/Optimism for bummed parents

[Guest guest]

,

One of our " problems " is finding a motivator for Gavin. He flops back and forth

from one thing to another and what works one day may not work the next. It gets

very frustrating. Yes, the IU 13 is frustrating to work with sometimes, but we

moved a while ago and now have IU 12, if you can believe it they are worse yet!!

They have mentioned " food " motivators, and I have said that would not be a good

idea. He has too much of a weight issue now and does not need to be encouraged

to eat more. They also suggested that if he doesn't complete work at school to

carry his punishment to something at home like not being able to watch TV, a

movie, play a video game etc.

The problem with that is Gavin has no concept of time and would have no idea why

he wasn't allowed to do these things at home, and not relate it to not

completing his school work. How old is Elie now? Maybe he will grasp the concept

of time in the near future. Thanks for all your help.

[Guest guest]

Elie is 22 now and our years from 10-15 were the worst - but 16-19 weren't

so great eaither. Life since he got to be about 20 and now at 22 are MUCH

better.

Sense of time. I know that we had to use motivators every task for YEARS up

until at least 19. We tried tiny motivators - With a PEC schedule he would

get a smiley face or a star. At the end of the day he could add up his

stars (or they were added up for him- I am not sure when he could do that)

and that many stars and/or happy faces were put on a daily report card

home. We would carry on like crazy when he got home if he had at least 4

stars. We IGNORED anything less. There were days when he came home with a

sad face (sometimes drawn by himself) We would just say, Oh well - try

harder tomorrow, we want star days. I agree with you. Punishment is

counterproductive (IMHO) Schools are big on that but I believe in positive

consequences.

I did make part of the IEp that no food motivators at school. Now we did

allow jr frosty from 's (140 cal approx) once a week for a star week.

To this day that is a big motivator. This started when he was afraid to go

on community trips. I did allow that but nothing else.

Now, we do have consequences that are neutral - no star days, bad reports

from work - we do not go out on Friday nite. But it took years to get

there.

Elie does not get a daily report card from work. I am not sure at what age

we stopped the stars for each item completed but he was in h/s. Then we

started the daily report card which ended when he ended school. I do have

to say that a weekly paycheck is absolutely no motivator. Put a star on it

and he will remember to bring it home, but it has no meaning. Elie does

however, come home and tell us " Star day today " , go out Friday, out to eat

and to the movies, hamburger french fries, black soda, zero ten the fries

" . (It is a litany).

> ,

> One of our " problems " is finding a motivator for Gavin. He flops back and

> forth from one thing to another and what works one day may not work the

> next. It gets very frustrating. Yes, the IU 13 is frustrating to work with

> sometimes, but we moved a while ago and now have IU 12, if you can believe

> it they are worse yet!!

>

> They have mentioned " food " motivators, and I have said that would not be a

> good idea. He has too much of a weight issue now and does not need to be

> encouraged to eat more. They also suggested that if he doesn't complete work

> at school to carry his punishment to something at home like not being able

> to watch TV, a movie, play a video game etc.

>

> The problem with that is Gavin has no concept of time and would have no

> idea why he wasn't allowed to do these things at home, and not relate it to

> not completing his school work. How old is Elie now? Maybe he will grasp the

> concept of time in the near future. Thanks for all your help.

>

>

>