Re: Worlds worst compliment

[Guest guest]

Yeah, i hate that too, but im happy Aden had a great day. I swear we could write

a book about how in-sensitive people can be. Hugs to you i know how you

feel girl. I had a relative ask me if it was ok to call my daughter downsie when

she was born cause they thought it was a cute nickname...i sd only if we can

call you alkie. That was my one and only time i came up with a good

comback..after that im just dumbfounded by people sometimes and dont know what

to say back.

Betsy mom to

>

> Hi all,

>

> We went to a fun center today and I got the worlds worst compliment over and

over again. The " you're a great mom, I couldn't deal with a kid like that " and

all the variations. By the end of the afternoon I just wanted to cry.

>

> I know all the moms and grandmas making the comment were trying to be nice but

every time it just made me feel worse. Partly because Aden really wasn't being

that bad today. It was almost as bad as the day a coworker told me that if she

had to live my life she would kill herself.

>

> On the up side we spent 3 hours there and Aden didn't kick hit or scratch

anyone else, his only meltdown was when it was time to leave, and he only opened

the emergency exit door once.

>

> I just wish it didn't bother me so much what other people say.

>

>

> Mom to Aden 8 DS ASD ADHD and Aren 5 ADHD

>

>

> Sent from my iPod

>

[Guest guest]

HUGS!!!! to you and Aden!

I TRULY understand everything you said! " You ARE a great mom, and Aden IS a great kid! "

 

Hi all,We went to a fun center today and I got the worlds worst compliment over and over again. The " you're a great mom, I couldn't deal with a kid like that " and all the variations. By the end of the afternoon I just wanted to cry.

I know all the moms and grandmas making the comment were trying to be nice but every time it just made me feel worse. Partly because Aden really wasn't being that bad today. It was almost as bad as the day a coworker told me that if she had to live my life she would kill herself.

On the up side we spent 3 hours there and Aden didn't kick hit or scratch anyone else, his only meltdown was when it was time to leave, and he only opened the emergency exit door once. I just wish it didn't bother me so much what other people say.

Mom to Aden 8 DS ASD ADHD and Aren 5 ADHDSent from my iPod

[Guest guest]

Hi BetsyThe book would have to be something like "101 things not to say to the mother of a child with a disability. " The other one we should probably write is "101 comebacks to the stupid things people say to the mother of a child with a disability." cuz I'm always just at a loss for what to say. Thanks for understanding :)Sent from my iPod

Yeah, i hate that too, but im happy Aden had a great day. I swear we could write a book about how in-sensitive people can be. Hugs to you i know how you feel girl. I had a relative ask me if it was ok to call my daughter downsie when she was born cause they thought it was a cute nickname...i sd only if we can call you alkie. That was my one and only time i came up with a good comback..after that im just dumbfounded by people sometimes and dont know what to say back.

Betsy mom to

>

> Hi all,

>

> We went to a fun center today and I got the worlds worst compliment over and over again. The "you're a great mom, I couldn't deal with a kid like that" and all the variations. By the end of the afternoon I just wanted to cry.

>

> I know all the moms and grandmas making the comment were trying to be nice but every time it just made me feel worse. Partly because Aden really wasn't being that bad today. It was almost as bad as the day a coworker told me that if she had to live my life she would kill herself.

>

> On the up side we spent 3 hours there and Aden didn't kick hit or scratch anyone else, his only meltdown was when it was time to leave, and he only opened the emergency exit door once.

>

> I just wish it didn't bother me so much what other people say.

>

>

> Mom to Aden 8 DS ASD ADHD and Aren 5 ADHD

>

>

> Sent from my iPod

>

=

[Guest guest]

Thanks,It is so nice to have a place where other moms "get it". That makes it a lot easier. Sent from my iPod

HUGS!!!! to you and Aden!

I TRULY understand everything you said!"You ARE a great mom, and Aden IS a great kid!"

Hi all,We went to a fun center today and I got the worlds worst compliment over and over again. The "you're a great mom, I couldn't deal with a kid like that" and all the variations. By the end of the afternoon I just wanted to cry.

I know all the moms and grandmas making the comment were trying to be nice but every time it just made me feel worse. Partly because Aden really wasn't being that bad today. It was almost as bad as the day a coworker told me that if she had to live my life she would kill herself.

On the up side we spent 3 hours there and Aden didn't kick hit or scratch anyone else, his only meltdown was when it was time to leave, and he only opened the emergency exit door once. I just wish it didn't bother me so much what other people say.

Mom to Aden 8 DS ASD ADHD and Aren 5 ADHDSent from my iPod

=

[Guest guest]

Aloha,Back-handed ones are the best...Here's the best one I ever got...as I held Aubrey's hand (4 at the time) while waiting for her sister to come out of religious education classes standing outside of our old church...A fellow parishioner says-"I could never be the kind of Mother to bring a child like this (as she gestured to Aubrey) into the world to suffer."That was the first of many before I stopped going.But my ex MIL still has the best line ever..."You had to have the retard. Your choice imploded your family...but we all know why you did-You're getting old, fat and ugly and

need a reason to stay on stage."People. Ugh.Desi To: " " < > Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 5:45 PM Subject: Re: Re: Worlds worst compliment

Hi BetsyThe book would have to be something like "101 things not to say to the mother of a child with a disability. " The other one we should probably write is "101 comebacks to the stupid things people say to the mother of a child with a disability." cuz I'm always just at a loss for what to say. Thanks for understanding :)Sent from my iPod

Yeah, i hate that too, but im happy Aden had a great day. I swear we could write a book about how in-sensitive people can be. Hugs to you i know how you feel girl. I had a relative ask me if it was ok to call my daughter downsie when she was born cause they thought it was a cute nickname...i sd only if we can call you alkie. That was my one and only time i came up with a good comback..after that im just dumbfounded by people sometimes and dont know what to say back.

Betsy mom to

>

> Hi all,

>

> We went to a fun center today and I got the worlds worst compliment over and over again. The "you're a great mom, I couldn't deal with a kid like that" and all the variations. By the end of the afternoon I just wanted to cry.

>

> I know all the moms and grandmas making the comment were trying to be nice but every time it just made me feel worse. Partly because Aden really wasn't being that bad today. It was almost as bad as the day a coworker told me that if she had to live my life she would kill herself.

>

> On the up side we spent 3 hours there and Aden didn't kick hit or scratch anyone else, his only meltdown was when it was time to leave, and he only opened the emergency exit door once.

>

> I just wish it didn't bother me so much what other people say.

>

>

> Mom to Aden 8 DS ASD ADHD and Aren 5 ADHD

>

>

> Sent from my iPod

>

=

[Guest guest]

disgusting how low people can get. I think she is totally georgeous!!

Aloha,

Back-handed ones are the best...

Here's the best one I ever got...as I held Aubrey's hand (4 at the time) while waiting for her sister to come out of religious education classes standing outside of our old church...A fellow parishioner says-"I could never be the kind of Mother to bring a child like this (as she gestured to Aubrey) into the world to suffer."

That was the first of many before I stopped going.

But my ex MIL still has the best line ever..."You had to have the retard. Your choice imploded your family...but we all know why you did-You're getting old, fat and ugly and need a reason to stay on stage."

People. Ugh.

Desi

To: " " < > Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 5:45 PMSubject: Re: Re: Worlds worst compliment

Hi Betsy

The book would have to be something like "101 things not to say to the mother of a child with a disability. " The other one we should probably write is "101 comebacks to the stupid things people say to the mother of a child with a disability." cuz I'm always just at a loss for what to say.

Thanks for understanding

Sent from my iPod

Yeah, i hate that too, but im happy Aden had a great day. I swear we could write a book about how in-sensitive people can be. Hugs to you i know how you feel girl. I had a relative ask me if it was ok to call my daughter downsie when she was born cause they thought it was a cute nickname...i sd only if we can call you alkie. That was my one and only time i came up with a good comback..after that im just dumbfounded by people sometimes and dont know what to say back. Betsy mom to >> Hi all,> > We went to a fun center today and I got the worlds worst compliment over and over again. The "you're a great mom, I couldn't deal with a kid like that" and all the variations. By the end of the afternoon I just wanted to cry. > > I know all the moms and grandmas making the comment were trying to be nice but every time it just made me feel worse. Partly because Aden really wasn't being that bad today. It was almost as bad as the day a coworker told me that if she had to live my life she would kill herself. > > On the up side we spent 3 hours there and Aden didn't kick hit or scratch anyone else, his only meltdown was when it was time to leave, and he only opened the emergency exit door once. > > I just wish it didn't bother me so much what other people say. > > > Mom to Aden 8 DS ASD ADHD and Aren 5 ADHD> > > Sent from my iPod>=

[Guest guest]

How low can you go? Your exMIL takes the prize! And the lady at church isn't far behind. So much for "Christ like love and Christian values" I can totally see why you don't go there anymore. I wouldn't either. My favorite church lady comment was the one who wanted to know when Aden was going to outgrow down syndrome. Although the one who told me that I should keep the fact that Aden had DS a secret so other people wouldn't judge him isn't far behind. HugsSent from my iPod

Aloha,Back-handed ones are the best...Here's the best one I ever got...as I held Aubrey's hand (4 at the time) while waiting for her sister to come out of religious education classes standing outside of our old church...A fellow parishioner says-"I could never be the kind of Mother to bring a child like this (as she gestured to Aubrey) into the world to suffer."That was the first of many before I stopped going.But my ex MIL still has the best line ever..."You had to have the retard. Your choice imploded your family...but we all know why you did-You're getting old, fat and ugly and

need a reason to stay on stage."People. Ugh.Desi To: " " < > Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 5:45 PM Subject: Re: Re: Worlds worst compliment

Hi BetsyThe book would have to be something like "101 things not to say to the mother of a child with a disability. " The other one we should probably write is "101 comebacks to the stupid things people say to the mother of a child with a disability." cuz I'm always just at a loss for what to say. Thanks for understanding :)Sent from my iPod

Yeah, i hate that too, but im happy Aden had a great day. I swear we could write a book about how in-sensitive people can be. Hugs to you i know how you feel girl. I had a relative ask me if it was ok to call my daughter downsie when she was born cause they thought it was a cute nickname...i sd only if we can call you alkie. That was my one and only time i came up with a good comback..after that im just dumbfounded by people sometimes and dont know what to say back.

Betsy mom to

>

> Hi all,

>

> We went to a fun center today and I got the worlds worst compliment over and over again. The "you're a great mom, I couldn't deal with a kid like that" and all the variations. By the end of the afternoon I just wanted to cry.

>

> I know all the moms and grandmas making the comment were trying to be nice but every time it just made me feel worse. Partly because Aden really wasn't being that bad today. It was almost as bad as the day a coworker told me that if she had to live my life she would kill herself.

>

> On the up side we spent 3 hours there and Aden didn't kick hit or scratch anyone else, his only meltdown was when it was time to leave, and he only opened the emergency exit door once.

>

> I just wish it didn't bother me so much what other people say.

>

>

> Mom to Aden 8 DS ASD ADHD and Aren 5 ADHD

>

>

> Sent from my iPod

>

=

=

[Guest guest]

When my oldest was an infant, we joined a playgroup. One of his friends' moms was/is very judgmental. She is a psychologist who works with children. With my oldest, who has Asperger's, she always told me that she didn't know how I did it, or stayed calm when he melted down. It used to rankle but I loved her DS and he and my DS played well together.When she was pg with her 3rd, the blood tests came back showing a possible abnormality. Her baby turned out just fine but she and her husband argued about it...she wanted to have the option of aborting and he said "No" (they're very traditional/Christian, he's a "Promise Keeper" and makes all the decisions). When our mutual friend had a baby with a chromosomal abnormality, this woman told me "she must've done something terrible for God to punish her baby like that!".So then I had , and this woman called for weekly playdates, told me how "lucky" I was to have a baby who could love like Christ, how it was so great that I'd have a baby who would never leave home. She'd comment on my oldest son (4)'s messy room too...as if I had nothing better to worry about. But I gotta tell you, I was a total mess every time I saw her...I just would cry and cry after she left. Ugh. People can be really horrid.Kate and Desi, I'm sorry about what those people said to each of you. :(Sent from my iPhone

How low can you go? Your exMIL takes the prize! And the lady at church isn't far behind. So much for "Christ like love and Christian values" I can totally see why you don't go there anymore. I wouldn't either. My favorite church lady comment was the one who wanted to know when Aden was going to outgrow down syndrome. Although the one who told me that I should keep the fact that Aden had DS a secret so other people wouldn't judge him isn't far behind. HugsSent from my iPod

Aloha,Back-handed ones are the best...Here's the best one I ever got...as I held Aubrey's hand (4 at the time) while waiting for her sister to come out of religious education classes standing outside of our old church...A fellow parishioner says-"I could never be the kind of Mother to bring a child like this (as she gestured to Aubrey) into the world to suffer."That was the first of many before I stopped going.But my ex MIL still has the best line ever..."You had to have the retard. Your choice imploded your family...but we all know why you did-You're getting old, fat and ugly and

need a reason to stay on stage."People. Ugh.Desi To: " " < > Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 5:45 PM Subject: Re: Re: Worlds worst compliment

Hi BetsyThe book would have to be something like "101 things not to say to the mother of a child with a disability. " The other one we should probably write is "101 comebacks to the stupid things people say to the mother of a child with a disability." cuz I'm always just at a loss for what to say. Thanks for understanding :)Sent from my iPod

Yeah, i hate that too, but im happy Aden had a great day. I swear we could write a book about how in-sensitive people can be. Hugs to you i know how you feel girl. I had a relative ask me if it was ok to call my daughter downsie when she was born cause they thought it was a cute nickname...i sd only if we can call you alkie. That was my one and only time i came up with a good comback..after that im just dumbfounded by people sometimes and dont know what to say back.

Betsy mom to

>

> Hi all,

>

> We went to a fun center today and I got the worlds worst compliment over and over again. The "you're a great mom, I couldn't deal with a kid like that" and all the variations. By the end of the afternoon I just wanted to cry.

>

> I know all the moms and grandmas making the comment were trying to be nice but every time it just made me feel worse. Partly because Aden really wasn't being that bad today. It was almost as bad as the day a coworker told me that if she had to live my life she would kill herself.

>

> On the up side we spent 3 hours there and Aden didn't kick hit or scratch anyone else, his only meltdown was when it was time to leave, and he only opened the emergency exit door once.

>

> I just wish it didn't bother me so much what other people say.

>

>

> Mom to Aden 8 DS ASD ADHD and Aren 5 ADHD

>

>

> Sent from my iPod

>

=

=

=

[Guest guest]

My favorite DS/ASD comments from family members: "You didn't choose to abort him?" "Didn't you know during the pregnancy?" "He will out grow it, won't he?" "He doesn't LOOK like a retarded kid." "You don't dress him up like a retard, do you?" "You didn't put him in an institution?" "At least he is loving." "God placed him in a good home. At least you are equipped to handle him." "Why don't you just discipline him, and he will stop acting that way." "I will keep praying that he get's better." My favorite

comeback to painful family remarks: "he is the education you wish you never had" or if their comments are particularly biting: "its the joy you will never experience". That shuts them up. I think most people's intentions are well, but they simply don't know what to do or what to say. They forget the words of : Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:5-6 I think this is the most we can expect of others, simply understanding. Comments I like to hear? "Wow, how do you do that!" -expresses empathy"How can I help you?" -when having a public meltdown"My child/sibling/friend is

autistic, may I sit with you?" -you bet! let's share! Shane Averyfather of , DS/ASD, age 12 To: " " < > Sent: Thursday, April 12, 2012 12:35 AM Subject: Re: Re: Worlds worst compliment

When my oldest was an infant, we joined a playgroup. One of his friends' moms was/is very judgmental. She is a psychologist who works with children. With my oldest, who has Asperger's, she always told me that she didn't know how I did it, or stayed calm when he melted down. It used to rankle but I loved her DS and he and my DS played well together.When she was pg with her 3rd, the blood tests came back showing a possible abnormality. Her baby turned out just fine but she and her husband argued about it...she wanted to have the option of aborting and he said "No" (they're very traditional/Christian, he's a "Promise Keeper" and makes all the decisions). When our mutual friend had a baby with a chromosomal abnormality, this woman told me "she must've done something terrible for God to punish her baby like that!".So then I had , and this woman called for weekly

playdates, told me how "lucky" I was to have a baby who could love like Christ, how it was so great that I'd have a baby who would never leave home. She'd comment on my oldest son (4)'s messy room too...as if I had nothing better to worry about. But I gotta tell you, I was a total mess every time I saw her...I just would cry and cry after she left. Ugh. People can be really horrid.Kate and Desi, I'm sorry about what those people said to each of you. :(Sent from my iPhone

How low can you go? Your exMIL takes the prize! And the lady at church isn't far behind. So much for "Christ like love and Christian values" I can totally see why you don't go there anymore. I wouldn't either. My favorite church lady comment was the one who wanted to know when Aden was going to outgrow down syndrome. Although the one who told me that I should keep the fact that Aden had DS a secret so other people wouldn't judge him isn't far behind. HugsSent from my iPod

Aloha,Back-handed ones are the best...Here's the best one I ever got...as I held Aubrey's hand (4 at the time) while waiting for her sister to come out of religious education classes standing outside of our old church...A fellow parishioner says-"I could never be the kind of Mother to bring a child like this (as she gestured to Aubrey) into the world to suffer."That was the first of many before I stopped going.But my ex MIL still has the best line ever..."You had to have the retard. Your choice imploded your family...but we all know why you did-You're getting old, fat and ugly and

need a reason to stay on stage."People. Ugh.Desi To: " " < > Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 5:45 PM Subject: Re: Re: Worlds worst compliment

Hi BetsyThe book would have to be something like "101 things not to say to the mother of a child with a disability. " The other one we should probably write is "101 comebacks to the stupid things people say to the mother of a child with a disability." cuz I'm always just at a loss for what to say. Thanks for understanding :)Sent from my iPod

Yeah, i hate that too, but im happy Aden had a great day. I swear we could write a book about how in-sensitive people can be. Hugs to you i know how you feel girl. I had a relative ask me if it was ok to call my daughter downsie when she was born cause they thought it was a cute nickname...i sd only if we can call you alkie. That was my one and only time i came up with a good comback..after that im just dumbfounded by people sometimes and dont know what to say back.

Betsy mom to

>

> Hi all,

>

> We went to a fun center today and I got the worlds worst compliment over and over again. The "you're a great mom, I couldn't deal with a kid like that" and all the variations. By the end of the afternoon I just wanted to cry.

>

> I know all the moms and grandmas making the comment were trying to be nice but every time it just made me feel worse. Partly because Aden really wasn't being that bad today. It was almost as bad as the day a coworker told me that if she had to live my life she would kill herself.

>

> On the up side we spent 3 hours there and Aden didn't kick hit or scratch anyone else, his only meltdown was when it was time to leave, and he only opened the emergency exit door once.

>

> I just wish it didn't bother me so much what other people say.

>

>

> Mom to Aden 8 DS ASD ADHD and Aren 5 ADHD

>

>

> Sent from my iPod

>

=

=

=

[Guest guest]

I just read this, and who the HELL in their right mind would ever say these things to people. You guys must be pacifists because they would have been laying on the ground with one punch from me. I just don't take that kind of idiocracy anymore. I know, I sound violent, but sometimes you need to make a point. I bet they'll think the next time before opening their stupid mouths!, mother of DS/ASD/Epilepsy..... and many other health problems To: " " < > Sent: Thursday, April 12, 2012 12:22 AM Subject: Re: Re: Worlds worst compliment

How low can you go? Your exMIL takes the prize! And the lady at church isn't far behind. So much for "Christ like love and Christian values" I can totally see why you don't go there anymore. I wouldn't either. My favorite church lady comment was the one who wanted to know when Aden was going to outgrow down syndrome. Although the one who told me that I should keep the fact that Aden had DS a secret so other people wouldn't judge him isn't far behind. HugsSent from my iPod

Aloha,Back-handed ones are the best...Here's the best one I ever got...as I held Aubrey's hand (4 at the time) while waiting for her sister to come out of religious education classes standing outside of our old church...A fellow parishioner says-"I could never be the kind of Mother to bring a child like this (as she gestured to Aubrey) into the world to suffer."That was the first of many before I stopped going.But my ex MIL still has the best line ever..."You had to have the retard. Your choice imploded your family...but we all know why you did-You're getting old, fat and ugly and

need a reason to stay on stage."People. Ugh.Desi To: " " < > Sent: Wednesday, April

11, 2012 5:45 PM Subject: Re: Re: Worlds worst compliment

Hi BetsyThe book would have to be something like "101 things not to say to the mother of a child with a disability. " The other one we should probably write is "101 comebacks to the stupid things people say to the mother of a child with a disability." cuz I'm always just at a loss for what to say. Thanks for understanding :)Sent from my iPod

Yeah, i hate that too, but im happy Aden had a great day. I swear we could write a book about how in-sensitive people can be. Hugs to you i know how you feel girl. I had a relative ask me if it was ok to call my daughter downsie when she was born cause they thought it was a cute nickname...i sd only if we can call you alkie. That was my one and only time i came up with a good comback..after that im just dumbfounded by people sometimes and dont know what to say back.

Betsy mom to

>

> Hi all,

>

> We went to a fun center today and I got the worlds worst compliment over and over again. The "you're a great mom, I couldn't deal with a kid like that" and all the variations. By the end of the afternoon I just wanted to cry.

>

> I know all the moms and grandmas making the comment were trying to be nice but every time it just made me feel worse. Partly because Aden really wasn't being that bad today. It was almost as bad as the day a coworker told me that if she had to live my life she would kill herself.

>

> On the up side we spent 3 hours there and Aden didn't kick hit or scratch anyone else, his only meltdown was when it was time to leave, and he only opened the emergency exit door once.

>

> I just wish it didn't bother me so much what other people say.

>

>

> Mom to Aden 8 DS ASD ADHD and Aren 5 ADHD

>

>

> Sent from my iPod

>

=

=

[Guest guest]

Wow, Thank you for these wonderful comebacks as I will keep these somewhere in

hopes I never have to use them. I am sorry to hear the awful comments people can

say and what some of you have had to hear and endure. I have been blessed, so

far, not to get any major negative comments said to my face. I think this is a

good thing as I agree with and think my anger would get the best of me

and I would have to beat someone.

Marie

mom to Liam, 8, DS, PDD-NOS, Celiac

and Owen who likes to state he is 5 and 3 quarters years old

>

> My favorite DS/ASD comments from family members:

>  

> " You didn't choose to abort him? "

>  

> " Didn't you know during the pregnancy? "

>  

> " He will out grow it, won't he? "

>  

> " He doesn't LOOK like a retarded kid. "

>  

> " You don't dress him up like a retard, do you? "

>  

> " You didn't put him in an institution? "

>  

> " At least he is loving. "

>  

> " God placed him in a good home.  At least you are equipped to handle him. "

>  

> " Why don't you just discipline him, and he will stop acting that way. "

>  

> " I will keep praying that he get's better. "

>  

> My favorite comeback to painful family remarks:  " he is the education you wish

you never had " or if their comments are particularly biting: " its the joy you

will never experience " .  That shuts them up.  I think most people's intentions

are well, but they simply don't know what to do or what to say.  They forget

the words of :

>  

> Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every

opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt,

so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:5-6

>  

> I think this is the most we can expect of others, simply understanding. 

>  

> Comments I like to hear?

>  

> " Wow, how do you do that! " -expresses empathy

>

> " How can I help you? " -when having a public meltdown

>

> " My child/sibling/friend is autistic, may I sit with you? " -you bet! let's

share!

>  

> Shane Avery

> father of , DS/ASD, age 12

>

>

[Guest guest]

Groan..... people drive me nuts sometimes This reminds me of a couple things - in 's first year of life (she's now 12), she was sick sooooo often, includingtwo bouts of pneumonia, so many ear infections that she had her first set of tubesat 6 months, lots of trips to the ER bec/every bug turned into a dehydration orother emergency, etc. The nurse at our HMO (awful place, which has since goneout of business) said to me one time, "You must like coming here. Don't you haveother things to do?" Even our family doctor in the PPO ( a mom of 4) said to meabout getting the first set of ear tubes, "Why

bother? It doesn't matter if she can'thear bec/she won't talk anyway"!!! 's hearing test had revealed a severe toprofound hearing loss because of fluid blockage, and her hearing was restoredto normal after a 10 or 12 minute surgery to stick the tubes in. I had to fight hardfor it, above the head of my doctor. I've enjoyed (?) seeing the weird and meanthings that other people have been told. Love this group! To: Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 11:02 PM Subject: Worlds worst compliment

Hi all,

We went to a fun center today and I got the worlds worst compliment over and over again. The "you're a great mom, I couldn't deal with a kid like that" and all the variations. By the end of the afternoon I just wanted to cry.

I know all the moms and grandmas making the comment were trying to be nice but every time it just made me feel worse. Partly because Aden really wasn't being that bad today. It was almost as bad as the day a coworker told me that if she had to live my life she would kill herself.

On the up side we spent 3 hours there and Aden didn't kick hit or scratch anyone else, his only meltdown was when it was time to leave, and he only opened the emergency exit door once.

I just wish it didn't bother me so much what other people say.

Mom to Aden 8 DS ASD ADHD and Aren 5 ADHD

Sent from my iPod

[Guest guest]

I've been reading these posts, but I'm looking at some of this discussion differently. I do agree with everyone that mean spirited and hateful comments are unacceptable. But many of the comments I hear people complain about no big deal. We all have children with autism, so we, of all people, should know about being more tolerant, forgiving, and understanding. After all, we want others to accept our children, our families the way they are, so we should offer others the same consideration that we expect from them. Autism is a spectrum; every human skill is on a spectrum. Well, the social skill spectrum extends out of autism; there is no finite line separating those with autism from those without it. Social awkwardness, sticking a foot in your mouth, and other such things aren't limited to those with severe social issues like autism; social awkwardness extends too to those of us not socially awkward enough to for it to be considered an "affliction." Most people struggle with such issues, at least from time to time. Most people just don't know the right thing to say all of the time. Heck, there really is no right thing to say. Everyone takes things differently. Some are offended if you ignore the issues they are going through; others are offended if you dare to notice and mention them. It's actually impossible to know what to do or say. We who have kids with autism should set an example for the rest of the Down syndrome families, many who are daily alienating themselves from friends and acquaintances by being so sensitive, myopic, and self-absorbed that they are just plain uncomfortable to be around. If we expect tolerance, we should first offer it but not just to our kind. That's where we often make our mistake: thinking we are so accepting because we accept Down syndrome and/or autism but forgetting that we and our children aren't the only ones in need of acceptance. We need to offer it also to those with other kinds of "imperfections." It is wrong for us to think we are the only ones who need to be accepted as we are. As long as a person's heart is in the right place, it really shouldn't be a big deal when they occasionally stick their foot in their mouth. If a close friend says something awkward, you might want to choose that time to let them know what would have sounded better to you; if a stranger does the same, try to just smile and thank them for their concern. Janice

[Guest guest]

After my DD was born (when was 15 mos old), I had to take to the ped's for a sick visit due to asthma symptoms. The Dr we got asked me if I'd had an amnio with Annika. I said no, and she said "why would you risk having two like this? Unless you were worried your other kids would find out and have a problem with it.". It was awful. I was totally taken aback and said "we actually love . Why wouldn't we love our baby?". She seemed embarrassed but I was angry later on (once I got over being surprised). Sigh.Sent from my iPhone

Groan..... people drive me nuts sometimes This reminds me of a couple things - in 's first year of life (she's now 12), she was sick sooooo often, includingtwo bouts of pneumonia, so many ear infections that she had her first set of tubesat 6 months, lots of trips to the ER bec/every bug turned into a dehydration orother emergency, etc. The nurse at our HMO (awful place, which has since goneout of business) said to me one time, "You must like coming here. Don't you haveother things to do?" Even our family doctor in the PPO ( a mom of 4) said to meabout getting the first set of ear tubes, "Why

bother? It doesn't matter if she can'thear bec/she won't talk anyway"!!! 's hearing test had revealed a severe toprofound hearing loss because of fluid blockage, and her hearing was restoredto normal after a 10 or 12 minute surgery to stick the tubes in. I had to fight hardfor it, above the head of my doctor. I've enjoyed (?) seeing the weird and meanthings that other people have been told. Love this group! To: Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 11:02 PM Subject: Worlds worst compliment

Hi all,

We went to a fun center today and I got the worlds worst compliment over and over again. The "you're a great mom, I couldn't deal with a kid like that" and all the variations. By the end of the afternoon I just wanted to cry.

I know all the moms and grandmas making the comment were trying to be nice but every time it just made me feel worse. Partly because Aden really wasn't being that bad today. It was almost as bad as the day a coworker told me that if she had to live my life she would kill herself.

On the up side we spent 3 hours there and Aden didn't kick hit or scratch anyone else, his only meltdown was when it was time to leave, and he only opened the emergency exit door once.

I just wish it didn't bother me so much what other people say.

Mom to Aden 8 DS ASD ADHD and Aren 5 ADHD

Sent from my iPod

=

[Guest guest]

Janice, you are right on. But I consider this board a "safe" place to vent those frustrations. The bible verse in Colossians I quoted states we should choose our words carefully. A spirit of grace should be extended by us to those who do not understand. They can not understand. They do not wear our shoes. I once did not wear these shoes also. I know I made similar comments prior to having a child with a disability. Yet, I feel so REFRESHED being able to vent here. And you are correct, we can get caught up in the mood and begin acting self-righteous. A sincere thanks for bringing me back down to earth. We who are strong must be considerate of those who are sensitive about things like this. We must not just please ourselves. Romans 15:1 NLT Shane Avery To: Sent: Thursday, April 12, 2012 1:31 PM Subject: Re:

Worlds worst compliment

I've been reading these posts, but I'm looking at some of this discussion differently. I do agree with everyone that mean spirited and hateful comments are unacceptable. But many of the comments I hear people complain about no big deal. We all have children with autism, so we, of all people, should know about being more tolerant, forgiving, and understanding. After all, we want others to accept our children, our families the way they are, so we should offer others the same consideration that we expect from them. Autism is a spectrum; every human skill is on a spectrum. Well, the social skill spectrum extends out of autism; there is no finite line separating those with autism from those without it. Social awkwardness, sticking a foot in your mouth, and other such things aren't limited to those with severe social issues like autism; social awkwardness extends too to those of us not socially awkward enough to for it to be considered an

"affliction." Most people struggle with such issues, at least from time to time. Most people just don't know the right thing to say all of the time. Heck, there really is no right thing to say. Everyone takes things differently. Some are offended if you ignore the issues they are going through; others are offended if you dare to notice and mention them. It's actually impossible to know what to do or say. We who have kids with autism should set an example for the rest of the Down syndrome families, many who are daily alienating themselves from friends and acquaintances by being so sensitive, myopic, and self-absorbed that they are just plain uncomfortable to be around. If we expect tolerance, we should first offer it but not just to our kind. That's where we often make our mistake: thinking we are so accepting because we accept Down syndrome and/or autism but forgetting that we and our children aren't the only ones in need of acceptance. We need to offer

it also to those with other kinds of "imperfections." It is wrong for us to think we are the only ones who need to be accepted as we are. As long as a person's heart is in the right place, it really shouldn't be a big deal when they occasionally stick their foot in their mouth. If a close friend says something awkward, you might want to choose that time to let them know what would have sounded better to you; if a stranger does the same, try to just smile and thank them for their

concern. Janice

[Guest guest]

Honestly, I handle awkward better than I handle someone being completely judgmental. Or hypocritical. I cannot just "accept" intolerance, or stand by and let someone pick on my kid (which I'm sure isn't what you mean). But I do take your point. Most of the time I smile and go on with taking care of my kids. Sometimes, though, the comments make me feel so separate from everyone else, though. It's hurtful. Other times, when IS having a bad day, the comments seem gratuitous and unnecessary. . It depends. Even so, it's nice to be able to come here and talk about it with people who get it. Sent from my iPhone

I've been reading these posts, but I'm looking at some of this discussion differently. I do agree with everyone that mean spirited and hateful comments are unacceptable. But many of the comments I hear people complain about no big deal. We all have children with autism, so we, of all people, should know about being more tolerant, forgiving, and understanding. After all, we want others to accept our children, our families the way they are, so we should offer others the same consideration that we expect from them. Autism is a spectrum; every human skill is on a spectrum. Well, the social skill spectrum extends out of autism; there is no finite line separating those with autism from those without it. Social awkwardness, sticking a foot in your mouth, and other such things aren't limited to those with severe social issues like autism; social awkwardness extends too to those of us not socially awkward enough to for it to be considered an "affliction." Most people struggle with such issues, at least from time to time. Most people just don't know the right thing to say all of the time. Heck, there really is no right thing to say. Everyone takes things differently. Some are offended if you ignore the issues they are going through; others are offended if you dare to notice and mention them. It's actually impossible to know what to do or say. We who have kids with autism should set an example for the rest of the Down syndrome families, many who are daily alienating themselves from friends and acquaintances by being so sensitive, myopic, and self-absorbed that they are just plain uncomfortable to be around. If we expect tolerance, we should first offer it but not just to our kind. That's where we often make our mistake: thinking we are so accepting because we accept Down syndrome and/or autism but forgetting that we and our children aren't the only ones in need of acceptance. We need to offer it also to those with other kinds of "imperfections." It is wrong for us to think we are the only ones who need to be accepted as we are. As long as a person's heart is in the right place, it really shouldn't be a big deal when they occasionally stick their foot in their mouth. If a close friend says something awkward, you might want to choose that time to let them know what would have sounded better to you; if a stranger does the same, try to just smile and thank them for their concern. Janice

=

[Guest guest]

Janice,Your post reminds me of my boys favorite video, "Panwapa" it's a sesame street about accepting the differences we all have and being a community. For me the hard part about the comments I get is that these people are essentially saying that there is something wrong with my child. My logical mind knows that they are trying to be kind but my heart aches that they see my son that way. Aden is first and foremost in my mind a child that I brought into this world. I wanted children for as far back as I can remember. To me there is nothing "wrong" with him, he is different, but not "wrong". To quote "Panwapa" "We are all different but the same you see, this is my song we can all get along". If only everyone would look at life like that it wouldn't hurt so much. I think I'm probably weird because it really doesn't bother me as much when people say things that are intended as mean, it's when people are trying to be kind but show huge judgement that it hurts the worst. Part of what makes this list great for me is that I can come here and say the things that I can't say anywhere else and the parents here truly empathize. Not too long ago a good friend of mind had a baby who was losing her battle with Tay Sachs disease. She told me she felt like I was the only person she could tell certain things to because I got it. Things like how much it hurt when well meaning people would say "you must be so special to have a child like that" or "she is such an angel God wants her back". These people would have been mortified if they had realized the kind of pain their comments had caused. Nonetheless she, just like I needed a safe place to vent that hurt. I'm sorry if I sounded harsh and judgmental. That was not my intent. HugsSent from my iPod

I've been reading these posts, but I'm looking at some of this discussion differently. I do agree with everyone that mean spirited and hateful comments are unacceptable. But many of the comments I hear people complain about no big deal. We all have children with autism, so we, of all people, should know about being more tolerant, forgiving, and understanding. After all, we want others to accept our children, our families the way they are, so we should offer others the same consideration that we expect from them. Autism is a spectrum; every human skill is on a spectrum. Well, the social skill spectrum extends out of autism; there is no finite line separating those with autism from those without it. Social awkwardness, sticking a foot in your mouth, and other such things aren't limited to those with severe social issues like autism; social awkwardness extends too to those of us not socially awkward enough to for it to be considered an "affliction." Most people struggle with such issues, at least from time to time. Most people just don't know the right thing to say all of the time. Heck, there really is no right thing to say. Everyone takes things differently. Some are offended if you ignore the issues they are going through; others are offended if you dare to notice and mention them. It's actually impossible to know what to do or say. We who have kids with autism should set an example for the rest of the Down syndrome families, many who are daily alienating themselves from friends and acquaintances by being so sensitive, myopic, and self-absorbed that they are just plain uncomfortable to be around. If we expect tolerance, we should first offer it but not just to our kind. That's where we often make our mistake: thinking we are so accepting because we accept Down syndrome and/or autism but forgetting that we and our children aren't the only ones in need of acceptance. We need to offer it also to those with other kinds of "imperfections." It is wrong for us to think we are the only ones who need to be accepted as we are. As long as a person's heart is in the right place, it really shouldn't be a big deal when they occasionally stick their foot in their mouth. If a close friend says something awkward, you might want to choose that time to let them know what would have sounded better to you; if a stranger does the same, try to just smile and thank them for their concern. Janice

=

[Guest guest]

I don't see any of the comments I've heard here as judgmental. I think people on the listserve are being honest about how they feel when something truly hurts or offends. I can only speak for myself, but I think there must be others here who feel that having a Down Syndrome/autistic child or relative has made them more accepting of and helpful to people with other disabilities or problems. This may sound trite or sappy, but I believe that having for my brother has made me a better person, more sensitive to other's problems. Sometimes, people say things out of ignorance -- I had a friend, very religious, once tell me that she had heard that people are born with disabilities because one of their ancestors had sinned. This was a good

friend and a good person and I know she didn't realize that she was offending me. My response to her was that God would never hurt an innocent child to punsih someone else and that I did not consider my brother to be a punishment. Sometimes, people say things that are truly thoughtless and insensitive. When we were kids, one of my father's sisters told my parents to leave home with my grandparents when we were invited to her house. My parents were truly hurt by this and did not visit this aunt for some time afterward. And was not a behavior problem. He just sat in the corner by himself. This aunt has since changed after having a grandson with Asperger's and behavior problems. The icing on the cake was when my mother was asked by AHRC to help them. This was 35

years ago and AHRC was trying to open a group home in the house next door to the church. The parents of the kids going to the parochial school were very much against the group home. My mother and grandfather attended and addressed a meeting of the parents and were trashed and called atheists by an angry and ignorant group of people. When my mother went to speak to the priest, he told her that he did not believe it was appropriate to open a group home next to the school beause "lets face it, they are not pleasant to look at." My mother, blown away, but never at a loss for words, told him that if he, a man of the cloth, talked that way, what could we expect of everyone else. Long story short, the group home did not open. I don't think that any of the comments on this topic sounded harsh or judgmental. I think that eveyone is different and experiences things

their own way. But there is definitely a common thread among all of us and it is okay to share our expereinces. Irene's sister To: " " < > Sent: Thursday, April 12, 2012 1:36 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Worlds worst compliment

Janice,Your post reminds me of my boys favorite video, "Panwapa" it's a sesame street about accepting the differences we all have and being a community. For me the hard part about the comments I get is that these people are essentially saying that there is something wrong with my child. My logical mind knows that they are trying to be kind but my heart aches that they see my son that way. Aden is first and foremost in my mind a child that I brought into this world. I wanted children for as far back as I can remember. To me there is nothing "wrong" with him, he is different, but not "wrong". To quote "Panwapa" "We are all different but the same you see, this is my song we can all get along". If only everyone would look at life like that it wouldn't hurt so much. I think I'm probably weird because it really doesn't bother me as much when people say things that are

intended as mean, it's when people are trying to be kind but show huge judgement that it hurts the worst. Part of what makes this list great for me is that I can come here and say the things that I can't say anywhere else and the parents here truly empathize. Not too long ago a good friend of mind had a baby who was losing her battle with Tay Sachs disease. She told me she felt like I was the only person she could tell certain things to because I got it. Things like how much it hurt when well meaning people would say "you must be so special to have a child like that" or "she is such an angel God wants her back". These people would have been mortified if they had realized the kind of pain their comments had caused. Nonetheless she, just like I needed a safe place to vent that hurt. I'm sorry if I sounded harsh and judgmental. That was not my

intent. HugsSent from my iPod

I've been reading these posts, but I'm looking at some of this discussion differently. I do agree with everyone that mean spirited and hateful comments are unacceptable. But many of the comments I hear people complain about no big deal. We all have children with autism, so we, of all people, should know about being more tolerant, forgiving, and understanding. After all, we want others to accept our children, our families the way they are, so we should offer others the same consideration that we expect from them. Autism is a spectrum; every human skill is on a spectrum. Well, the social skill spectrum extends out of autism; there is no finite line separating those with autism from those without it. Social awkwardness, sticking a foot in your mouth, and other such things aren't limited to those with severe social issues like autism; social awkwardness extends too to those of us not socially awkward enough to for it to be considered an

"affliction." Most people struggle with such issues, at least from time to time. Most people just don't know the right thing to say all of the time. Heck, there really is no right thing to say. Everyone takes things differently. Some are offended if you ignore the issues they are going through; others are offended if you dare to notice and mention them. It's actually impossible to know what to do or say. We who have kids with autism should set an example for the rest of the Down syndrome families, many who are daily alienating themselves from friends and acquaintances by being so sensitive, myopic, and self-absorbed that they are just plain uncomfortable to be around. If we expect tolerance, we should first offer it but not just to our kind. That's where we often make our mistake: thinking we are so accepting because we accept Down syndrome and/or autism but forgetting that we and our children aren't the only ones in need of acceptance. We need to offer

it also to those with other kinds of "imperfections." It is wrong for us to think we are the only ones who need to be accepted as we are. As long as a person's heart is in the right place, it really shouldn't be a big deal when they occasionally stick their foot in their mouth. If a close friend says something awkward, you might want to choose that time to let them know what would have sounded better to you; if a stranger does the same, try to just smile and thank them for their

concern. Janice

=

[Guest guest]

I've had my aunt even say "I couldn't deal with what you deal with". I did not take offense because i know that is not how she meant it but i said to her "oh yes you would -- any mother worth their salt rises to whatever occasion it is. If the roles were reversed, you would step up and do whatever it is for your children -- no questions asked. ALL children have issues period. ALL parents handle the issues period. Its just what you do for your children". People say things all the time in the effort to be supportive and I take it in the spirit which it was given. The one that does make me laugh is "oh I've heard that children with Down Syndrome are so lovable and easy-going" --- ha ha ha my child is lovable but don't discount his 'tude because he can give it as good as anybody else. Gotta

love that kidBethany DiLullo

Groan..... people drive me nuts sometimes This reminds me of a couple things - in 's first year of life (she's now 12), she was sick sooooo often, includingtwo bouts of pneumonia, so many ear infections that she had her first set of tubesat 6 months, lots of trips to the ER bec/every bug turned into a dehydration orother emergency, etc. The nurse at our HMO (awful place, which has since goneout of business) said to me one time, "You must like coming here. Don't you haveother things to do?" Even our family doctor in the PPO ( a mom of 4) said to meabout getting the first set of ear tubes, "Why

bother? It doesn't matter if she can'thear bec/she won't talk anyway"!!! 's hearing test had revealed a severe toprofound hearing loss because of fluid blockage, and her hearing was restoredto normal after a 10 or 12 minute surgery to stick the tubes in. I had to fight hardfor it, above the head of my doctor. I've enjoyed (?) seeing the weird and meanthings that other people have been told. Love this group! To: Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 11:02 PM Subject: Worlds worst compliment

Hi all,

We went to a fun center today and I got the worlds worst compliment over and over again. The "you're a great mom, I couldn't deal with a kid like that" and all the variations. By the end of the afternoon I just wanted to cry.

I know all the moms and grandmas making the comment were trying to be nice but every time it just made me feel worse. Partly because Aden really wasn't being that bad today. It was almost as bad as the day a coworker told me that if she had to live my life she would kill herself.

On the up side we spent 3 hours there and Aden didn't kick hit or scratch anyone else, his only meltdown was when it was time to leave, and he only opened the emergency exit door once.

I just wish it didn't bother me so much what other people say.

Mom to Aden 8 DS ASD ADHD and Aren 5 ADHD

Sent from my iPod

=

[Guest guest]

I remember when I used to think that I couldn't deal with a typical child, let

alone one with special needs! I have always been puzzled by people who don't

know me tell me what a wonderful mother I am. I am adequate at best, to be

honest. Sometimes even bad. After reading this thread, I think they just pitied

me. I think a lot of people speak from a place of inexperience and fear. I have

a t-shirt that has the logo for my DS support group on the front and on the back

is printed " I'm raising a child with Down syndrome. If I can do it, you can,

too. " Your kid is your kid. Love is very transformative.

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> Groan.....  people drive me nuts sometimes     This reminds me of

a couple things -

> in 's first year of life (she's now 12), she was sick sooooo often,

includingtwo bouts of pneumonia, so many ear infections that she had her first

set of tubesat 6 months, lots of trips to the ER bec/every bug turned into a

dehydration orother emergency, etc.  The nurse at our HMO (awful place, which

has since goneout of business) said to me one time, " You must like coming

here.  Don't you haveother things to do? "   Even our family doctor in the PPO (

a mom of 4) said to meabout getting the first set of ear tubes, " Why

> bother?  It doesn't matter if she can'thear bec/she won't talk anyway " !!! 

's hearing test had revealed a severe toprofound hearing loss because of

fluid blockage, and her hearing was restoredto normal after a 10 or 12 minute

surgery to stick the tubes in.  I had to fight hardfor it, above the head of my

doctor.  I've enjoyed (?) seeing the weird and meanthings that other people

have been told.  Love this group!

>

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> Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 11:02 PM

> Subject: Worlds worst compliment

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> Hi all,

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> We went to a fun center today and I got the worlds worst compliment over and

over again. The " you're a great mom, I couldn't deal with a kid like that " and

all the variations. By the end of the afternoon I just wanted to cry.

>

>

>

> I know all the moms and grandmas making the comment were trying to be nice but

every time it just made me feel worse. Partly because Aden really wasn't being

that bad today. It was almost as bad as the day a coworker told me that if she

had to live my life she would kill herself.

>

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> On the up side we spent 3 hours there and Aden didn't kick hit or scratch

anyone else, his only meltdown was when it was time to leave, and he only opened

the emergency exit door once.

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> I just wish it didn't bother me so much what other people say.

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> Mom to Aden 8 DS ASD ADHD and Aren 5 ADHD

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> Sent from my iPod

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[Guest guest]

I think there is a difference between people saying things and meaning well even though they may not come across the right way (especially to us) vs. those that just say stupid stuff. I agree with Shane, I was once in those shoes of not having a child with special needs. And then along came , my first child and one with special needs. Whenver I was out and saw "typical" kids I was always so envious in the beginning and wished she were "typical." I used to say to myself I hope the parents are thankful they have a child like that and not have to deal with all these other issues and how "easy" they must have it. Funny... five years later came Clara my "typical" child and she is NOT any easier than !

Heidi

Worlds worst compliment

Hi all,

We went to a fun center today and I got the worlds worst compliment over and over again. The "you're a great mom, I couldn't deal with a kid like that" and all the variations. By the end of the afternoon I just wanted to cry.

I know all the moms and grandmas making the comment were trying to be nice but every time it just made me feel worse. Partly because Aden really wasn't being that bad today. It was almost as bad as the day a coworker told me that if she had to live my life she would kill herself.

On the up side we spent 3 hours there and Aden didn't kick hit or scratch anyone else, his only meltdown was when it was time to leave, and he only opened the emergency exit door once.

I just wish it didn't bother me so much what other people say.

Mom to Aden 8 DS ASD ADHD and Aren 5 ADHD

Sent from my iPod

[Guest guest]

Yea, I remember saying I could NEVER do what my best friend does, who had a child with DS five years before me. I never thought I was insulting her...I honestly thought I couldn't do it. Having Maddie changed me in so many ways, and I like me a lot more now! I'm confident, have more faith, my relationships are stronger and more fulfilling, AND I have more rather than less patience with people who don't get it (like my prior self). My standard reply to folks who gawk at Maddie is to make eye contact, and say, "I know; isn't she beautiful". Works every time.D

I think there is a difference between people saying things and meaning well even though they may not come across the right way (especially to us) vs. those that just say stupid stuff. I agree with Shane, I was once in those shoes of not having a child with special needs. And then along came , my first child and one with special needs. Whenver I was out and saw "typical" kids I was always so envious in the beginning and wished she were "typical." I used to say to myself I hope the parents are thankful they have a child like that and not have to deal with all these other issues and how "easy" they must have it. Funny... five years later came Clara my "typical" child and she is NOT any easier than !

Heidi

Worlds worst compliment

Hi all,

We went to a fun center today and I got the worlds worst compliment over and over again. The "you're a great mom, I couldn't deal with a kid like that" and all the variations. By the end of the afternoon I just wanted to cry.

I know all the moms and grandmas making the comment were trying to be nice but every time it just made me feel worse. Partly because Aden really wasn't being that bad today. It was almost as bad as the day a coworker told me that if she had to live my life she would kill herself.

On the up side we spent 3 hours there and Aden didn't kick hit or scratch anyone else, his only meltdown was when it was time to leave, and he only opened the emergency exit door once.

I just wish it didn't bother me so much what other people say.

Mom to Aden 8 DS ASD ADHD and Aren 5 ADHD

Sent from my iPod

[Guest guest]

I LOVE that reply!  Short and sweet and tells them that you love your child and that the only type of comments you'll welcome are positive ones!  Stealing this!~Mom to Aimee (4.5, DS/ASD, visual impairment) and 3 more beautiful blessings

http://browneyedblessings.blogspot.comOn Thu, Apr 12, 2012 at 7:28 PM, Donna Duffey wrote:

 

Yea, I remember saying I could NEVER do what my best friend does, who had a child with DS five years before me.    I never thought I was insulting her...I honestly thought I couldn't do it.     Having Maddie changed me in so many ways, and I like me a lot more now!     I'm confident, have more faith, my relationships are stronger and more fulfilling, AND I have more rather than less patience with people who don't get it (like my prior self).    My standard reply to folks who gawk at Maddie is to make eye contact, and say, " I know; isn't she beautiful " .    Works every time.

D

[Guest guest]

Love it Donna!

Heidi

Worlds worst compliment

Hi all,

We went to a fun center today and I got the worlds worst compliment over and over again. The "you're a great mom, I couldn't deal with a kid like that" and all the variations. By the end of the afternoon I just wanted to cry.

I know all the moms and grandmas making the comment were trying to be nice but every time it just made me feel worse. Partly because Aden really wasn't being that bad today. It was almost as bad as the day a coworker told me that if she had to live my life she would kill herself.

On the up side we spent 3 hours there and Aden didn't kick hit or scratch anyone else, his only meltdown was when it was time to leave, and he only opened the emergency exit door once.

I just wish it didn't bother me so much what other people say.

Mom to Aden 8 DS ASD ADHD and Aren 5 ADHD

Sent from my iPod

[Guest guest]

✟ JMJ ✟

Excellent reply.

Blessings,

Re: Worlds worst compliment

I LOVE that reply! Short and sweet and tells them that you love your child and that the only type of comments you'll welcome are positive ones! Stealing this!

~

Mom to Aimee (4.5, DS/ASD, visual impairment) and 3 more beautiful blessings

http://browneyedblessings.blogspot.com

Yea, I remember saying I could NEVER do what my best friend does, who had a child with DS five years before me. I never thought I was insulting her...I honestly thought I couldn't do it. Having Maddie changed me in so many ways, and I like me a lot more now! I'm confident, have more faith, my relationships are stronger and more fulfilling, AND I have more rather than less patience with people who don't get it (like my prior self). My standard reply to folks who gawk at Maddie is to make eye contact, and say, "I know; isn't she beautiful". Works every time.

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