Re:Growing up as a family and the future

[Guest guest]

I am not sure why but things like asking questions about what our plans for

our son would be has never bothered me. Maybe because I have always

wanted to help others learn. We too make decisions as the time arises. For

those who don’t know is 45 the third of our six kids. He has lived in

a residential home for 15 years now, 12 with one agency and 3 with the

current one. We also did not want to live with any of our other

children. At the time he moved to a home his brothers and sisters had moved

out of the house and we had been talking to about moving to a house

like them. It was an easy transition. I respect the decisions of all

families as each family is unique and from our many paths in life make

decisions that we feel best fit us. Yes, sometimes we could have made a

different decision about something but that is the challenge of life. When

was born in 1962 we were told not to see him as we should place him in

an institution. We decided to bring him home with his brother and sister

and give him the same loving home. Years later that pediatrician admitted

he was wrong in asking us not to bring home.

comes home about every other weekend and is included in family

activities. Our two daughters will someday be his guardians and they attend

his annual staffing and are kept up on what is going on.

Long before was out of his special school, no mainstreaming/inclusion

then, had meetings to inform parents what was available. There are so many

options out there, Sara mentioned one, the Host family or FLA Family Living

Arrangement. Who knows what creative arrangements will be available in the

years ahead. We need to continue to educate ourselves. It has been a rocky

road at times but we have all survived and the advocacy will continue.

May we all have the patience and energy to continue on this journey.

Louise, Mom to 45, DS, Deaf, ASD (diagnosed at 41)

HYPERLINK

" http://groups.yahoo.com/group//message/76934;_ylc=X3oDMTJxYTdzNDVy

BF9TAzk3MzU5NzE1BGdycElkAzQxMDMwNQRncnBzcElkAzE3MDUwMTM0ODEEbXNnSWQDNzY5MzQE

c2VjA2Rtc2cEc2xrA3Ztc2cEc3RpbWUDMTE5OTk5Nzg5Ng-- " Growing up as a family and

the future

Posted by: " reginasarno " HYPERLINK

" mailto:reginasarno@...?Subject=%20Re%3AGrowing%20up%20as%20a%20family

%20and%20the%20future " reginasarno@... HYPERLINK

" http://profiles.yahoo.com/reginasarno " reginasarno

Thu Jan 10, 2008 8:20 am (PST)

OK, new topic.

We were at a bon fire and a sister of my sister in law says to us,

" Can you see in a group home in the future? "

Well, all I had to do to my husband was tap him on the head and a

litany of curse words would probably spew out of his mouth. The look

in his eye told me so.

I decided to take this one and handle this question.

I told her that we would make decisions for as the appropriate

time arises. After all we need to make sure that ' older

brother and sister are properly grown and leave our nest as

responsible young adults and citizens. ' sister is 18 and

' brother is 21.

They both need to finish college and find a healthy path in life for

themselves. We are still as parents learning how to help them along

with in this process.

So I told this sister of my sister-in-law, as we allow and they

choose to leave the nest we will then investigate opportunities for

our son and his independence as the time arises.

I guess I just dislike when people have narrow thoughts about group

homes and preconceived predjudices for parents of a 15 year old and

what we should probably be thinking about for our disabled son.

Any thoughts?

By the way, the sister of the sister-in-law is a social worker in

land and probably knows just enough to say something stupid

around someone like me.

Sarno

No virus found in this outgoing message.

Checked by AVG Free Edition.

Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.19.0/1216 - Release Date: 1/9/2008

10:16 AM

[Guest guest]

I think this is a fascinating discussion and thought I would throw my two

cents in. My children are 12, 11, and 9 all with Down syndrome, two on the

spectrum. I adopted them because twenty years ago, right out of college I

started working in a sheltered workshop, was promoted to job coach, behavior

specialist and finally I worked as a Director of Residential Services

supervising a variety of living options. Then I went off to grad school and

changed careers.

My favorite of the living options was an apartment building with staff

downstairs and folks with cognitive disabilities living in the apartment

units. Many were able to take public transportation together, date, go to

work together etc... It is no longer in fashion to do these kinds of

apartments buildings because it isn't inclusion and yet it is what I would

hope for my sons. I have seen adults with disabilities living alone except

for staff and some have been very lonely. I have seen some with roommates

and just like with you and I, the roomies didn't always work out. With the

apartment building there were choices.

Probably, at least two of my boys will be able to do an apartment or home

with minimal support but my hope is that they have easy access to friends,

bus lines, jobs and social places as well. If the youngest needs a

different kind of environment with more support, I still hope he gets to go

the places he wants and needs.

The apartment was like living in college and maybe because I enjoyed college

so much I thought it was great.

It has been interesting seeing what each of us imagines is the best choice

for our children and probably we all just want our kids to be happy. It

will be interesting to see what is available in the next ten or fifteen

years. And I think the critical issue is that there are many choices for

the many different kinds of needs our children have.

Lori , mom to 12(newly adopted in December) Isaac 11 and Tony 9

Re:Growing up as a family and the future

I am not sure why but things like asking questions about what our plans for

our son would be has never bothered me. Maybe because I have always

wanted to help others learn. We too make decisions as the time arises. For

those who don't know is 45 the third of our six kids. He has lived in

a residential home for 15 years now, 12 with one agency and 3 with the

current one. We also did not want to live with any of our other

children. At the time he moved to a home his brothers and sisters had moved

out of the house and we had been talking to about moving to a house

like them. It was an easy transition. I respect the decisions of all

families as each family is unique and from our many paths in life make

decisions that we feel best fit us. Yes, sometimes we could have made a

different decision about something but that is the challenge of life. When

was born in 1962 we were told not to see him as we should place him in

an institution. We decided to bring him home with his brother and sister

and give him the same loving home. Years later that pediatrician admitted

he was wrong in asking us not to bring home.

comes home about every other weekend and is included in family

activities. Our two daughters will someday be his guardians and they attend

his annual staffing and are kept up on what is going on.

Long before was out of his special school, no mainstreaming/inclusion

then, had meetings to inform parents what was available. There are so many

options out there, Sara mentioned one, the Host family or FLA Family Living

Arrangement. Who knows what creative arrangements will be available in the

years ahead. We need to continue to educate ourselves. It has been a rocky

road at times but we have all survived and the advocacy will continue.

May we all have the patience and energy to continue on this journey.

Louise, Mom to 45, DS, Deaf, ASD (diagnosed at 41)

HYPERLINK

" http://groups.yahoo.com/group//message/76934;_ylc=X3oDMTJxYTdzNDVy

BF9TAzk3MzU5NzE1BGdycElkAzQxMDMwNQRncnBzcElkAzE3MDUwMTM0ODEEbXNnSWQDNzY5MzQE

c2VjA2Rtc2cEc2xrA3Ztc2cEc3RpbWUDMTE5OTk5Nzg5Ng-- " Growing up as a family and

the future

Posted by: " reginasarno " HYPERLINK

" mailto:reginasarno@...?Subject=%20Re%3AGrowing%20up%20as%20a%20family

%20and%20the%20future " reginasarno@... HYPERLINK

" http://profiles.yahoo.com/reginasarno " reginasarno

Thu Jan 10, 2008 8:20 am (PST)

OK, new topic.

We were at a bon fire and a sister of my sister in law says to us,

" Can you see in a group home in the future? "

Well, all I had to do to my husband was tap him on the head and a

litany of curse words would probably spew out of his mouth. The look

in his eye told me so.

I decided to take this one and handle this question.

I told her that we would make decisions for as the appropriate

time arises. After all we need to make sure that ' older

brother and sister are properly grown and leave our nest as

responsible young adults and citizens. ' sister is 18 and

' brother is 21.

They both need to finish college and find a healthy path in life for

themselves. We are still as parents learning how to help them along

with in this process.

So I told this sister of my sister-in-law, as we allow and they

choose to leave the nest we will then investigate opportunities for

our son and his independence as the time arises.

I guess I just dislike when people have narrow thoughts about group

homes and preconceived predjudices for parents of a 15 year old and

what we should probably be thinking about for our disabled son.

Any thoughts?

By the way, the sister of the sister-in-law is a social worker in

land and probably knows just enough to say something stupid

around someone like me.

Sarno

No virus found in this outgoing message.

Checked by AVG Free Edition.

Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.19.0/1216 - Release Date: 1/9/2008

10:16 AM

[Guest guest]

Hi Lori,

Thanks for sharing your experience. I think the apartment type living

arrangement seemed rather nice. Lonliness is a huge issue that would be

problematic as my son ages with a few of the choices we have discussed.

Charlyne

Mom to Zeb 15 DS/OCD/ASD?

Lori wrote: I think

this is a fascinating discussion and thought I would throw my two

cents in. My children are 12, 11, and 9 all with Down syndrome, two on the

spectrum. I adopted them because twenty years ago, right out of college I

started working in a sheltered workshop, was promoted to job coach, behavior

specialist and finally I worked as a Director of Residential Services

supervising a variety of living options. Then I went off to grad school and

changed careers.

My favorite of the living options was an apartment building with staff

downstairs and folks with cognitive disabilities living in the apartment

units. Many were able to take public transportation together, date, go to

work together etc... It is no longer in fashion to do these kinds of

apartments buildings because it isn't inclusion and yet it is what I would

hope for my sons. I have seen adults with disabilities living alone except

for staff and some have been very lonely. I have seen some with roommates

and just like with you and I, the roomies didn't always work out. With the

apartment building there were choices.

Probably, at least two of my boys will be able to do an apartment or home

with minimal support but my hope is that they have easy access to friends,

bus lines, jobs and social places as well. If the youngest needs a

different kind of environment with more support, I still hope he gets to go

the places he wants and needs.

The apartment was like living in college and maybe because I enjoyed college

so much I thought it was great.

It has been interesting seeing what each of us imagines is the best choice

for our children and probably we all just want our kids to be happy. It

will be interesting to see what is available in the next ten or fifteen

years. And I think the critical issue is that there are many choices for

the many different kinds of needs our children have.

Lori , mom to 12(newly adopted in December) Isaac 11 and Tony 9

Re:Growing up as a family and the future

I am not sure why but things like asking questions about what our plans for

our son would be has never bothered me. Maybe because I have always

wanted to help others learn. We too make decisions as the time arises. For

those who don't know is 45 the third of our six kids. He has lived in

a residential home for 15 years now, 12 with one agency and 3 with the

current one. We also did not want to live with any of our other

children. At the time he moved to a home his brothers and sisters had moved

out of the house and we had been talking to about moving to a house

like them. It was an easy transition. I respect the decisions of all

families as each family is unique and from our many paths in life make

decisions that we feel best fit us. Yes, sometimes we could have made a

different decision about something but that is the challenge of life. When

was born in 1962 we were told not to see him as we should place him in

an institution. We decided to bring him home with his brother and sister

and give him the same loving home. Years later that pediatrician admitted

he was wrong in asking us not to bring home.

comes home about every other weekend and is included in family

activities. Our two daughters will someday be his guardians and they attend

his annual staffing and are kept up on what is going on.

Long before was out of his special school, no mainstreaming/inclusion

then, had meetings to inform parents what was available. There are so many

options out there, Sara mentioned one, the Host family or FLA Family Living

Arrangement. Who knows what creative arrangements will be available in the

years ahead. We need to continue to educate ourselves. It has been a rocky

road at times but we have all survived and the advocacy will continue.

May we all have the patience and energy to continue on this journey.

Louise, Mom to 45, DS, Deaf, ASD (diagnosed at 41)

HYPERLINK

" http://groups.yahoo.com/group//message/76934;_ylc=X3oDMTJxYTdzNDVy

BF9TAzk3MzU5NzE1BGdycElkAzQxMDMwNQRncnBzcElkAzE3MDUwMTM0ODEEbXNnSWQDNzY5MzQE

c2VjA2Rtc2cEc2xrA3Ztc2cEc3RpbWUDMTE5OTk5Nzg5Ng-- " Growing up as a family and

the future

Posted by: " reginasarno " HYPERLINK

" mailto:reginasarno@...?Subject=%20Re%3AGrowing%20up%20as%20a%20family

%20and%20the%20future " reginasarno@... HYPERLINK

" http://profiles.yahoo.com/reginasarno " reginasarno

Thu Jan 10, 2008 8:20 am (PST)

OK, new topic.

We were at a bon fire and a sister of my sister in law says to us,

" Can you see in a group home in the future? "

Well, all I had to do to my husband was tap him on the head and a

litany of curse words would probably spew out of his mouth. The look

in his eye told me so.

I decided to take this one and handle this question.

I told her that we would make decisions for as the appropriate

time arises. After all we need to make sure that ' older

brother and sister are properly grown and leave our nest as

responsible young adults and citizens. ' sister is 18 and

' brother is 21.

They both need to finish college and find a healthy path in life for

themselves. We are still as parents learning how to help them along

with in this process.

So I told this sister of my sister-in-law, as we allow and they

choose to leave the nest we will then investigate opportunities for

our son and his independence as the time arises.

I guess I just dislike when people have narrow thoughts about group

homes and preconceived predjudices for parents of a 15 year old and

what we should probably be thinking about for our disabled son.

Any thoughts?

By the way, the sister of the sister-in-law is a social worker in

land and probably knows just enough to say something stupid

around someone like me.

Sarno

No virus found in this outgoing message.

Checked by AVG Free Edition.

Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.19.0/1216 - Release Date: 1/9/2008

10:16 AM

[Guest guest]

There is a garden complex, purpose built , near ATLANTA for people with

special needs of all kinds (MR, TBI, MH. I think it is called JUST US.

Some of the people need more supervision then others. The apratments are 2

or 3 bedroom, one person per bedroom. The same organization also has

different buisinesses in shich some of the clients work (I remember one is

called JUst Boxes). BUT our director for Human Services wants no waiver

moneey going to OPTION which include segregation. I guess she doesn;t

realize that humans are the same but all of us are different to. People as

a group tend to find others like themselves (in some way or another) to live

near and with. For example: there are people together because of religion,

political ideation, eco reasons, etc. But our special people aren't

allowed, in my state, to chose to be " apart " . Being self-determined here I

guess means meeting the political imperative.

> I think this is a fascinating discussion and thought I would throw my

> two

> cents in. My children are 12, 11, and 9 all with Down syndrome, two on the

> spectrum. I adopted them because twenty years ago, right out of college I

> started working in a sheltered workshop, was promoted to job coach,

> behavior

> specialist and finally I worked as a Director of Residential Services

> supervising a variety of living options. Then I went off to grad school

> and

> changed careers.

>

> My favorite of the living options was an apartment building with staff

> downstairs and folks with cognitive disabilities living in the apartment

> units. Many were able to take public transportation together, date, go to

> work together etc... It is no longer in fashion to do these kinds of

> apartments buildings because it isn't inclusion and yet it is what I would

> hope for my sons. I have seen adults with disabilities living alone except

> for staff and some have been very lonely. I have seen some with roommates

> and just like with you and I, the roomies didn't always work out. With the

> apartment building there were choices.

>

> Probably, at least two of my boys will be able to do an apartment or home

> with minimal support but my hope is that they have easy access to friends,

> bus lines, jobs and social places as well. If the youngest needs a

> different kind of environment with more support, I still hope he gets to

> go

> the places he wants and needs.

>

> The apartment was like living in college and maybe because I enjoyed

> college

> so much I thought it was great.

>

> It has been interesting seeing what each of us imagines is the best choice

> for our children and probably we all just want our kids to be happy. It

> will be interesting to see what is available in the next ten or fifteen

> years. And I think the critical issue is that there are many choices for

> the many different kinds of needs our children have.

>

> Lori , mom to 12(newly adopted in December) Isaac 11 and Tony 9

>

> Re:Growing up as a family and the future

>

> I am not sure why but things like asking questions about what our plans

> for

> our son would be has never bothered me. Maybe because I have always

> wanted to help others learn. We too make decisions as the time arises. For

> those who don't know is 45 the third of our six kids. He has lived in

> a residential home for 15 years now, 12 with one agency and 3 with the

> current one. We also did not want to live with any of our other

> children. At the time he moved to a home his brothers and sisters had

> moved

> out of the house and we had been talking to about moving to a house

> like them. It was an easy transition. I respect the decisions of all

> families as each family is unique and from our many paths in life make

> decisions that we feel best fit us. Yes, sometimes we could have made a

> different decision about something but that is the challenge of life. When

> was born in 1962 we were told not to see him as we should place him

> in

> an institution. We decided to bring him home with his brother and sister

> and give him the same loving home. Years later that pediatrician admitted

> he was wrong in asking us not to bring home.

>

> comes home about every other weekend and is included in family

> activities. Our two daughters will someday be his guardians and they

> attend

> his annual staffing and are kept up on what is going on.

>

> Long before was out of his special school, no mainstreaming/inclusion

> then, had meetings to inform parents what was available. There are so many

> options out there, Sara mentioned one, the Host family or FLA Family

> Living

> Arrangement. Who knows what creative arrangements will be available in the

> years ahead. We need to continue to educate ourselves. It has been a rocky

> road at times but we have all survived and the advocacy will continue.

>

> May we all have the patience and energy to continue on this journey.

>

> Louise, Mom to 45, DS, Deaf, ASD (diagnosed at 41)

>

> HYPERLINK

> "

> http://groups.yahoo.com/group//message/76934;_ylc=X3oDMTJxYTdzNDVy

>

> BF9TAzk3MzU5NzE1BGdycElkAzQxMDMwNQRncnBzcElkAzE3MDUwMTM0ODEEbXNnSWQDNzY5MzQE

> c2VjA2Rtc2cEc2xrA3Ztc2cEc3RpbWUDMTE5OTk5Nzg5Ng-- " Growing up as a family

> and

> the future

>

> Posted by: " reginasarno " HYPERLINK

> " mailto:reginasarno@... <reginasarno%40yahoo.com>

> ?Subject=%20Re%3AGrowing%20up%20as%20a%20family

> %20and%20the%20future " reginasarno@... <reginasarno%40yahoo.com>HYPERLINK

> " http://profiles.yahoo.com/reginasarno " reginasarno

>

> Thu Jan 10, 2008 8:20 am (PST)

>

> OK, new topic.

>

> We were at a bon fire and a sister of my sister in law says to us,

> " Can you see in a group home in the future? "

>

> Well, all I had to do to my husband was tap him on the head and a

> litany of curse words would probably spew out of his mouth. The look

> in his eye told me so.

>

> I decided to take this one and handle this question.

>

> I told her that we would make decisions for as the appropriate

> time arises. After all we need to make sure that ' older

> brother and sister are properly grown and leave our nest as

> responsible young adults and citizens. ' sister is 18 and

> ' brother is 21.

>

> They both need to finish college and find a healthy path in life for

> themselves. We are still as parents learning how to help them along

> with in this process.

>

> So I told this sister of my sister-in-law, as we allow and they

> choose to leave the nest we will then investigate opportunities for

> our son and his independence as the time arises.

>

> I guess I just dislike when people have narrow thoughts about group

> homes and preconceived predjudices for parents of a 15 year old and

> what we should probably be thinking about for our disabled son.

>

> Any thoughts?

>

> By the way, the sister of the sister-in-law is a social worker in

> land and probably knows just enough to say something stupid

> around someone like me.

>

> Sarno

>

> No virus found in this outgoing message.

> Checked by AVG Free Edition.

> Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.19.0/1216 - Release Date: 1/9/2008

> 10:16 AM

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> There is a garden complex, purpose built , near ATLANTA for people

with

> special needs of all kinds (MR, TBI, MH. I think it is called JUST

US.

> Some of the people need more supervision then others. The

apratments are 2

> or 3 bedroom, one person per bedroom. The same organization also

has

> different buisinesses in shich some of the clients work (I remember

one is

> called JUst Boxes). BUT our director for Human Services wants no

waiver

> moneey going to OPTION which include segregation. I guess she

doesn;t

> realize that humans are the same but all of us are different to.

People as

> a group tend to find others like themselves (in some way or

another) to live

> near and with. For example: there are people together because of

religion,

> political ideation, eco reasons, etc. But our special people aren't

> allowed, in my state, to chose to be " apart " . Being self-

determined here I

> guess means meeting the political imperative.

Hi Sara:)

Do you happen to know the name of this complex? I've just spent a

looong time googling & can't find it:(

I would like to find out more about it for future planning needs

(that unfortunately we should have been doing since before DJ's birth

I guess)

I've been scared and I mean sleepless scared about DJ's " future "

living arrangements since I married his Daddy & him in 1997. We are

older parents and there's no other family members...besides praying

to & trying to outlive my little dude, I want to have something in

place in case a meteor falls on his Dad & I...

It has been very good for me to read this and other topics. I do not

feel quite so all alone or lonesome because of all of you. And it

has helped me ALOT to recognize things being written about that I

have either witnessed or experienced or live with...and to know that

it is real..not some hallucination on my part (lol)

I can never thank you all enough for this.

Peace.

Kris

[Guest guest]

Justpeople.org. They also have " Just boes, Just hauling, etc.

Where are you? I forget???

>

> >

> > There is a garden complex, purpose built , near ATLANTA for people

> with

> > special needs of all kinds (MR, TBI, MH. I think it is called JUST

> US.

> > Some of the people need more supervision then others. The

> apratments are 2

> > or 3 bedroom, one person per bedroom. The same organization also

> has

> > different buisinesses in shich some of the clients work (I remember

> one is

> > called JUst Boxes). BUT our director for Human Services wants no

> waiver

> > moneey going to OPTION which include segregation. I guess she

> doesn;t

> > realize that humans are the same but all of us are different to.

> People as

> > a group tend to find others like themselves (in some way or

> another) to live

> > near and with. For example: there are people together because of

> religion,

> > political ideation, eco reasons, etc. But our special people aren't

> > allowed, in my state, to chose to be " apart " . Being self-

> determined here I

> > guess means meeting the political imperative.

>

> Hi Sara:)

> Do you happen to know the name of this complex? I've just spent a

> looong time googling & can't find it:(

> I would like to find out more about it for future planning needs

> (that unfortunately we should have been doing since before DJ's birth

> I guess)

>

> I've been scared and I mean sleepless scared about DJ's " future "

> living arrangements since I married his Daddy & him in 1997. We are

> older parents and there's no other family members...besides praying

> to & trying to outlive my little dude, I want to have something in

> place in case a meteor falls on his Dad & I...

>

> It has been very good for me to read this and other topics. I do not

> feel quite so all alone or lonesome because of all of you. And it

> has helped me ALOT to recognize things being written about that I

> have either witnessed or experienced or live with...and to know that

> it is real..not some hallucination on my part (lol)

>

> I can never thank you all enough for this.

>

> Peace.

> Kris

>

>

>

--

Sara - Life is a journey- we choose the path.