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In a message dated Sun, 15 Oct 2000 1:08:56 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

ilvamzn@... writes:

<<

That is the story of my entire life................

" THE PRETTY GIRL " S TAG A LONG FRIEND "

D

(ilvamzn)

LIsa,

I am sure you are beautiful. I never thought of myself as pretty until

recently (and I still have self-doubts) But I finally realized that everyone

has a different definition of beauty and I had better learn to include my own

face in my defintion.

My friend is VERY attractive, she has almost the same figure I do except she

is a bit skinnier, so she is curvy has chestnut hair thats vut like a pixie

and huge brown/green eyes. When we first met I really wanted to like like

her. It goes to show that everyone has traits that someone else envys and we

often don't see the best in ourselves.

Don't be someon's tag alon learn to love and appreciate youself more (inside

and out) and you will find yourself equal with your friends. A friendship is

much healthier when the respect and admiration are not out of " I wish I could

be her " .

:-)

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,

I think you are so overwhelmed by all that you are facing in the next month

or two that you are feeling very vulnerable and maybe, oversensitive?

Try not to overanalyze everything another person says or does cuz it can only

drain your energy which you need to conserve and use wisely

now more than ever

Barb

who wishes there was a magic way to destress

and TB is the best way for me

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In a message dated 10/15/00 12:32:08 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

galofgop@... writes:

<< I can't understand why she is being so immature

all of a sudden.

>>

,

I'll bet the real issue is that she is very sad that you will be moving. She

just may not know how to express it. Try talking to her about that. Reassure

her that you two will always be friends, no matter how busy life is or how

far apart you live.

:)

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In a message dated 10/15/2000 1:29:08 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

galofgop@... writes:

> Don't be someon's tag alon learn to love and appreciate youself more

(inside

> and out) and you will find yourself equal with your friends. A friendship

is

> much healthier when the respect and admiration are not out of " I wish I

> could

> be her " .

One of my closest friends in high school was so beautiful that she actually

won the Miss America Pageant's Miss NJ when in college then toured with Bob

Hope. She is now the spokeswoman for the NJ lottery. When we were friends, I

got very used to guys asking me to help them get a date with her while

ignoring me like I was chopped liver. Meanwhile, she always acted envious of

me cuz I was the captain of the girl's swim team and she only wished to be a

better swimmer. It is just human nature to think the grass is greener. We

assume life is better for someone more beautiful but few are fully satisfied

with themselves.

Barb

who passed up the chance to see that friend when she was a guest celebrity at

the race track cuz I rather leave my memories intact

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In a message dated Sun, 15 Oct 2000 3:12:46 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

Horsemom2@... writes:

<< ,

I think you are so overwhelmed by all that you are facing in the next month

or two that you are feeling very vulnerable and maybe, oversensitive?

Try not to overanalyze everything another person says or does cuz it can only

drain your energy which you need to conserve and use wisely

now more than ever

Barb

who wishes there was a magic way to destress

and TB is the best way for me

Thanks Barb, yep TB is a good stress releif. But she was rather accusatory. I

know it must be rough on her. She has already told me how weird it id for her

to be the only one of our group of friends that isn't married and how it

seems like everyone has a whole seperate life away from her and she is an

after thought a I dont having anything better to do or anyone better to hang

out with. Truthfully thats the way she treated me for the last few months.

I'm going to drag her to a coffee shop sometime this week and have a long

talk with her. Sometimes I think she and I are are just like an old married

couple - we have our differences but we cant get rid of each other :-)

But you are right I am hyper-sensitive right now. I think its more than the

move. Most of it is probably depression related. One month till I get great

health care!!!!!!(I have tried to get into a place here but I have to wait a

month or so for an appointment!!!!!!)

Thanks!

Who has only 12 more work days!

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le,

Wow! Thank you for that e-mail. It really helped me to read it. It makes me

think about another friend of mine who was my roomate and friend for four

years. She moved to a city three hours away and I have hardly seen or heard

from her since even though I try to bug her on e-mail.

Yuo are right about distance having nothing to do with friendship. If my

friend were in trouble no matter how broke I'd be on that red-eye for her. I

love her so very much that this is eating me up inside. She knows I will be

back VERY often because my family lives in Texas, I also have a once a year

obligation in Austin and JAmes will try to be stationed here as a recruiter.

She will see me again, just not every week or month. Guess I'll have to

write out a contract:-)

Thank you! I'm sorry that you had such a rough time with your friend. She

really lost out when she lost you.

Hugs,

<< I've had friends that were very pretty but you know, they had the

lowest self esteem too. I liked them for what was inside, not outside

and I guess I felt confident enough about myself that it never

bothered me they got all the guys attention.

Those comments your friend made would hurt but I really think she is

more upset about the changes your move is going to make that she is

reacting this way. It is sad.

I lost my best friend with this last move. She wrote me in an e-mail

(she didn't even use the phone) and said she wasn't a good long

distance friend, that she didn't need that negativity in her life (I

gave her a bad time about not calling), and that she had close friends

around her. It hurt me a lot. When we lived in the same town, we

talked EVERYDAY during the week for an hour AT least and then would

usually end up at Mc's or at each other's house. Then when I

moved, all of a sudden the once every other month phone call to me (we

took turns every other month) would be put on the back burner because

she felt broke that month (that really hurt because I would rather

spend $8.00 less at the store then give up that phone call) and then

it finally came to a halt in August when I knew she was going through

a lot of life changes and I wanted to be a part of them - she choose

not to have me be though. We had just seen each other in July and

after that, she no longer contacted me. I did once and e-mailed a few

times. It hurts. I feel used basically - I was okay to have as a

friend when I was there and to watch her kids a lot while she ran

errands. I'm trying to let go and not take it so personally. I

thought we were SO much alike and now I find that I was rather

disillusioned.

I had another friend once who when she found out we were moving in two

weeks, totally drop out of my life. It hurt her too much to know I

was moving and she didn't want to face it. Sad huh?

Friendships are so hard sometimes. People react to things so

differently. Me, I think you can never have enough friends whether

they are next door, states away, or even by e-mail!

Your friend is hurting and maybe she is pulling away self consciously

to protect herself (not knowing what she is doing) - I guess all you

can do is reassure her that you will always be there and be YOU. It's

an emotional time for both of you and especially you because you have

a lot more changes on your plate then just moving away from your

friends. I wish these people would go through a move once just to see

what it is like. I think they would view things a lot differently. Or

at least I hope they would.

I e-mailed my friend back and told her it wasn't about being a long

distance friend, it's about being a friend. And that says it all

right there I think. I also never received another e-mail back. That

says even more. What makes me even sadder is that my kids and hers

basically grew up together and they thought of me as their aunt. My

kids don't understand why there are no phone calls and why they can't

talk to the kids or my friend.

Hang in there the best that you can, remember that this is a very

emotional time, and try to remember what your friendship with

this person is based on and not let the words hurt - easier said

then done - I KNOW!!!! ((((( HUGS ))))))

le

As Deb has said: " Fitness is a journey and it begins with the first step. "

Visit our new vault site http://taeboon.isportsdot.com/

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I've had friends that were very pretty but you know, they had the

lowest self esteem too. I liked them for what was inside, not outside

and I guess I felt confident enough about myself that it never

bothered me they got all the guys attention.

Those comments your friend made would hurt but I really think she is

more upset about the changes your move is going to make that she is

reacting this way. It is sad.

I lost my best friend with this last move. She wrote me in an e-mail

(she didn't even use the phone) and said she wasn't a good long

distance friend, that she didn't need that negativity in her life (I

gave her a bad time about not calling), and that she had close friends

around her. It hurt me a lot. When we lived in the same town, we

talked EVERYDAY during the week for an hour AT least and then would

usually end up at Mc's or at each other's house. Then when I

moved, all of a sudden the once every other month phone call to me (we

took turns every other month) would be put on the back burner because

she felt broke that month (that really hurt because I would rather

spend $8.00 less at the store then give up that phone call) and then

it finally came to a halt in August when I knew she was going through

a lot of life changes and I wanted to be a part of them - she choose

not to have me be though. We had just seen each other in July and

after that, she no longer contacted me. I did once and e-mailed a few

times. It hurts. I feel used basically - I was okay to have as a

friend when I was there and to watch her kids a lot while she ran

errands. I'm trying to let go and not take it so personally. I

thought we were SO much alike and now I find that I was rather

disillusioned.

I had another friend once who when she found out we were moving in two

weeks, totally drop out of my life. It hurt her too much to know I

was moving and she didn't want to face it. Sad huh?

Friendships are so hard sometimes. People react to things so

differently. Me, I think you can never have enough friends whether

they are next door, states away, or even by e-mail!

Your friend is hurting and maybe she is pulling away self consciously

to protect herself (not knowing what she is doing) - I guess all you

can do is reassure her that you will always be there and be YOU. It's

an emotional time for both of you and especially you because you have

a lot more changes on your plate then just moving away from your

friends. I wish these people would go through a move once just to see

what it is like. I think they would view things a lot differently. Or

at least I hope they would.

I e-mailed my friend back and told her it wasn't about being a long

distance friend, it's about being a friend. And that says it all

right there I think. I also never received another e-mail back. That

says even more. What makes me even sadder is that my kids and hers

basically grew up together and they thought of me as their aunt. My

kids don't understand why there are no phone calls and why they can't

talk to the kids or my friend.

Hang in there the best that you can, remember that this is a very

emotional time, and try to remember what your friendship with

this person is based on and not let the words hurt - easier said

then done - I KNOW!!!! ((((( HUGS ))))))

le

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,

Sometimes people have weird reactions to loss and what they consider

on some primal level to be abandonment. You're leaving, and while

her schedule has been about as difficult as yours, she could be

having some intense reactions she's not even aware of, and blaming

you for lack of contact.

I know this might not be what you need to hear in order to feel

better, but rest assured she is likely defending herself emotionally

against imminent grief over you leaving.

I know that must hurt. I'm sorry you're having to go through this!

Moving is stressful enough.

Hugs,

F ;-)

> Okay the next post or two may not be my most positive. I am in a

really low

> place right now.

>

> As most of you know I will be moving in a month out of state. I

have been

> trying to spend more time with my friends, but they have busy

schedules as

> well and I have alot of stuff to take care of before the move.

>

> The other day at work my best friend e-mailed me to see how I was

doing. I

> didn't have time to reply because I was training a girl on our

computer

> systems (I asked her to fly down for the day so I am not going to

waste her

> time) So I called my friend later in the afternoon to apologize

for not

> getting back to her. I then got the its alright I know you are busy

I should

> just expect it. Then she asked me about the trip and I told her

about what a

> good time I had and how well we all get along. She then groaned

and I asked

> her what was wrong and she said " I know its petty but it seems like

you have

> all these new friends and I wonder if you'll still have room in

your life for

> me. " I was so hurt that she even asked that. We have been good

friends since

> we were freshman in college. And I had told her about how busy my

last few

> weeks were going to be before I moved and we should really try to

get

> together a few times in September and October(We live in the same

apartment

> complex!!!!) Well she has had a pretty busy schedule, boyfriends,

yoga class,

> massage, visit parents etc. Some things were priorities, somethings

she could

> have set aside for me but she didn't. Thats fine, that is her

decision. But

> now I have three weekends left in Austin, one weekend we have the

Marine Corp

> Ball which is mandatory and a few political events that we are

obligated to

> attend.One weekend I want to go home and visit my parents and

fabulous SIL

> and her monsters. The " free " weekend is before Haloween. I asked

her if she

> wanted to do something. She sighs and says well I'm going to a

friends party

> Saturday night. Its a small party and she isn't inviting very many

people

> otherwise I might ask if you could come. Then she gives me grief

about me

> not being able to make time for her. I would love to see her on a

weeknight

> but those are always out for her. I hate being in this situation! I

also have

> other friends that I want to see as much as possible before I move,

but they

> understand that it is a very hectic time for me. The fact that she

is jealous

> of my other friends and trying to to make it difficult for us to

have time

> together hurts my feelings.I can't understand why she is being so

immature

> all of a sudden.

>

> We did go out last night and for the most part had fun. At the end

of the

> night though some guy bought are drinks depsite my protest. He then

comes up

> to us, says to me, " you are pretty but your friend is gorgeous " . He

could

> have been a little nicer when he said his compliment. But hey, I am

married

> and I know that each person has a definition of beauty so it didnt

bother me

> at all and I was happy that she was paid that compliment. But then

later it

> seemed like she was rubbing it in my face. " Finally someone paid

more

> attention to me!! I get sick of being the pretty girl's friend or

tag along " .

> I never knew she felt that way! She is beautiful! I didnt know

what to say.

> She doesn't normally act like this. I don't know what to do!!!

> Sorry!!!! Had to vent, normally she would be the person I would

vent to, but

> obviously not this time!

>

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In a message dated 10/15/00 9:32:07 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

galofgop@... writes:

<< Sorry!!!! Had to vent, normally she would be the person I would vent to,

but

obviously not this time!

>>

It sounds like she is going through some emotions about your move and doesn't

know how to act about it (this does not excuse her behavior, though). Maybe

you should bring it up to her-go to a nice coffee shop or somewhere quiet and

talk about it?

~Kat

<A HREF= " http://www.geocities.com/kathleenslp/Fight_Breast_Cancer.html " >Help

Fight Breast Cancer</A>

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,

It's hard...being single when others are paired off. It changes the

whole social mileu. I miss the days when in college I had a group of

friends who hung out together. As we get older, though, the group

stuff tends to fade, and people get so involved in their work and

intimate and family relationships.

I think your idea of getting together with her and telling her how

YOU feel about how she's been acting is a great idea.

;-)

F

> I know it must be rough on her. She has already told me how weird

it id for her

> to be the only one of our group of friends that isn't married and

how it

> seems like everyone has a whole seperate life away from her and she

is an

> after thought a I dont having anything better to do or anyone

better to hang

> out with. Truthfully thats the way she treated me for the last few

months.

>

> I'm going to drag her to a coffee shop sometime this week and have

a long

> talk with her. Sometimes I think she and I are are just like an

old married

> couple - we have our differences but we cant get rid of each

other :-)

>

> But you are right I am hyper-sensitive right now. I think its more

than the

> move. Most of it is probably depression related. One month till I

get great

> health care!!!!!!(I have tried to get into a place here but I have

to wait a

> month or so for an appointment!!!!!!)

> Thanks!

>

> Who has only 12 more work days!

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In a message dated 10/16/00 1:29:04 AM !!!First Boot!!!, TheTaeBoWay@...

writes:

<< -go to a nice coffee shop or somewhere quiet and

talk about it? >>

Kat, great minds think alike AGAIN! I say that in a alter post<insert

Twilight Theme>

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In a message dated 10/15/00 7:09:17 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

galofgop@... writes:

<< Kat, great minds think alike AGAIN! I say that in a alter post<insert

Twilight Theme>

>>

Yes! I saw that!

Have you ever seen the Parent Trap with Haley Mills??? MAYBE that's our

story!! LOL

~Kat

<A HREF= " http://www.geocities.com/kathleenslp/Fight_Breast_Cancer.html " >Help

Fight Breast Cancer</A>

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Oh my gosh , I didn't realize what a long post that was!!!!

Sorry - I'm glad it helped some. You are so right - friendship is a

lot like marriage - it takes two to make it work!!! :)

le

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In a message dated 10/16/00 2:16:47 AM !!!First Boot!!!, TheTaeBoWay@...

writes:

<<

Yes! I saw that!

Have you ever seen the Parent Trap with Haley Mills??? MAYBE that's our

story!! LOL

~Kat >>

Very well could be!!! I've seen the movie many times. When I was a kid

eveyrone said I looked like Haley Mills. I even had the short haircut the

girls have.

Who never got to see the most recent parent trap and still wants to!

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well I am not saying that i am a total " BOW WOW "

but all of my friends have perfect bodies, you know the typi cal size 4 with

total T & A (as men would put it) and totally flawless faces the kind that

reject acne all together.

D

(ilvamzn)

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<< hatever I could to make sure that I

didn't have to feel any of that. Just talk to her and reassure her

that you will always be friends and that she will always have a

special place in your heart! I think it might really help her to

hear that :)

>>

Thank you , I will do that. If you ever decide to contact your friend

again, I am sure she would love to hear from you. I had a friend/first

roomate that did some very horrible things to me (told my boyfriend I was

cheating on him (wasn't ) called the police on new boyfriend, threw clothes

in street etc) She e-mailed me about a year back. She semi-apologized. I

know it was hard for to own up to everything but I really felt better that

she did that. In fact it made me feel very good. For years I thought that I

must have done something to piss her off and turn her against me.

That is the beautiful thing about e-mail: it is easy to track someone down

and it saves you the hard task of a phone call. Plus you can write/rewrite as

many times as you need to before you press send.

I'm sorry that you were going through so much at one time. If she was a good

friend, I'll bet she can understand that.

Hugs,

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> Sorry!!!! Had to vent, normally she would be the person I would

vent to, but

> obviously not this time!

,

I'm so sorry that you are having such a rough time with your friend!

I think that she is just really scared that she is going to lose you

because you are moving, she just doesn't know how to express that!

Oddly enough, as everyone was telling you stories of how they had

friends who did similar things to them, I was once the friend who

acted the way your friend is acting. Well, not totally the same way,

but I lived with my best friend in college after we graduated and

after about a year of living together, she decided to transfer to

Boston! She was going through a lot of stuff, I was going through a

lot of stuff (it was in the height of my eating disorder/exercise

obsession days) and needless to say, I was a complete jerk. I

totally distanced myself from her and was really mean to her before

she left. I don't even remember what it is I was upset with her

about, or why I couldn't realize that her moving had nothing to do

with our friendship....but for whatever reason at that point in

time.....that's how I dealt with it! I ended up losing her as a

friend and I don't blame her one bit for never wanting to talk to me

ever again! Anyway, I know things haven't gotten to that point with

you and your friend, but just realize that she is probably feeling

really, really insecure about losing you and although she might not

be handling things in the best way, she really does love you deep

down inside! Sometimes our own insecurities get the best of us and

rather than deal with an unpleasant situation....we just ignore it or

do something to harm it so that we can be angry instead of hurt!

Does that make any sense? It's not necessarily rational, but it's

the way we react! I know when my friend left for Boston, I was in

such a horrible place myself and I simply didn't face things that

would cause me pain....I did whatever I could to make sure that I

didn't have to feel any of that. Just talk to her and reassure her

that you will always be friends and that she will always have a

special place in your heart! I think it might really help her to

hear that :)

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