Re: Grocery shopping with RA and hubby

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/28/2006 2:07:03 PM Central Standard Time,

tracierae143@... writes:

Hubby has been taking this chore

over for the last several weeks, but he hates it or seems to as he

just seems so disgusted with me like I am going to just jump up one

day and miraculously be healed. I know he means well, but I feel so

useless in his eyes. Does this make sense to anyone else or am I

just a big fool?

Tracie you are not a fool. Men have a hard time accepting the fact that we,

the moms and the caretakers of the house cant do as much as we used to. I

know exactly how you feel. Personally i wish we could all wake up one morning

and ~Poof~ be healed...but i know its not going to happen. Hang in there girl,

we're here if you need us. HUGS

[Guest guest]

So sorry to hear that your hubby is having problems adjusting to your

condition. I think it's hard for a lot of men to become a caregiver,

they're so used to having someone take of them!

My hubby has been wonderful, but he's really changed a lot in the last

few years. Before, when I had to have surgery, he actually told me to

make sure it didn't conflict with his work schedule! But he's had a

couple of real scares, and he now treats me like I'm going to break.

First, an ovarian tumor scare that thank goodness was not malignant,

and then, 3 years ago, an auto accident. We were caravaning, and he

was behind me when a Dodge Ram pickup with no headlights hit me

practically head-on at 55 mph. He really thought he was going to be

picking up the pieces. (My docs all think it was the stress from that

accident that started the PMR, and it was definitely an injury from

that accident that caused the OA in my knee)

While I don't recommend anything that drastic, I think your hubby will

come around eventually, and understand what a chronic condition means.

Just be patient with him, because it's a big adjustment for him, too.

Just keep asking for his help when you need it. My hubby also gives

me a light massage at night to help me sleep, I think that's made us

closer, and made him more aware of how I feel.

Good luck and God Bless,

South Pasadena, CA

Polymyaligia Rhuematica, Fibromyalgia, Diabetes, ADH

Prednisone, Methotrexate (pills), Lipitor, Fosamax D, Metformin

[Guest guest]

Hi Tracie, Alice from Alaska here. has given you some very

good advice. Are you and your hubby able to talk, I mean really TALK,

you know, communicate? It is true that most men are always looking

for a Solution, a way to fix things. So they get frustrated with an

illness like ours, RA, because even Doctors do not know a whole lot

about it, much less how to " fix it " .

I am Blessed with a hubby who is very understanding and he is

actually happy to do " woman's work " LOL. I do not say this to brag. I

say this just to encourage you and your hubby to really communicate

about your illness.

Communicate to him, in a kind, loving way, that this illness is one

of those things that just cannot be fixed.

Meanwhile, every time he does go grocery shopping, praise him

PROFUSELY! A whole lot. Tell him how clever he was to buy Lima Beans

on sale (no matter if you hate lima beans). The more a man's Ego is

stroked, the happier he is to do for you.

Meanwhile #2, you always have us here to talk to, to get things off

your shoulders

Alice

http://aliceohalice.blogspot.com/

On Jan 29, 2006, at 11:21 AM, N2kids@... wrote:

>

>

>

>

> In a message dated 1/28/2006 2:07:03 PM Central Standard Time,

> tracierae143@... writes:

>

> Hubby has been taking this chore

> over for the last several weeks, but he hates it or seems to as he

> just seems so disgusted with me like I am going to just jump up one

> day and miraculously be healed. I know he means well, but I feel so

> useless in his eyes. Does this make sense to anyone else or am I

> just a big fool?

>

>

> Tracie you are not a fool. Men have a hard time accepting the fact

> that we,

> the moms and the caretakers of the house cant do as much as we

> used to. I

> know exactly how you feel. Personally i wish we could all wake up

> one morning

> and ~Poof~ be healed...but i know its not going to happen. Hang in

> there girl,

> we're here if you need us. HUGS

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Tracie,

Can your older daughter watch the younger kids while you AND your

husband do the

shopping together?

a

On Jan 28, 2006, at 3:04 PM, tracierae143 wrote:

> Hello all,

>

> I know I have not been on the board forever, but I do read once in

> awhile. Does anyone else find it impossible to grocery shop? I

> just cannot do it, especially alone. We have a large family of five

> with two older children who eat a lot now, LOL, so we buy a lot of

> cases and bulk items. We don't live near the grocery store so I

> cannot make several trips it has to be one huge weekly run cause we

> live in the middle of nowhere basically. It is a good 35-40 miles

> to the nearest decent grocery store and that drive alone tuckers me

> out plus all the walking in the store. I cannot push the cart once

> it becomes too full. I have a lot of trouble with RA in my hands,

> hips and spine as well as my feet. Hubby has been taking this chore

> over for the last several weeks, but he hates it or seems to as he

> just seems so disgusted with me like I am going to just jump up one

> day and miraculously be healed. I know he means well, but I feel so

> useless in his eyes. Does this make sense to anyone else or am I

> just a big fool? I am trying to do better with other chores around

> the house like bathing our smallest daughter who is 5 and washing

> her hair which is very, very difficult for me, but I am really

> trying and have been pretty successful with it. It is hard to braid

> her hair etc with these hands, but I am managing somehow. My 14-

> year-old daughter is a blessing and once she can drive I know she

> will go get the groceries just to get out of the house bless her

> heart. I hate going to the grocery store with our youngest so one

> of us has to stay home with her. She is not a good grocery shopper,

> she wants something on every isle like all small children.

>

> What do you all do? Feel free to email me at tracierae143@...

> or post here, whichever is easier. I would appreciate any of your

> thoughts on this matter.

>

> Thanks so much and my prayers go out to you all as always,

>

> Tracie in Maine

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