New Member, parent... need help

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone, I am a new member to the group. My name is Pete and I have an 8

year old son and a 6 year old son. I'm very very involved with my boys and

there's nothing I want more than to spend all the time I can with them.

My 8 year old, S, has " aspergery " symptoms and I'd like to ask for advice or

experiences with respect to how he treats his younger brother, B. In school,

he is an angel, follows all the rules, participates in class, is well-respected

by his peers (I volunteer in his classes and his friends tell me a lot that he's

such a nice boy, good boy, incredibly smart boy).. it's great to hear.

He makes great eye contact, is very literal minded, loves small engine repair

and lawn mowers, as well as and lawn maintenance with his mowers (I supervise

everything).. has made money repairing neighbors' mowers.. self taught on

youtube (also supervised).. I never knew anything about engines but I sure do

now! Picky eater, doesn't like trying new foods.. recently we got him a kitten

whom he just LOVES and takes great care of. In general, to this point, our

" therapy " has been just educating him about the ways of the world, encouraging

him and helping him pursue his strengths and interests.. reading everything we

can

He's very good with his friends... empathetic, giving.. plays beautifully with

them.. doesn't do the " monopolizing conversations " thing with his interests in

lawn mowers.. understands that it's an interest he has but others his age

probably aren't interested in it (this isn't something we taught.. he just knows

it)

My main concern right now is that at home, he can be very very mean to his

younger brother. Always criticizing him, telling him he hates him, telling him

he's fat.. when they actually do play together they have a GREAT time.. they

always seem the happiest when they are playing alone together... S even helps B

through trouble he might be having, turns into a wonderful big brother/parent

role when we're not present (we're watching from inside)... but more and more

lately they don't play together and S is just very mean to B. He's the same to

us, his parents.. saying he hates us regularly, but I kind of expect that

because we're the ones correcting him and trying to get him to stop being mean

to his little brother.

In general, I am concerned because S seems to have a lot of " anger " inside him..

he always seems very very angry at home. I've been reading all the books I

can.. he seems to be most like a " rule boy " from the book I am currently

reading, but our attempts to introduce a schedule and/or rules at home have

failed previously (but I'm not all the way through the book yet).. he accepts

that kind of structure from his teachers, etc.. just not from my wife and I.

My wife is a child Occupational Therapist and has lots of ideas as to what will

help him, a listening program, brushing.. that might help, but he doesn't want

to do either of them. He's very sensitive to the idea that there is something

" wrong " with him.. so it's hard to get across that he really SHOULD let us do

the therapies we know about..

Anyway, there is sooo much I can tell you about him.. and I'm just getting

started with the group.. honestly right now it's the " anger " that he seems to

have inside him that is my biggest concern.. I just want him to like playing

with his brother again, or at least, stop being mean to him.

Thank you for reading..

Pete