Re: You are what you eat

[Guest guest]

....As a registered dietitian working in this field for the past 15 years, I am very much aware of this quote. In fact, I consider it a harmful statement in my professional opinion. Shame is rarely motivating. It has no place in positive behavior supports. 

There is truth to the notion that we must feed our bodies well for them to function. There is also truth to the notion that it is often easier said that done. There is further truth to the notion that the stress of raising a child - of all ages - with all sorts of abilities - can be as difficult ot manage. There is even more truth to the notion that Americans receive little to no nutrition education of the basic sort.

I am responding on list, in public, to ask you to please be compassionate about the way you present your views. There are a variety of people with a variety of beliefs about food and treatment options on this list. No ONE option is proven to be THE option. No ONE option works for any family or any child. Our job as parents is to find the option that works for OUR family and OUR child. 

You are welcome to share your ideas as long as you do not put judgement on people or make them feel guilty. This statement is out of line, judgmental in tone, inappropriate for the agreements regarding behavior this list, and unappreciated. 

From a professional point of view, there is not one person I have ever counseled  - in any setting (hospital or home) who responded well to this statement or was inspired to consider lifestyle changes that lasted. It does more harm than good.

Please.  As I have asked before, think twice before acting on impulsive statements and breaking the agreements made when becoming a member of the list regarding respect for others choices and situations. Please. 

Respectfully,Joan - mother of Andy, the person who made the rules, clearly posted on our main page and when signing up for this list.

Joan Guthrie Medlen, MEd, RD

DownSyndromeNutrition.com

twitter: @jmedlen

 

You are what you eat...have you ever heard this saying before?

[Guest guest]

Joan,I think you were too hard on , who didn't say anything wrong. I know has her own ideas about what a good diet is, but, as far as I can recall, none of her ideas are radical or anything other than common sense (avoid chemical additives, stuff like that). Yes, "There are a variety of people with a variety of beliefs..." but dietary beliefs aren't like religious beliefs and don't deserve the same protections; we can't prove if there is a god or more than one or none; we have to rely on our beliefs for religion, but we have lots of solid physical evidence about what type of eating is bad for you or good for you. We haven't yet definitively identified exactly what the perfect diet is, but we do know a lot about what is good for the body and mind and what isn't. Yes, "No ONE option is proven to be THE option," but a lot has been proven about what is not even a reasonable option (and a typical "American" diet has been definitively identified as one that isn't). I'm not saying eating healthier is easy, especially with everything else we have "on our plates," but I do believe that we should all put improving our children's diets on our to do lists (if we haven't already). If it makes people feel guilty because they haven't done it, well, what can I say? I've felt plenty of guilt over not doing absolutely everything I should for my son in terms of diet, but I do what I can when I can, and that guilt just helps push me to keep trying. Guilt isn't necessarily a bad thing; it can be a strong motivator. By the way, I've know lots of people in my life, lots of people over lots of years, who were inspired and liberated by the saying "You are what you eat." It is very comforting to know that you can change your own fate, even when you know it won't be easy.Janice

[Guest guest]

I accept your comment. I acknowledge I was pointed. That was wrong. I could have handled it better.I actually value and respect 's dedication to a time-consuming and difficult way of using food.  I think there is a lot to be said for all of us looking at where our food comes from and what has happened to it on the way. For everyone. It's not about the food. 

A statement of wondering if food-related issues might impact a person's sensory system and ability to keep their clothes on would help bring context. It even removes the guilt associated with " you are what you eat. "  

The issue is not about beliefs around food. It's about the importance of presentation, words, and how we treat and offer support to each other on this list. Respect is demanded - and guilt/shame does not belong in that equation.

As I said, " You are welcome to share your ideas as long as you do not put judgement on people or make them feel guilty. This statement is out of line, judgmental in tone, inappropriate for the agreements regarding behavior this list, and unappreciated. "

I fail to see how the comment, sitting there on it's own following a string of comments regarding the need for behavior change is constructive or respectful. Had it been my post, I would have felt admonished. There's no talk of food in the entire posts about the behavior in question. Just as my words feel harsh, those words felt harsh. 

Words...when they are used, and how they are used, matter. Taking a few minutes more to make sure they are packaged in a way that is not hurtful to someone else, judgmental, or guilt-laden is all I ask for all of us. I admit this was the most terse I've been on this issue - and the last six months is the most negative tone I've heard on this list at times, with a number of people feeling stung. That translates to more time dealing with people about the list than I like to spend.  I apologize for being terse. I could have used a softer tone and sent the same message. That was wrong.

I've had this conversation about words with before. I apologize, , for not having this conversation, again, privately. 

Joan

Joan Guthrie Medlen, MEd, RD

DownSyndromeNutrition.com

twitter: @jmedlen

 

Joan,I think you were too hard on , who didn't say anything wrong. I know has her own ideas about what a good diet is, but, as far as I can recall, none of her ideas are radical or anything other than common sense (avoid chemical additives, stuff like that). Yes, " There are a variety of people with a variety of beliefs... " but dietary beliefs aren't like religious beliefs and don't deserve the same protections; we can't prove if there is a god or more than one or none; we have to rely on our beliefs for religion, but we have lots of solid physical evidence about what type of eating is bad for you or good for you. We haven't yet definitively identified exactly what the perfect diet is, but we do know a lot about what is good for the body and mind and what isn't. Yes, " No ONE option is proven to be THE option, " but a lot has been proven about what is not even a reasonable option (and a typical " American " diet has been definitively identified as one that isn't). I'm not saying eating healthier is easy, especially with everything else we have " on our plates, " but I do believe that we should all put improving our children's diets on our to do lists (if we haven't already). If it makes people feel guilty because they haven't done it, well, what can I say? I've felt plenty of guilt over not doing absolutely everything I should for my son in terms of diet, but I do what I can when I can, and that guilt just helps push me to keep trying. Guilt isn't necessarily a bad thing; it can be a strong motivator. By the way, I've know lots of people in my life, lots of people over lots of years, who were inspired and liberated by the saying " You are what you eat. " It is very comforting to know that you can change your own fate, even when you know it won't be easy.

Janice

[Guest guest]

Thank you susan.

I appreciate your thoughts.

I again apologize for my thoughts and terse presentation.

Joan

 

Your post is still pointed. what do you mean by these statements?

" I actually value and respect 's dedication to a time-consuming and difficult way of using food. "

By whose methods are you determining that my diet or the diet for my child or family is *time consuming* or *difficult*. I missed something somewhere, because the way I feed my family (since it has come to this, apparently) is neither time consuming nor difficult. Please do not place words unfairly that are not true.

Then you go on to say, " It even removes the guilt associated with 'you are what you eat.' " Again, are YOU feeling guilty? I did not IMPOSE any guilt on anyone, as you choose to feel how you want to feel. *I* did not make ANYONE feel guilty. Again, you are still attacking me out of how YOU personally felt when you read that statement. Sounds an awful lot like you are *trying* to impose guilt on me, though. Thankfully, I am way beyond that.

" It's about the importance of presentation, words, and how we treat and offer support to each other on this list. Respect is demanded - and guilt/shame does not belong in that equation. " Amen sister, your words, not mine. So, please PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH.

" As I said, 'You are welcome to share your ideas as long as you do not put judgement on people or make them feel guilty. This statement is out of line, judgmental in tone, inappropriate for the agreements regarding behavior this list, and unappreciated.' " I only wish I could taecredit for the old adage YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT. I am so glad you think so highly of me, but frankly YOUR tone is the judgemental, inappropraite and out-of-line one. I do not care if you began the group of not, which you frequently remind me of. And support groups are by definition, " a group of people with a common interest, who provide each other moral support, information, and advice on problems relating to some shared characteristic or experience (Down syndrome). "

Apparently, your sentiment is not the complete sentiment of the group.

Your next comment, " I fail to see how the comment, sitting there on it's own following a string of comments regarding the need for behavior change is constructive or respectful. "

Well, see here is the thing. You have totally misrepresented the facts again, to your benefit. I created a new post and the subject and the body were only FIVE words. The post was not in reponse to anyone's post and the post stood on it's own. You ASSuMEd and we all know what that does.

Your next comment, " Had it been my post, I would have felt admonished. " Well, Joan, that is just it. All posts are not yours. This is not called Joan's way of Down syndrome support. It is a group of people with varying thoughts and posts. Maybe we should all cater our posts to the way Joan would like them? Then you would be a happier group? This groupis made up of many people, and *I* am one of them. The way people interpret a 5 word post and apply or not apply it to themselves is entirely up to them. Posts are meant to spark insightful conversation, but I highly doubt that these 5 words were meant to elicit an attack by you. IMO, you should reconsider everything you say. You are the close-minded one, here.

Then your comment, " Just as my words feel harsh, those words felt harsh. " Um, again, is that MY fault? You are the one that took this to heart and personally, I would do some soul-searching about that one. What exactly about those 5 words were harsh to you?

Next, " Words...when they are used, and how they are used, matter. Taking a few minutes more to make sure they are packaged in a way that is not hurtful to someone else, judgmental, or guilt-laden is all I ask for all of us. " I notice you are continually putting words into my mouth. Please tell me how these words are judgmental? *YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT* (No negation there. No negative words used. Again, you are making a mountain out of a molehole and I see this as a glass half empty or a glass half full scenario.) How are your words packaged, Joan? A psychologist would laugh you out of their office if you said, " SOMEONE MADE ME FEEL THIS WAY " . YOU choose to feel how you want, based on personalexperiences and current situation. Again, I ask, as a member of a support group, " Joan, do you harbor some sort of guilt? And would you like to talk about it without blaming me for your guilt? "

Next, " ..and the last six months is the most negative tone I've heard on this list at times, with a number of people feeling stung. "

Are you saying that I am being negative or that you have seen a lot of negativity come from many people on this site? I just wanted to clarify, since this whole post is attacking me. Either way, I can tell you that I am one of the most optimistic people out there. I always see a glass half full, with condensation making it even fuller. That optimism has enabled me to work miracles with a disabled child that have gotten applauded by fellow medical professionals. I do not just stagnate; rather, I move with it. is my name and proactive is my game. You will never see me being negative, because if I were negative, my son would not be where he is today.

Next , " That translates to more time dealing with people about the list than I like to spend. "

Have you ever heard the saying that " people create their own problems " ? I think you are creating issues where there are none. I think that is obvious and stands on it's own weight.I cannot help but wonder if your problem with me is because my son has mosaicism and perhaps yours does not? I have sat and wondered " what is this lady's beef with me? " And I have heard that some parents with kids with full trisomy frown upon people who have children with mosaicism. Why is that? Where I come from, all people are equal. No one person is better or worse than the other. All have inalienable rights available to us as humans. We all have abilities and we all have disabilities. Even if you are not labeled with special needs, you have abilities and disabilities; this is human.

Finally, " I could have used a softer tone and sent the same message. "

Truth is you should not have sent that message or this one. When someone makes a mistake and apologizes, I evaluate whether or not they make the same mistake again. If a person repeatedly does the same thing and by same token, repeatedly says " I am sorry " or " I apologize " , then you have to ascertain whether or not that apology is sincere. Since you have done the same exact thing in this post that you did on the previous post, then I find your appology insincere and unfortunately, I cannot accept it.

" I've had this conversation about words with before. " True, you fail to mention that every virtually every single posts gets a private e-mail in my inbox. Lady, you are filling up my inbox. Relax.

" I apologize, , for not having this conversation, again, privately. " Please don't. As I have asked again, please refrain from wasting your time, because it gets a delete and you could better spend this time doing something proactive with your family member who has Down syndrome. That is time better spent.

TenEyck, LPN, Special Needs Consultant

>

> Joan Guthrie Medlen, MEd, RD

> DownSyndromeNutrition.com

> twitter: @jmedlen

> <http://2012vision.eventbrite.com/> <http://www.downsyndromenutrition.com>

>

>

>

>

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > Joan,

> >

> > I think you were too hard on , who didn't say anything wrong. I know

> > has her own ideas about what a good diet is, but, as far as I can

> > recall, none of her ideas are radical or anything other than common sense

> > (avoid chemical additives, stuff like that). Yes, " There are a variety of

> > people with a variety of beliefs... " but dietary beliefs aren't like

> > religious beliefs and don't deserve the same protections; we can't prove if

> > there is a god or more than one or none; we have to rely on our beliefs for

> > religion, but we have lots of solid physical evidence about what type of

> > eating is bad for you or good for you. We haven't yet definitively

> > identified exactly what the perfect diet is, but we do know a lot about

> > what is good for the body and mind and what isn't. Yes, " No ONE option is

> > proven to be THE option, " but a lot has been proven about what is not even

> > a reasonable option (and a typical " American " diet has been definitively

> > identified as one that isn't). I'm not saying eating healthier is easy,

> > especially with everything else we have " on our plates, " but I do believe

> > that we should all put improving our children's diets on our to do lists

> > (if we haven't already). If it makes people feel guilty because they

> > haven't done it, well, what can I say? I've felt plenty of guilt over not

> > doing absolutely everything I should for my son in terms of diet, but I do

> > what I can when I can, and that guilt just helps push me to keep trying.

> > Guilt isn't necessarily a bad thing; it can be a strong motivator. By the

> > way, I've know lots of people in my life, lots of people over lots of

> > years, who were inspired and liberated by the saying " You are what you

> > eat. " It is very comforting to know that you can change your own fate, even

> > when you know it won't be easy.

> >

> > Janice

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Joan,

I just want to comment briefly on what you said about " the comment, sitting

there on it's own following a string of comments regarding the need for behavior

change. " I know that you feel that since " there's no talk of food in the entire

posts about the behavior in question " 's words felt harsh. I don't agree

with you that it is inappropriate to mention diet, nutrition, or lifestyle

changes when discussing behavior issues. Other than age and maturity, diet,

nutrition, and lifestyle changes, are the only things that made a difference in

my son's behaviors. Putting him on a gluten-free diet was the single best

decision I ever made for him. So, in my opinion, mentioning dietary suggestions

whenever behavior is being discussed is not only totally On Topic but also a

necessary part of the conversation.

Janice

[Guest guest]

I apologize....again. starting a debate is not what I intended.

Joan

 

Joan,

I just want to comment briefly on what you said about " the comment, sitting there on it's own following a string of comments regarding the need for behavior change. " I know that you feel that since " there's no talk of food in the entire posts about the behavior in question " 's words felt harsh. I don't agree with you that it is inappropriate to mention diet, nutrition, or lifestyle changes when discussing behavior issues. Other than age and maturity, diet, nutrition, and lifestyle changes, are the only things that made a difference in my son's behaviors. Putting him on a gluten-free diet was the single best decision I ever made for him. So, in my opinion, mentioning dietary suggestions whenever behavior is being discussed is not only totally On Topic but also a necessary part of the conversation.

Janice