them. It is their personal choice to decide what is

best for

> their child at any given time, but this article can be damaging

because if

> someone was on the fence about diets and help, this completely

discourages even

> looking into it. This article gives a sense of hopelessness.

>

> Now many many of our situations are extremely difficult situations,

but to

> give up every shred of hope is more crushing than our situation. I

don't know

> if my son will recover. In fact considering his severity, it would

be the

> greatest miracle. However, improving his quality of life and

helping him to

> all that he can is my goal. His life will always be filled with

love, no one

> should say that I have don't have unconditional love for him

because I

> choose to use biomedical interventions to help him.

>

> Lynne

>

>

> **************Life should be easier. So should your homepage. Try

the NEW

> AOL.com.

> (http://www.aol.com/?optin=new-

dp & icid=aolcom40vanity & ncid=emlcntaolcom00000002)

>

[Guest guest]

I agree - she probably gets a bonus for all the replies to her

articles. I am shocked that she is using Benedryl for her child's

sleep issue. Clearly 3 am waking is related to GUT issues.

Oh she reminds me of a Group this year: Savage, Peet,

Denis Leary, and now Kathleen Byrne. All wood heads.

In EOHarm , " " wrote:

>

> Yes, in one thread, she's not a warrior mom and in another she's

giving her

> daughter benedryl to get her to sleep. Since she's already waded

through

> that " plethora of literature written by warrior moms " and isn't

even the

> least intrigued to see if changing her child's diet or giving her

some

> vitamins/etc would help her in anyway, she's decided she loves her

daughter

> unconditionally and we do not.

>

>

>

> Interesting on how those who don't want to dive in and help their

children

> turn around and point fingers on those of us who do. The only

thing that

> matters – is our children – and how ours will be doing and feeling

so much

> better and her poor daughter will not have the chance our children

had,

> because while she could have been healing her, she was too busy

telling us

> what we felt for our children.

>

>

>

> It's probably better to not give her articles any attention since

that's

> probably what she is looking for – if no one reads her dribble,

then why

> would they continue to pay her to write?

>

>

>

> From: EOHarm [mailto:EOHarm ] On

Behalf Of

> jenna.keefe

> Sent: Saturday, November 29, 2008 9:07 AM

> To: EOHarm

> Subject: Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a

warrior mom

>

>

>

> This one has my blood boiling for the day . . . the comments to

this

> blog are good. We should all send her a piece of our mind. Oh I am

> boiling.Should invigorate me for the shopping day ahead.

> -

>

> From examiner.com

>

> Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom

> 37 comments November 26, 12:32 PM

> by Kathleen Byrne, New York Schools Examiner

> There's a plethora of literature out there written by warrior

> moms who will stop at nothing to recover their child from autism.

The

> most famous warrior mom, actress McCarthy, has written two

> books on the subject. The stories have the same familiar narrative:

> angst upon learning the diagnosis; seeking the cause (Ms. McCarthy

> blames vaccines); researching and deciding on treatments; and the

> sacrifices--personal, financial and familial--made to carry out

> treatments.

>

> All warrior moms decide early on that they will try anything to

heal

> their autistic child. I've done my research, and the only proven

> autism treatment is Applied Behavioral Analysis. The biomedical

> therapies—gluten- and casein-free diet, supplements such as fish

oil,

> chelation (a controversial detoxification), to name a few—do not

have

> a large body of well-designed and independently verified research

> backing up their claims of improving the lives of autism patients.

>

> Some say that the medical community, ruled by pharmaceutical

> interests, is slow to accept innovation. While I agree with this

> contention to a point, I also think that there is a lot of

unchecked

> emotion in the autism debate. Reason doesn't always come into play

> when it comes to caring for our children. For example, warrior moms

> will often say, " I didn't want to look back and wonder if there was

> something I should have done. " I've thought that numerous times,

too,

> but doing something just for the sake of working out our personal

> anxiety about having a disabled child is not good for any of our

> children, least of all our beautiful, special-needs ones.

>

> I believe a lot of warrior moms love their children, but they don't

> love them unconditionally. They try untested therapies to allay

their

> own feelings of inadequacy. I know the uneasiness of watching my 3

½-

> year-old daughter struggle with a task quickly mastered by a

typical

> 18-month-old, but it doesn't make me a warrior. It only makes me

sad.

>

[Guest guest]

Carolyn,

I'd agree and ask folks not to judge others, especially those of kids

that are grown adults who never had access to the information many

folks have now. Could this mom from the article, which I have yet to

read by the way, have done things differently over thirty years ago?

I doubt it.

Can she now? Not if she herself is ailing. It is also sad to think

if this person with ASD does have medical conditions that have not

been addresses, for over three decades, that may continue. But in

all of this we all can only do what we know and feel comfortable

with. If this mother were to do so know, she'd be pretty much

admitting she didn't do what was needed many years ago.

That is a though shift folks and I've seen it with many people, even

in parents now of young kids.

This is a hard process and our fight over the last sixteen years has

taken a huge toll on our family. Our son too still has ASD, but is

doing well, but we do have the same worry as many folks and have

planned for the day when we will be gone. Our son too has many

skills that we've had to teach individually, because they could not

be just aquired like were with our other son.

But this is all a process and really dependent on the abilities of

the parents and one strong thing....HOPE.

JMHO,

Carolyn

> >

> > I will preface this with my son isn't recovered and isn't out of

> the woods.

> > He is still in pain and we are trying very hard to control his

> serious bowel

> > disease.

> >

> > Of all the comments made on this article mine came from emotion

and

> I should

> > remember that I need to try to look at things more objectively.

> However,

> > this woman is making a public statement about all of the mothers

> who are

> > actively trying to help their children. I don't judge other

> mothers who don't use

> > biomedical interventions and I have several as friends, but they

> in turn are

> > not judging my decisions for my son.

> >

> > Biomedical interventions are not out in the public and new

parents

> should be

> > told about them. It is their personal choice to decide what is

> best for

> > their child at any given time, but this article can be damaging

> because if

> > someone was on the fence about diets and help, this completely

> discourages even

> > looking into it. This article gives a sense of hopelessness.

> >

> > Now many many of our situations are extremely difficult

situations,

> but to

> > give up every shred of hope is more crushing than our situation.

I

> don't know

> > if my son will recover. In fact considering his severity, it

would

> be the

> > greatest miracle. However, improving his quality of life and

> helping him to

> > all that he can is my goal. His life will always be filled with

> love, no one

> > should say that I have don't have unconditional love for him

> because I

> > choose to use biomedical interventions to help him.

> >

> > Lynne

> >

> >

> > **************Life should be easier. So should your homepage. Try

> the NEW

> > AOL.com.

> > (http://www.aol.com/?optin=new-

> dp & icid=aolcom40vanity & ncid=emlcntaolcom00000002)

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Well said.

She doesn’t even want to try and the same goes for many

parents out there who think we’re all quacks. Before I started

giving my son supplements, I did not see that he had any medical issues –

At that time, I did not know that what his alternating constipation and

diarrhea meant, I did not know anything. All I knew was that my son wasn’t

talking and I read about people seeing success with omega fish oils and Vitamin

E, so I started with the omega fish oil and the rest is history. It wasn’t

until I started reading and researching that the food allergies, yeast and

everything else became apparent. Now I can clearly see what his issues

are and where we need to go next. But had someone told me that my son had

tons of food allergies, a leaky gut, etc. before I started the fish oil, I

would have been open-minded to hear what they had to say, especially if they

were speaking from personal experience. I have accepted my son having

autism - and will love him forever even if he never moves past where he is

today, but he knows he has a warrior mom – and that makes him one lucky

kid.

From: EOHarm

[mailto:EOHarm ] On Behalf Of J lessard

Sent: Monday, December 01, 2008 6:22 PM

To: EOHarm

Subject: Re: Re: Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a

warrior mom

Someone

should tell this person that diet affects the brain. If he doesn't believe it

tell her to drink a bottle of ine & let us kno ho she feels. She hasn't the

compassion to feel what our sick kids are feeling. Mothers also have the

feelings of protecting their children at all cost, no matter the acrifice.

I seriously see something wrong with this woman's emotional issues

reguarding love and/or her daughter. She is allowing her daughter to get

worse by ignoring to address her biological health. What she is describing

that her daughter is doing in the article are all symptom of her

health that she refuses to see that could help. It's almost like saying

" I can't reach anything on the fridge so I won't even try. " I

hope she doesn't get paid to write this crap. What evidence hasn't been

presented that could help a little? My daughter was in a private ABA school for

the autistic & could not learn because of her symptoms. She is telling us

we are not right but the fact is if she is comfortable with her daughter having

those symptoms, she is the one that has been desenitized! Accepting our

children but knowing their abilities & limitations is important but keeping

them learning will help them be all they can be & that is our duty as

moms. I would want someone that loved me to fight for me, not just let me slip

away but this is only my opinion. I have a daughter that was severely autistic

& now is very high functioning & mainstreaming in school but what would

I know? Jenn L

-----

Original Message -----

From: happietrout

To: EOHarm

Sent: Monday, December 01,

2008 4:06 PM

Subject: Re:

Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom

She wrote a follow-up, which started out as a

nice apology, but

evolved into defending her original view:

http://tinyurl.com/5v2kxd

[Guest guest]

Someone should tell this person that diet affects the brain. If he doesn't believe it tell her to drink a bottle of ine & let us kno ho she feels. She hasn't the compassion to feel what our sick kids are feeling. Mothers also have the feelings of protecting their children at all cost, no matter the acrifice. I seriously see something wrong with this woman's emotional issues reguarding love and/or her daughter. She is allowing her daughter to get worse by ignoring to address her biological health. What she is describing that her daughter is doing in the article are all symptom of her health that she refuses to see that could help. It's almost like saying "I can't reach anything on the fridge so I won't even try." I hope she doesn't get paid to write this crap. What evidence hasn't been presented that could help a little? My daughter was in a private ABA school for the autistic & could not learn because of her symptoms. She is telling us we are not right but the fact is if she is comfortable with her daughter having those symptoms, she is the one that has been desenitized! Accepting our children but knowing their abilities & limitations is important but keeping them learning will help them be all they can be & that is our duty as moms. I would want someone that loved me to fight for me, not just let me slip away but this is only my opinion. I have a daughter that was severely autistic & now is very high functioning & mainstreaming in school but what would I know? Jenn L

Re: Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom

She wrote a follow-up, which started out as a nice apology, butevolved into defending her original view:http://tinyurl.com/5v2kxd

[Guest guest]

Nice to meet you . Thank you for confirming my feelings & thank God we haven't given up on them. Jenn L

Re: Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom

She wrote a follow-up, which started out as a nice apology, butevolved into defending her original view:http://tinyurl.com/5v2kxd

[Guest guest]

She appears to be as stubborn as a Jack _ SS, or making up her blog to

keep the fire going. I wouldn't waste another second reading anything

she writes. Its a waste.

In EOHarm , " happietrout " wrote:

>

> She wrote a follow-up, which started out as a nice apology, but

> evolved into defending her original view:

> http://tinyurl.com/5v2kxd

>