Re: Marriage etc.....

[Guest guest]

I have recently joined this group and have been reading all the post

on marriages and divorce. I understand the statistics of divorce are

high for families with autistic children as well as with families

with children with terminal illnesses/or other disabilities.

I am writing to both groups. Over the past 16 years I have been

through the downs in our marriage over childrens major illnesses and

now the (AS) diagnosis for our daughter and my dh diagnosis, too.

There are days I wonder what on earth I am doing here! I look at it

this way though. My dh is willing to go to counseling and so when

things are really bad then we go. When things are difficult I

remember the days that are good. (Sometimes there aren't many, I must

confess, but other times there are enough)

Living with a spouse with AS has been very hard. I even had someone

ask me if I would leave him now that I have a dx. I said, NO! By

leaving him, what message would I be sending my daughter with the

same syndrome?

My marriage will never be perfect....ever....but I will not give up

on him or on us. I also have a faith in God that sustains me through

the dark days of tears and turmoil and helps me fly on the days that

are bright.

I have decided that by sticking in here and " making it work " so to

speak....maybe I can help my kids learn how to make a sometimes

difficult situation work and hopefully show them the value of loving

someone who is less than perfect in many ways and will never be able

to meet all your needs. Please don't misunderstand me, I am not

advocating living in an abusive situation and would not....been there

and done that as a kid! If there is abuse get out!

I find it the hardest trying to figure out how to do it all without

his help even though he is here. He is not able to take on the load

so someone must. The pain of seperation has been in our lives a

couple of times and what brought us back together was the commitment

we made before Our Lord and our commitment to the kids as parents.

DH may not be the best at empathizing or making decisions, but he is

a great Dad and the kids love him so much. They look forward to his

routines on the weekend and the bedtime routine with him at night.

he is consistant if nothing else!

I cannot imagine them having to wait to see him or only having him

around every other weekend. My prayer is that when they are grown

there will be something left of us. God will have to do the work

here, I cannot. For everything there is a season.

Hang in there those of you who are struggling and those that are

divorced/single/seperated my prayers are with you. I know your

hearts are there for your families and you are trying to handle the

difficult times alone. Be strong dear ones. For those that are

older, stayed married and have had kids with Autism or in the

spectrum I commend you for holding your marriages together!

Blessings to you all! May the God bring you a Peace that passes all

understanding.

Glenda~~~

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