Re: one for / frustrations when trying to become healthier

[Guest guest]

i hear ya pinky.... yesterday evening i got dh to go for a short

walk with me and chinook, but he refused to go unless he took a

bottle of beer with him!!

:*c.

[Guest guest]

UG!  It's got to be harder for you folks with families because a lot of kids can eat garbage and be thin as a rail (I ate junk and was a skinny kid, I didn't gain weight til my early 20's).   

I see little kids with baggies of Goldfish at the store and I wanna yank it out of their hands and gobble them up myself!

 

i hear ya pinky.... yesterday evening i got dh to go for a short

walk with me and chinook, but he refused to go unless he took a

bottle of beer with him!!

:*c.

[Guest guest]

You need to get more friends that are into fitness and eating healthy. I play volleyball three nights a week (usually) and that is doing something good for me...they're not what I would call "friends" but it is social.

Nothing you can do about your family but I don't think that having pizza once in a while with them will kill you or your diet. If you deprive yourself for too long then you will binge eat, right?

Jen

p.s. my mom is pretty good about not pushing fattening foods at me. It's terrible that your family called you FAT!

Subject: one for / frustrations when trying to become healthierTo: "Exercise Videos" <exercisevideos >Date: Thursday, March 22, 2012, 12:04 PM

So in gratitude for doing their taxes, some friends are taking my folks out to Amalfie's, our favorite pizza place. I was invited and reluctantly agreed and now I'm firmly not going. I could order a salad there but would be 100% miserable. If I eat the delcious but fattening pizza I will also be miserable.

Why oh why does everything have to revolve around food? Why don't people want to get together and play board games or go on a hike or something? My folks are the first to point out how fat I am yet when I don't want to eat their fattening food I'm silently accused of being a picky princess. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I'm depressed about my weight as it is and just want to crawl into a hole and go only to to work and to the gym most of the time. My gym, bodybuilding, and of course everyone here understands but most people don't get it.

I've lost weight before and will do it again but I just wish my friends and family were more into being healthy too. There's more to life than going out to eat and drinking.

[Guest guest]

so can empathize.. I am home where their idea of healthy breakfast is big muffins... lunch roast beef on white bread with cheese dinner steak and snacks NO veggies... I brought some protein powder and had a smoothie for breakfast and walked to market for lunch and got portebella mushroom sandwich.. hope to stay good but hardjudy To: Exercise Videos <exercisevideos > Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 12:04 PM Subject: one for / frustrations when trying to become healthier

So in gratitude for doing their taxes, some friends are taking my folks out to Amalfie's, our favorite pizza place. I was invited and reluctantly agreed and now I'm firmly not going. I could order a salad there but would be 100% miserable. If I eat the delcious but fattening pizza I will also be miserable.

Why oh why does everything have to revolve around food? Why don't people want to get together and play board games or go on a hike or something? My folks are the first to point out how fat I am yet when I don't want to eat their fattening food I'm silently accused of being a picky princess. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I'm depressed about my weight as it is and just want to crawl into a hole and go only to to work and to the gym most of the time. My gym, bodybuilding, and of course everyone here understands but most people don't get it.

I've lost weight before and will do it again but I just wish my friends and family were more into being healthy too. There's more to life than going out to eat and drinking.

[Guest guest]

You're right, once in awhile won't hurt, but right now I truly don't even want ANY pizza.  I really want to stay focused on my goals and lose weight.You're also right about the volleyball - I love hanging out at the gym Friday and Saturday nights being with people who care about the same things I do. 

But the friends I've had for years who I love and cherish - most of them don't have the same goals as I do.I agree it's hurtful when my parents make snide fat remarks, yet anytime I do anything remarkable like run a half marathon (over 13 miles!) I get no recognition whatsoever.  Same thing in high school and at university, I made honor roll every single time and got next to no recognition.  I've learned you have to be your own best friend and the only person you can ever 100% rely on is YOU.

Thank you for offering a way for me to articulate this!  You are doing awesome, Jen! 

 

   You need to get more friends that are into fitness and eating healthy.  I play volleyball three nights a week (usually) and that is doing something good for me...they're not what I would call " friends " but it is social.

 

   Nothing you can do about your family but I don't think that having pizza once in a while with them will kill you or your diet.  If you deprive yourself for too long then you will binge eat, right?

 

            Jen

 

p.s. my mom is pretty good about not pushing fattening foods at me.  It's terrible that your family called you FAT! 

Subject: one for / frustrations when trying to become healthier

To: " Exercise Videos " <exercisevideos >Date: Thursday, March 22, 2012, 12:04 PM

 

So in gratitude for doing their taxes, some friends are taking my folks out to Amalfie's, our favorite pizza place.  I was invited and reluctantly agreed and now I'm firmly not going.  I could order a salad there but would be 100% miserable. If I eat the delcious but fattening pizza I will also be miserable.  

Why oh why does everything have to revolve around food?  Why don't people want to get together and play board games or go on a hike or something?  My folks are the first to point out how fat I am yet when I don't want to eat their fattening food I'm silently accused of being a picky princess. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I'm depressed about my weight as it is and just want to crawl into a hole and go only to to work and to the gym most of the time. My gym, bodybuilding, and of course everyone here understands but most people don't get it.

I've lost weight before and will do it again but I just wish my friends and family were more into being healthy too.  There's more to life than going out to eat and drinking. 

[Guest guest]

((HUGS)) , that must be very difficult to take from your parents. I know that sometimes people will make snide remarks or not acknowledge another person's achievements in part because of jealousy that they either can't or won't or aren't ready to do the things that that person is doing - it is just a shame it has to come from parents.

((HUGS))

You definately have our support and admiration for all of your achievements!! I know I could not fathom running a 15K!!! Or a half marathon!!!! Or lifting crazy heavy weights!!!

Donna

Subject: one for / frustrations when trying to become healthierTo: "Exercise Videos" <exercisevideos >Date: Thursday, March 22, 2012, 12:04 PM

So in gratitude for doing their taxes, some friends are taking my folks out to Amalfie's, our favorite pizza place. I was invited and reluctantly agreed and now I'm firmly not going. I could order a salad there but would be 100% miserable. If I eat the delcious but fattening pizza I will also be miserable.

Why oh why does everything have to revolve around food? Why don't people want to get together and play board games or go on a hike or something? My folks are the first to point out how fat I am yet when I don't want to eat their fattening food I'm silently accused of being a picky princess. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I'm depressed about my weight as it is and just want to crawl into a hole and go only to to work and to the gym most of the time. My gym, bodybuilding, and of course everyone here understands but most people don't get it.

I've lost weight before and will do it again but I just wish my friends and family were more into being healthy too. There's more to life than going out to eat and drinking.

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the hugs, I needed them today Donna!  Hugs back!  :)My folks aren't monsters or anything, but in this one area they are insensitive.  I feel badly boguing out on Pizza Night but I really need to focus on my health and my goals. 

Feeling better, chin up,

 

((HUGS)) , that must be very difficult to take from your parents.  I know that sometimes people will make snide remarks or not acknowledge another person's achievements in part because of jealousy that they either can't or won't or aren't ready to do the things that that person is doing - it is just a shame it has to come from parents.

 

((HUGS))

You definately have our support and admiration for all of your achievements!!  I know I could not fathom running a 15K!!!  Or a half marathon!!!! Or lifting crazy heavy weights!!!

Donna

Subject: one for / frustrations when trying to become healthierTo: " Exercise Videos " <exercisevideos >

Date: Thursday, March 22, 2012, 12:04 PM

 

So in gratitude for doing their taxes, some friends are taking my folks out to Amalfie's, our favorite pizza place.  I was invited and reluctantly agreed and now I'm firmly not going.  I could order a salad there but would be 100% miserable. If I eat the delcious but fattening pizza I will also be miserable.  

Why oh why does everything have to revolve around food?  Why don't people want to get together and play board games or go on a hike or something?  My folks are the first to point out how fat I am yet when I don't want to eat their fattening food I'm silently accused of being a picky princess. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I'm depressed about my weight as it is and just want to crawl into a hole and go only to to work and to the gym most of the time. My gym, bodybuilding, and of course everyone here understands but most people don't get it.

I've lost weight before and will do it again but I just wish my friends and family were more into being healthy too.  There's more to life than going out to eat and drinking. 

[Guest guest]

stay strong! They may get it someday but again I can relate.. I have PhD from top school (johnshopkins) and masters from harvard but it means nothing to my parents my sister sells things and thus helps economy.... my dogs compete at national level and yet they talk about sisters dumb rescue ... families are not our friendsand I don't have many active friends..thinking I may try to find a gym to join.. it appears that they are canceling my spin class due to numbers (they want 10/class which is unreasonable). I will find out when I get home next weekj To: exercisevideos Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 3:00 PM Subject: Re: one for / frustrations when trying to become healthier

Thank you for the hugs, I needed them today Donna! Hugs back! :)My folks aren't monsters or anything, but in this one area they are insensitive. I feel badly boguing out on Pizza Night but I really need to focus on my health and my goals.

Feeling better, chin up,

((HUGS)) , that must be very difficult to take from your parents. I know that sometimes people will make snide remarks or not acknowledge another person's achievements in part because of jealousy that they either can't or won't or aren't ready to do the things that that person is doing - it is just a shame it has to come from parents.

((HUGS))

You definately have our support and admiration for all of your achievements!! I know I could not fathom running a 15K!!! Or a half marathon!!!! Or lifting crazy heavy weights!!!

Donna

Subject: one for / frustrations when trying to become healthierTo: "Exercise Videos" <exercisevideos >

Date: Thursday, March 22, 2012, 12:04 PM

So in gratitude for doing their taxes, some friends are taking my folks out to Amalfie's, our favorite pizza place. I was invited and reluctantly agreed and now I'm firmly not going. I could order a salad there but would be 100% miserable. If I eat the delcious but fattening pizza I will also be miserable.

Why oh why does everything have to revolve around food? Why don't people want to get together and play board games or go on a hike or something? My folks are the first to point out how fat I am yet when I don't want to eat their fattening food I'm silently accused of being a picky princess. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I'm depressed about my weight as it is and just want to crawl into a hole and go only to to work and to the gym most of the time. My gym, bodybuilding, and of course everyone here understands but most people don't get it.

I've lost weight before and will do it again but I just wish my friends and family were more into being healthy too. There's more to life than going out to eat and drinking.

[Guest guest]

Judy that really stinks  Your degrees are AMAZING from ivy league universities and your dogs are also amazing.  Gheesh.  I'm really sorry to hear about the spin class cancellation.  I've had that happen too and it's not you, I'm sure it's the schedule.  Can they give you another class in a different time slot?

The gym is wonderful at so many levels.  Even my spendier gym at $47/month is still only $1.57 per day.  When I go I'm usually there for a few hours and use a lot of their hot water cause I shower there afterwards. You're around people who CARE about working out.  Even if you don't talk to anyone you're in an atmosphere that jives with your goals and priorities.

Not to mention all the great equipment there that you can't afford or have room for in your home!   I'm somewhat antisocial so going to the gym forces me to get out of the house.  

Off to the Sweat Shop for biceps.  Hugs

 

stay strong!  They may get it someday but again I can relate.. I have PhD from top school (johnshopkins) and masters from harvard but it means nothing to my parents my sister sells things and thus helps economy.... my dogs compete at national level and yet they talk about sisters dumb rescue ... families are not our friends

and I don't have many active friends..thinking I may try to find a gym to join.. it appears that they are canceling my spin class due to numbers (they want 10/class which is unreasonable).  I will find out when I get home next week

j

To: exercisevideos

Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 3:00 PM Subject: Re: one for / frustrations when trying to become healthier

 

Thank you for the hugs, I needed them today Donna!  Hugs back!  :)My folks aren't monsters or anything, but in this one area they are insensitive.  I feel badly boguing out on Pizza Night but I really need to focus on my health and my goals. 

Feeling better, chin up,

 

((HUGS)) , that must be very difficult to take from your parents.  I know that sometimes people will make snide remarks or not acknowledge another person's achievements in part because of jealousy that they either can't or won't or aren't ready to do the things that that person is doing - it is just a shame it has to come from parents.

 

((HUGS))

You definately have our support and admiration for all of your achievements!!  I know I could not fathom running a 15K!!!  Or a half marathon!!!! Or lifting crazy heavy weights!!!

Donna

Subject: one for / frustrations when trying to become healthierTo: " Exercise Videos " <exercisevideos >

Date: Thursday, March 22, 2012, 12:04 PM

 

So in gratitude for doing their taxes, some friends are taking my folks out to Amalfie's, our favorite pizza place.  I was invited and reluctantly agreed and now I'm firmly not going.  I could order a salad there but would be 100% miserable. If I eat the delcious but fattening pizza I will also be miserable.  

Why oh why does everything have to revolve around food?  Why don't people want to get together and play board games or go on a hike or something?  My folks are the first to point out how fat I am yet when I don't want to eat their fattening food I'm silently accused of being a picky princess. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I'm depressed about my weight as it is and just want to crawl into a hole and go only to to work and to the gym most of the time. My gym, bodybuilding, and of course everyone here understands but most people don't get it.

I've lost weight before and will do it again but I just wish my friends and family were more into being healthy too.  There's more to life than going out to eat and drinking. 

[Guest guest]

I'm just now reading through these comments. Man, judy, sorry about your spin class possibly getting cancelled. I usually have right at 10 in mine. Sometimes more, sometimes less. It's hard to keep a consistent 10. Maybe you will get another class. , sorry about the issues with ur family. I can relate to having family issues over food and weight. I am criticized for exercising an being in decent shape. My whole family is obese and they constantly pick at me for being fit saying I have nothing to do but exercise. They forget I also have a full time job and 2 young kids. It's just them making excuses for living the way they do. Keep up your excellent work! I admire you for running like u do! The rest of y'all stay strong! This is a great group to share our successes, and also our struggles. TeenaSent from my iPhone

Judy that really stinks Your degrees are AMAZING from ivy league universities and your dogs are also amazing. Gheesh. I'm really sorry to hear about the spin class cancellation. I've had that happen too and it's not you, I'm sure it's the schedule. Can they give you another class in a different time slot?

The gym is wonderful at so many levels. Even my spendier gym at $47/month is still only $1.57 per day. When I go I'm usually there for a few hours and use a lot of their hot water cause I shower there afterwards. You're around people who CARE about working out. Even if you don't talk to anyone you're in an atmosphere that jives with your goals and priorities.

Not to mention all the great equipment there that you can't afford or have room for in your home! I'm somewhat antisocial so going to the gym forces me to get out of the house.

Off to the Sweat Shop for biceps. Hugs

stay strong! They may get it someday but again I can relate.. I have PhD from top school (johnshopkins) and masters from harvard but it means nothing to my parents my sister sells things and thus helps economy.... my dogs compete at national level and yet they talk about sisters dumb rescue ... families are not our friends

and I don't have many active friends..thinking I may try to find a gym to join.. it appears that they are canceling my spin class due to numbers (they want 10/class which is unreasonable). I will find out when I get home next week

j

To: exercisevideos

Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2012 3:00 PM Subject: Re: one for / frustrations when trying to become healthier

Thank you for the hugs, I needed them today Donna! Hugs back! :)My folks aren't monsters or anything, but in this one area they are insensitive. I feel badly boguing out on Pizza Night but I really need to focus on my health and my goals.

Feeling better, chin up,

((HUGS)) , that must be very difficult to take from your parents. I know that sometimes people will make snide remarks or not acknowledge another person's achievements in part because of jealousy that they either can't or won't or aren't ready to do the things that that person is doing - it is just a shame it has to come from parents.

((HUGS))

You definately have our support and admiration for all of your achievements!! I know I could not fathom running a 15K!!! Or a half marathon!!!! Or lifting crazy heavy weights!!!

Donna

Subject: one for / frustrations when trying to become healthierTo: "Exercise Videos" <exercisevideos >

Date: Thursday, March 22, 2012, 12:04 PM

So in gratitude for doing their taxes, some friends are taking my folks out to Amalfie's, our favorite pizza place. I was invited and reluctantly agreed and now I'm firmly not going. I could order a salad there but would be 100% miserable. If I eat the delcious but fattening pizza I will also be miserable.

Why oh why does everything have to revolve around food? Why don't people want to get together and play board games or go on a hike or something? My folks are the first to point out how fat I am yet when I don't want to eat their fattening food I'm silently accused of being a picky princess. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I'm depressed about my weight as it is and just want to crawl into a hole and go only to to work and to the gym most of the time. My gym, bodybuilding, and of course everyone here understands but most people don't get it.

I've lost weight before and will do it again but I just wish my friends and family were more into being healthy too. There's more to life than going out to eat and drinking.

Reply to sender |

Reply to group |

Reply via web post |

Start a New Topic

Messages in this topic

(10)

[Guest guest]

yeah my mom used to pull the 'you are getting fat' thing on me

whenever i would visit (i was around 25 pounds overweight). it

really hurt although i would just laugh and brush it off. but

finally i got angry and told my own lovely mom that i would not

visit anymore unless she quit. she then decided it was best to

keep these thoughts to herself.

however one day she was telling me that she felt that my brother

had gained weight and she had decided to point this out to him.

thank goodness i was there and was able to stop her and spare

my brothers feelings. i told her that he was well aware of the

situation -- after all, it is he who puts his own pants on in the

morning -- and that he did not need to be informed with this

hurtful info. as far as i know she kept her mouth shut.

the last time i saw my brother he looked hot... slim and fit

and happy.

and i have lost 17 pounds and am only 6 pounds from goal weight,

which is what i weighed when i was a much younger person, before

kids. my mom is well-meaning and i think she is happy for us,

but now she needs to search for other things to pick at us

about...lol.

anyway, i just wanted to say that sometimes people say these

things in a misguided attempt to be helpful... thinking that

maybe if someone very close to them criticizes them, then that

person will be more motivated to change. sort of a tough love

kind of thing. of course we know that it can be very

detrimental instead and we need to filter out these comments and

throw them away! really it is a problem with their thinking,

not yours.

my recommendation? skip the pizza, which you may not really

enjoy anyway, and go work out, which always makes you feel good

keep doing group classes so that you can be with other

people some of the time while you exercise. you have to look

out for number 1 and make the choice to feel satisfied and happy

no matter what anyone else says. just give them the hand!

:*carolyn.

[Guest guest]

> families are not our friends

yeah you can pick your friends but not your family.

one of my dh's sisters is getting criticism from her dh, her mom

and her siblings about running half-marathons. they think that

she is insane and she will just end up in pain - 'you will wreck

your knees' is they say. i dont really like this SIL, she is

pretty bitchy, but she turns to me for congrats and encouragement

in this regard. and i do give it to her as i think that she is

making big and important accomplishments. but it is kind of sad

that it is her SIL who doesnt really like her much who is the one

that provides support.

i dont have many active friends either and whenever i mention

working out to anyone they look at me in a surprised way like

'YOU work out???'. it seems to me there is only one person in

the whole giant store where i work who also exercises (i give her

workout dvds to use quite often).

so, i just hang out with myself... yes it is solitary, but that

is just the way it is.

thank goodness for my dog who is always willing to do something

active together.

also judy im sorry to hear about your spin class i hope that

they change their mind about cancelling it.

:*carolyn.

[Guest guest]

Holy cow! I finally had a chance to check mail and my name is on a gazillion emails! :-) So, of course, I have to chime in. Warning: this is long! I'm trying to reply in one note to the many comments I read.

I did a meeting on this very topic, socializing without food, last year and wow did I get grief about it! People saying, "You can't socialize without food! That would be inhospitable, boring, etc." A few said they purposely looked for activities that didn't involve food and for those who were willing to think about it, we talked about ideas for what you COULD do without food. We came up with a lot of active interactions but also going to museums and other places where you can't have food. I used to be part of a needlework group where we didn't have food at the meetings because it would mess up our work. We did just fine socializing without food. (But, full disclosure here, I notice you include board games, my family does board games at least a few times a month and it always includes junk food, but you're right, there's no reason why we couldn't except that we don't normally have it except once a week for Family Night. When I think about it now I wish I had started these without food as being part of it but to pull the plug on it now would cause a revolt and I have to admit, I like the chance to let loose a little, though I do track ALL of it, no matter how bad! I am also looking for more active/non-food oriented things we can do too!)

I'm going to also suggest, as I always do for anyone that is interested (not necessarily aimed at just you) that you will lose AND MANTAIN weight loss if you practice real life as you're losing. That means learning to handle less healthy options that you love eating in portions that are satisfying but that don't pack on the pounds. For example, when I eat pizza, and you bet I do, I usually eat 1 or maybe 1 1/2 slices (and I go for the big slices too!), maybe a half a breadstick and a ton of salad with low-fat dressing. I feel great when I'm done too because I got the tastes and textures I wanted without any guilt later and my hunger was also satisfied by the salad (it has to be a good salad with quality lettuce, not iceberg, and lots of veggies, no cheese, no croutons or other junk that doesn't satisfy hunger but adds fat and calories). I'm maintaining a 25 pound weight loss for about 5 1/2 years now and I'm at a much healthier, lower weight than even when I was in high school (and I'm 45, not 20)! I could not have done this if I'd have cut myself off from my favorite foods, saving them for when I was finally at goal weight. I would have for sure gone "off the wagon" at some point and overindulged, gained at least some of the weight back, felt like a failure, quit trying and then gained more. I know I would have because that's what my pattern used to be. My emotions, self-esteem, self-confidence, etc. in many ways was strongly affected by what I weighed and what I was eating even though if you would have asked if they were I never would have believed/admitted it. I am so much freer and happier now and was while I was losing the weight this time too!

Okay, I'm off my soapbox. Everyone has to do what works for her but, keep in mind too, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Been there, done that, so much happier now.

On the friends/family thing I saw in other comments, that's one advantage to working for WW. I've made a lot of people I call friends, even though we don't hang out together much (we see each other enough at work it feels that way though) who have common goals and a great many of us are very active too (some aren't but most are). We also all still struggle sometimes and we support each other wonderfully when we do. My best friend and others I do hang out with are mostly overweight but they respect my way of doing things and let me choose how and when I want to indulge without giving me a hard time ever. I think they do respect me not just because they're awesome people but also because they see me as a real person who does indulge sometimes but who still manages to take care of herself. This is instead of being an all or nothing weight loss/healthy eating dictator, like some people are afraid people who are making positive changes will be. It is also probably because I NEVER suggest they do anything different than what they are doing unless they specifically ask me for advice (which they almost never do).

My family used to give me a very hard time too (especially when I was first losing weight this time around and just after I started working for WW). At first, I gave in and ate what they did just so I wouldn't have to deal with hurtful comments, then later I worked up the courage to just do what works for me without worrying about what they said. The light bulb moment for me was when I was talking about this at a WW meeting (as a member then), and another member asked, "Is she (the person making the most comments) overweight?" The answer was yes and then I realized immediately that she was in some way threatened by me. I think she was also afraid I would be that weight loss/healthy eating person I mentioned above (we know someone like that and can't stand having meals with her). By just continuing to do my own thing, without a comment or funny look or anything towards her she learned to trust me and I learned to take better care of myself even in uncomfortable situations too. It wasn't just me she was after anyway, it was really herself. She didn't want to be reminded in any way that she wasn't taking good care of herself. After that, the comments rarely bothered me again and I stood up for myself very quietly. Now I very rarely hear anything negative (and if I do, I can almost always figure out where it is coming from and it is almost always because something that has nothing to do with me directly is upsetting her).

Okay, this long enough. Now I have to finish tax stuff for a meeting with the accountant tomorrow plus get ready for some WW meetings I'm subbing in too. I'm having another insane beyond insane day tomorrow, will try to pop in when I can though to check on this conversation.

One last comment: , you are totally not alone in any of this. We're all with you, struggling at different times in different ways and know exactly what you're feeling. Keep going to the gym and keep doing what works for you. Just make sure it really is working and don't be afraid to try something different if you're not sure it is. And, if you're sure it is then go for it no matter what anyone says or does!

Many hugs,

one for / frustrations when trying to become healthier

So in gratitude for doing their taxes, some friends are taking my folks out to Amalfie's, our favorite pizza place. I was invited and reluctantly agreed and now I'm firmly not going. I could order a salad there but would be 100% miserable. If I eat the delcious but fattening pizza I will also be miserable.

Why oh why does everything have to revolve around food? Why don't people want to get together and play board games or go on a hike or something? My folks are the first to point out how fat I am yet when I don't want to eat their fattening food I'm silently accused of being a picky princess. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I'm depressed about my weight as it is and just want to crawl into a hole and go only to to work and to the gym most of the time. My gym, bodybuilding, and of course everyone here understands but most people don't get it.

I've lost weight before and will do it again but I just wish my friends and family were more into being healthy too. There's more to life than going out to eat and drinking.

[Guest guest]

A lot of people with kids use them as excuses for eating garbage... "I can't not buy this stuff, my kids like it and they don't have to lose weight. I can't deprive them of it." I tell them do it anyway. You're depriving them of learning to love eating healthy foods and setting them up to be 2nd (or 3rd) generation WW members. If you don't buy it, you can't eat it (and neither can they, at least not at your house). Btw, my kids do eat some junk food even at my house, but it is not every day and I don't have any off-limits foods for myself or them, just limits on any foods. They also understand why we don't eat the way a lot of their friends' families eat (for health not weight is what we talk about without any kind of judgement on anyone else too). They don't always like our rules, but I know they'll appreciate it someday and I don't care if they never tell me so. :-)

Re: one for / frustrations when trying to become healthier

UG! It's got to be harder for you folks with families because a lot of kids can eat garbage and be thin as a rail (I ate junk and was a skinny kid, I didn't gain weight til my early 20's).

I see little kids with baggies of Goldfish at the store and I wanna yank it out of their hands and gobble them up myself!

i hear ya pinky.... yesterday evening i got dh to go for a short walk with me and chinook, but he refused to go unless he took a bottle of beer with him!!:*c.

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the thoughtful reply, as usual, .  I agree you shouldn't deprive yourself and I can have one slice of pizza from Pizza Shmizza which is 250 calories but at Amalfies I'm like your client with the ice cream, I just can't control myself and would feel miserable if I only got to eat a small amount there. 

They went to Amalfie's without me and I feel bad that I was perhaps missed but my health has got to take a priority, if I keep giving in to others' expectations of me to eat crap food with them I'll never get out of this rut.  I'm going to my favorite Mexican place with friends on Saturday but I can always order a bean burrito without the cheese, and add extra onions.  Their salsa is the best I've ever had so it will be flavorful without all the fat. 

There's a happy hour through work soon though that I will skip.  It's not like I'm super close to any of these people and it's all drinks and crappy fried bar food.  I'd rather be at the gym. 

I love that you have a Family Night with games.  It really is a bonding activity! I agree that something needs to change to get different results and I think being more selective on social outings will help. 

Hugs, and thanks again WWWL (wonderful weight watchers leader!)

 

Holy cow! I finally had a chance to check mail and my name is on a gazillion emails! :-) So, of course, I have to chime in. Warning: this is long! I'm trying to reply in one note to the many comments I read.

 

I did a meeting on this very topic, socializing without food, last year and wow did I get grief about it! People saying, " You can't socialize without food! That would be inhospitable, boring, etc. " A few said they purposely looked for activities that didn't involve food and for those who were willing to think about it, we talked about ideas for what you COULD do without food. We came up with a lot of active interactions but also going to museums and other places where you can't have food. I used to be part of a needlework group where we didn't have food at the meetings because it would mess up our work. We did just fine socializing without food. (But, full disclosure here, I notice you include board games, my family does board games at least a few times a month and it always includes junk food, but you're right, there's no reason why we couldn't except that we don't normally have it except once a week for Family Night. When I think about it now I wish I had started these without food as being part of it but to pull the plug on it now would cause a revolt and I have to admit, I like the chance to let loose a little, though I do track ALL of it, no matter how bad! I am also looking for more active/non-food oriented things we can do too!)

 

I'm going to also suggest, as I always do for anyone that is interested (not necessarily aimed at just you) that you will lose AND MANTAIN weight loss if you practice real life as you're losing. That means learning to handle less healthy options that you love eating in portions that are satisfying but that don't pack on the pounds. For example, when I eat pizza, and you bet I do, I usually eat 1 or maybe 1 1/2 slices (and I go for the big slices too!), maybe a half a breadstick and a ton of salad with low-fat dressing. I feel great when I'm done too because I got the tastes and textures I wanted without any guilt later and my hunger was also satisfied by the salad (it has to be a good salad with quality lettuce, not iceberg, and lots of veggies, no cheese, no croutons or other junk that doesn't satisfy hunger but adds fat and calories). I'm maintaining a 25 pound weight loss for about 5 1/2 years now and I'm at a much healthier, lower weight than even when I was in high school (and I'm 45, not 20)! I could not have done this if I'd have cut myself off from my favorite foods, saving them for when I was finally at goal weight. I would have for sure gone " off the wagon " at some point and overindulged, gained at least some of the weight back, felt like a failure, quit trying and then gained more. I know I would have because that's what my pattern used to be. My emotions, self-esteem, self-confidence, etc. in many ways was strongly affected by what I weighed and what I was eating even though if you would have asked if they were I never would have believed/admitted it. I am so much freer and happier now and was while I was losing the weight this time too!

 

Okay, I'm off my soapbox. Everyone has to do what works for her but, keep in mind too, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Been there, done that, so much happier now.

 

On the friends/family thing I saw in other comments, that's one advantage to working for WW. I've made a lot of people I call friends, even though we don't hang out together much (we see each other enough at work it feels that way though) who have common goals and a great many of us are very active too (some aren't but most are). We also all still struggle sometimes and we support each other wonderfully when we do. My best friend and others I do hang out with are mostly overweight but they respect my way of doing things and let me choose how and when I want to indulge without giving me a hard time ever. I think they do respect me not just because they're awesome people but also because they see me as a real person who does indulge sometimes but who still manages to take care of herself. This is instead of being an all or nothing weight loss/healthy eating dictator, like some people are afraid people who are making positive changes will be. It is also probably because I NEVER suggest they do anything different than what they are doing unless they specifically ask me for advice (which they almost never do).

 

My family used to give me a very hard time too (especially when I was first losing weight this time around and just after I started working for WW). At first, I gave in and ate what they did just so I wouldn't have to deal with hurtful comments, then later I worked up the courage to just do what works for me without worrying about what they said. The light bulb moment for me was when I was talking about this at a WW meeting (as a member then), and another member asked, " Is she (the person making the most comments) overweight? " The answer was yes and then I realized immediately that she was in some way threatened by me. I think she was also afraid I would be that weight loss/healthy eating person I mentioned above (we know someone like that and can't stand having meals with her). By just continuing to do my own thing, without a comment or funny look or anything towards her she learned to trust me and I learned to take better care of myself even in uncomfortable situations too. It wasn't just me she was after anyway, it was really herself. She didn't want to be reminded in any way that she wasn't taking good care of herself. After that, the comments rarely bothered me again and I stood up for myself very quietly. Now I very rarely hear anything negative (and if I do, I can almost always figure out where it is coming from and it is almost always because something that has nothing to do with me directly is upsetting her).

 

Okay, this long enough. Now I have to finish tax stuff for a meeting with the accountant tomorrow plus get ready for some WW meetings I'm subbing in too. I'm having another insane beyond insane day tomorrow, will try to pop in when I can though to check on this conversation.

 

One last comment: , you are totally not alone in any of this. We're all with you, struggling at different times in different ways and know exactly what you're feeling. Keep going to the gym and keep doing what works for you. Just make sure it really is working and don't be afraid to try something different if you're not sure it is. And, if you're sure it is then go for it no matter what anyone says or does!

 

Many hugs,

 

 

 

one for / frustrations when trying to become healthier

 

So in gratitude for doing their taxes, some friends are taking my folks out to Amalfie's, our favorite pizza place.  I was invited and reluctantly agreed and now I'm firmly not going.  I could order a salad there but would be 100% miserable. If I eat the delcious but fattening pizza I will also be miserable.  

Why oh why does everything have to revolve around food?  Why don't people want to get together and play board games or go on a hike or something?  My folks are the first to point out how fat I am yet when I don't want to eat their fattening food I'm silently accused of being a picky princess. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I'm depressed about my weight as it is and just want to crawl into a hole and go only to to work and to the gym most of the time. My gym, bodybuilding, and of course everyone here understands but most people don't get it.

I've lost weight before and will do it again but I just wish my friends and family were more into being healthy too.  There's more to life than going out to eat and drinking. 

[Guest guest]

Awwww, big hugs, ! It sounds like you made a good decision for yourself, knowing it would have been too hard to limit yourself, then feeling worse because you didn't. It is hard to be in that situation with no comfortable alternatives! I'm with you too on the not living up to others' expectations when it comes to food. I did that for too long and it didn't work any way you looked at it. You've got some great plans for the other eating challenges you've got coming up (Mexican & happy hour). One of the things I teach newbies in our orientation program is to plan for events as much as possible because it puts you more in control once you're there and you can also, as you did, be more selective about what you do and don't take part in. I was thinking too, as I read your reply, that perhaps sometimes, when you'd prefer to bow out on something but don't want to hurt the other people's feelings or feel the loss of the social time with them, that you could decline the invitation but offer one of your own for a later date, with your invitation either not involving food or involving it more on your terms? That's something I don't normally do but have ocassionally.

Family Night is tonight, not sure if we're doing board games or something else but I already bought the junk food for it! ;-) I get to control what I buy though and I portion it out to everyone too! :-)

Hugs again,

one for / frustrations when trying to become healthier

So in gratitude for doing their taxes, some friends are taking my folks out to Amalfie's, our favorite pizza place. I was invited and reluctantly agreed and now I'm firmly not going. I could order a salad there but would be 100% miserable. If I eat the delcious but fattening pizza I will also be miserable.

Why oh why does everything have to revolve around food? Why don't people want to get together and play board games or go on a hike or something? My folks are the first to point out how fat I am yet when I don't want to eat their fattening food I'm silently accused of being a picky princess. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I'm depressed about my weight as it is and just want to crawl into a hole and go only to to work and to the gym most of the time. My gym, bodybuilding, and of course everyone here understands but most people don't get it.

I've lost weight before and will do it again but I just wish my friends and family were more into being healthy too. There's more to life than going out to eat and drinking.

[Guest guest]

, Ah, families can be the most clueless people, often because we take each other for granted. If only we realized that a family member needs to be treated with the same care as with a hard-won friend. Families are so complicated, and most people do not exercise, and have no idea what that entails:

http://www.bls.gov/spotlight/2008/sports/They're not going to get it either.As for education, that's becoming more dismal:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/23/education/23college.htmlMany people might not understand what it takes.However, you know what it took, and it's a part of who you are. You can stand tall and be your fierce, brainy, truthful, strong, motivated, badass self. You can't argue with that. It's just the way it is. Add " unapologetic " to that list, and now you're cooking.

This is why I'm so grateful that you created this group. It's a great place to share achievements (and frustrations) with people who are in the same boat. I think you're brilliant and motivated, and this group is a great gift.

Peace, out.

You're right, once in awhile won't hurt, but right now I truly don't even want ANY pizza.  I really want to stay focused on my goals and lose weight.You're also right about the volleyball - I love hanging out at the gym Friday and Saturday nights being with people who care about the same things I do. 

But the friends I've had for years who I love and cherish - most of them don't have the same goals as I do.I agree it's hurtful when my parents make snide fat remarks, yet anytime I do anything remarkable like run a half marathon (over 13 miles!) I get no recognition whatsoever.  Same thing in high school and at university, I made honor roll every single time and got next to no recognition.  I've learned you have to be your own best friend and the only person you can ever 100% rely on is YOU.

Thank you for offering a way for me to articulate this!  You are doing awesome, Jen! 

 

   You need to get more friends that are into fitness and eating healthy.  I play volleyball three nights a week (usually) and that is doing something good for me...they're not what I would call " friends " but it is social.

 

   Nothing you can do about your family but I don't think that having pizza once in a while with them will kill you or your diet.  If you deprive yourself for too long then you will binge eat, right?

 

            Jen

 

p.s. my mom is pretty good about not pushing fattening foods at me.  It's terrible that your family called you FAT! 

Subject: one for / frustrations when trying to become healthier

To: " Exercise Videos " <exercisevideos >Date: Thursday, March 22, 2012, 12:04 PM

 

So in gratitude for doing their taxes, some friends are taking my folks out to Amalfie's, our favorite pizza place.  I was invited and reluctantly agreed and now I'm firmly not going.  I could order a salad there but would be 100% miserable. If I eat the delcious but fattening pizza I will also be miserable.  

Why oh why does everything have to revolve around food?  Why don't people want to get together and play board games or go on a hike or something?  My folks are the first to point out how fat I am yet when I don't want to eat their fattening food I'm silently accused of being a picky princess. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I'm depressed about my weight as it is and just want to crawl into a hole and go only to to work and to the gym most of the time. My gym, bodybuilding, and of course everyone here understands but most people don't get it.

I've lost weight before and will do it again but I just wish my friends and family were more into being healthy too.  There's more to life than going out to eat and drinking. 

[Guest guest]

Interesting articles!  Thanks !  And thank you for the thoughtful reply. I like your phrase, " hard earned friend " and you hit the nail on the head.  We don't hesitate to yell at our family members but we would never do that to our friends!  

I'm grateful you are all here!  I remember when I started the group way back when I had no idea what was out there video wise, I knew of Powter and Tae Bo and that was pretty much it!  Carolyn and Donna taught me everything i know!

I have learned so much over the years!Hope you all have wonderful workout weekends!

 

, Ah, families can be the most clueless people, often because we take each other for granted. If only we realized that a family member needs to be treated with the same care as with a hard-won friend. Families are so complicated, and most people do not exercise, and have no idea what that entails:

http://www.bls.gov/spotlight/2008/sports/They're not going to get it either.As for education, that's becoming more dismal:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/23/education/23college.htmlMany people might not understand what it takes.

However, you know what it took, and it's a part of who you are. You can stand tall and be your fierce, brainy, truthful, strong, motivated, badass self. You can't argue with that. It's just the way it is. Add " unapologetic " to that list, and now you're cooking.

This is why I'm so grateful that you created this group. It's a great place to share achievements (and frustrations) with people who are in the same boat. I think you're brilliant and motivated, and this group is a great gift.

Peace, out.

You're right, once in awhile won't hurt, but right now I truly don't even want ANY pizza.  I really want to stay focused on my goals and lose weight.You're also right about the volleyball - I love hanging out at the gym Friday and Saturday nights being with people who care about the same things I do. 

But the friends I've had for years who I love and cherish - most of them don't have the same goals as I do.I agree it's hurtful when my parents make snide fat remarks, yet anytime I do anything remarkable like run a half marathon (over 13 miles!) I get no recognition whatsoever.  Same thing in high school and at university, I made honor roll every single time and got next to no recognition.  I've learned you have to be your own best friend and the only person you can ever 100% rely on is YOU.

Thank you for offering a way for me to articulate this!  You are doing awesome, Jen! 

 

   You need to get more friends that are into fitness and eating healthy.  I play volleyball three nights a week (usually) and that is doing something good for me...they're not what I would call " friends " but it is social.

 

   Nothing you can do about your family but I don't think that having pizza once in a while with them will kill you or your diet.  If you deprive yourself for too long then you will binge eat, right?

 

            Jen

 

p.s. my mom is pretty good about not pushing fattening foods at me.  It's terrible that your family called you FAT! 

Subject: one for / frustrations when trying to become healthier

To: " Exercise Videos " <exercisevideos >Date: Thursday, March 22, 2012, 12:04 PM

 

So in gratitude for doing their taxes, some friends are taking my folks out to Amalfie's, our favorite pizza place.  I was invited and reluctantly agreed and now I'm firmly not going.  I could order a salad there but would be 100% miserable. If I eat the delcious but fattening pizza I will also be miserable.  

Why oh why does everything have to revolve around food?  Why don't people want to get together and play board games or go on a hike or something?  My folks are the first to point out how fat I am yet when I don't want to eat their fattening food I'm silently accused of being a picky princess. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I'm depressed about my weight as it is and just want to crawl into a hole and go only to to work and to the gym most of the time. My gym, bodybuilding, and of course everyone here understands but most people don't get it.

I've lost weight before and will do it again but I just wish my friends and family were more into being healthy too.  There's more to life than going out to eat and drinking. 

[Guest guest]

> Carolyn and Donna taught me everything i know!

..... and michelle with all of her cathe friedrich videos!

:*c.

[Guest guest]

Yes!   and Darcy both get the Cathe educator awards!

>   Carolyn and Donna taught me everything i know!

..... and michelle with all of her cathe friedrich videos!

:*c.

------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

You know, that is so true - we say and do things to our family members that we would never do to a friend...

Donna

Subject: one for / frustrations when trying to become healthierTo: "Exercise Videos" <exercisevideos >Date: Thursday, March 22, 2012, 12:04 PM

So in gratitude for doing their taxes, some friends are taking my folks out to Amalfie's, our favorite pizza place. I was invited and reluctantly agreed and now I'm firmly not going. I could order a salad there but would be 100% miserable. If I eat the delcious but fattening pizza I will also be miserable.

Why oh why does everything have to revolve around food? Why don't people want to get together and play board games or go on a hike or something? My folks are the first to point out how fat I am yet when I don't want to eat their fattening food I'm silently accused of being a picky princess. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I'm depressed about my weight as it is and just want to crawl into a hole and go only to to work and to the gym most of the time. My gym, bodybuilding, and of course everyone here understands but most people don't get it.

I've lost weight before and will do it again but I just wish my friends and family were more into being healthy too. There's more to life than going out to eat and drinking.