Re: some comments...very long

[Guest guest]

Joan,

I understand what you are saying and I agree that the primary purpose of this

list [to me] is for support and problem-solving. I also understand, as the

parent of a child with significant behavioral problems, the need to have a

safe forum to " vent " my feelings. When I was working within the Family

Resource Center network, I was in the company of other parents of children

with disablities who understood the frustrations we shared regarding our kids

problems, etc. There were unlimited opportunities to " network " and share

feelings and develop problem-solving strategies. I also had a working

relationship with the professional community interacting with [our] kids and

it opened a lot of doors for us that we might not have otherwise known about.

Now that I am an " at-home " Mom and living in an small, rural, isolated

community that has few, if any, services, I can understand how really alone

some of these moms feel and that they need to be able to vent their feelings

in a safe place before they can attempt to problem-solve. I haven't seen

anyone " wallow " so much as I have seen (and felt) people be overwhelmed with

a particular situation, ie. medication trial or change. I can tell you from

experience that it's darn hard to see the positive side when your kid is

tearing you or your house apart or smearing poop all over the place. Also,

it occurred to me yesterday that we are quickly approaching the time of year

that seems to throw people coping with particular challenges into depression

more easily. I guess what I am saying is that we all need to be able to feel

sorry for ourselves (and each other) once in awhile! It can be cathartic for

the soul!

Terry

Mom to , 13 yrs.

[Guest guest]

amen terry...i agree.... :-)again very well spoken.... it does seem to be that

more moms and dads get depressed as the xmas holidays approach. i find myself

fighting with my emotions as i look at *other* nine year old girls, and its very

hard to keep on trucking without thinking of " what might have been " but what

really *is*!!! ashton is what she is and i can't change that, but i can try very

hard to shape her into the best she can be!!!sometimes it just sucks the life

outta ya...i am so sick and tired of cutting picture symbols and laminating and

velcroing...lolo it takes so much time... now our new project is the edmark

program...ikes more energy needed for that.... please let the energy fairy visit

me soon......take care and i hope all find some way to enjoy the

holidays....leah-

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/6/00 12:58:33 AM Eastern Standard Time,

jmedlen@... writes:

<< Donna? Can you share with us what you think are some of the reasons Maddie

is showing so many gains at her new school? What strategy have they used to

successfully get her to sit on the toilet? How are they encouraging her to

use a spoon rather than her hands to eat? What techniques are they using

for the PECS stuff? And what coaching are you getting if any from them for

home? Is any of it carrying over to home? >>

Sure!! Well, as my kids would say, I'm feeling very *salty* because for such

a long time, I was opposed to ABA. Joan, I am sure you remember Jeanetta

(Maddie's SI therapist for years) trying to get me to consider it. But I

have to say that I totally attribute her successes right now to ABA. I'm

really really excited about her progress. We can actually see understanding

in her eyes!!!! She still doesn't comprehend any verbal language, but she is

visibly understanding situations and smiling appropriately. It's wonderful.

And GUESS WHAT?!?!? Last night, the Wiggles were on (previewing Barney) and

Alison and I were dancing around in front of her. She watched and watched,

then started doing a little dance on the couch!! She's NEVER done that

before!!! It was really cool!!!!

As far as the toilet sitting goes, they would let her hold something to

dangle until she got comfortable. Also, in the beginning, they only had her

sit for just a few seconds, so she wouldn't be afraid of it. We (well, ME)

do the same here. I just have her sit for a little. I've tried pouring

the warm water over her to stimulate her going, but she doesn't like that, so

I stopped. I figure eventually, she will make a deposit, and we'll throw a

HUGE celebration!!! LOL

The spoon eating is going great too. She continues to do it and getting more

and more adept at it!! Now, we are working on filling the spoon.

As far as PECS goes, they felt they needed to go back a step because we were

at a stand still. So they have her back to one pic, but with handing it

over and she's doing it. They use TONS of hand over hand and praise (very

ABA). She's done it a few times at home, but not as consistently, so that's

another thing we are working on. Also, they are going to work diligently on

getting her to recognize the real PECS instead of my home-made pictures. I

have a meeting on Wednesday with the ST and teacher to talk about her

progress and where we go from here.

You know, it's strange, but things have been going so well, I totally forgot

about some of her issues. I took her to the doc for her annual check-up last

week and the old Maddie came back!!! She hid under the table and I couldn't

get her out. Wouldn't stand on the scale and tried to run away. But once we

got inside the examining room and our ped (he's so great---very calming--lets

her play with whatever instrument he is going to use before he uses it)

relaxed her, she did fine.

And Joan.....don't think you're off the hook!!!!! We want an update on TASH

from you AND Beth!!!!! Two perspectives is always better than

one......

Donna

[Guest guest]

Well, on the finding solutions side: I bought a book (our church had a book

sale), Dobson, The New Dare to Discipline. I'm just getting into it, but

I have discovered one very important fact. is actually higher functioning

than I thought, I've just been letting some defiant behaviors slide because

" he's handicapped, he can't understand. " I've learned over the past couple of

days that he does understand completely what he's doing. This is an important

step for me. Dr. Dobson suggests some form of minor " pain " instead of

constantly spanking. He says if you lose your temper and start swinging to

spank, the child sees you out of control. He suggested a small squeeze on the

muscle in the shoulder, I forget how to spell it and I don't want to look it up,

but trapezoid or something like that. Well, I tried it with the first

time he smart mouthed me, and it worked. I've been having trouble with

coming to the table, so I gave him warning (dinner in 6 minutes) and then told

him to come to the table. I got the usual " No! " So I firmly squeezed that

muscle, and he got up and came to the table.

Dr. Dobson (for those who haven't read the book) used a bath-time routine with a

fictitious character as an example. The child was used to not having to move

until mom reached a fever pitch. He said kids get used to the level that mom

really means what she says. If you rely on anger to motivate, you live in a

constant state of agitation. I already feel so much calmer. I realize that this

may not work on every child. I also tried it on , too, obviously squeezing

much softer. He was banging a toy on the table and I told him no. He looked at

me and grinned and did it again. I squeezed. He at first walked away crying,

then came to me. Dobson also said if they come to you for loving afterwards

that you should love on them and explain the discipline.

Well, I would say more, but I have to get ready for Wednesday Bible study (which

I haven't had in a month - 3 weeks off and I missed last week because of 's

psychiatry appointment). I do have his GI appointment later this morning. I'll

let everyone know how it went when I get back.

Loriann

Wife to Dewight

Mom to , 10 years, DS-ASD, ADHD, ODD, possibly to lose all but DS and gain

Celiac

And , 17 months and Strong Willed

[Guest guest]

Re: your intent to refocus the group and not to admonish~

Thank you; thank you; thank you

Sherry

[Guest guest]

I think ya'll misunderstand....

I don't have anything against venting and sharing emotions...as long as we

don't get stuck there. I, too, have to vent at times. Keep in mind....I've

been here since the beginning. In the last few months I've seen less and

less of problem-solving and looking for solutions that may take some work.

It was meant to refocus the group rather than admonish.

Joan

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/6/00 7:55:44 AM Pacific Standard Time,

Imaddenmom@... writes:

<< I can tell you from

experience that it's darn hard to see the positive side when your kid is

tearing you or your house apart or smearing poop all over the place. >>

Terry,

Exactly how I feel ;( I am just going to be an observant reader from here

on out you all...I rarely have time to respond let alone post, my life is

gone. I work, when I come home I have 1 hour to spend with my daughter

before Mark gets home., then life is turned upside down till he goes to bed

;(

Jeannie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/7/00 6:49:40 AM Eastern Standard Time,

_Barbieri@... writes:

<< Donna -

How many times a day and week does Maddy receive the ABA?

How old is Maddy?

Thanks

Sandi

>>

Hi Sandi,

Maddie just turned 7 last week. She gets ABA every day. I'm not exactly

sure how many hours per day, but she gets it one on one as well as with the

group. They have been working on eye contact and responding to her name

(looking up when someone says it), and finishing a task. It's pretty basic

skills right now, but that's how it always starts out. ALL in our house have

noticed her looking up at us when we call her name. Maybe I need to do some

ABA on the other four kids to see if I can get them to respond to their names

better......LOLOL

Donna

[Guest guest]

Donna -

How many times a day and week does Maddy receive the ABA?

How old is Maddy?

Thanks

Sandi

> In a message dated 12/6/00 12:58:33 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> jmedlen@t... writes:

>

> << Donna? Can you share with us what you think are some of the

reasons Maddie

> is showing so many gains at her new school? What strategy have

they used to

> successfully get her to sit on the toilet? How are they

encouraging her to

> use a spoon rather than her hands to eat? What techniques are they

using

> for the PECS stuff? And what coaching are you getting if any from

them for

> home? Is any of it carrying over to home? >>

>

> Sure!! Well, as my kids would say, I'm feeling very *salty*

because for such

> a long time, I was opposed to ABA. Joan, I am sure you remember

Jeanetta

> (Maddie's SI therapist for years) trying to get me to consider it.

But I

> have to say that I totally attribute her successes right now to

ABA. I'm

> really really excited about her progress. We can actually see

understanding

> in her eyes!!!! She still doesn't comprehend any verbal language,

but she is

> visibly understanding situations and smiling appropriately. It's

wonderful.

> And GUESS WHAT?!?!? Last night, the Wiggles were on (previewing

Barney) and

> Alison and I were dancing around in front of her. She watched and

watched,

> then started doing a little dance on the couch!! She's NEVER done

that

> before!!! It was really cool!!!!

> As far as the toilet sitting goes, they would let her hold

something to

> dangle until she got comfortable. Also, in the beginning, they

only had her

> sit for just a few seconds, so she wouldn't be afraid of it. We

(well, ME)

> do the same here. I just have her sit for a little. I've tried

pouring

> the warm water over her to stimulate her going, but she doesn't

like that, so

> I stopped. I figure eventually, she will make a deposit, and we'll

throw a

> HUGE celebration!!! LOL

> The spoon eating is going great too. She continues to do it and

getting more

> and more adept at it!! Now, we are working on filling the spoon.

> As far as PECS goes, they felt they needed to go back a step

because we were

> at a stand still. So they have her back to one pic, but with

handing it

> over and she's doing it. They use TONS of hand over hand and

praise (very

> ABA). She's done it a few times at home, but not as consistently,

so that's

> another thing we are working on. Also, they are going to work

diligently on

> getting her to recognize the real PECS instead of my home-made

pictures. I

> have a meeting on Wednesday with the ST and teacher to talk about

her

> progress and where we go from here.

> You know, it's strange, but things have been going so well, I

totally forgot

> about some of her issues. I took her to the doc for her annual

check-up last

> week and the old Maddie came back!!! She hid under the table and I

couldn't

> get her out. Wouldn't stand on the scale and tried to run away.

But once we

> got inside the examining room and our ped (he's so great---very

calming--lets

> her play with whatever instrument he is going to use before he uses

it)

> relaxed her, she did fine.

> And Joan.....don't think you're off the hook!!!!! We want an

update on TASH

> from you AND Beth!!!!! Two perspectives is always better than

> one......

> Donna

[Guest guest]

LOLOL DONNA, aba for the four older kids, heck maybe my HUSBAND needs aba

more than maddie....the zones us all out, especially for wcw or wwf

matches....heheh i am so HAPPY that maddie is doing so good...... leah

[Guest guest]

lol Donna. Yeah maybe you could work on that with the other kids. I don't

know, I know a 3 year old that didn't respond to his name when he was

called. It takes a while for kids to reconigize their name. Take care

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