questions

[Guest guest]

Sondra,

I see you as a kind, compassionate loving human being. I see you as a

wonderful friend, a great mom and a person that I know that I can always turn to

for advice. You give a lot of your time and your wisdom. I think that I can

speak for all in this group when I say that you are a blessing to have in our

lives.

What I DONT see is someone who is retarded or mentally ill. You are a huge

asset to this group and to our lives. You give us much more hope then you

know. You have a way of explaining things, a way that is honest yet tactful and

with love. You are always the voice of reason in this group. You are a smart

beautiful woman that has enriched all of our lives, and I for one am glad that

you are here.

Pennie

Abby's Mom

[Guest guest]

Sondra,

I haven't met you in person but I know you from this list and I've seem your

video and read your book. It is apparent on this list at least that you

struggle with the words to express yourself sometimes and with some language

concepts, which are certainly autistic traits. You do an incredible job, though,

and

your insights are remarkable. You also have a very sensitive and giving

nature, and you are kind. You are also very bright and you write beautiful

poetry

and, when you have what you need to construct your communication, you do a

great job explaining yourself--your SELF--who you are--to others. You are also a

very caring and involved mother and grandmother. You are a gift, and I hope you

can find some peace tonight and know that you are very much admired and

appreciated for exactly who you are.

I am so grateful for this list. I know I've said it before, but this group is

like no other. You are all terrific.

Melinda

[Guest guest]

Do I to be one who is of reflective of autism ? am I to be of a

fake? one to say of words to me and this of confusing me to what it

is that I to be. Professionals to say yes autism this person to say

of fake? I to lack why she to be to think this and need to be to

understand of it I to be to worry now that maybe I to be so mentally

ill that they misdx of me and maybe all along just mentally ill and

mild retardations. I to know by far not as smart to words and

thinking like Kassi and a few others I to know with spectrum. Even

the children gets more than me most times and often have to

interpret things to me and they are of Aspergers and they to get

life even more than me and I to be adult and thier mom and so just

all mixedup right now and not knowing what i to think andmuch so

stuck right now and cant seem to move on and just so very stuck.

this day also did a things i to be angry at self and regret much so

but destroyed of my book I to breaked of the CD deleted all files to

it destoryed of the hard copies I to found of it and so now uspet

because not thinked but impulsivley destroyed it all to nto be

retrieved. I to be to thinked my words were of wasted words and not

had any valaue and causes a rage to self to destry of work and life

dreams thijking to self stupid for to want them. I to also be had

just been to be getting well so not of self right now.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

I think you're autistic.

Beyond and above that, you're a mother and a

grandmother. From what I've seen of your children (I

think I met Missy once) you did a great job.

And you're a friend.

You're a poet.

You're an advocate in your gentle way (or at least

more gentle than some of us *raises hand).

You're Sondra.

Kassiane

--- sondra wrote:

> people here to know of me... what do yo to think of

> me to be? mentally

> ill? retarded? autistic? what do poeople to see of

> me in life? I to e

> of confused by what I to be in life. If you to know

> of me what does my

> presentaitons to be to to say of self? what is of

> the name to the

> differences people to see. i to be of cunfused of

> self and not able to

> be to understand at this point. Reaching out for

> answers to self. i to

> be so much just stuck this day and struggling with

> what it is that i

> to be . Professionals dx me of autism but some to

> seem to think not of

> that for watever reasons and so this triggered a

> fear to me and I to

> be to want honest words of those who to know of me.

> I to e trying to

> understand of self /

> Sondra

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Sondra, To me you do not come off as any of those things.

To be completely honest I thought maybe you were from another country the way

you write. My sister in law is from the Ukraine and writes just like you.

She is very intelligent just as I think you are.

The writing style just seemed very similiar to hers which is not a bad thing.

It makes you YOU and that is good, actually that is VERY GOOD!

So whatever I may have thought on your typing does not really matter because the

way some one types is not a reflection on who they really are. My spelling is

horrible and I always forget to spell check so I am sure some people think that

makes me dumb.

Its not the way you type it but what you are saying that is important.

I did not know what a sounding Board was last night either so don't feel bad for

not understanding that. We both learned something last night.

To me I see you as a great person, mother, and now a friend I have found through

my daughters Autism.

your new friend

Missy

Proud mom to my autistic princess .

questions

people here to know of me... what do yo to think of me to be? mentally

ill? retarded? autistic? what do poeople to see of me in life? I to e

of confused by what I to be in life. If you to know of me what does my

presentaitons to be to to say of self? what is of the name to the

differences people to see. i to be of cunfused of self and not able to

be to understand at this point. Reaching out for answers to self. i to

be so much just stuck this day and struggling with what it is that i

to be . Professionals dx me of autism but some to seem to think not of

that for watever reasons and so this triggered a fear to me and I to

be to want honest words of those who to know of me. I to e trying to

understand of self /

Sondra

Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

Sondra, I think your typing is fascinating. I can tell when you're

having a bad time because your typing changes. You used to you the

phrase " to be to " often, and I've noticed the more you report not

feeling well or being upset, the more the phrase comes out.

Personally, I think it's fascinating, it's like your typing is a

reflection of your insides.

I see you as a mother, grandmother, wife, and advocate, and child of

Jesus. Then I see you as someone with autism, and someone who

struggles with physical ailments. I also see you as a gentle spirit

who always seems to understand peoples' needs.

Debi

[Guest guest]

Is this to be a bad things to do as not aware of doing it when

stressed but yes the words come more challenged and i to type of

faster to not get them so tangled trying to get them out. In past as

child I to like of the sound EEE and often vocalized it when happy,

when angry or sad it was of a MMM or more common a NNNN sound so it

maybe when of stressed the word to be calms of me in a repetative need

to hear it see it and feel it being typed i to lack because not aware

of doing it much when words are of racing just trying toget them out.

I to e jsut be to had just a bad few days and need of to be to try to

gain of insight to self to understand and cant because of being ever

so stuck.

Sondra

In Autism_in_Girls , " Debi " wrote:

>

> Sondra, I think your typing is fascinating. I can tell when you're

> having a bad time because your typing changes. You used to you the

> phrase " to be to " often, and I've noticed the more you report not

> feeling well or being upset, the more the phrase comes out.

> Personally, I think it's fascinating, it's like your typing is a

> reflection of your insides.

>

> I see you as a mother, grandmother, wife, and advocate, and child of

> Jesus. Then I see you as someone with autism, and someone who

> struggles with physical ailments. I also see you as a gentle spirit

> who always seems to understand peoples' needs.

>

> Debi

>

[Guest guest]

You are brilliant, Sondra, and your insight into people and society

has taught me volumes about people and society, and about mySELF. I

never listen to you speak or read your words without growing a

little, without leaving with a bigger chunk of self awareness, and

often I leave with a self-assignment of self-improvement.

Looking through your eyes has given me a window into a world I would

not have seen otherwise. You are a wise observer of both yourself

and others, and you speak for a wide range of people, from those on

the spectrum to those who are discriminated against because of a

disability to speaking for all the mothers of the world. As you

speak about yourself and the world, and how the world has treated

you, you gently and yet strongly teach us how to be better as

individuals and as society, and you help us mothers teach others how

to reach out to our children on the spectrum and how to advocate for

them. You have an incredible gift in being able to articulate in

written and spoken words. When I heard you speak at the Gray Center

Conference, the room seemed absolutely motionless (well, except for

the fire alarm), and every single person there just drank in your

words and learned from your perspective.

you are not mentally ill, not retarded, you communicate QUITE well,

and you create vivid descriptions, points of clarifications,

perspectives for me in your writings, often things I walk around and

think about for days. You stimulate a lot of us to " think outside

the box " and we learn in new ways because of the way you teach us.

I hope y'all are getting enough sleep. Sleep deprivation with a new

baby in the house is enough to make any of us short tempered and

feel out of control!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PennY

>

> people here to know of me... what do yo to think of me to be?

mentally

> ill? retarded? autistic? what do poeople to see of me in life? I

to e

> of confused by what I to be in life. If you to know of me what

does my

> presentaitons to be to to say of self? what is of the name to the

> differences people to see. i to be of cunfused of self and not

able to

> be to understand at this point. Reaching out for answers to self.

i to

> be so much just stuck this day and struggling with what it is

that i

> to be . Professionals dx me of autism but some to seem to think

not of

> that for watever reasons and so this triggered a fear to me and I

to

> be to want honest words of those who to know of me. I to e trying

to

> understand of self /

> Sondra

>

[Guest guest]

thanks for the words of encourage to me and wanted to say have been

ot be so much confsued this day and overwhelmed by the words of

anther it caused me to not be to know what to think and as shared

felt to give up the connect to all in complete because felt not sure

if was autism any more or was of just plain of mentally ill and need

of locked away . I to destroyed of the second book I to be working

on . Now in sad because cant redo it , it to took many years working

on it. I to felt as to just give and up and in all honesty was

battling the inner urge to take life of self and fighted through but

seeked out clarifications to self to understand of self to be to

refelct and see if the thinking is of true or just amixed miked up

things . Yes been of coping too much things, bee of sick , been of

trying to do right in responsiblity and expectatiions too long. I to

be to dwellled much long this day if living was of worth it.

I to be to keep posting and was of stuck because felt if kept

connecting the implulse and feeling might be to go away. i to be to

took a drive out and then in the sky God to maked the biggest

rainbow ever me to see in years and it maked me to have so many

tears because it gave of me hope as if God was to say remember my

promises and my words. I to felt as if God to sended it just for me

to encourage of me and so now feel some calm for now.

It is hard to remember that not all hate of me or think of me in

wrong fashions or think of me as fake person. It is really be so

hard to be accused of that by people who to never ever to knowed of

me. Yes I to not be of like most with autism because I to have it

complexed with autism and severe abuse issues blended and so it

makes me be of different much so. All of life had been to seek of

answers and finally the answers come and itbegins to make of my

whole world make sense to me and it helps me to understand of self

and to be told you are of fake and such it painful. it is ot me

saying I to not be to exist and just an illusion. i to be fearful as

felt was turning into an illusion again and not a real being and

that maybe I to not be to really be existing and this causes a

strong panic to me. The therapist to teached me the birth family

dehumanized me so greatly it distorted my ability to have a sense of

self . through therapy I to be one who is developong a sense of self

and it is emerging but things can trigger it to be to cause me to be

unsure of it again. Growing up in true I to felt always as if in a

dream state and or was of an illusion it was in true strong feeling

of that and it was a part of autism as a few other autisitcs have

shared of the same effect so it was not from the abuse but the

autism but this same effect caused me ot survive of the emotional

impact of the abuse as a child but now as adult aware of the visual

picrures in my thinking that never had words until was able to find

the words to them and so now the emotions flood with pains of the

stored pictures in my brain of the past childhood things to me.

Anyways calmer and more okay this evening.

Been trying to find pyschiatrist in my areas that takes of my

insurance as I to be much aware that I to need to be on medicine

for a time. Much awarenot coping life well because too many changes

and expectations. While I to love of my grand daughter much so it is

much work and changes.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Sondra, I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad today. Sometimes you can

recover files you delete, you can go in the trashcan and click on

restore, or something like that. I can ask hubby the specifics if

you'd like. You are going through a very trying time right now with

that sweet grandbaby. You've never been a grandparent before, that

takes some getting used to, not to mention she's living with you. I'm

sure you must be sleep-deprived and when you are having stomach

problems and such it can't help your coping.

I'm sure the emotion of seeing your daughter go through parenthood so

young and without a mate is very troubling, it's not what any of us

want for our daughters. But it will get better. My best friend became

a single parent at 21. She was very niave, had no real job training

except for waiting tables. She also lost lots of self-confidence when

the father dumped her when she got pregnant. But over time she got

better, went back to college after her son got in school. She got

older and more mature, her son of course grew and it wasn't so

exhausting like little babies. You're in a season right now that will

come to pass.

The abuse issues never go away, but we can work at overcoming them a

small step at a time. My father died when I was 11, and I'm now 35

years old. To this day, when a male I care about gets the slightest

bit angry I get very shaky and panicked. Once in the last few years my

music minister yelled at me and I had two panick attacks that

afternoon. I'm also seeing that the sexual abuse I experienced by a

distant family member has left me unable to distinguish between

healthy sexuality and the other. I'm very open in discussing sexual

issues with my daughters, but like when she sees people kissing on

television I get very fearful that she's seeing something harmful.

When woman at my church talk about relations with their husbands in

such positive ways it still seems very odd to me. In my mind it's

something that should be a secret, and I know that's silly. Clearly

having 3 kids shows it ain't no secret, lol.

I also can relate to feeling like you're in a dream state. When my

father died I was shamed by my mother when ever I would cry for him. I

learned to hide my grief and try to suppress it. At 19 I went through

counseling and had to be walked through grieving for him. Since my BIL

died last Feb I can tell I'm supressing his death but I don't really

know how to let it out yet, but I know I will. It's just that survival

thing I learned and it doesn't go away. When I think of his death I

still feel like it's a dream and not real.

I hope you find the doctor you need, and please don't be afraid to

reach out to any of us. I'd be happy to email my phone nos, if you

can't talk I can talk all day, lol, if you think it would help you

feel a connection. I can also IM all day if it would help anchor you.

Debi

[Guest guest]

Sondra, please don't give up. The world needs you. You have helped so many

people just on this group. That doesn't count all the people who have been

enlightened by reading your books or hearing you speak. Your love shines

through in all you do. I pray you can find a psychiatrist who will take

your insurance so you can begin medication, as you said you wanted. The

world would be a much sadder place if you weren't in it. God bless you, and

I'm praying for you.

Diane ('s Mom)

Re: questions

thanks for the words of encourage to me and wanted to say have been

ot be so much confsued this day and overwhelmed by the words of

anther it caused me to not be to know what to think and as shared

felt to give up the connect to all in complete because felt not sure

if was autism any more or was of just plain of mentally ill and need

of locked away . I to destroyed of the second book I to be working

on . Now in sad because cant redo it , it to took many years working

on it. I to felt as to just give and up and in all honesty was

battling the inner urge to take life of self and fighted through but

seeked out clarifications to self to understand of self to be to

refelct and see if the thinking is of true or just amixed miked up

things . Yes been of coping too much things, bee of sick , been of

trying to do right in responsiblity and expectatiions too long. I to

be to dwellled much long this day if living was of worth it.

I to be to keep posting and was of stuck because felt if kept

connecting the implulse and feeling might be to go away. i to be to

took a drive out and then in the sky God to maked the biggest

rainbow ever me to see in years and it maked me to have so many

tears because it gave of me hope as if God was to say remember my

promises and my words. I to felt as if God to sended it just for me

to encourage of me and so now feel some calm for now.

It is hard to remember that not all hate of me or think of me in

wrong fashions or think of me as fake person. It is really be so

hard to be accused of that by people who to never ever to knowed of

me. Yes I to not be of like most with autism because I to have it

complexed with autism and severe abuse issues blended and so it

makes me be of different much so. All of life had been to seek of

answers and finally the answers come and itbegins to make of my

whole world make sense to me and it helps me to understand of self

and to be told you are of fake and such it painful. it is ot me

saying I to not be to exist and just an illusion. i to be fearful as

felt was turning into an illusion again and not a real being and

that maybe I to not be to really be existing and this causes a

strong panic to me. The therapist to teached me the birth family

dehumanized me so greatly it distorted my ability to have a sense of

self . through therapy I to be one who is developong a sense of self

and it is emerging but things can trigger it to be to cause me to be

unsure of it again. Growing up in true I to felt always as if in a

dream state and or was of an illusion it was in true strong feeling

of that and it was a part of autism as a few other autisitcs have

shared of the same effect so it was not from the abuse but the

autism but this same effect caused me ot survive of the emotional

impact of the abuse as a child but now as adult aware of the visual

picrures in my thinking that never had words until was able to find

the words to them and so now the emotions flood with pains of the

stored pictures in my brain of the past childhood things to me.

Anyways calmer and more okay this evening.

Been trying to find pyschiatrist in my areas that takes of my

insurance as I to be much aware that I to need to be on medicine

for a time. Much awarenot coping life well because too many changes

and expectations. While I to love of my grand daughter much so it is

much work and changes.

Sondra

Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

The quest to know one's self is a search that plagues us all at different

intervals and intensities in our lives. No matter how long we live, we all

seem to think that our identity somehow begins with how others see us. This

simply is not true. What this group or anyone else you encounter thinks of

you, Sondra, does not at all define who you are or how well you " portray "

yourself. Just because we are autistic doesn't mean that we are always the

one in any relationship who has miscommunicated or misinterpreted and so it

is possible that others who make you feel like you should question who you

REALLY are just haven't taken the time or spent the proper energy to see

your beauty.

Fear is an everyday phenomenon that reminds us we are human. Some fears are

small and are overcome with a bit of reasoning. Some fears are huge and

take therapy and hard work to overcome. But the hardest fear to overcome is

the fear that slowly builds overtime by moments of anxiety, self-doubt and

change, even if the change is good. This cumulative fear, as I call it, is

like an overflowing cistern; it is not one hard rain that makes it overflow

but a series of rain showers. Think about it Sondra, you are embracing many

new things and changes in your life. Plus, you have been thrust into a new

station in life with the birth of a grandchild. You had to get to know

Sondra the child, you had to get to know Sondra the mother, now you must get

to know Sondra the grandmother.

Do not think you are lesser than you are. You are a beautiful human being

who struggles with life changes, just as anyone else in this group. Perhaps

counseling to help you adjust would be helpful. But I would also recommend

you take some time to write, or some form of creative expression, and depict

in these expressions the things about life which make you feel fulfilled.

Calm the anxiety and you will adjust beautifully, just as you always have.

Your friend,

Nadine

questions

people here to know of me... what do yo to think of me to be? mentally

ill? retarded? autistic? what do poeople to see of me in life? I to e

of confused by what I to be in life. If you to know of me what does my

presentaitons to be to to say of self? what is of the name to the

differences people to see. i to be of cunfused of self and not able to

be to understand at this point. Reaching out for answers to self. i to

be so much just stuck this day and struggling with what it is that i

to be . Professionals dx me of autism but some to seem to think not of

that for watever reasons and so this triggered a fear to me and I to

be to want honest words of those who to know of me. I to e trying to

understand of self /

Sondra

Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

Sondra,

I have destroyed many compositions and I still don't understand why I get so

upset and out of control. I am glad to hear though that you are feeling

better.

I have to start some medications too after I have my medication evaluation

because my visions are starting to make the family uncomfortable. Maybe we

can do this together, in a way. We can exchange our feelings with one

another about our changes to help each other through the hard times.

It is okay of this is not a good idea for you, I will not be offended. Just

offering a friendship.

Nadine

Re: questions

thanks for the words of encourage to me and wanted to say have been

ot be so much confsued this day and overwhelmed by the words of

anther it caused me to not be to know what to think and as shared

felt to give up the connect to all in complete because felt not sure

if was autism any more or was of just plain of mentally ill and need

of locked away . I to destroyed of the second book I to be working

on . Now in sad because cant redo it , it to took many years working

on it. I to felt as to just give and up and in all honesty was

battling the inner urge to take life of self and fighted through but

seeked out clarifications to self to understand of self to be to

refelct and see if the thinking is of true or just amixed miked up

things . Yes been of coping too much things, bee of sick , been of

trying to do right in responsiblity and expectatiions too long. I to

be to dwellled much long this day if living was of worth it.

I to be to keep posting and was of stuck because felt if kept

connecting the implulse and feeling might be to go away. i to be to

took a drive out and then in the sky God to maked the biggest

rainbow ever me to see in years and it maked me to have so many

tears because it gave of me hope as if God was to say remember my

promises and my words. I to felt as if God to sended it just for me

to encourage of me and so now feel some calm for now.

It is hard to remember that not all hate of me or think of me in

wrong fashions or think of me as fake person. It is really be so

hard to be accused of that by people who to never ever to knowed of

me. Yes I to not be of like most with autism because I to have it

complexed with autism and severe abuse issues blended and so it

makes me be of different much so. All of life had been to seek of

answers and finally the answers come and itbegins to make of my

whole world make sense to me and it helps me to understand of self

and to be told you are of fake and such it painful. it is ot me

saying I to not be to exist and just an illusion. i to be fearful as

felt was turning into an illusion again and not a real being and

that maybe I to not be to really be existing and this causes a

strong panic to me. The therapist to teached me the birth family

dehumanized me so greatly it distorted my ability to have a sense of

self . through therapy I to be one who is developong a sense of self

and it is emerging but things can trigger it to be to cause me to be

unsure of it again. Growing up in true I to felt always as if in a

dream state and or was of an illusion it was in true strong feeling

of that and it was a part of autism as a few other autisitcs have

shared of the same effect so it was not from the abuse but the

autism but this same effect caused me ot survive of the emotional

impact of the abuse as a child but now as adult aware of the visual

picrures in my thinking that never had words until was able to find

the words to them and so now the emotions flood with pains of the

stored pictures in my brain of the past childhood things to me.

Anyways calmer and more okay this evening.

Been trying to find pyschiatrist in my areas that takes of my

insurance as I to be much aware that I to need to be on medicine

for a time. Much awarenot coping life well because too many changes

and expectations. While I to love of my grand daughter much so it is

much work and changes.

Sondra

Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

Very nice words. I agree.

Nadine

Re: questions

You are brilliant, Sondra, and your insight into people and society

has taught me volumes about people and society, and about mySELF. I

never listen to you speak or read your words without growing a

little, without leaving with a bigger chunk of self awareness, and

often I leave with a self-assignment of self-improvement.

Looking through your eyes has given me a window into a world I would

not have seen otherwise. You are a wise observer of both yourself

and others, and you speak for a wide range of people, from those on

the spectrum to those who are discriminated against because of a

disability to speaking for all the mothers of the world. As you

speak about yourself and the world, and how the world has treated

you, you gently and yet strongly teach us how to be better as

individuals and as society, and you help us mothers teach others how

to reach out to our children on the spectrum and how to advocate for

them. You have an incredible gift in being able to articulate in

written and spoken words. When I heard you speak at the Gray Center

Conference, the room seemed absolutely motionless (well, except for

the fire alarm), and every single person there just drank in your

words and learned from your perspective.

you are not mentally ill, not retarded, you communicate QUITE well,

and you create vivid descriptions, points of clarifications,

perspectives for me in your writings, often things I walk around and

think about for days. You stimulate a lot of us to " think outside

the box " and we learn in new ways because of the way you teach us.

I hope y'all are getting enough sleep. Sleep deprivation with a new

baby in the house is enough to make any of us short tempered and

feel out of control!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PennY

>

> people here to know of me... what do yo to think of me to be?

mentally

> ill? retarded? autistic? what do poeople to see of me in life? I

to e

> of confused by what I to be in life. If you to know of me what

does my

> presentaitons to be to to say of self? what is of the name to the

> differences people to see. i to be of cunfused of self and not

able to

> be to understand at this point. Reaching out for answers to self.

i to

> be so much just stuck this day and struggling with what it is

that i

> to be . Professionals dx me of autism but some to seem to think

not of

> that for watever reasons and so this triggered a fear to me and I

to

> be to want honest words of those who to know of me. I to e trying

to

> understand of self /

> Sondra

>

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------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Sondra,

For what it's worth, I am positive you are on the Autism Spectrum.

This is based on your sensory processing issues, auditory and language

based issues and the how change sometimes exhausts you and causes you

to become emotionally disregulated. I'm sure on some days being called

a fake would just annoy you, or perhaps even make you laugh, but when

processing a huge change like becoming a Grandmother being called a

fake prompted a " fight or flight " response.

However, despite the tough parts of the disability, you are a DYNAMIC

success in every way. You are a caring and responsible Mother (and

Grandmother) an author, poet, advocate, interventionist and for crying

out loud, YOU CAN DRIVE! Many people on the Spectrum cannot master

their attention to be able to drive, so this is particularly awesome.

I think medication could really help you stay emotionally regulated. I

wonder if you would ever consider a program to help with your auditory

processing, like " Earrobics " or " Fast Forward. " A Speech and Language

pathologist would know what programs exist for adults. Also, if you

see an Audiologist, they can make a specific diagnosis of Central

Auditory processing disorder, and can figure out which of the 4 kinds

of Central APD you have, and develop a plan. I only suggest this

because I think language processing causes you a great deal of stress.

But please know, your insights have helped me to be a better parent,

and I am so grateful to be able to read your words.

Judith

issues blended and so it

> makes me be of different much so. All of life had been to seek of

> answers and finally the answers come and itbegins to make of my

> whole world make sense to me and it helps me to understand of self

> and to be told you are of fake and such it painful. it is ot me

> saying I to not be to exist and just an illusion. i to be fearful as

> felt was turning into an illusion again and not a real being and

> that maybe I to not be to really be existing and this causes a

> strong panic to me. The therapist to teached me the birth family

> dehumanized me so greatly it distorted my ability to have a sense of

> self . through therapy I to be one who is developong a sense of self

> and it is emerging but things can trigger it to be to cause me to be

> unsure of it again. Growing up in true I to felt always as if in a

> dream state and or was of an illusion it was in true strong feeling

> of that and it was a part of autism as a few other autisitcs have

> shared of the same effect so it was not from the abuse but the

> autism but this same effect caused me ot survive of the emotional

> impact of the abuse as a child but now as adult aware of the visual

> picrures in my thinking that never had words until was able to find

> the words to them and so now the emotions flood with pains of the

> stored pictures in my brain of the past childhood things to me.

>

> Anyways calmer and more okay this evening.

>

> Been trying to find pyschiatrist in my areas that takes of my

> insurance as I to be much aware that I to need to be on medicine

> for a time. Much awarenot coping life well because too many changes

> and expectations. While I to love of my grand daughter much so it is

> much work and changes.

> Sondra

>

[Guest guest]

The person who said you were a " fake " probably does not have a lot of

experience with different people of different ages and different

functioning levels of autism. I have heard people say that about kids

I work with (Oh, he can't be autistic, he's too social/makes eye

contact/talks/whatever) but it doesn't mean that they are not

autistic. It is a complicated dignosis. There are many many many

different types of autism. So of course you see a difference between

you and your kids, and I'm sure between each one of your kids. Every

person is different, and every autistic person is different. I've

known you on this list for a long time, and I think everything you've

ever posted is consistent with autism as I know it, from the outside.

You have the medical diagnosis. If you are really worried that they

are wrong, call your doctor and talk to him or her about why they

feel that you fit the diagnostic criteria for autism and not MR or

mentally ill. They should be able to reassure you.

Amnesty

>

> Do I to be one who is of reflective of autism ? am I to be of a

> fake? one to say of words to me and this of confusing me to what it

> is that I to be. Professionals to say yes autism this person to say

> of fake? I to lack why she to be to think this and need to be to

> understand of it I to be to worry now that maybe I to be so

mentally

> ill that they misdx of me and maybe all along just mentally ill and

> mild retardations. I to know by far not as smart to words and

> thinking like Kassi and a few others I to know with spectrum. Even

> the children gets more than me most times and often have to

> interpret things to me and they are of Aspergers and they to get

> life even more than me and I to be adult and thier mom and so just

> all mixedup right now and not knowing what i to think andmuch so

> stuck right now and cant seem to move on and just so very stuck.

> this day also did a things i to be angry at self and regret much so

> but destroyed of my book I to breaked of the CD deleted all files

to

> it destoryed of the hard copies I to found of it and so now uspet

> because not thinked but impulsivley destroyed it all to nto be

> retrieved. I to be to thinked my words were of wasted words and not

> had any valaue and causes a rage to self to destry of work and life

> dreams thijking to self stupid for to want them. I to also be had

> just been to be getting well so not of self right now.

>

> Sondra

>

[Guest guest]

People will tell me too about . She does not look autistic maybe she is

just spoiled. I guess me, her pediatrician, dev. pediatrician, and therapists

are all crazy. 's school district drives me crazy because she is not

severe. I have even heard that does not look like the Rain Man. is

on the spectrum and I wish people would stop giving their diagnosis. It is so

frustrating. Thanks for letting me vent. has her ARD on Monday for more

services.

Thanks,

Adrienne from Texas (4yr old )

-------------- Original message from " Amnesty " :

--------------

The person who said you were a " fake " probably does not have a lot of

experience with different people of different ages and different

functioning levels of autism. I have heard people say that about kids

I work with (Oh, he can't be autistic, he's too social/makes eye

contact/talks/whatever) but it doesn't mean that they are not

autistic. It is a complicated dignosis. There are many many many

different types of autism. So of course you see a difference between

you and your kids, and I'm sure between each one of your kids. Every

person is different, and every autistic person is different. I've

known you on this list for a long time, and I think everything you've

ever posted is consistent with autism as I know it, from the outside.

You have the medical diagnosis. If you are really worried that they

are wrong, call your doctor and talk to him or her about why they

feel that you fit the diagnostic criteria for autism and not MR or

mentally ill. They should be able to reassure you.

Amnesty

>

> Do I to be one who is of reflective of autism ? am I to be of a

> fake? one to say of words to me and this of confusing me to what it

> is that I to be. Professionals to say yes autism this person to say

> of fake? I to lack why she to be to think this and need to be to

> understand of it I to be to worry now that maybe I to be so

mentally

> ill that they misdx of me and maybe all along just mentally ill and

> mild retardations. I to know by far not as smart to words and

> thinking like Kassi and a few others I to know with spectrum. Even

> the children gets more than me most times and often have to

> interpret things to me and they are of Aspergers and they to get

> life even more than me and I to be adult and thier mom and so just

> all mixedup right now and not knowing what i to think andmuch so

> stuck right now and cant seem to move on and just so very stuck.

> this day also did a things i to be angry at self and regret much so

> but destroyed of my book I to breaked of the CD deleted all files

to

> it destoryed of the hard copies I to found of it and so now uspet

> because not thinked but impulsivley destroyed it all to nto be

> retrieved. I to be to thinked my words were of wasted words and not

> had any valaue and causes a rage to self to destry of work and life

> dreams thijking to self stupid for to want them. I to also be had

> just been to be getting well so not of self right now.

>

> Sondra

>

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------------------------

Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

I to wonder what people expect of autism to look like?

Sondra

[Guest guest]

I have no idea. I have often wondered that myself.

Amnesty

>

> I to wonder what people expect of autism to look like?

>

> Sondra

>

[Guest guest]

My ex and all his friends think my son is perfectly normal and just the

product of bad mothering by me. If my ex and his friends are right, then

they are disagreeing with 20 other professionals who have dealt with my son.

People don't know anything about it and they are too scared to learn.

Nadine

Re: Re: questions

People will tell me too about . She does not look autistic maybe she

is just spoiled. I guess me, her pediatrician, dev. pediatrician, and

therapists are all crazy. 's school district drives me crazy because

she is not severe. I have even heard that does not look like the Rain

Man. is on the spectrum and I wish people would stop giving their

diagnosis. It is so frustrating. Thanks for letting me vent. has her

ARD on Monday for more services.

Thanks,

Adrienne from Texas (4yr old )

-------------- Original message from " Amnesty " :

--------------

The person who said you were a " fake " probably does not have a lot of

experience with different people of different ages and different

functioning levels of autism. I have heard people say that about kids

I work with (Oh, he can't be autistic, he's too social/makes eye

contact/talks/whatever) but it doesn't mean that they are not

autistic. It is a complicated dignosis. There are many many many

different types of autism. So of course you see a difference between

you and your kids, and I'm sure between each one of your kids. Every

person is different, and every autistic person is different. I've

known you on this list for a long time, and I think everything you've

ever posted is consistent with autism as I know it, from the outside.

You have the medical diagnosis. If you are really worried that they

are wrong, call your doctor and talk to him or her about why they

feel that you fit the diagnostic criteria for autism and not MR or

mentally ill. They should be able to reassure you.

Amnesty

>

> Do I to be one who is of reflective of autism ? am I to be of a

> fake? one to say of words to me and this of confusing me to what it

> is that I to be. Professionals to say yes autism this person to say

> of fake? I to lack why she to be to think this and need to be to

> understand of it I to be to worry now that maybe I to be so

mentally

> ill that they misdx of me and maybe all along just mentally ill and

> mild retardations. I to know by far not as smart to words and

> thinking like Kassi and a few others I to know with spectrum. Even

> the children gets more than me most times and often have to

> interpret things to me and they are of Aspergers and they to get

> life even more than me and I to be adult and thier mom and so just

> all mixedup right now and not knowing what i to think andmuch so

> stuck right now and cant seem to move on and just so very stuck.

> this day also did a things i to be angry at self and regret much so

> but destroyed of my book I to breaked of the CD deleted all files

to

> it destoryed of the hard copies I to found of it and so now uspet

> because not thinked but impulsivley destroyed it all to nto be

> retrieved. I to be to thinked my words were of wasted words and not

> had any valaue and causes a rage to self to destry of work and life

> dreams thijking to self stupid for to want them. I to also be had

> just been to be getting well so not of self right now.

>

> Sondra

>

Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

I know exactly how you feel. I go thru the same thing with family and friends.

Adrienne

--------- Re: Re: questions

People will tell me too about . She does not look autistic maybe she

is just spoiled. I guess me, her pediatrician, dev. pediatrician, and

therapists are all crazy. 's school district drives me crazy because

she is not severe. I have even heard that does not look like the Rain

Man. is on the spectrum and I wish people would stop giving their

diagnosis. It is so frustrating. Thanks for letting me vent. has her

ARD on Monday for more services.

Thanks,

Adrienne from Texas (4yr old )

-------------- Original message from " Amnesty " :

--------------

The person who said you were a " fake " probably does not have a lot of

experience with different people of different ages and different

functioning levels of autism. I have heard people say that about kids

I work with (Oh, he can't be autistic, he's too social/makes eye

contact/talks/whatever) but it doesn't mean that they are not

autistic. It is a complicated dignosis. There are many many many

different types of autism. So of course you see a difference between

you and your kids, and I'm sure between each one of your kids. Every

person is different, and every autistic person is different. I've

known you on this list for a long time, and I think everything you've

ever posted is consistent with autism as I know it, from the outside.

You have the medical diagnosis. If you are really worried that they

are wrong, call your doctor and talk to him or her about why they

feel that you fit the diagnostic criteria for autism and not MR or

mentally ill. They should be able to reassure you.

Amnesty

>

> Do I to be one who is of reflective of autism ? am I to be of a

> fake? one to say of words to me and this of confusing me to what it

> is that I to be. Professionals to say yes autism this person to say

> of fake? I to lack why she to be to think this and need to be to

> understand of it I to be to worry now that maybe I to be so

mentally

> ill that they misdx of me and maybe all along just mentally ill and

> mild retardations. I to know by far not as smart to words and

> thinking like Kassi and a few others I to know with spectrum. Even

> the children gets more than me most times and often have to

> interpret things to me and they are of Aspergers and they to get

> life even more than me and I to be adult and thier mom and so just

> all mixedup right now and not knowing what i to think andmuch so

> stuck right now and cant seem to move on and just so very stuck.

> this day also did a things i to be angry at self and regret much so

> but destroyed of my book I to breaked of the CD deleted all files

to

> it destoryed of the hard copies I to found of it and so now uspet

> because not thinked but impulsivley destroyed it all to nto be

> retrieved. I to be to thinked my words were of wasted words and not

> had any valaue and causes a rage to self to destry of work and life

> dreams thijking to self stupid for to want them. I to also be had

> just been to be getting well so not of self right now.

>

> Sondra

>

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------------------------

Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

Hi Don, 1- I'm a mod & 3 - I'm not a dictator! 2- discussion & questions are encouraged we'll tell you the straight shit about whatever you ask. Alternative tx have been mainly shown to be scams & wishful thinking when tested in the real world though.SuZie

1- Just who are the moderators here? [names]

2- Is discussion about alternatives to tx allowed?

3- Are the mods here dictators?

just courious because I have been refering folks here.

love

don in kansas

[Guest guest]

Why do you ask?

At 06:50 PM 12/14/2008, you wrote:

1- Just who are the moderators

here? [names]

2- Is discussion about alternatives to tx allowed?

3- Are the mods here dictators?

just curious because I have been referring folks here.

love

don in Kansas

[Guest guest]

-I don't know nuttin about all of that but I am the OFFICIAL WHINER so

please pass the cheese...haahaa...Debbie2-- In

HepatitisCSupportGroupForDummies , Christ

wrote:

>

> 1- Just who are the moderators here? [names]

> 2- Is discussion about alternatives to tx allowed?

> 3- Are the mods here dictators?

> just courious because I have been refering folks here.

> love

> don in kansas

>

[Guest guest]

Deb owns the site and once she started getting sick again all the members became mods and we are strick as far as sex goes cause we got booted once to the adult section because of it and it took a long time to get us back into the Health section again of Yahoo. We are here to help people with hep c and of course other stuff comes into it but we try to make sure the site is open for health problems. We don't dwell on one thing cause all the members need us,new and old ones. We have quite a few that are in late stages of liver disease,several on treatment that need us a lot because of side effects. This site is usually very busy and hopefully helpful and we are family but we are here to help with the hep and all that goes with it.

Gail

QUESTIONS

1- Just who are the moderators here? [names]

2- Is discussion about alternatives to tx allowed?

3- Are the mods here dictators?

just courious because I have been refering folks here.

love

don in kansas