Needing Some Ideas

[Guest guest]

My brother is golfing in a Special Olympics Tournament next week and

has been partnered with a man (30) with Down Syndrome, . He called

me the other night asking for some help. He is worried that

doesn't like him. He was friendly with him at first but then acted like

he wanted nothing to do with him. He called asking me for ideas on what

he could do. I feel slightly ill-equipped to help him since my kids are

4 years old and 1 month old (not quite 30). I did tell him that the

best think to do is just to stay upbeat and keep talking with him, show

him pictures of his kids or even my kids. He'll be playing with him

again next Tuesday and then the Tournament is next Friday. I thought

this would be a great place for me to get some ideas for him. I know he

is open to any and all suggestions.

Thanks ahead of time!

Mom to 4(DS), Ruth 2 and Adeline 1 month(DS)

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

My daughter, Sara, who has Down Syndrome is 13. I may be able to help you help your brother understand. I don't know if this applies to all people who have Down Syndrome, but Sara wears all of her emotions on her shirtsleeve. As hard as I try to teach her appropriate social skills, she still never fails to behave in such a way that I feel I need to say to whoever she is dealing with, "Don't take her personally." During an 8-week horseback riding session, where they meet once a week, she was just not nice to her volunteer, whom I thought was a very nice lady (after all she was volunteering). On the last week of the lessons, I told Sara to please be nice to the volunteer and that this was her last week of lessons. As we were walking into the barn and her volunteer was waiting for Sara, the volunteer said, "Sara, you look like you are tired, today." To which Sara replied, "Yes, I am tired of you." I wanted to crawl into a hole and of course, said, "Don't take her personally." Many people say to me, "people with Down Syndrome are always so loving." To which I say, not always and sometimes Sara is not even very tactful about how she is feeling at the time. I generally think Sara likes most people who help her (teachers, volunteers, etc.); I am sure, though, just like with all of us, there are sometimes personality conflicts for which most of us, know how to be tactful with or know how to go about making changes.

As far as your brother goes, I would not take the boy with DS, personally, the first couple of times. Maybe he could talk to the man's parents or someone who knows him and ask what might help for him to warm up to your brother, such as using humor or encouragement or just time. If none of those techniques work, maybe it is a personality conflict and a change would be helpful.

Another time, an aide who worked with Sara came up to Sara's car window to say, "hi"; right before she approached, Sara rolled up the window. I tell Sara over and over, again, that she doesn't have to hug everyone she sees, she just needs to be polite.

Probably most of us feel like doing what Sara does, sometimes, so I chalk it up as just brutal honesty that she just does not want to be friendly at the time and so isn't. I really am trying hard to teach her appropriate social skills; however, I can see it is a process.

Maybe, this man, who is 30, just hasn't learned the appropriate social skills, yet or maybe even with teaching, he just cannot learn.

Best of luck to your brother and what a neat thing he is doing.

Marcia

Mom to Sara (DS) and 13 and Lucas 17

My brother is golfing in a Special Olympics Tournament next week and has been partnered with a man (30) with Down Syndrome, . He called me the other night asking for some help. He is worried that doesn't like him. He was friendly with him at first but then acted like he wanted nothing to do with him. He called asking me for ideas on what he could do. I feel slightly ill-equipped to help him since my kids are 4 years old and 1 month old (not quite 30). I did tell him that the best think to do is just to stay upbeat and keep talking with him, show him pictures of his kids or even my kids. He'll be playing with him again next Tuesday and then the Tournament is next Friday. I thought this would be a great place for me to get some ideas for him. I know he is open to any and all suggestions.Thanks ahead of time!Mom to 4(DS), Ruth 2 and Adeline 1 month(DS)------------------------------------More pictures of our kids:http://www.pbase.com/urriegrl/multiplesds

[Guest guest]

Dear Marcia,

It was once explained to me that most children that are born with DS are missing a social filter. We can think something and know enough not to say what we are thinking because we have the filter, and they just say what is on their minds. Last year after a very long trip with the entire family in the car we stopped at our last restaurant. My son had had it as well as the rest of us. I took him to the bathroom and as we were leaving a lovely older women put her hand on his shoulder (first mistake) and said "What a fine young man you are" to which my son looked her in the eye and said "shut up you stupid stinky" I wanted to die of embarrassment. The women looked at me and said you don't need to say a word. I must say I had tears of relief. I think if the gentleman can find some common ground with the man with DS even something little it will break the ice and change everything. My son can be in a real bad mood and if we can just say one thing his whole demeanor changes. Sorry to ramble.

Mom to 14, Ally, Brittany and (DS) 8

Re: Needing Some Ideas

Hi ,

My daughter, Sara, who has Down Syndrome is 13. I may be able to help you help your brother understand. I don't know if this applies to all people who have Down Syndrome, but Sara wears all of her emotions on her shirtsleeve. As hard as I try to teach her appropriate social skills, she still never fails to behave in such a way that I feel I need to say to whoever she is dealing with, "Don't take her personally." During an 8-week horseback riding session, where they meet once a week, she was just not nice to her volunteer, whom I thought was a very nice lady (after all she was volunteering). On the last week of the lessons, I told Sara to please be nice to the volunteer and that this was her last week of lessons. As we were walking into the barn and her volunteer was waiting for Sara, the volunteer said, "Sara, you look like you are tired, today." To which Sara replied, "Yes, I am tired of you." I wanted to crawl into a hole and of course, said, "Don't take her personally." Many people say to me, "people with Down Syndrome are always so loving." To which I say, not always and sometimes Sara is not even very tactful about how she is feeling at the time. I generally think Sara likes most people who help her (teachers, volunteers, etc.); I am sure, though, just like with all of us, there are sometimes personality conflicts for which most of us, know how to be tactful with or know how to go about making changes.

As far as your brother goes, I would not take the boy with DS, personally, the first couple of times. Maybe he could talk to the man's parents or someone who knows him and ask what might help for him to warm up to your brother, such as using humor or encouragement or just time. If none of those techniques work, maybe it is a personality conflict and a change would be helpful.

Another time, an aide who worked with Sara came up to Sara's car window to say, "hi"; right before she approached, Sara rolled up the window. I tell Sara over and over, again, that she doesn't have to hug everyone she sees, she just needs to be polite.

Probably most of us feel like doing what Sara does, sometimes, so I chalk it up as just brutal honesty that she just does not want to be friendly at the time and so isn't. I really am trying hard to teach her appropriate social skills; however, I can see it is a process.

Maybe, this man, who is 30, just hasn't learned the appropriate social skills, yet or maybe even with teaching, he just cannot learn.

Best of luck to your brother and what a neat thing he is doing.

Marcia

Mom to Sara (DS) and 13 and Lucas 17

My brother is golfing in a Special Olympics Tournament next week and

has been partnered with a man (30) with Down Syndrome, . He called

me the other night asking for some help. He is worried that

doesn't like him. He was friendly with him at first but then acted like

he wanted nothing to do with him. He called asking me for ideas on what

he could do. I feel slightly ill-equipped to help him since my kids are

4 years old and 1 month old (not quite 30). I did tell him that the

best think to do is just to stay upbeat and keep talking with him, show

him pictures of his kids or even my kids. He'll be playing with him

again next Tuesday and then the Tournament is next Friday. I thought

this would be a great place for me to get some ideas for him. I know he

is open to any and all suggestions.

Thanks ahead of time!

Mom to 4(DS), Ruth 2 and Adeline 1 month(DS)

------------------------------------

More pictures of our kids:

http://www.pbase.com/urriegrl/multiplesds