Re: Huge vent about my friend (ot)

October 15, 2000

That is the story of my entire life................

" THE PRETTY GIRL " S TAG A LONG FRIEND "

D

(ilvamzn)

October 15, 2000

In a message dated Sun, 15 Oct 2000 1:08:56 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

ilvamzn@... writes:

<<

That is the story of my entire life................

" THE PRETTY GIRL " S TAG A LONG FRIEND "

D

(ilvamzn)

LIsa,

I am sure you are beautiful. I never thought of myself as pretty until

recently (and I still have self-doubts) But I finally realized that everyone

has a different definition of beauty and I had better learn to include my own

face in my defintion.

My friend is VERY attractive, she has almost the same figure I do except she

is a bit skinnier, so she is curvy has chestnut hair thats vut like a pixie

and huge brown/green eyes. When we first met I really wanted to like like

her. It goes to show that everyone has traits that someone else envys and we

often don't see the best in ourselves.

Don't be someon's tag alon learn to love and appreciate youself more (inside

and out) and you will find yourself equal with your friends. A friendship is

much healthier when the respect and admiration are not out of " I wish I could

be her " .

:-)

October 15, 2000

,

I think you are so overwhelmed by all that you are facing in the next month

or two that you are feeling very vulnerable and maybe, oversensitive?

Try not to overanalyze everything another person says or does cuz it can only

drain your energy which you need to conserve and use wisely

now more than ever

Barb

who wishes there was a magic way to destress

and TB is the best way for me

October 15, 2000

In a message dated 10/15/00 12:32:08 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

galofgop@... writes:

<< I can't understand why she is being so immature

all of a sudden.

>>

,

I'll bet the real issue is that she is very sad that you will be moving. She

just may not know how to express it. Try talking to her about that. Reassure

her that you two will always be friends, no matter how busy life is or how

far apart you live.

October 15, 2000

In a message dated 10/15/2000 1:29:08 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

galofgop@... writes:

> Don't be someon's tag alon learn to love and appreciate youself more

(inside

> and out) and you will find yourself equal with your friends. A friendship

is

> much healthier when the respect and admiration are not out of " I wish I

> could

> be her " .

One of my closest friends in high school was so beautiful that she actually

won the Miss America Pageant's Miss NJ when in college then toured with Bob

Hope. She is now the spokeswoman for the NJ lottery. When we were friends, I

got very used to guys asking me to help them get a date with her while

ignoring me like I was chopped liver. Meanwhile, she always acted envious of

me cuz I was the captain of the girl's swim team and she only wished to be a

better swimmer. It is just human nature to think the grass is greener. We

assume life is better for someone more beautiful but few are fully satisfied

with themselves.

Barb

who passed up the chance to see that friend when she was a guest celebrity at

the race track cuz I rather leave my memories intact

October 15, 2000

In a message dated Sun, 15 Oct 2000 3:12:46 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

Horsemom2@... writes:

<< ,

I think you are so overwhelmed by all that you are facing in the next month

or two that you are feeling very vulnerable and maybe, oversensitive?

Try not to overanalyze everything another person says or does cuz it can only

drain your energy which you need to conserve and use wisely

now more than ever

Barb

who wishes there was a magic way to destress

and TB is the best way for me

Thanks Barb, yep TB is a good stress releif. But she was rather accusatory. I

know it must be rough on her. She has already told me how weird it id for her

to be the only one of our group of friends that isn't married and how it

seems like everyone has a whole seperate life away from her and she is an

after thought a I dont having anything better to do or anyone better to hang

out with. Truthfully thats the way she treated me for the last few months.

I'm going to drag her to a coffee shop sometime this week and have a long

talk with her. Sometimes I think she and I are are just like an old married

couple - we have our differences but we cant get rid of each other :-)

But you are right I am hyper-sensitive right now. I think its more than the

move. Most of it is probably depression related. One month till I get great

health care!!!!!!(I have tried to get into a place here but I have to wait a

month or so for an appointment!!!!!!)

Thanks!

Who has only 12 more work days!

October 15, 2000

le,

Wow! Thank you for that e-mail. It really helped me to read it. It makes me

think about another friend of mine who was my roomate and friend for four

years. She moved to a city three hours away and I have hardly seen or heard

from her since even though I try to bug her on e-mail.

Yuo are right about distance having nothing to do with friendship. If my

friend were in trouble no matter how broke I'd be on that red-eye for her. I

love her so very much that this is eating me up inside. She knows I will be

back VERY often because my family lives in Texas, I also have a once a year

obligation in Austin and JAmes will try to be stationed here as a recruiter.

She will see me again, just not every week or month. Guess I'll have to

write out a contract:-)

Thank you! I'm sorry that you had such a rough time with your friend. She

really lost out when she lost you.

Hugs,

<< I've had friends that were very pretty but you know, they had the

lowest self esteem too. I liked them for what was inside, not outside

and I guess I felt confident enough about myself that it never

bothered me they got all the guys attention.

Those comments your friend made would hurt but I really think she is

more upset about the changes your move is going to make that she is

reacting this way. It is sad.

I lost my best friend with this last move. She wrote me in an e-mail

(she didn't even use the phone) and said she wasn't a good long

distance friend, that she didn't need that negativity in her life (I

gave her a bad time about not calling), and that she had close friends

around her. It hurt me a lot. When we lived in the same town, we

talked EVERYDAY during the week for an hour AT least and then would

usually end up at Mc's or at each other's house. Then when I

moved, all of a sudden the once every other month phone call to me (we

took turns every other month) would be put on the back burner because

she felt broke that month (that really hurt because I would rather

spend $8.00 less at the store then give up that phone call) and then

it finally came to a halt in August when I knew she was going through

a lot of life changes and I wanted to be a part of them - she choose

not to have me be though. We had just seen each other in July and

after that, she no longer contacted me. I did once and e-mailed a few

times. It hurts. I feel used basically - I was okay to have as a

friend when I was there and to watch her kids a lot while she ran

errands. I'm trying to let go and not take it so personally. I

thought we were SO much alike and now I find that I was rather

disillusioned.

I had another friend once who when she found out we were moving in two

weeks, totally drop out of my life. It hurt her too much to know I

was moving and she didn't want to face it. Sad huh?

Friendships are so hard sometimes. People react to things so

differently. Me, I think you can never have enough friends whether

they are next door, states away, or even by e-mail!

Your friend is hurting and maybe she is pulling away self consciously

to protect herself (not knowing what she is doing) - I guess all you

can do is reassure her that you will always be there and be YOU. It's

an emotional time for both of you and especially you because you have

a lot more changes on your plate then just moving away from your

friends. I wish these people would go through a move once just to see

what it is like. I think they would view things a lot differently. Or

at least I hope they would.

I e-mailed my friend back and told her it wasn't about being a long

distance friend, it's about being a friend. And that says it all

right there I think. I also never received another e-mail back. That

says even more. What makes me even sadder is that my kids and hers

basically grew up together and they thought of me as their aunt. My

kids don't understand why there are no phone calls and why they can't

talk to the kids or my friend.

Hang in there the best that you can, remember that this is a very

emotional time, and try to remember what your friendship with

this person is based on and not let the words hurt - easier said

then done - I KNOW!!!! ((((( HUGS ))))))

le

As Deb has said: " Fitness is a journey and it begins with the first step. "

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October 15, 2000

I've had friends that were very pretty but you know, they had the